Deleted
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Oct 10, 2024 22:35:50 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2014 4:40:24 GMT
Today I watched a narcissistic friend share a status telling us all how excited she is to be an auntie again, and then tags the new mother essentially making sure all the new mom's friends see the announcement. And then one friend asks for more info, so she shares more.
Two hours later the new mom updates her fb, announcing their new baby, weight and name. And also says she'll upload some photos in a bit, I'm guessing she said the last part because Miss blabber mouth is a self appointed photographer and I wouldn't have put it past her to inappropriately share photos of their new baby.
Seriously, why do people feel the need to be first in sharing news?! Especially when it's completely not yours to share.
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Grom Pea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,944
Jun 27, 2014 0:21:07 GMT
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Post by Grom Pea on Aug 26, 2014 5:06:33 GMT
Lame. When ds was born dh asked his parents to let us share the first photo, which they did. We only used email because dh did not want ds on Facebook. But his cousin decided to take the photo from the email and post it on Facebook. His cousin that's he's seen once in 10 years, so I know how the new parents feel :-(
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Post by kristalina on Aug 26, 2014 5:58:03 GMT
yep. I agree. Lame. They just have to feel important. bleck.
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Post by Butterfly Momma on Aug 26, 2014 12:08:12 GMT
My cousin did that to me when my first son was born, back in the early stages of facebook. 7 years later and it still kind of irks me when I think about it. And the kicker is that she would have FLIPPED out if anyone had done the same to her when her kids were born. People are always amazing
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 22:35:50 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2014 12:19:22 GMT
I have a sister just like that. Now everyone in the family makes sure that she is one of the last to know anything.
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Post by alibama on Aug 26, 2014 12:21:07 GMT
My son and DIL live on the opposite coast from me. We knew they were going in for a C Section with twins and it was going to be awhile before we heard from them. They babies were born early. They said they would let us know as soon as they could but of course we read it on facebook. Her mom was there and she texted her other daughter who shared it on Facebook before we even heard. I was not a happy person.
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Deleted
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Oct 10, 2024 22:35:50 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2014 12:30:12 GMT
At least it's happy news...I feel so sorry for the people who find out someone died via FB. That's just awful.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Aug 26, 2014 12:35:28 GMT
I totally get what you're saying, but is it not possible for someone to share something they are excited about without being considered as a thunder stealer? If my sister had a baby, I'd be over the moon to say that I was a new aunt and looking forward to playing with the baby. That's not sharing other people's news. I haven't given out details or made an announcement, just said that I'm excited. If I went and posted that my sister had a baby and all the details, that's definitely considered stealing thunder.
My friend just got married, everyone was posting congratulations and photos all over his page before he had a chance to post anything about his wedding on his wedding day. Did they steal his thunder that they posted about his marriage before he did? None of us seem to think so, we were just all so excited that he got married.
Dunno. I guess I just don't see the whole "you must be silent until the person makes their announcement" thing as feasible or realistic. It's one thing to make the announcement for them, but it's a total different thing to share in their excitement.
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Post by SnowWhite on Aug 26, 2014 14:05:18 GMT
At least it's happy news...I feel so sorry for the people who find out someone died via FB. That's just awful. Happened to me this weekend. My father's batshit-insane-completely-self-centered wife was the first person to post the news of my Aunt's passing on Saturday in a woah-is-me post about how horrible it was that her husband lost his SIL. His SIL. Married to the brother that hasn't spoken to him in 10 years. Stupid bitch.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Aug 26, 2014 14:09:49 GMT
Wouldn't the aunt have different friends than the niece? Seems she (the aunt) has the right to share her 'new auntie' news with her own friends. That there are a few family members among the aunt's friends shouldn't mean she has to withhold the announcement until some other person deems the time appropriate.
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Post by sillyrabbit on Aug 26, 2014 14:17:59 GMT
I agree with the others that death announcements are the worst. People just don't think. My aunt posted about my cousin passing about two hours after he died. I don't even know if all the close family had been informed yet. My best friend's dad passed away about two weeks ago, and she asked me to post it on Facebook. I did but didn't even tag her sister because I thought she may not have notified everybody she needed to yet. She thanked me for that.
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scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
Jul 8, 2014 20:17:31 GMT
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Post by scrapaddie on Aug 26, 2014 14:18:38 GMT
Back in pre internet days, when's sister had her first , my little brother ran throughout the neighborhood shouting the news... It's natural .... And FB is just a high tech way to do the same... Really, no one gets 'points'... Does it really matter whom is first? Everyone will still look forward to hearing from the parents.
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Post by mzza111 on Aug 26, 2014 14:26:53 GMT
This pisses me off! A few months ago a good friends dad died and most of our group of friends found out because some asshat posted a "eulogy" tagging my friend and her family! So instead of letting the family make calls, some found out in a really shitty way. And no, the family didn't ask the asshat to post for them.
I really wanted to post a snotty response on the asshats post but I didn't want to cause any unnecessary drama at a difficult time.
