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Post by spitfiregirl on Aug 28, 2014 4:10:22 GMT
I wouldn't go. It would be easier just to stay home.
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Post by gryroagain on Aug 28, 2014 4:31:26 GMT
We had sort of the same situation, but a funeral, when mine was about the same age. Dhs mother got a babysitter in the tiny town the funeral was in, but when I went to bring DD I just couldn't do it- the situation seemed really iffy and DD was crying, etc. So I took her to the hotel and dh went alone. Personally, she could have gone, IMO, but as MIL made sitter plans I felt she weren't welcome (she was 2) so I stayed back. Dh was a bit annoyed at first, swore his mom wouldn't pick a bad sitter, etc, which I'm sure is true, but I wasn't comfortable with it and it was better to just stay back. We did go to the reception they had a church after the funeral and graveside.
Having kids changes things, so if you have to send dh and stay back, it is what it is. Don't feel guilty.
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peppermintpatty
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1345
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Jun 26, 2014 17:47:08 GMT
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Post by peppermintpatty on Aug 28, 2014 12:38:18 GMT
I would not go. With the added info, it sounds like NO one is willing to help you out but they all expect you to go. That would piss me off to no end. I would politely tell dh to go and you will stay home unless HE can figure out a solution. You have done what you can and no one is willing to help.
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Post by katlaw on Aug 28, 2014 12:44:41 GMT
I would not go to the wedding. I would travel with DH to the hotel and hang out with the kids and miss the actual wedding instead of getting a stranger to babysit. That really seems to be the only option left available and I would not chose it for children that young.
It is a family wedding. His parents can see the kids another time more appropriate.
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paigepea
Drama Llama
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Posts: 5,609
Location: BC, Canada
Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Aug 28, 2014 12:57:10 GMT
Is this where Dh grew up? Does he not know / trust anyone who can babysit on his mom's side of the family? Does the au pair not have a friend. I'd try to find a family friend adult or friend of the au pair who could stay at MILs until the kids are in bed. I also wouldn't worry about the brother and niece's influence for one night, it's not like they're rearing your kids for life.
If that wasn't good, and I couldn't afford to take a sitter or my mother from home, I'd probably let Dh go to the wedding while i stayed with the kids with MIL or other extended family an hour away from the wedding - only because i probably wouldn't let the tickets I've already purchased go to waste so I'd take the kids to see at least MIL who isn't involved with the wedding.
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Post by monklady123 on Aug 28, 2014 12:59:29 GMT
I've been through this twice. Once my ds was maybe 4 months or so (I forget exactly, but he wasn't crawling yet), but fortunately the wedding was in Pittsburgh where my parents live. So we stayed with them, left ds with my mom, and went to the wedding. The second time was dh's brother, getting married in upstate New York where most of the family lives. Ds was somewhere between 2 and 3 at that time. Walking, and fast. Another brother had young children also but they stayed with the wife's parents. The parents did not offer to take ds too, and dh didn't ask. Instead he asked a high school friend of his who by that time had four kids of her own. We happened to be up there that summer several months before the wedding. We visited this friend and I think that's when dh asked her if she'd watch ds during the wedding. She said sure, she'd love to. However... four kids of her own, oldest about 8 or so, then going down from there in two-year increments. Several dogs. Lots of yard outside, unfenced, with a creek running down the backside. Um, no. I was NOT comfortable leaving my ds with someone I didn't know, whose house was chaos, with an open creek out back. My ds was one of those kids who could be sitting quietly playing with something and then you'd blink and he'd be up the curtains or in the knife drawer. Seriously, he was fast. Dh couldn't come up with any other option so I just stayed home. I think I took some flack for that, behind my back anyway. But oh well, I didn't care and I didn't have to live too close to any of these people anyway (Northern VA and upstate NY are far enough that you don't just drop in for the day, lol). Not sure either of those stories help you OP, though, since you said your dh is opposed to you staying home. But I think that if people are going to say no kids at a wedding (which is their right to do, of course) but still are going to invite people from out of town who have young children, then they ought to help them figure out childcare. A friend of mine hired two women from the church where she got married to provide childcare in the church's nursery/Sunday school rooms for during the ceremony. She said they were welcome at the reception, she just didn't want any kid noises during the actual ceremony. That worked well because people from out of town weren't as hesitant to leave their kids since they were right there in the church.
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Post by bianca42 on Aug 28, 2014 13:10:06 GMT
We had sort of the same situation, but a funeral, when mine was about the same age. Dhs mother got a babysitter in the tiny town the funeral was in, but when I went to bring DD I just couldn't do it- the situation seemed really iffy and DD was crying, etc. So I took her to the hotel and dh went alone. Personally, she could have gone, IMO, but as MIL made sitter plans I felt she weren't welcome (she was 2) so I stayed back. Dh was a bit annoyed at first, swore his mom wouldn't pick a bad sitter, etc, which I'm sure is true, but I wasn't comfortable with it and it was better to just stay back. We did go to the reception they had a church after the funeral and graveside. Having kids changes things, so if you have to send dh and stay back, it is what it is. Don't feel guilty. We did this for a funeral when DS1 was little. We all traveled to see his family, but I stayed in the hotel with DS during the actual funeral.
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Post by pretzels on Aug 28, 2014 13:50:32 GMT
I'd stay home and DH would go. I also wouldn't reserve a hotel room for a wedding that's an hour away from where I live.
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Post by tuva42 on Aug 28, 2014 13:53:33 GMT
Since your DH is unwilling to make any concessions, I say you drop the problem squarely in his lap. He wants to go? He wants his kids along? HE can find care for them.
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Post by maryland on Aug 28, 2014 14:09:36 GMT
If the reception is at the hotel, could you use a babysitter from a hotel service? I would think he/she would have lots of background checks for this job. Then you could check on the kids on and off during the reception.
