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Post by snappinsami on Aug 26, 2014 21:18:49 GMT
Well, it's not quite the wonderful, happy start to the school year that I'd hoped for. DD texted me at lunch, from inside the bathroom, to say, "I hate it here." New city, new school, she knows nobody, and feels that everyone already has a group of friends. She's really very shy around new people - especially kids - and has anxiety issues on top of it. I just worry that she'll refuse to go to school because of it - like she did in 5th grade (although that wasn't friend-related). Suggesting that she try to get out there, join groups, etc., isn’t going to work this early in the process. Saying that I know it’ll get better over time (but that she has to give it time) is met with “How do you know?” I knew it wouldn’t be easy for her, but I’m just so sad thinking that she’s so unhappy.  |
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Post by Yoki on Aug 26, 2014 21:29:56 GMT
I'm sorry her first day is off to a rough start. That's hard for the both of you.
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Post by Dictionary on Aug 26, 2014 21:31:14 GMT
So sorry to hear you dd is having a rough go at it. HS is never easy. Other than perhaps joining a club or a sports team not sure how one goes about meeting new friends.
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Judy26
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Post by Judy26 on Aug 26, 2014 21:37:49 GMT
I highly recommend contacting the guidance counselor he or she can introduce you daughter to students with similar interests without calling attention to your DD. you may be surprised at the resources available to help students in just this situation. I hope her transition goes more smoothly over the next few days.
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Post by Barbie on Aug 26, 2014 21:42:23 GMT
Ugh. I'm sorry. We went through this last year with my stepdaughter. Her mother got remarried and moved from TN to GA. So since she had to move and change schools anyway, she moved to MN with her dad and me. She was a high school junior. She's shy, socially a bit awkward, and has anxiety. It took a couple of months for her to really make friends, but she's reasonably happy here now. She's had a couple of boyfriends, she's got good friends who sleep over, and she even went to California with one of them this summer. No one can promise her it will get better, but chances are it will.
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Post by LAM88 on Aug 26, 2014 21:43:13 GMT
I highly recommend contacting the guidance counselor he or she can introduce you daughter to students with similar interests without calling attention to your DD. you may be surprised at the resources available to help students in just this situation. I hope her transition goes more smoothly over the next few days. Excellent suggestion! I never would have thought of that. Just a thought...are there any girls in your neighborhood that you can maybe help break the ice with by inviting them over for pizza or a cook out or maybe to the movies? |
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luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by luvnlifelady on Aug 26, 2014 21:46:54 GMT
Hi Sam-sorry to read that your daughter didn't have a good first day. It's so hard to be the new kid. My DD did refuse to go to school some last year even with kids she knew so I know that's a very real concern. I hope some tips to contact the guidance counselor may help or maybe there's a peer group support on campus too (there was one for my DD when she was having issues on campus). I hope the week gets better. (HUGS) It's so hard to watch our kids struggle.
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Post by Basket1lady on Aug 26, 2014 23:31:19 GMT
I highly recommend contacting the guidance counselor he or she can introduce you daughter to students with similar interests without calling attention to your DD. you may be surprised at the resources available to help students in just this situation. I hope her transition goes more smoothly over the next few days. I was going to suggest this as well. I think it would work better in a smaller school than a larger school, but for us this was a good solution. DS has Asperger's, but can easily "pass" for neurotypical. We're a military family and before school started, I contacted both the VP and the counselor and told them I had a kid who was easily bullied and had trouble making friends. The counselor was wonderful and took charge of the situation. That first day she took him to one of the lunch tables, said this is John, Sam and Joey. You can sit here every day. Be sure to look for them at the assembly. Best of all, she worked with him over the year to not be so much of a victim. To recognize peers (and not just want to hang with the popular kids), and to work with kids who were bugging him so that he wasn't so much of a target. It worked really well. |
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Post by maryland on Aug 26, 2014 23:35:56 GMT
At our school, so many kids move in and out of the district all the time. They do have a "buddy" system. The students that want to be a buddy sign up at the end of the school year to be a buddy for a new student. It's nice because the new kids have "assigned" boys and girls to show them around, eat lunch with, etc. It's nice because it's so hard to be a new kid.
And I will say that my daughters (sophomore and senior) tell me that most kids flock to the new kids and try to befriend them. I am so happy that they try to make the new kids feel at home. I hope some nice girls and boys introduce themselves to your daughter and help her get to know her new school! It's always so hard at the beginning of the year for everyone, especially if you are new to the school.
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Post by epeanymous on Aug 26, 2014 23:38:20 GMT
I hope things look up for her. I think almost everyone's high school experience gets better than the first day, but it has to be extra hard to be starting in a new place. I admit I was jealous of the new kids in high school because they always seemed so mysterious and were sought after because we had all been going to school together forever, but I never thought about what it would be like to be one of those kids, and I am sure the experience wasn't like that and didn't feel like that for all of them or maybe any of them.
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scrappinmama
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Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Aug 26, 2014 23:39:48 GMT
I'm sorry your dd is having a hard time. I don't have an answer for you, other than to continue to be supportive. I do like the guidance counselor suggestion.
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Post by snappinsami on Aug 27, 2014 0:10:57 GMT
Thanks, everyone. When she got home, she was in a decent mood, but I could tell (from her eyelashes being clumped together - only a mama would notice) she'd been crying, probably at lunch. The good news is that it sounds like her classes and teachers were good. She met one girl who is in four of her classes. This girl is new also - having spent the last few years at boarding school in Florida - and although she's on the golf team and knows those girls, I suggested that DD try to foster a friendship there. At least it's somebody.
A friend of mine had suggested emailing DD's counselor. I mentioned it to DD, and she was horrified. So I think I'll give it some time to see if things get better before going that route.
