Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 20:23:58 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2014 15:17:10 GMT
I am so friggin' sick of being treated like I don't know anything by my teenage daughter and then her calling me and complaining when things go wrong after I've made my suggestions. If you were a college student and it was your first day at a new college and you got a parking ticket cause there was no place to park and you didn't leave yourself enough time to go on a side street somewhere, would you treat your mother like she was a total idiot when she suggested leaving earlier the next day? Then if you did would you then call your mother bitching that you couldn't find a spot and class started in 10 mins and you didn't know what to do? Then not like any of her suggestions?
Thank you for listening. If I didn't say it out loud somewhere my head was going to explode.
Ann
|
|
amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,410
Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
|
Post by amom23 on Aug 26, 2014 15:20:19 GMT
I really do feel your pain. My 21 year old is finally becoming human again lol, but I have a 15 year old and man is he a joy NOT! All we can do as parents is hang in there.
|
|
perumbula
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,439
Location: Idaho
Jun 26, 2014 18:51:17 GMT
|
Post by perumbula on Aug 26, 2014 15:22:28 GMT
LOL. My dd never listens to any of my advice, but at least she has the good sense to not complain about her problems when I was right. Hopefully she'll learn her lesson soon. Either that or she'll get tired of "I told you so."
|
|
StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,692
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
|
Post by StephDRebel on Aug 26, 2014 15:23:44 GMT
She's talking to you like an idiot over the phone? Hang up.
No, i'm not kidding. It doesn't last long. Rude the first time my response is "Why do you feel like it's ok to talk to me like that? " Rude again or continuing to act like an asshole? CLICK
She can't talk to you like that or treat you like that unless you allow her to. Take away her 'right' to treat you like crud and i'd be willing to bet she'll change her tune.
|
|
StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,692
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
|
Post by StephDRebel on Aug 26, 2014 15:25:01 GMT
adding: Need to laugh? Imagine her face when you hang up the first time and she realizes you aren't going to put up with it. It's making me giggle already
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 20:23:58 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2014 15:27:13 GMT
She may have been doing what you are doing.. a vent. Nothing more. Not seeking advice, not seeking a "I told you so" Just looking for a listening ear to vent to. MAYBE a bit of sympathy.
If she is rude, end the conversation and hang up. But mostly just do what you want from us... a bit of sympathy over a rough patch. She already knows she should have left earlier. You already know you shouldn't take her crankiness. Both of you just want a soft shoulder for a minute.
|
|
Peal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,524
Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
|
Post by Peal on Aug 26, 2014 15:28:51 GMT
I got so many parking tickets in college. The parking availability was abysmal. I never told my parents about any of them. They were my problem and I dealt with them. Maybe suggest that to her. Then hang up.
|
|
|
Post by sisterbdsq on Aug 26, 2014 15:29:34 GMT
adding: Need to laugh? Imagine her face when you hang up the first time and she realizes you aren't going to put up with it. It's making me giggle already I snickered out loud at my desk. I even had to cover my mouth. Tee hee!
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 20:23:58 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2014 15:30:11 GMT
FTR, I've worked at this place for 7 years. The parking on the first week of class STILL catches me by suprise even though I'm the one earlier in the week telling new co-workers to arrive early because it will be bad.. as in an hour ahead of time you might get parking bad. 15 minutes early isn't early enough.
|
|
|
Post by gar on Aug 26, 2014 15:30:11 GMT
I'm with Volt - she's sounding off because she's cross with herself for messing up, she realises you do have good advice - but she can't admit it out loud. Don't allow utter rudeness but do sympathise a bit, she's stressed and finding her way.
|
|
|
Post by alibama on Aug 26, 2014 15:31:24 GMT
She's talking to you like an idiot over the phone? Hang up. No, i'm not kidding. It doesn't last long. Rude the first time my response is "Why do you feel like it's ok to talk to me like that? " Rude again or continuing to act like an asshole? CLICK She can't talk to you like that or treat you like that unless you allow her to. Take away her 'right' to treat you like crud and i'd be willing to bet she'll change her tune. Okay I like this idea!
|
|
anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
|
Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 26, 2014 15:35:15 GMT
Don't bail her out. Let her pay the fine. She won't learn anything otherwise. Maybe she needs to have a dose of the truth about her attitude?
|
|
|
Post by angieh1996 on Aug 26, 2014 15:35:57 GMT
If she's being rude hang up. I tell my 2 kids if they are gonna be rude then the conversation is over and they can talk to me when they can be civil.
