Lying to your younger kids. Okay?

I'm with Mary Mary.

Little kids don't get the reasoning behind no, they just hear no. They don't hear, we only have 45 minutes until we need to be "wherever."

or

I didn't bring my swimsuit, and you can't go in without me.

or

I have no desire to get wet right now.

And if you know your kid and know that the "no" will be an issue, than yes, that pool is closed.

I wouldn't judge for that.

Especially when they were clearly traveling and traveling with a little kid is stressful at the best of times.

Maybe she told the truth for the other 45 things her kid asked for in the last hour and just didn't have it left in her to be asked why 12738484 more times.

So, yep, I get that mom and yep, I've done that before. And no, I don't see anything wrong with it.

There's no way I'm telling my young kids the truth, the whole truth, and nothing but the truth at all times. I don't know how many times I've lied or what all the lies were about, but you can rest assured I've lied, lied, and lied some more. And I have no issues with that.

Sometimes it was because it pertained to something they were way too young to understand. (If a toddler asks "Why Katie doesn't have a mommy?" I'm going with something way more vague than "She sold illegal drugs and is in prison.", kwim?)

Or something I knew would frighten them. ("Mommy, did you catch that spider in my room?" "I sure did!" I mean, I tried, but there's no way I'm admitting that it got away. or "Mommy, is it going to thunder tonight?" "I don't think so." Heck, yeah, thunder is about 99% sure to happen around midnight, but if I tell the kid that, they'll lay in bed worrying about it for hours. If I let them go to sleep peacefully, the thunder won't wake them up--they sleep like the dead.)

I lie when the first grader knocks on our door and asks why is it locked and what we're doing. "We're getting dressed." is a nice reason for a locked door, plus it gives us time to actually get dressed if need be.

So yeah, I tell little lies like crazy. And those are just a few quick examples of why.

Save

Your example falls into the appropriate use of a little white lie to me. 

In the situation described in the OP, you have no idea if that poor adult already dealt with tantrums earlier and this bout of well behavior was semi-miraculous for the day. The adult may have simply wanted to avoid tantrum number 7 of the day.

Plus, I am the parent who removes a tantruming child whenever possibly, for the sake of others, but also so they learn that tantrums are not acceptable.  But every so often you find yourself in a situation where you can't really leave. 

So I'd be far more likely to lie at the doctor or dentist's office than the playground.  I don't care if we have to leave the playground, but we need to be at our appt., or at the airport at a certain time, etc.
Save

I generally tell the truth or that part of the truth that is appropriate for the child in question.

For instance DD10 asked last night what a sexual predator was...I did NOT go into details, I told her it was a person who had committed specific bad crimes and was restricted from being certain places or around certain people because of their crimes and that one of those place was schools because they weren't allowed around children and most shelters (in our area) are at schools. That was true although not the whole truth - but it answered her question and was relevent to the greater conversation that was going on (discussion about how people with active warrants will get sheltered at the jail if they show at emergency shelters and the same for sexual predators -DH doesn't always think about small ears when he brings stuff up at the kitchen table).

Now the pool? I probably would have said that we weren't going to be able to swim because x reason rather than tell my child it was closed. But I'm not going to judge the parent because I'm sure she knew her kid better than I do and perhaps that was the best way to respond at that moment.

I just realised if you haven't seen Hot Fuzz that doesn't make much sense.
Save

I don't have kids, so don't have to deal with that- and maybe I'm splitting hairs. but-- is it really a lie if the mom said the pool is closed, in this case? I mean, if she said 'they're fixing it right now, so it's closed' then yes, it's a lie.

But if the mom has to take the kid to the pool and doesn't want to/ doesn't ave time, then yes, it IS closed. To the child, right then, yes, it's closed. (or am I overthinking? lol!)

eta:  I'm glad the only thing we have to lie about is telling the dogs 'it's not dinnertime yet' when their stomachs think it is!  I know now how annoying I was at asking questions when I was a kid, so I can just imagine what it had to be like for my mom. 

I don't see that as a lie..she just didn't finish her sentence.

"The pool is closed to you right now."

Don't we all lie about Santa? And the Easter Bunny? And the Tooth Fairy?

I've told a few lies to protect my kids from being upset. And I've told a few to avoid tantrums. Probably the biggest was not telling my DD that a boy she knew from pre-school and kindergarten died of leukemia on the first day of 1st grade. She was at a new school and already very anxious. I just couldn't add the news that he had died right then. When she asked if he would be at her school I said "no."

If he comes to you and says "Mom!  Music means it does have ice cream!  You said it meant it didn't."  You can just answer "I know.  I'm sorry I said that backwards.  I'll try harder to get things right in the future."

If he asks why you said it, you can simply say "I made a mistake.  I'm sorry.", because after all, right now you feel that lying was a mistake. 

I'm always good with starting off my explanations easy & a bit vague and letting the kid ask more questions if they want more details.  And this is one time where that type of response may work if you want to avoid talking about adults & parents lying.
Save

Why isn't there a "you go Mom!" smilie face on this board?  And maybe a patting the back of the Pea emoji?  We need more emojis....

I never mean to lie.  Once in awhile a lie will accidentally pop out and then I apologize and tell the truth.  From experience I know it is much harder to go back and tell someone the truth than tell them right after the lie pops out so most of the time I do it immediately. I can often tell when someone is lying to me and so many times it is just easier if they would tell me truth so I do it with others.

---------

I don't judge others, but I didn't ever feel a need to white lie to my children.  One of them was been pretty stubborn with the way he dealt with an answer he didn't like, but he didn't realize I was stubborn too.  I would say "no", most often give the reason and then if I was asked again. I would tell the kids I already told them no and gave them the reason and then said I wasn't going to do it again.  If they kept it up I just ignored them.  The longer they kept it up the firmer my resolve/stubbornness grew.  

And just so others don't think I am hiding something.  I am yungmom.  Back when the elections were over I stepped away for awhile.  I wasn't sure I would be back again, but I really like the variety of topics here that I can't find other places in a form I like.  I read for a long time, off and on, but didn't answer posts because I found that when I wasn't answering then I wasn't reading and sometimes that was just a good thing.  Now I am just planning on avoiding a few subjects. I'll see how that goes.

Well, I am the mom who told our kids it was against our religion to go to Chucky Cheese, so there you go. In fairness, when I said I was being sarcastic, but one day I heard them discussing it and I realized they believed me so I let it stand and I enjoyed thier glorious Chucky Cheese free childhood They think it is hilarious now.