When will the guilt go away?

So sorry. It sucks even though you know it's the best place for him. I wish you peace.

Please know that you have done the right thing. My poor neighbor was not so lucky when she left her house at 9:30p.m. last winter (just after her son had left for work, thinking he had locked her in and that she'd be safe) and she was found in a freezing canal the next day. The worst part was that his siblings, who had refused to see that she should be cared for elsewhere, blamed him for her death.

So sorry for what you're having to deal with. {{{Hugs}}}

I can't tell you when the guilt will go away but you have made the right choice for him. I tell my kids that doing the right thing is very hard: that's when you know it's the correct decision. ((hugs)) Treat yourself gently and know that he will be getting the care and safety he needs.

I'm so sorry. I went through this exact thing when my mom had dementia. My dad had been trying to care for her but he was ready to have a stroke with all the stress.  I kept thinking, If only I could quit my job and care for her.  But we can't - and they wouldn't want us to do that. It's just so hard to see them in a facility. I remember driving away from the facility and wanting to drive my car into the tree, I was so wracked with guilt.

My kids hated it too at first, but eventually we all adjusted. We went to see her there very often.  She was receiving very good care - better than when she was at home, including little games and social events.  I hope this is your experience as well.  I had some ignorant relatives who tried to say that they would never put their mother in a facility. That hurt and still does, to some extent, when I think about it.  But your dad is no doubt safer, perhaps even therapy of some kind, and will very quickly adjust. You did exactly the right thing. BIG hugs to you.

My dh and his sister had to put their parents in a nursing home because their mother was not physically able to take care of their father, and both needed help with day to day care and they were not eating properly. Their mom for a while (and still at times) will run the guilt trip on both of them, but then she will have moments where she will admit she is glad she is where she is.

Once mil, dh, and sil realized that they were getting better care, and at times improving physically (fil started gaining weight for a while) and getting good meals (although not always to mil's liking) the guilt on dh's and sil's part diminished significantly. They now "shrug" off their mother's attempt at guilt trips, and realize that this is what is best for her and for them.

However, it did about undo my sil the night their father died and she asked mother if she wanted to come to her house for the night, and mother told her she wanted to go home - and then added well I can't go home - you gave it away (we had sold it earlier that year since there was no hope they would move back). we now laugh about it, but I know it hurt her at the time.