|
|
|
Post by Zee on Aug 26, 2014 15:37:54 GMT
I would hang up before I'd put up with it, and tell her to call me back when she can be polite. But sometimes I like to mess with my moody daughter, who just turned 20 but still likes to complain, complain, complain about situations of her own making. I just start responding with random positive remarks. "Guess what! I saw a BLUEBIRD NEST TODAY!" "Guess what! I went walking and I found a HAWK FEATHER!" "Guess what! I went to Aldi and they have these cookies that are EXACTLY like Girl Scout Caramel Delites! Omg you have to try one!" Lolol just random stuff. She gets really annoyed but she quits complaining. She usually leaves the room, refusing to see my feather or eat the cookie, but I win in the end.
|
|
MerryMom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,562
Jul 24, 2014 19:51:57 GMT
|
Post by MerryMom on Aug 26, 2014 16:09:29 GMT
Don't give advice. Just a lot of of "Hmmm".
|
|
MizIndependent
Drama Llama
Quit your bullpoop.
Posts: 5,836
Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
|
Post by MizIndependent on Aug 26, 2014 16:15:16 GMT
I am so friggin' sick of being treated like I don't know anything by my teenage daughter and then her calling me and complaining when things go wrong after I've made my suggestions. If you were a college student and it was your first day at a new college and you got a parking ticket cause there was no place to park and you didn't leave yourself enough time to go on a side street somewhere, would you treat your mother like she was a total idiot when she suggested leaving earlier the next day? Then if you did would you then call your mother bitching that you couldn't find a spot and class started in 10 mins and you didn't know what to do? Then not like any of her suggestions? Thank you for listening. If I didn't say it out loud somewhere my head was going to explode. Ann The only problem I can see with your advice is, it won't help her in the moment of her crisis. Crisis prevention advice is never helpful while the crisis is occurring. Save that for later. What I would tell my DD is, "Oh that's terrible! I know you'll find something, just calm down and keep looking." Save the "leave earlier" speech for later in the day when she'll actually be able to hear you.
|
|
|
Post by peasful1 on Aug 26, 2014 16:17:26 GMT
My mom is a good listener. She doesn't offer up solutions when I am telling her about the way I'm feeling and what is going on. She listens and comforts me. She acknowledges the emotion. She also knows I'll manage my problem just fine on my own so does not offer up obvious solutions. What she does give me is exactly what I need which is emotional support and empathy.
I'm going to guess your daughter perhaps just wanted somewhere to vent about her unfortunate first day. End point.
|
|
~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
Jun 26, 2014 3:33:18 GMT
|
Post by ~Lauren~ on Aug 26, 2014 16:45:23 GMT
My daughter never spoke to me like that. I never allowed it and so she didn't try it.
She would, however, call me to complain about her lack of foresight and the resulting "crisis". I always, and still, respond with a calm "sorry you're going through that". Nothing else. If she asks then "what do I do", I respond with "sorry, I really don't know".
It has taught her to pay more attention when she asks my advise beforehand. LOL
|
|
|
Post by bc2ca on Aug 26, 2014 17:06:04 GMT
She just needed to vent and was not ready to hear/interested in solutions Offering solutions, especially if you had suggested them before today, comes off as "I told you so". For the record, I hate the advice to hang up. It is a pet peeve of mine and I really think it is an immature way to respond.
|
|
|
Post by maryland on Aug 26, 2014 17:14:06 GMT
My friend is a high school teacher. She always surprises the parents on teacher night. She tells them how wonderful and sweet their sons/daughters and the parents look shocked! So their moody teen is nice at school, he is just moody at home.
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Aug 26, 2014 17:14:40 GMT
I am so friggin' sick of being treated like I don't know anything by my teenage daughter and then her calling me and complaining when things go wrong after I've made my suggestions. If you were a college student and it was your first day at a new college and you got a parking ticket cause there was no place to park and you didn't leave yourself enough time to go on a side street somewhere, would you treat your mother like she was a total idiot when she suggested leaving earlier the next day? Then if you did would you then call your mother bitching that you couldn't find a spot and class started in 10 mins and you didn't know what to do? Then not like any of her suggestions? Thank you for listening. If I didn't say it out loud somewhere my head was going to explode. Ann Honestly....I would not engage her at all. Let her figure it out and pay the fine. Her problem, not yours. Don't make any suggestions, let her rant and rave and tell her to have a good day. NO WAY would I ever have spoken to my mother as you have described she has. NOPE...