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Post by delila on Aug 26, 2014 14:31:45 GMT
FB is the devil. I found out last week from a cousin that my uncle died, not her father, her uncle also. He had been dead only a few hours & the whole family had yet to be notified. I was pissed, still am.
delila
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 22:35:50 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2014 14:37:53 GMT
FB is the devil. I found out last week from a cousin that my uncle died, not her father, her uncle also. He had been dead only a few hours & the whole family had yet to be notified. I was pissed, still am. delila It's not FB it is your cousin who choose to share that way. Honestly the baby thing wouldn't even be a blip. How do you know they didn't say she could share?
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Post by dazeepetals on Aug 26, 2014 14:41:51 GMT
We were worried about this happening when we had our DS last year. My SIL tends to over share things on FB and always posts things quickly about being an aunt etc. Since we delivered at 10:50 pm, we waited a bit, and then while he texted/called his family about the birth, I posted the picture on FB and announced it so that she wouldn't spill the beans before we had a chance to tell everyone.
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Deleted
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Oct 10, 2024 22:35:50 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2014 14:48:46 GMT
Facebook is toxic. However, the idea that news has ownership is silly, and if General You keep imposing "rules" on who is allowed to post what, you will continually be upset. I don't think FB is the appropriate forum for a lot of things, but it's easy, and people are stupid.
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Post by *christine* on Aug 26, 2014 14:50:33 GMT
It's the new normal. It's a faster way to communicate to more people simultaneously - or at least while people are connected to the internet - which is 24/7.
I'm sure 60+ years ago when our parents were born people got pissed off about the way they found out too. "Bob and Mary had the baby and Mary's sister called Bobbie Sue from down the street, who called Mary Jo from up the street and I heard it from Mary Jo's brothers wife before Bob and Mary could even call me!"
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Post by epeanymous on Aug 26, 2014 14:54:19 GMT
I think a baby announcement is the kind of thing in a common community that you probably should know that the parents are going to want to be the people to make. If you don't live in or share the same community, that is different.
It isn't a huge egregious awful mistake, but it is a little thoughtless. And if the person has a habit of sharing other people's news I would start thinking they wanted he attention.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 26, 2014 15:01:27 GMT
I'm sorry for those who have heard about the death of a loved one via facebook - it's obviously better for close family members/friend to hear directly. I do have to say though, that I don't see facebook as the devil. I've had a few deaths in my extended network that I might not have known about if it wasn't for facebook - or might not have known about for months. In the days where people live so far away from their hometown, obituaries and other traditional ways of notifying people of someone passing aren't very effective. There have also been some wonderful tributes posted from friends and family all around the country and from every stage of their life.
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Deleted
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Oct 10, 2024 22:35:50 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2014 15:09:55 GMT
I totally get what you're saying, but is it not possible for someone to share something they are excited about without being considered as a thunder stealer? If my sister had a baby, I'd be over the moon to say that I was a new aunt and looking forward to playing with the baby. That's not sharing other people's news. I haven't given out details or made an announcement, just said that I'm excited. If I went and posted that my sister had a baby and all the details, that's definitely considered stealing thunder. My friend just got married, everyone was posting congratulations and photos all over his page before he had a chance to post anything about his wedding on his wedding day. Did they steal his thunder that they posted about his marriage before he did? None of us seem to think so, we were just all so excited that he got married. Dunno. I guess I just don't see the whole "you must be silent until the person makes their announcement" thing as feasible or realistic. It's one thing to make the announcement for them, but it's a total different thing to share in their excitement. I see what you're saying, but I'm talking more about people who will post something just so that it gives them more attention. In my case, this woman is definitely a very needy, narcissistist. She worded it in such a way, (and don't forget she tagged the new mother so it's on her newsfeed too) that she pretty much made the announcement for them. I realize it won't be the same in everyone's circles, but people usually let them make the announcement themselves. Reminds me of when we lived 12 hrs away from the inlaws. They came for a visit and brought the youngest SIL. I never saw her snap a bunch of photos, and I have her hidden from my newsfeed just because of her age at the time. A few weeks had passed and I thought maybe I would check out her page to see what she had been up to. I find a whole album dedicated to our house. It looked like a real estate listing. I was pissed. Still am if I think about it. It wasn't her business to share what I had deliberately kept off of Facebook. As for your friend getting married, totally different to me. Unless a couple secretly elopes, everyone knows they're getting married so congratulating them isn't informing anyone of anything they didn't already know. Where announcing a death or new baby is.
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Post by mzza111 on Aug 26, 2014 15:13:28 GMT
However, the idea that news has ownership is silly, and if General You keep imposing "rules" on who is allowed to post what, you will continually be upset. You are wrong. News of a birth or death does have ownership. Anyone who posts either of these before the immediate family (husband/wife/children) does and without their approval, are complete self centered morons with no class or manners.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 22:35:50 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2014 15:14:20 GMT
I'm sorry for those who have heard about the death of a loved one via facebook - it's obviously better for close family members/friend to hear directly. I do have to say though, that I don't see facebook as the devil. I've had a few deaths in my extended network that I might not have known about if it wasn't for facebook - or might not have known about for months. In the days where people live so far away from their hometown, obituaries and other traditional ways of notifying people of someone passing aren't very effective. There have also been some wonderful tributes posted from friends and family all around the country and from every stage of their life. That's great, I love fb for that too. As long as immediate family doesn't find out via Facebook. Its one one thing to read about it a few days after the fact, knowing that all the proper people have been notified. It's another to see some people race to their screen in an effort to be first.
