RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,077 
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Jul 11, 2017 14:37:09 GMT
They ought to work, right? Every year, family members ask what DH wants for his birthday. I nag him until he comes up with a few things. I email list to MIL and FIL, with instructions to mark their choice(s) on the list and email the list on to SIL, for her to do the same and send it back to me. Whatever's left goes to my family. My side is only my Mum and my "Dear Brother", who live in the same house so they ought to be able to talk actual words to each other. Really, this isn't rocket science. I've done all the work for them, darn it - all they have to do is choose, and pay me if they want to do that. I'll even buy the stuff and flipping wrap it for them. Well not with this lot. I emailed MIL and she rang and told me what she was buying. Then radio silence. I emailed SIL to chase her. A week later I texted. Another week, no response. Meanwhile Mum and DB rang, and I read out the list (minus MIL's choice) to them. Mum chose something. DB provisionally chose something but wanted time to think. Next day DH called SIL about something else, and I asked her to check her emails. She said she hadn't received anything, then 2 minutes later texted to say she'd found it. MIL hadn't sent my email to SIL, but she had rung her. SIL promptly forgot most of it. Neither of them got back to me. SIL has bought the thing that MIL chose, and the thing that my Mum chose.  I texted Mum to suggest something else of a similar value, and she rings me straight back (in the middle of dinner) to say that DB doesn't want to give DH what DH wants, he wants to give him something different, that DB wants him to have instead. Seriously, I don't know why I bother!  We're at the age when we don't want just stuff. We only really want fairly specific items - to replace something that's come to the end of its life, or needs to be compatible with what we already have. So the instructions have to be written down and specific. How does everyone else handle birthday lists? |
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Post by jennyap on Jul 11, 2017 14:46:54 GMT
In our family we don't generally buy birthday gifts for adults any more unless it's a particularly special one!
For the kids, each set of aunts/uncles or grandparents will be told just one or two items from the list, no overlap, so there can't be any duplication.
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Post by gar on Jul 11, 2017 14:50:08 GMT
I hear you - it's like Christmas on a smaller scale.
We're down to gift vouchers quite often but even that isn't straightforward - for DD's birthday recently I suggested to my Mum to get her a voucher from New Look. She got M and Co. So now I have to buy those off DD and give her the cash so she can spend her voucher somewhere she likes and I have £50 worth of vouchers for somewhere I don't particularly like and things that I don't need.
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Post by Basket1lady on Jul 11, 2017 14:53:42 GMT
We don't do adult birthday gifts. We are all old enough and have enough money to cover our own needs and wants.
For the kids, I gave out lists for years at everyone's request, but made 2-3 suggestions for each person, not one big list. And then people bought their own stuff anyway. That's fine--I see the lists as suggestions, not a shopping list.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:31:49 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 11, 2017 14:58:03 GMT
I don't and never will do lists. Honestly if people have to be nagged then it's more trouble than it's worth.
I give cash or vouchers.
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Post by Tammiem2pnc1 on Jul 11, 2017 15:10:53 GMT
We don't do adult birthdays here. I can't remember the last time I got a birthday gift from anyone other than my DH, not even money or gift cards. Even then DH doesn't usually buy me anything, we just go out to dinner or something. Unless specifically asked for ideas for my kids, I will not send out a list asking for people to buy them anything.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Jul 11, 2017 15:26:47 GMT
I add things that I want but that I don't want to buy for myself (or that I want to buy in the future) to my Amazon wish list, and I point people there if they ask. I also listen throughout the year and keep a list when I hear someone mention something that I think they would like. I wouldn't take all that responsibility for doling out lists on yourself. Let people ask if they want an idea, then give different ideas to everyone. If there is something your DH REALLY wants, you get it. Give them the side-stuff. Presents are about the giver's relationship with the recipient, not really about what you want the recipient to get.
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Post by padresfan619 on Jul 11, 2017 15:28:25 GMT
Amazon wish lists saved my gift giving life.
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pudgygroundhog
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,652
Location: The Grand Canyon
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Post by pudgygroundhog on Jul 11, 2017 15:31:26 GMT
We have small families and adult birthdays are not a big deal. My mom will ask me what my husband wants - sometimes he sends specific links, she sends me money to buy something, or just sends cash. When his parents buy me a gift, they typically send a gift card (and I don't think they consult my husband).
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,077
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Jul 11, 2017 15:31:51 GMT
I wish we didn't do adults birthdays too. I've managed to stop present exchanges with most of our friends, but the family still insists on doing it. It's their choice, not ours - then they're the ones who can't get their acts together. I have to curb DH too a bit. He tends to over-buy given half a chance. Several times a year I hear myself saying, "Don't be silly - a bottle of wine, some chocolates and a handmade card is more than enough for Mother's Day/Father's Day/non-special anniversary - we are NOT giving them anything else." When nephew (10) presented us last year with his "Easter gift list" I put my foot down so firmly that it was never suggested again. "Easter list" - for goodness sake {mumble, mutter, grumble} be thankful for your chocolate egg...   |
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Post by christine58 on Jul 11, 2017 15:33:00 GMT
We don't do adult birthday gifts. We are all old enough and have enough money to cover our own needs and wants. [/quote] This....I cannot even imagine telling gift givers what to give me...
