what do you think re: transgendered child

I would feel it appropriate to ask the parents how they are choosing to help the child assimilate into his preferred gender and what their rules are. I think this is a great learning opportunity for everyone.

That being said, I had a male best friend at that age. We did sleep overs until about 10 and then lost interest in that as we started to really explore our girly/male sides and chose other friends to have that activity with. I was not interested in the "boy" games he was starting to focus on and I wanted to do nail polish and makeovers. We had never acted in any sexual or experimental way towards each other. Just because you are of the opposite sex doesn't mean there's hanky panky, as you well know.

Larry will need all the friend's he can get. Changing that dynamic of their relationship will be hurtful. I would be okay with it.

I would permit it. Larry is the same person that he was when he was living as Lisa and he was permitted to stay over then. This is "simply" the start of an important external transition. Nothing is really changing about who he is - his outsides are just beginning to match what's always been inside.

However, I would talk to your daughter about not talking about him spending the night at school, in order to avoid any awkward discussions about why he can sleep over but other boys can't, etc..

I would consider revisiting this as they age, but now... I would continue to allow sleepovers. 

I think this is appropriate because of their ages.  She's 13. That's when it's great to have a best guy friend but not for sleepovers. If they were younger,  say 8 or 9, my answer would be different.  There are still lots of fun activities they can do together.  

Very interesting food for thought...I'd be really torn on this one. I would hate for Larry to lose a friend, but if Larry is now a boy, I'm not sure sleepovers are appropriate anymore given your rules.
Though if I was your DD, I'd be lying if I didn't admit that I'm not sure I'd still want sleepovers with Larry. It changes things, you know? Larry is still Lisa inside, though, so.... ? ?

I'd consider both of the above and also talk to my DD and find out what she thinks and consider that in going forward. Your DD and friends may have already discussed this and have sorted in their minds how it should be handled. She might just consider it a "done deal" because of the "no boys" rule.

If it is group sleepovers, you need to think about whether other parents would object to Larry being allowed to sleep over still. 

Good for you being proactive on this. Way better than having to make a quick decision when the situation comes up.

This is a tough one. Since Larry identifies as a boy and sexuality at 13 is a factor, I would have concerns.

OP I assume that your daughter remains committed to her friendship with Larry.

My son is in college and visit with his girlfriend and our rules are that they sleep in separate bedrooms. Maybe you could find some middle ground and allow sleepovers with certain ground rules.

There's also no guarantee he's identifying as a hetero male, identifying as male does not equate to being sexually interested in girls.   

Ultimately I agree, no boys, no boys!

That said, I would have a conversation with my DD, and then possible a conversation with Larry's parents. Make a plan that everyone is agreeable to and you are OK with.

I guess for me, I know that sexual experimentation can occur between girls during sleepovers too. So this is not a scenario that makes me go omg no. I don't immediately assume something about a child who is dealing with gender identity that I wouldn't assume about any other young person my daughter was friends with.

I think I would be more inclined to take the time to have the frank conversations about this stuff. What does it mean that Lisa is Larry now? What do you do if something is happening you don't feel comfortable with? How do you get your questions answered about sex and identity?

And I would probably let sleepovers continue with careful guidance and a bit of oversight. This is not one I can come up with a hard and fast rule for, because it's mostly uncharted territory for most of us. I would let their friendship progress fairly naturally and see how things go - but keep the conversation open.

I think this is the way to go.  I bet they would appreciate you approaching them with no judgment, just to gather an understanding.

I just don't get why you wouldn't reach out to the parents as ASK!  YOU may be ok with sleepovers, maybe they are NOT.  He is THEIR child.  Why do you think it's ok for YOU to make the rules and judgment.  Maybe they wish to NOT have him sleep over.  Then you say c'mon over...feelings get hurt and there's more issues to deal with.  Take your cues from them.  Reaching out to them will also let them know that you care for their child and are supportive of this journey.  I'm sure they would welcome the support, right?