RedSquirrelUK
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,077 
Location: The UK's beautiful West Country
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Post by RedSquirrelUK on Jul 12, 2017 9:52:34 GMT
That's me today.
I know it's not really my business but I'm having a vent. Nephew turns 11 today. He's a lovely kid: talkative, sensitive, bright, affectionate. Like many 11-year-olds, he's into TV games, but this year he's progressed from Skylanders to 15+ and even 18+ games - and his parents let him. This is a kid who won't sleep in the dark at grandma's, wakes up with nightmares after watching age-appropriate Tv shows, and has been known to throw up from anxiety.
Last night DH gave me DN's birthday presents to wrap - a Minions jigsaw and foot massage ball that we chose, and a couple of books. They're books of the games he plays - murder crime stories, marked on the back cover "not suitable for younger readers". I queried this with DH and he said SIL had got them for us to give him. Apparently DN has been told to read more, and SIL thought that the books of the games he likes would encourage him to read.
Part of me wants to turn into my own brother, and refuse to give them because I "don't approve" - which sounds so elderly and prudish. The other part of me knows that he's going to get them anyway, and our approval is obviously not important to them (along with common sense, in my opinion). We're "only" his godparents.
It's a dilemma every parent faces, and we're only auntie and uncle. Pfft.
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michellegb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,919
Location: New England and loving it!
Jun 26, 2014 0:04:59 GMT
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Post by michellegb on Jul 12, 2017 10:04:53 GMT
It doesn't sound elderly and prudish to me and I'll be all judgy with you. It is ridiculous that your DB and SIL can't see the correlation between what your nephew plays with and reads and the issues he's having. SMDH....
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MDscrapaholic
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,239
Location: Down by the bay....
Jun 25, 2014 20:49:07 GMT
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Post by MDscrapaholic on Jul 12, 2017 10:09:54 GMT
Be the voice of reason for your nephew! Tell them you don't approve and why, and then go get him something you know he'd like.
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Post by anonrefugee on Jul 12, 2017 11:03:05 GMT
Is SIL hoping he'll also read more because illicit books came from you? Part of me applauds her for trying, I've got a kid who dislikes reading.
Even so, don't participate if you disagree, it's no different from anything else. Or compromise, let your DH the cool Uncle, give them to him.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Jul 12, 2017 12:56:00 GMT
Did you skim/read the books? Sometimes ratings are a little overboard. For example, Disney infinity has a 10+ rating because Jasmine and Olaf can use astro blaster guns.
My 5-year-old is more than old enough to handle Olaf with an astro blaster. Can you imagine your nephew playing that? Because that's what the age rating system would suggest he's finally old enough for. Lol.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Jul 12, 2017 13:50:01 GMT
I would not give him something that I did not approve of. That would show endorsement of said items. The same way I would not give a kid something that his parents would not approve!
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Post by myshelly on Jul 12, 2017 13:54:33 GMT
Did you skim/read the books? Sometimes ratings are a little overboard. For example, Disney infinity has a 10+ rating because Jasmine and Olaf can use astro blaster guns. My 5-year-old is more than old enough to handle Olaf with an astro blaster. Can you imagine your nephew playing that? Because that's what the age rating system would suggest he's finally old enough for. Lol. I agree with this. I have a 10 yr old who is allowed to play some T and M video games because I think the ratings are overboard (and I'm one of the strictest moms I know about video games). He has a Star Wars Jedi battle game that I cannot for the life of me figure out why it's rated M. There's no blood, nothing graphic. Just light saber duels. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:24:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 12, 2017 14:02:23 GMT
As someone who was reading books way unsuitable at 11, I honestly don't see the big deal.
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Post by Skellinton on Jul 12, 2017 14:08:16 GMT
I can't comment on the actual appropriateness of the books, but I also know I wouldn't give a child something I personally didn't think they should have, even if it was ok with their parents. I would buy something I knew the kid would like, but something I felt comfortable giving.
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Post by beachbum on Jul 12, 2017 14:27:48 GMT
As a retired teacher, I say read the books before you make judgements on them. 'Younger readers' covers a lot of ground and you don't know what the warning is based on. It's like the PG or PG-13 movie ratings, sometimes I have no idea what got them the rating.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Jul 12, 2017 14:27:59 GMT
I had to make a conscious choice with Alison was young about reading level vs. appropriateness of books. Books at her age level weren't at her reading level, and I value reading above most other skills. I totally get letting the child read books that might not be appropriate to get them to read at a higher level (or at all).
That said, you shouldn't have to give a book you aren't comfortable with. Why don't you wrap them in different paper and give them back to SIL for her to give? It doesn't sound like you bought them anyway (or maybe DH paid her back?), so they are really SIL's gift.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Jul 12, 2017 22:46:28 GMT
Read the books. Sometimes reading/watching things you fear is a way of desensitizing. I imagine there are heroes who save the day.
I read murder mysteries because I like the idea of bad guys getting caught and punished. Maybe that actually helps DN.
Just a thought. I still wouldn't give them from you if you don't feel right about it.
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Post by refugeepea on Jul 13, 2017 0:37:35 GMT
It doesn't seem right, but at the same time, not a battle I'd be willing to fight. I understand your frustration. At least it will be your BIL and SIL that has to deal with the consequences.
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flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
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Post by flute4peace on Jul 13, 2017 0:40:40 GMT
It doesn't sound elderly and prudish to me and I'll be all judgy with you. It is ridiculous that your DB and SIL can't see the correlation between what your nephew plays with and reads and the issues he's having. SMDH.... One of my new little step-nieces was having screaming nightmares a few months ago. They took her to counseling and it finally came out that her step-dad was watching "The Walking Dead" with them. They were 4 & 5 at the time.
Judge on, O/P. I'll gladly sit on the bench with you.
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