Hard situation to figure out, but it sounds like it's important to your husband, so I would go and try to figure something out to make him happy. Out of town weddings are so hard! And expenssive when you have to travel, get a hotel, pay for meals out, etc. I don't enjoy weddings because of stuff like this (we are also out of town from friends/family).
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Post by delilahtwo on Aug 28, 2014 15:24:31 GMT
I would not go to the wedding. I would travel with DH to the hotel and hang out with the kids and miss the actual wedding instead of getting a stranger to babysit. That really seems to be the only option left available and I would not chose it for children that young. It is a family wedding. His parents can see the kids another time more appropriate. Actually, it's not a family wedding. It is a wedding of a family member but not a family wedding. If it was, families would be invited, not just couples. I'm sorry but I certainly would not leave my kids at the hotel with a baby sitting service or some stranger who may come highly recommended. No way. For you to travel all that way to just stay in the hotel with the kids so that their grandparents can see them.....um no. Stay home. Stick to your guns. People forget what it's like to travel with kids and to work out child care especially if the kids aren't welcome some places. Send your husband. It's all good. Will it matter in a year?
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Post by Susie_Homemaker on Aug 28, 2014 15:39:10 GMT
Does the au pair know another au pair who could watch your kids? Do you get an au pair through a service? If so, maybe contact them.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 28, 2014 16:07:28 GMT
I would not go to the wedding. I would travel with DH to the hotel and hang out with the kids and miss the actual wedding instead of getting a stranger to babysit. That really seems to be the only option left available and I would not chose it for children that young. It is a family wedding. His parents can see the kids another time more appropriate. Actually, it's not a family wedding. It is a wedding of a family member but not a family wedding. If it was, families would be invited, not just couples. I'm sorry but I certainly would not leave my kids at the hotel with a baby sitting service or some stranger who may come highly recommended. No way. For you to travel all that way to just stay in the hotel with the kids so that their grandparents can see them.....um no. Stay home. Stick to your guns. People forget what it's like to travel with kids and to work out child care especially if the kids aren't welcome some places. Send your husband. It's all good. Will it matter in a year? I have a totally different attitude. Grandparents seeing their grandkids is a big deal - particularly if they live so far apart a plane ride is required. I find it impossible to believe that this town where the husband grew up and his extended family lives there isn't a single person appropriate to babysit for a few hours on a Saturday afternoon. We chose to live far from family, so we've always had to make more of an effort. But family relationships are extremely important to us - probably as we've known first hand how quickly life can change and the loved ones we take for granted are no longer with us.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Aug 28, 2014 16:12:50 GMT
We are attending an out-of-town wedding soon, and have hired a nanny agency to come to the hotel during the wedding.
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Post by cade387 on Aug 28, 2014 16:42:45 GMT
Grandparents seeing their grandkids is a big deal - particularly if they live so far apart a plane ride is required. I find it impossible to believe that this town where the husband grew up and his extended family lives there isn't a single person appropriate to babysit for a few hours on a Saturday afternoon. I understand what you are saying but it isn't just a few hours. It would be at a minimum from 10:30am on Saturday until we leave the reception. In their family folks all stay until the end so that would be 11pm and then we would have a 1.5 hour drive home, so picking the kids up at 1:30am, otherwise we stay at a hotel near the reception and then drive back in the morning. Either way it is more than a couple of hours. I'm asking him what he wants to do. He will call the family with the au pair and see what options we might have but he agrees that 6 kids with one 9mos is too much. He also would have the talk with his mother that she isn't capable to have a kid in her house under her care and he would want to bring a stranger in to help watch our kids. I'm leaving it up to him. But I'm thinking the best option is that I stay in the hotel. I will admit I'm ticked to be wasting two vacation days on this if we aren't going to be included in the events we were told we would be prior to booking the tickets. live and learn I guess.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 28, 2014 17:02:36 GMT
I understand what you are saying but it isn't just a few hours. It would be at a minimum from 10:30am on Saturday until we leave the reception. In their family folks all stay until the end so that would be 11pm and then we would have a 1.5 hour drive home, so picking the kids up at 1:30am, otherwise we stay at a hotel near the reception and then drive back in the morning. Either way it is more than a couple of hours. I'm asking him what he wants to do. He will call the family with the au pair and see what options we might have but he agrees that 6 kids with one 9mos is too much. He also would have the talk with his mother that she isn't capable to have a kid in her house under her care and he would want to bring a stranger in to help watch our kids. I'm leaving it up to him. But I'm thinking the best option is that I stay in the hotel. I will admit I'm ticked to be wasting two vacation days on this if we aren't going to be included in the events we were told we would be prior to booking the tickets. live and learn I guess. You said earlier that everyone was staying in a hotel Saturday night. The wedding is on Saturday at 1 - have a sitter AT the hotel for a few hours during the wedding and reception. While you could stay the the reception longer, that would certainly not be required. For us it would depend on how easy our kids are with a sitter, and my comfort level with what is arranged. If it wasn't ideal, or during the phase when my daughter was a bit challenging with strangers - I would make a minimal appearance at the wedding and head back to the hotel when I thought appropriate. My husband could stay longer or join us - whichever he preferred.
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Post by stingfan on Aug 28, 2014 17:25:48 GMT
Is there someone mil knows that could come to her place and help watch all the kids? Like a friend or neighbor or friend's daughter, etc. I'm thinking maybe you mil has a friend whose daughter or granddaughter would be willing to come over and be hired to help with the kids for the day. Your kids could sleep at mil's and you could pick them up first thing in the morning so they wouldn't have to be disturbed at 1am.
That way it wouldn't be a stranger to her.
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