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Post by SweetieBugs on Aug 29, 2014 16:19:11 GMT
My DH told his sister we would come down for lunch on Monday (without consulting any of us of course). The ulterior motive to this visit (his sister's motive) is that she wants my DH to work on her computer. She also wants to go to some wineries (because her parents will be visiting as well as she knows her mom will pay for whatever she wants to buy) even though she knows we don't enjoy that.
Anyway, my DH got mad when I said that the kids didn't have to go if they didn't want to. They are 18 (first year of college) and 16 1/2. I feel they are old enough to decide for themselves on these type of visits. It's not like they want to skip out on Thanksgiving or Christmas for heavens sake.
We had to "discuss" this for quite a while before DH came around to my thinking. He did admit that it would probably take at least 4 hours to work on the computer so we would just be sitting there on the couch small talking for who knows how long (SIL does not have any kids at home so it would just be her and MIL and FIL).
Would this be a no-brainer for you or do you think your teens should still do whatever the family is doing??
ETA: SIL lives about 75 minutes away and IL's live 2 hours away. The kids and DH usually spend a few weekends a year at IL's house plus we see everyone at least 3 to 5 times a year for other family gatherings.
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Post by cakediva on Aug 29, 2014 16:20:38 GMT
Nope - I'd have left my kids at home too!
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Post by myshelly on Aug 29, 2014 16:22:23 GMT
I would absolutely leave the teens at home.
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Post by missysauter on Aug 29, 2014 16:22:40 GMT
I'm with you too. Mine are 18 and 13 and I would have let them stay home too.
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Kerri W
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,790
Location: Kentucky
Jun 25, 2014 20:31:44 GMT
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Post by Kerri W on Aug 29, 2014 16:24:32 GMT
I would be comfortable with my kids making the decision whether or not they wanted to go. You mentioned your ILs will also be visiting...do your kids get the opportunity to see them often or do they live a long distance away where you would only see them once or twice a year? If that is the case, I would encourage my kids to go to see the grandparents.
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Post by sisterbdsq on Aug 29, 2014 16:24:33 GMT
I'm sure the kids would love to go to a winery and sit on a couch. My question, why would anyone go?
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Post by gar on Aug 29, 2014 16:25:29 GMT
If they're old enough to leave (as yours are) then they're old enough to choose.
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,411
Jun 27, 2014 12:39:18 GMT
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Post by amom23 on Aug 29, 2014 16:26:37 GMT
Oh for sure we'd leave the kids at home. What you have planned doesn't sound like a fun day for them.
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Post by mellowyellow on Aug 29, 2014 16:32:00 GMT
I would totally let my kids decide if they wanted to go. I have an 18 year old and a 13 year old.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Aug 29, 2014 16:41:27 GMT
I agree with you. They are way to old to be expected to be dragged around on tiresome family visits.
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akathy
What's For Dinner?
Still peaing from Podunk!
Posts: 4,546
Location: North Dakota
Jun 25, 2014 22:56:55 GMT
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Post by akathy on Aug 29, 2014 16:41:34 GMT
If they're old enough to leave (as yours are) then they're old enough to choose. i agree with Gar
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Post by Sam on Aug 29, 2014 16:43:38 GMT
With a day like that ahead I'd be tempted to let them stay and insist that I was needed to babysit them as well!
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Post by snappinsami on Aug 29, 2014 16:43:39 GMT
For family dinners, holidays, etc., I'd be more inclined to say the teens needed to be there. But for this kind of a visit, I'd let them stay home if they didn't want to go.
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grinningcat
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,663
Jun 26, 2014 13:06:35 GMT
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Post by grinningcat on Aug 29, 2014 16:43:55 GMT
As the teen, I would have made myself very busy with something that precluded my going on such a boring trip. They are definitely old enough to not be dragged from pillar to post on boring adult trips.
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Post by eebud on Aug 29, 2014 16:52:53 GMT
That type of visit and with how often they see their grandparents, I wouldn't do anything more than tell them our plans and tell them they are welcome to come if they want.
