Question about dementia...

I wish you luck. I'm sorry I don't have answers, but I just went through this with my mother. She refused to eat, wouldn't leave her room or do the rehab and then wondered why she was in a "long term care facility" ...we never used the term nursing home because it got her riled up. She started saying they were spying on her and trying to get her money. Being rational did not work, only made her think I was in cahoots and against her. The only thing I can say is stay calm, bite your tongue, try to gently point out that she was not outside all night, and if all else fails there's the "I'm so sorry that happened. I'll talk to the nurse about it." You might want to tell the staff so they can document it. The older folks can be tricky. My mom had my cousins convinced that I was ignoring her when I had her in assisted living near me and that no one ever checked on her (me or staff). Few weeks later they called me to say she was really paranoid and everything I had said she'd try or would do was true.

My journey sounds very similar to yours, she was in hospital for CHF, then rehab, then tried to get her to stay, but cousins "broke her out". We tried assisted living and then someone staying with her in her home, but it was too much. She always said she never wanted to go to a nursing home but she refused to help herself, do exercises, eat right etc. so she finally had to go somewhere that could take care of her needs. I suspect she also had some type of cancer because within 6 weeks she was on hospice and then a week later passed away.

It's a difficult thing for them and for you.

i don't think you can convince them otherwise because their minds are different now. i have a neighbor who repeats himself a million times. his wife tries to correct him and tell him something didn't happen or something doesn't exist. i just smile and give him the answer he wants to hear. it makes him happy and there is no point in arguing with someone who will forget the correct answer anyway. his wife corrects him because she is struggling with accepting the dementia. i think if she thinks she can convince him of the truth or accuracy, he can be "normal" old self again and not slip into the dementia. it makes me sad.

HUGS!! We went through this with MIL esepecially after she had her last stroke. A lot of the time we just didn't argue with her. We would just let her tell us whatever was happeneing and just try to assure her she was okay. She was starting to get the dementia but more of its from so many seizueres and epiliepsy meds and  other health issues. she had not much memory left except who we were. She would tell a lot of the same stories over and over again. We actually got her journal and she started to write stuff down. She would also make lists. Her favorite was to list all the states.In order. I was always impressed!lol!  For Christmas I got her a bunch of search and find words searches. She loved those because she could keep her brain active and simple. I'd get her the big ones so the words were really big.
she also refused to eat for a while. I can't remember why now. I think it was more something with the packs they were giving her because of the stroke, we had to find things she could eat with. Because she lost some of her ability to swallow. I think it was more just a comfort issue for her.
I was also gonna ask ya about the UTI because MIL would get them frequently too. It seemed to make her more irratable. She also didn't like to tell us because she was embarrased, even though we knew stuff was going on. We had to ask her all the time about how she was functioning etc.. that was at the very end. i do also remember she didn't like her door open especially at night because she could hear other patients yelling or screaming for whatever reason and that really freaked her out but because she seizure pron she had to have it at least cracked. She hated the idea of being in home as well. So we just called it rehab. 

A UTI could be the reason, especially if she has recently been catheterized. Otherwise, it is tough to figure out a way to help her settle in. Her doctor could order her a very mild anti-anxiety med to her relax. I'm don't know how often someone is visiting her. If someone could spend the entire day with her, from breakfast to dinner, to help her understand what is going on and kind of sidetrack her mind from everything be bad or evil. The other thing they suggested to newcomer families at the facility my dad was at is to visit less so she doesn't have an audience for her behavior until she feels more comfortable with the staff.

As you can tell, it's a crap shoot. What works for one might not work for another. Usually there are many fun activities throughout the day if she can get interested in any of those. I hope she adapts quickly. It's rough on everyone.

Go along with the delusions/hallucinations as much as possible. No point in telling her it didn't happen because in her mind/condition it DID happen. What harm by saying that it WAS an awful experience to be left outside, and that you will speak to someone? Trying to jerk her back into reality won't happen and won't work....just go with the flow. Each day will be different from the day before.

FWIW, my friend in her late 80s became confused etc. after 2 surgeries last Fall. Today she has her mind back and is moving out of a memory care facility.

I highly recommend the book, "The 36 Hour Day". It's a guidebook for caretakers of dementia patients. It's a complicated disease and very difficult on the family. I'm sorry that your grandma has dementia.

  This. My grandma would tell my dad that sister trip to suffocate her, tell her daughter's my dad was trying e to kill her, etc. We thought she had dementia but it turns out it was the side effects of a UTI.

most nursing homes have a sub-acute wing IN their SNFs. this is not a long term nursing home stay. It's a part of the nursing home. Insurance will pay for a rehab stay in that unit, if they qualify. Some people go to acute rehab units, which are usually in a hospital setting, but again, a separate unit, and involve more intensive therapy. The difference is that the sub-acute Nursing home stays are usually less intensive, and less restrictive. the acute care units are highly intensive, require 3 hrs of therapy a day, require certain diagnosis, and certain restrictions.

Communication guidelines


And as someone stated earlier...have her checked for UTI. UTI's in an elderly person can present as though they have dementia. The chemical imbalance can cause confusion and disorientation.

UTI is a possibility, if she has had any type of sedation/anaesthesia that can exacerbate existing issues, any psychotropic medication needs to be used carefully with someone who is elderly, the effects can be longer-lasting / more damaging in an older adult. Also check for any anticholinergic drug effects occurring. Here"'s an article and a list www.drugs.com/article/anticholinergic-drugs-elderly.html

 yup that's why we didn't call it that. I think it does help them call something else. something they can agree too. For rehab it worked for MIL it helped do what she was supposed to sometimes because she didn't have to think about staying.

Nursing homes are very difficult places to be in. There are a lot of different people coming in and out of a patient's room who do not co-ordinate very well at all with all of the different medical personnel who may be treating the patient.

Even people without dementia can get very disoriented in these facilities. Someone who has dementia has lost the ability to consistently make sense out of what's happening to them in general. Just imagine how overwhelming it must be to try to make sense out of this chaotic environment.

Personally, I don't argue with someone who has dementia. I don't remind them that their spouse died. I don't tell them that their fears are unjustified. I'll listen and nod and change the subject to something that cheers them up as quickly as possible.

The brain has a remarkable ability to retain the memory of music after other memories have gone. If you know what her favorite music has been, setting it up for her to listen to on an ipod, ipad, tape recorder... whatever you have available... could very well help settle her into a happier mood pretty quickly. It may fall to you or someone in your family to actually play the music for her. Don't count on anyone who works at the home to do it.

One thing you need to be aware of: all too often these facilities are more concerned with keeping their rate of falls among patients low than they are with making sure their patients get the correct care. Dr.'s orders may be ignored completely. Incorrect medications may be administered to the patient's detriment. Dehydration is an extremely dangerous and common problem that you need to be on guard for because it can create such havoc in an elderly body that they simply can not recover from it.

Unfortunately, I know this first hand. :-(

we had an in-law whose father went to live in a wonderful senior community. there he met a lovely woman and they became a couple. she would come to his apartment everyday. at some point, she developed dementia. a few years later he died. in the beginning, when she would go to his apartment, they would remind her that he died. it was very upsetting to her but she would forget and just come back the next day. after a short while, they just told her he was out at the moment and he would see her later. that kept her calm and happy. it was a sad situation but it wasn't made worse by them trying to convince her otherwise.