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Post by hollymolly on Aug 26, 2014 15:19:19 GMT
I think part of the problem is tagging people. My dad is so bad about tagging everybody. He posted the first pic of his youngest grandchild last February, which may not have been so bad if it were just going out to his friends. The problem is that he tagged every member of our family, which is a pretty big number. One relative was FB friends with a woman who worked with the mother of the baby, which neither of them was aware of. She saw pictures of my nephew and sent my SIL (baby's mother) an email about how cute her baby was. She had no idea how her coworker had seen a picture of her new baby. It freaked her out a little bit and she decided to close her fb account.
I have had multiple talks with my dad about tagging people on FB. I have no idea what his privacy settings are, but I'm willing to bet he never updates them and they are wide open. Even if they aren't, what are the privacy settings of all the people he tags? It really drives me nuts. On top of that, I hate having my timeline full of every picture my dad, who has way too much time on his hands, posts to his own timeline. We're talking entire albums of pictures he tags me in, and it happens 2-3 times a week or more. I had to adjust my settings so nothing is posted to my timeline until I approve it. I love my nephews, but I don't want a 10 year old picture of them in their halloween costumes going out to all of my FB friends. They don't want to see that 3 times a week. Not me, not my kid, I wasn't even there when the pic was taken.
Sorry, hijacked with my own FB rant.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 22:35:50 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2014 15:21:39 GMT
I usually untag myself very quickly.
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Post by annabella on Aug 26, 2014 15:29:34 GMT
I'm not a fan of people posting pics from other people's wedding. Maybe the bride wants to post an album of all professional pics, not your iphone pics. But you've already stolen her momentum by announcing her wedding first.
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azredhead
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,755
Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Aug 26, 2014 15:54:46 GMT
Yea - I hate that!! Don't get me started on the death via Facebook
Sent from my KFSOWI using Tapatalk
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Post by ferblover on Aug 26, 2014 16:08:53 GMT
I have mixed feelings on this subject. I definitely see where there are thunder stealers out in the world (heck I am betting my own sister would do this) but I also see where people have come to rely on Facebook for their communication with folks that aren't sitting next to them. Like anything that is done on Facebook it boils down to how each user uses it and how I think it should be used isn't necessarily how others think it should be used. There are no rules and no Miss Manners for Facebook. Maybe there should be, but it is no longer a only this way or only that way type of thing. Some people use Facebook to express their feelings. I am not comfortable telling them they can't because who am I to tell them how to express themselves. A certain amount of respect would be nice but where do you draw the line? Not only that but who decides who the line drawer is? Who gets to decide when it is appropriate for you to express your feelings online? 2hours after an event, 6 hours after an event?? Saying whenever the "important" people need to know or say about the event isn't hard and fast either. My parents are out of the country right now and have turned themselves off to communication ( no internet, no cell service etc). If something happened to my sister I would not expect people to not say anything for two weeks until I can get ahold of my parents. In some instance those people would be offering help and support when I would need it most. So two weeks is unreasonable in length, but maybe two hours is also unreasonable to some. I suppose when relaying news you could always add, "we would really appreciate it if no one posted on social media at this time until we give the go ahead". Then people would post vague things and then we would have a whole other post type issue I agree with a previous poster. 60 plus years ago you still had this, but in a different way. "Susie didn't tell me blah blah, instead it came from Susie's sister. How dare she not tell me personally while Jane heard it from Susie directly. I should rank higher in Susie's life."
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Post by 505scrapper on Aug 26, 2014 16:24:30 GMT
At least it's happy news...I feel so sorry for the people who find out someone died via FB. That's just awful. This happened to me... I have two half brothers from my dad's first marriage. I didn't have a lot of contact with them, but was friends with them on Facebook. In January someone posted on my oldest brother's page "Rest in Peace, brother" (this was a friend of his, not his brother). Since I was friends with my brother, it showed up in my feed. Talk about shocked. And this was the very day it happened, before my dad (who lives with me) was even notified.
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tracylynn
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,899
Jun 26, 2014 22:49:09 GMT
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Post by tracylynn on Aug 26, 2014 16:34:04 GMT
This wouldn't be a blip on my radar either. I don't see it as any different than someone making phone calls. That person who posts on FB first is the person from 20 years ago making phone calls from their land line spreading the news like fire too. FB only allows the news to go out quicker.
That said, you can change your FB settings so that you review any tags before they are posted to your timeline. That would solve a lot of the issues with your friends seeing stuff you don't want them to see.
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