I really do think things will get better. It'll just take time. My fingers are crossed that our mornings don't become anxiety-ridden battles like they were a few years ago. Hopefully not...
As usual, though, the Peas have a way of making me feel better. So thanks again!
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Shel
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Jul 16, 2014 0:32:12 GMT
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Post by Shel on Aug 27, 2014 0:25:39 GMT
I'm so so sorry! That is the pits. I went through this with my oldest DD as we moved to a new town right before her 8th grade year. It was really hard. I cried everyday and prayed even harder. She is also shy around people. She would come home and I would ask if she sat with anyone at lunch and my heart would break when she said no. It was a really tough transition.
I will tell you that things turned around for her fairly quickly....she ended up meeting up with a girl who was also new to the area and it started from there. By the end of the first quarter she had a good size group of friends and continues to do well. All the best to you and your daughter. I know it's not easy and I know you feel helpless as the parent. Good luck!!
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Post by Jennifer C on Aug 27, 2014 1:08:42 GMT
Hugs to you Mama because I know that it hurts your heart.
My dd went through this the last time we moved. She hated the school, the kids and she hated that she was the only one without the Texas accent.
You know, you have been there. I just wanted to send you a hug and send the best for your dd.
Jennifer
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eastcoastpea
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Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Aug 27, 2014 2:04:35 GMT
I understand how you feel. Hugs for both of you.
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tiffanytwisted
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Post by tiffanytwisted on Aug 27, 2014 2:37:00 GMT
No advice (but you did get some good stuff here!), but lots of hugs for you & your daughter.
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Post by smokey2471 on Aug 27, 2014 2:41:57 GMT
No advice just (((hugs))) for you and DD
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 27, 2014 2:43:29 GMT
My boys never moved, but did go to a different junior high than all of their friends. They played sports, slowly met people that already had friends, and did survive. It will get better. As the mom you gotta be her cheerleader and not buy into her unhappiness. She's the one who can change it. I am a teacher and see this all of the time. Those kids that think they will never have another friend are always wrong. It just seems that way because it is hard at first.
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Deleted
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Oct 10, 2024 20:29:44 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 27, 2014 2:43:44 GMT
She's got to get out of the bathroom and find a way to plug in. Is there anyone else sitting in the cafeteria alone? Certainly, as she begins talking to other kids in her classes, she'll make friends.
I'm glad to see so many suggest contacting the guidance counselor. It did literally make me LOL to read the suggestion, but clearly with so many people suggesting it, it must be a good idea. Not in our school though. Our guidance counselors are pretty useless. The only thing they've ever done for my kids is process a random schedule change a time or two...and that wasn't usually without great turmoil, many visits to the guidance office etc.
Maybe it's the size of the school...or maybe we just have sucky guidance counselors. I've had 2 kids graduate from this high school, 3rd one is a sophomore...so I have many years of trying to see something good in this team. Nope. No can do.
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Post by nesser01 on Aug 27, 2014 3:23:11 GMT
I highly recommend contacting the guidance counselor he or she can introduce you daughter to students with similar interests without calling attention to your DD. you may be surprised at the resources available to help students in just this situation. I hope her transition goes more smoothly over the next few days. This is great advice. My mother did the same for me when I was in middle school. I wasn't a new student but I always struggled with making friends. The counselor I had was great. I met with her once a week to tlak. There were even a few clubs i was interested in and she joined me (sitting on the sidelines) for the first few days, until I was comfortable. At 30 I still struggle with this somewhat but I've learned to just put myself out there and be comfortable in my own skin. One of the things I do to this day to help my anxiety is I keep a notebook with me. Whenever I'm encountering something that is making me anxious I jot it down. I write what I think is going to happen if I do whatever it is. Then I force myself to do it. After, I write down what the outcome was. So far the outcome has never turned out as bad as I had imagined. Most of the time actually, it's turned into a positive thing. It's great to see my fears in writing because if I ever get anxious about a similar situation again, I can flip back and say "Hey, wait a minute, It's not That bad." I hope things get better for you daughter. |
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weaser714
Junior Member
Posts: 67
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Post by weaser714 on Aug 27, 2014 3:34:43 GMT
This could totally be my post about my dd - new school, new state, very shy. She was so anxious about going to a school twice as big as her last one. Unfortunately this is not her first time being the new kid. It usually takes her several months to find a new friend and start hanging out with her, but it does happen. I tiold her to be patient and try to be friendly. Hope both our girls find a new friend soon!
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Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by Dani-Mani on Aug 27, 2014 3:39:09 GMT
Guidance counselors in HS mostly do scheduling and are crazy busy the first few weeks of classes. Have her speak with the psychologist or social worker instead.
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Post by scrapmaven on Aug 27, 2014 3:42:03 GMT
Who is in charge of buddies at school? I know that seniors are often freshman buddies, so they might have a program for new student from other schools/cities buddies, too. She needs to find just one person w/whom she can bond and then she'll open up more. It's daunting to be the new person and she needs to find someone who can help her to find her niche.
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Post by bc2ca on Aug 27, 2014 4:00:28 GMT
I'd make an appointment and go talk to the counselor just to find out what, if any, programs they have to help new kids find a place.
I have a shy, anxious kid that had a terrible transition with our last move. After a month at the new school, I asked her to give me the name of one kid in the class she wanted to be a friend. I wrote the mom a note saying we were new and that I'd love to get the girls together. Long story short, the girls are great friends and the mom has become one of my BFFs.
I know your daughter would be horrified, but maybe giving her a deadline to approach someone will getting her looking at classmates from a different perspective. Kind of "who do I want to be friends with" insteading of "no one wants to be friends with me".
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