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Jili
Pearl Clutcher
SLPea
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Jun 26, 2014 1:26:48 GMT
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Post by Jili on Aug 29, 2014 16:54:46 GMT
For family dinners, holidays, etc., I'd be more inclined to say the teens needed to be there. But for this kind of a visit, I'd let them stay home if they didn't want to go. This is exactly my thought on the subject. I wouldn't think twice about letting them do their own thing for a visit such as you described.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 11, 2024 4:25:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2014 16:57:46 GMT
If they are old enough to be left home alone they are old enough to make the choice. Mine would have been making that choice around 13 -14 years old.
Aunt and grandparents have had a chance to foster a good relationship by that point so they kids know if it is "worth" their time/boredom to go or not.
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eastcoastpea
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,252
Jun 27, 2014 13:05:28 GMT
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Post by eastcoastpea on Aug 29, 2014 16:57:54 GMT
Let them stay home.
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Peal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,524
Jun 25, 2014 22:45:40 GMT
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Post by Peal on Aug 29, 2014 17:56:09 GMT
I'd let them stay and I would probably stay with them. Computer fixing visits always go longer than anticipated.
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Post by pmk on Aug 29, 2014 18:04:50 GMT
It's wrong that I'm thinking I would also be staying at home, isn't it?!
To answer the original question, yes, they're old enough to choose!
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Post by jemali on Aug 29, 2014 18:13:26 GMT
I would definitely let them choose if they wanted to go or not. At that age they probably have plenty of other things they would rather be doing. Or maybe they wouldn't mind coming along and seeing their grandparents and aunt. Either way, their choice.
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Post by leannec on Aug 29, 2014 18:13:41 GMT
I'd definitely leave the teens at home ... doesn't sound like much fun for them ...
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 11, 2024 4:25:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2014 18:42:12 GMT
The kids have been deciding for themselves for the past year when they'd like to opt out of visits. However, at 12 and 13, for a trip like that, they have to go. When they're 16 and older, I'd let them decide. By then, they'd probably have other plans or obligations.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Oct 11, 2024 4:25:30 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 29, 2014 18:57:32 GMT
I would not go either!
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Post by workingclassdog on Aug 29, 2014 19:00:18 GMT
Naw they wouldn't have to go. Typically they would be working anyways. About the time they are 15-16 I figured they can go when they want.. other than holidays or something special.. but if they have to work, they work instead.
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Post by bc2ca on Aug 29, 2014 19:09:01 GMT
My husband would automatically assume they were going and be genuinely surprised they didn't want to. He has hard time leaving them behind because he thinks they will be lonely and feel left out LOL. I think 13-14 is the age we starting letting them decide what they wanted to do.
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Post by Basket1lady on Aug 29, 2014 19:31:06 GMT
My teens would definitely want to stay home, and I would want to stay home, too!
My dad just doesn't get why my kids don't sit around a chit chat for hours. He insists that when his aunts and uncles were over, that they all sat in the formal living room and had a nice long chat. I think time has dimmed that memory. Dad has tons of cousins and tells great stories of all the mischief they used to get in to. They weren't sitting in the parlor, they were out in the woods blowing stuff up.
I would let the kids stay home and I might be sick that day, too.
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Post by Dori~Mama~Bear on Aug 29, 2014 19:41:27 GMT
My daughter has been going between her dad's house and my house for 20 years. We moved down to Southern Oregon 13 years ago. We are now 5 hours from both my family and her dad's family. Her dad moved to Hawaii 8 years ago. What I did when we moved down here was take her to her dad's house for the weekend and then I would go spend the weekend with my family. She was always allowed to say if she wanted to spend time with either families. After her dad moved to hawaii he had to buy the plane ticket for her to go there or he had to come to Oregon to see her. I never made her go to any family get together if she didn't want to. When she was young and we couldn't leave her home alone then she had to go but she usually went to her dad's or her grandma's house. but as she got older and she can drive she goes there on her own. She will go with me if I am going up there if she wants but she usually splits her time with my aunt and her grandma.
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Post by scrapsuzy on Aug 29, 2014 20:30:01 GMT
It was situational for us, and in this situation I would tell them they could come if they want to, but not expect them to want to be there.
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Post by craftsbycarolyn on Aug 29, 2014 20:43:27 GMT
I'd leave them at home...as a matter of fact, it doesn't sound like fun to me, either!
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