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Post by *christine* on Aug 26, 2014 20:13:18 GMT
Thanks ladies, great advice and no one jumped on me. She has to write her very first check for the ticket. DH keeps telling me someday she will regret how she treated me. I hope I live that long. Ann She definitely will! I know I do, and I'm reading this thread and your post here at the bottom and when I call my mom tonight, I will tell her I know I sucked as a teenager and could never in a million years make it up to her. and she's still the one I call to vent to, for advice, to bail me out (Sunday night I had to call her at 8:15 and ask if I could drop my dog off for the week because the window guys called at 8pm to say they were coming the next week and of course she said yes!!) Hang in there mom - hope your dd will be human again soon!! |
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Post by SunnySmile on Aug 26, 2014 20:16:52 GMT
She's talking to you like an idiot over the phone? Hang up. No, i'm not kidding. It doesn't last long. Rude the first time my response is "Why do you feel like it's ok to talk to me like that? " Rude again or continuing to act like an asshole? CLICK She can't talk to you like that or treat you like that unless you allow her to. Take away her 'right' to treat you like crud and i'd be willing to bet she'll change her tune. 
I remind my 21 year old that she is an adult now, and if she wants to have the priveledges and respect that adults have, then you actually have to act like an adult. I also have a 15 year old, and she is the worst one yet. She brings a new kind of crazy to our household, and some days I actually think I might go insane. |
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Post by SunnySmile on Aug 26, 2014 20:19:51 GMT
She may have been doing what you are doing.. a vent. Nothing more. Not seeking advice, not seeking a "I told you so" Just looking for a listening ear to vent to. MAYBE a bit of sympathy. If she is rude, end the conversation and hang up. But mostly just do what you want from us... a bit of sympathy over a rough patch. She already knows she should have left earlier. You already know you shouldn't take her crankiness. Both of you just want a soft shoulder for a minute. |
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Post by delilahtwo on Aug 26, 2014 20:23:50 GMT
Beachgirl, I have a 17 year old daughter who is a huge pain in the ass and I can imagine her behaving the same way. I am a fixer. I make suggestions. She has actually come right out and told me that she doesn't want anything fixed, she just wants to be listened to. I have difficulty with that especially since she usually sounds like she's wanting help. So when I can manage it, I just reflect back emotions, don't get caught up in all of the angst and drama, make noncommital sounds and let her rant. Make comments like "boy that must be frustrating". and "who knew that parking would be so bad?" and "you poor thing". Ok that last one is over the top.
I don't like getting yelled at or sworn at but my kid, smart as she is, doesn't handle emotions very well and her response to things is to blow up. Good luck!
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Post by delilahtwo on Aug 26, 2014 20:24:42 GMT
Beachgirl, I have a 17 year old daughter who is a huge pain in the ass and I can imagine her behaving the same way. I am a fixer. I make suggestions. She has actually come right out and told me that she doesn't want anything fixed, she just wants to be listened to. I have difficulty with that especially since she usually sounds like she's wanting help. So when I can manage it, I just reflect back emotions, don't get caught up in all of the angst and drama, make noncommital sounds and let her rant. Make comments like "boy that must be frustrating". and "who knew that parking would be so bad?" and "you poor thing". Ok that last one is over the top.
I don't like getting yelled at or sworn at but my kid, smart as she is, doesn't handle emotions very well and her response to things is to blow up. Good luck!
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Aug 26, 2014 20:30:23 GMT
as someone who formerly met your description of your DD, I can only say that when I was in my 20s, I finally realized that she was usually right, and that she did only have my best interests at heart!! Hopefully you can hold out till then, lol! Unfortunately, while I was actually going through the stuff, I usually rebelled against anything that even remotely sounded like being told what to do, even if it was just meant as an innocent suggestion on her part...
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Post by gar on Aug 26, 2014 20:37:16 GMT
I'm sorry, but "venting" does not mean berating the person you're venting to. And just because someone wants to "vent" doesn't make me obligated to listen to unacceptable language and comments by the person, to and about me. I would not tolerate it from anyone, let alone my child. In fact, ''hang up" and "don't answer" is the same advise I give my clients; just because someone wants to talk to you doesn't mean you must listen and accept whatever abuse they throw. Hanging up is not childish. It's a way of setting your boundaries about the type of communication you're willing to engage in. You know, there is something substantial to hearing the person and not the words they are speaking. Clearly, OP's DD was frustrated and desperate. Seems to me she needed a caring word from someone whom she knows loves her no matter what...that doesn't mean you sit there and take abuse, but when you can slow down and listen to what's not being said... "Mom, I'm so upset right now! Tell me it will be alright!" If that unspoken plea is answered with a "You will NOT speak to me like that!" *click*, I think that is pretty harsh. I've been getting a lot of hard lessons about not taking what's being said personally, I've been learning how to listen to the things not being said and it is hard. It's just another POV, take it for what it's worth. Spot on. Absolutely spot on. |
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emilymom
Shy Member
Posts: 20
Aug 24, 2014 20:32:42 GMT
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Post by emilymom on Aug 26, 2014 21:03:46 GMT
"I'm sure you will figure it out honey, love you...gotta go". Click  |
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927 
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Post by freebird on Aug 26, 2014 21:44:32 GMT
My response to mouthy kids was "who the hell do you think you're talking to?"
I'm not very tolerant of being talked to like trash and I generally don't engage unless to make them listen and then declare the conversation is over.
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Post by farmdpea on Aug 26, 2014 22:09:59 GMT
Oh, goodness, I was that kid. She is overwhelmed and you are the only one she can "unload" on at that moment. Sorry mom! She will learn better behavior when she is older!
(Didn't read any responses yet so sorry if that's a repeat!)
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Post by Florida Cindy on Aug 26, 2014 22:54:30 GMT
I would have told her when she can speak to me appropriately, I will talk to her. I'd wait a moment for an appropriate response. (No whining, anger, anything not appropriate.) No appropriate response? Then, I'd hang up.
When she calls back and speaks to me appropriately, I'd ask her how she was going to rectify the situation. Then, I'd listen. I would not tell her what to do. If YOU want to validate her feelings while she is appropriate, then mirror her words. If she begins to whine, get angry or engage in inappropriate conversation, I'd hang up on her again. After a while, she'll get it.
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,692
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Aug 27, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
I'm going to go out on a limb and guess that if this was how the original conversation went the OP wouldn't be on here upset because her daughter was treating her like an idiot and disrespecting her.
I'm all about trying to see what they mean despite the words they're saying but i'm also going to make sure I equip my kids to take the responsibility to treat people with respect and decency. They can't expect to just walk all over people saying whatever they want and then get bent out of shape because they weren't understood clearly because they chose poor words.
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Post by freecharlie on Aug 27, 2014 3:53:06 GMT
I've been the one bitching about a parking space to my mother. The difference is, I wasn't being rude to her or talking like she was stupid, but venting. There is a difference. I could see her being pissed at herself though and just being snippy.
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