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jul 11, 2017 15:35:01 GMT
I could not imagine going through all that.
We don't do lists at all. We also don't buy gifts unless it is a special birthday or we happen to be together on said birthday
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,077
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Jul 11, 2017 15:38:54 GMT
Oh and Mum won't buy anything electronically, because the internet exists only to scam her and steal her bank details, and for p0rn and videos of cats. She doesn't even have an email address. DB doesn't approve of Amazon because they don't pay tax, and both Mum and DB refuse to do gift cards. SIL is not technical and has troubles working email, let alone Amazon wish lists. MIL manages a little better, but I sometimes think I've left my family behind in the 19th century.
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,077
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Jul 11, 2017 15:42:00 GMT
I agree. I don't like telling people what to get. But every year, twice a year (I go through all this every Christmas as well) they ask "what does DH want? Can you email me a list?"
One year we had everyone buy mosquito nets and water taps and goats for Africa.
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Post by myshelly on Jul 11, 2017 15:42:46 GMT
We don't do birthday gifts for adults.
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Post by justkat on Jul 11, 2017 16:29:40 GMT
Here's what we do....... My husband and I: Our birthdays are basically a week apart. We agree that instead of gifts we'll take a trip together. We choose a place, we both put money in the fund and then I make all the arrangements. In the meantime I usually find that perfect thing for my husband so I'll buy it even though we've agreed no gifts. Then during the trip my husband will usually surprise me with some type of fancy dinner or special something during which he'll give me the gift he bought me. He always says the same thing, "I know we said no gifts but I couldn't resist getting you a little something." I'll open my gift and then give him his. LOL Extended family: He's the youngest of three boys. They're all that's left of his family.  His brothers usually call him on his birthday and send/give him funny/inappropriate cards with gift cards inside. If it's a special birthday and we're getting together the brothers will call me for gift suggestions. Extended family: As for my side? Most of my family lives overseas in Belgium. My mum will call me for suggestions. She'll send him a big box with a card, gift(s) and special food/candy treats from Belgium. My sister will ask for suggestions and then send either a card with gift card or a gift. My brothers send him cards with gift cards. If we're able to be together my mum will call and ask for a list that she then goes over with my siblings. They'll buy things from the list or go in together on one big thing from the list. Both sides of the family are pretty good with gift giving. If they get a list they pretty much stick to it. I also try to give both sides different lists if they're both asking for a list that way there aren't a lot of duplicates. |
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RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,077
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Jul 11, 2017 16:43:21 GMT
Some good ideas there. I might just allocate each family an item to get. Like SIL/BIL can get him a shirt and beer, and chocolates from the children. MIL/FIL can get him wine and nuts. I'll buy him coffee beans from Mum, and DB can do the paraben-free fair-trade skin-care from wherever the heck he wants. Or a goat for Africa. And I'll give my poor man whatever is left after they've decided they would rather give him a giant inflatable Minion because it will be "funny" and not take up any space in our lounge at all...  |
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 11, 2017 16:54:26 GMT
The only adults I buy birthday gifts for anymore is DH (sometimes) and my BFFs if I happen to see something interesting that speaks to me. I don't go out of my way to find something though because as previously mentioned we're all swimming in too much stuff as it is. I usually will make my one brother a homemade dessert of his choice. We've encouraged DH's sister to stop buying for our kid even, because buying for her teenagers is a hopeless lost cause. We don't enjoy it, they don't appreciate it, so I'm done. RedSquirrelUK I would just give up on the lists entirely and tell them all to just get him whatever they want with one caveat, it MUST come with a gift receipt so he can return it or exchange it if necessary. It would really suck to be stuck in the middle of that loop.  |
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Post by littlemama on Jul 11, 2017 17:23:11 GMT
Adults get birthday gifts in your family?  We give my mom, MIL, and step-FIl a gift or gift card. My mom gives us cash, including DS. MIL and her husband give DS cash and give us nothing - when we turned 30, she stopped giving us anything, but stated that she still expected something from us. FTR, they live in a fully paid for $350K home, and pay cash for all of their vehicles, so this isn't a financial thing. |
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,366
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jul 11, 2017 17:28:33 GMT
Adults don't regularly get birthday gifts. DH and I NEVER get things for each other. If we see something, we buy it for the other person or ask them if they want it and they get it. Then we say it's for "_____ occasion" lol. I know, lame.
Kids get $20 each. If I find something, great. If I don't it's a gift card or cash. I have 9 kids between my kids and my siblings kids. My brother is "responsible" for remembering my kids special days and Christmas. He never does. His wife never ever forgets the nieces and nephews on HER side of the family. I thought that in a marriage, the responsibility became joint and it just got done. Apparently I am confused as to how that works. Lol. I've decided to lessen his burden and not get his 3 kids anything other than a card and maybe a little $5 toy. They live in a different state and we never see them in person.
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His brothers usually call him on his birthday and send/give him funny/inappropriate cards with gift cards inside. If it's a special birthday and we're getting together the brothers will call me for gift suggestions.