|
|
|
Post by Miss Ang on Aug 26, 2014 17:26:38 GMT
She may have been doing what you are doing.. a vent. Nothing more. Not seeking advice, not seeking a "I told you so" Just looking for a listening ear to vent to. MAYBE a bit of sympathy. If she is rude, end the conversation and hang up. But mostly just do what you want from us... a bit of sympathy over a rough patch. She already knows she should have left earlier. You already know you shouldn't take her crankiness. Both of you just want a soft shoulder for a minute. volt, that is great advice. And some that I needed to hear. Gahh, parenting a teenage daughter that is in college and still living at home is without a doubt the hardest stage we have been through. I'd take sleepless nights from a crying baby or keeping a constant watch over a toddler that won't nap over this mental struggle any day. It's so tough to know when to offer advice and when to be that soft shoulder. It seems like the times I give advice it's not wanted and the times I step back are the times she says, "But I need you to tell me what to do!" It's exhausting. But you're so right and I need to remember your words of wisdom more often!
|
|
akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
|
Post by akathy on Aug 26, 2014 17:29:01 GMT
She's talking to you like an idiot over the phone? Hang up. No, i'm not kidding. It doesn't last long. Rude the first time my response is "Why do you feel like it's ok to talk to me like that? " Rude again or continuing to act like an asshole? CLICK She can't talk to you like that or treat you like that unless you allow her to. Take away her 'right' to treat you like crud and i'd be willing to bet she'll change her tune. I totally agree with Steph! Hang up!
|
|
~Lauren~
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,876
Jun 26, 2014 3:33:18 GMT
|
Post by ~Lauren~ on Aug 26, 2014 18:51:57 GMT
I'm sorry, but "venting" does not mean berating the person you're venting to. And just because someone wants to "vent" doesn't make me obligated to listen to unacceptable language and comments by the person, to and about me. I would not tolerate it from anyone, let alone my child. In fact, ''hang up" and "don't answer" is the same advise I give my clients; just because someone wants to talk to you doesn't mean you must listen and accept whatever abuse they throw. Hanging up is not childish. It's a way of setting your boundaries about the type of communication you're willing to engage in.
|
|
MizIndependent
Drama Llama
Quit your bullpoop.
Posts: 5,836
Jun 25, 2014 19:43:16 GMT
|
Post by MizIndependent on Aug 26, 2014 19:06:58 GMT
I'm sorry, but "venting" does not mean berating the person you're venting to. And just because someone wants to "vent" doesn't make me obligated to listen to unacceptable language and comments by the person, to and about me. I would not tolerate it from anyone, let alone my child. In fact, ''hang up" and "don't answer" is the same advise I give my clients; just because someone wants to talk to you doesn't mean you must listen and accept whatever abuse they throw. Hanging up is not childish. It's a way of setting your boundaries about the type of communication you're willing to engage in. You know, there is something substantial to hearing the person and not the words they are speaking. Clearly, OP's DD was frustrated and desperate. Seems to me she needed a caring word from someone whom she knows loves her no matter what...that doesn't mean you sit there and take abuse, but when you can slow down and listen to what's not being said... "Mom, I'm so upset right now! Tell me it will be alright!" If that unspoken plea is answered with a "You will NOT speak to me like that!" *click*, I think that is pretty harsh. I've been getting a lot of hard lessons about not taking what's being said personally, I've been learning how to listen to the things not being said and it is hard. It's just another POV, take it for what it's worth.
|
|
|
Post by mommaho on Aug 26, 2014 19:51:11 GMT
Vent away - I understand - Mom of 3 daughters. The best one was when one of them said you have no idea what it feels like to be (insert age here) - no - of course I don't. LOL Of course I can laugh now but it wasn't funny then. Hugs
|
|
|
Post by molove on Aug 26, 2014 19:58:53 GMT
The good news--it gets better. They mature and become awesome young women! She's frustrated and you're the safe person to take it out on. Doesn't make it right, but she's just had it.
When my girl used to get sassy I would say "I'm sorry, I can't understand you. All I hear is whining (or fill in the blank) and only Mo (our dog) can understand." I told her I'm more than happy to have a conversation with her but she needs to be reasonable and not whine/yell/etc. It worked.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 10, 2024 20:23:58 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Aug 26, 2014 20:04:56 GMT
Thanks ladies, great advice and no one jumped on me. She has to write her very first check for the ticket. DH keeps telling me someday she will regret how she treated me. I hope I live that long.
Ann
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on Aug 26, 2014 20:08:53 GMT
Hang in there. My DS used to say "How did you know?" when I'd tell him what would happen if he did something. He always had to learn the hard way. I have gotten a lot smarter the older he has become!
|
|
scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,960
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
|
Post by scrappert on Aug 26, 2014 20:11:10 GMT
Ha, my Mom would have hung up on me if I did that!
I hear it gets better, but mine is 18, so I don't know that yet either.
|
|