pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,843
Jul 12, 2014 21:58:10 GMT
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Post by pridemom on Aug 30, 2014 16:04:20 GMT
DD started babysitting about a year ago for a single mom who had two boys 3 & 4, and since had a baby that's now 8mos.
Dd works from 6-8 every night, plus at least two nights/days on weekends. She is paid fairly and I have no issue with that. Dd is saving for a car of her own and will work as often as possible to meet that goal.
My issue is that I feel like the mom is taking advantage of DD's willingness to work. Last night dd worked from 6-10:30 and then mom asked her to come 7-10 this morning. It's almost 11 and dd is still there with my car and I need to run errands. Part of me thinks that she's relying too much on my daughter because dd is very scheduled and firm with the boys and the boys listen to her. Grandma lives in the home and can't even get the boys to bed. She called dd back one night because she got the boys wound up after dd put them to bed before leaving and needed dd to get them back to sleep.
Dd is also playing volleyball, is leadership in JROTC, and has chemistry, pre-calc and honors English this year. School just finished the first full week and I am worried that she won't be able to keep up, or she will push herself too hard to keep up. She has a very driven personality and is loyal to a fault. I know she needs to learn her own limits, but it can't be at the expense of her classes.
I guess I just need some advice from those of you who have been there and how you helped your kid learn to establish boundaries.
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Post by lucyg on Aug 30, 2014 16:10:19 GMT
I think that YOU can set limits on how many and which hours DD can work each week. Explain to DD why you're doing it, and let DD help you decide on the limitations.
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pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,843
Jul 12, 2014 21:58:10 GMT
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Post by pridemom on Aug 30, 2014 16:22:53 GMT
Last night I did tell her she needed to take the rest of this holiday weekend off after this morning. She has homework and chores to do and we made family plans. But it's going on 11:30 and she's not back. The grocery store will be a madhouse by now.
We will sit down this weekend and limit her time. She's got a lot riding on this year.
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Post by gar on Aug 30, 2014 17:10:29 GMT
I agree that at 16 I would be having more input into the decisions as to when she is available to work. You can't really blame the mum I don't think except for going past agreed hours then DD needs to speak up and say that she has to leave at the arranged time.
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Post by Really Red on Aug 30, 2014 17:15:03 GMT
I told my DD how many hours she could work during the school week. If her grades dropped, those hours would be cut back.
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Post by SabrinaM on Aug 30, 2014 17:17:40 GMT
I babysat for various families from the time I was 15. As long as I kept my grades up and honored my prior commitments, my parents never intervened with any of it.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:53:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2014 17:21:15 GMT
I think you need to let her decide. If anything starts to slip, then you should intervene. She also needs to have a convo with the people she sits for and when they/she sets a time, they need to stick to it.
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Post by brina on Aug 30, 2014 17:24:22 GMT
Its the old saying, "nobody can take advantage of you without your permission."
The mom asks your daughter if she is available to work, your daughter says yes - she could as easily say no and then the woman could ask somebody else. Quite honestly I would be more upset if after all that your dd has done if the woman started asking others to babysit without giving your daughter first dibs on the hours.
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Post by stampbooker on Aug 30, 2014 17:36:12 GMT
Also, if Grandma is there anyway and could watch the kids for a short bit, I would see if the mom could pick up and drop off your daughter so that you could keep the car.
Julie
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Post by Darcy Collins on Aug 30, 2014 17:36:13 GMT
I certainly think you should discuss a reasonable amount of hours with your daughter. Do keep in mind that she may find those evening hours perfect for studying after the children are asleep.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:53:15 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Aug 30, 2014 17:37:32 GMT
There are several things at play here.
1) The number of hours. That's up to you, as a mom to let your DD know how many hours (and what hours) she's allowed to babysit each week. She can relay that to the mom and the mom accepts it and adjusts her schedule or finds someone else. As a babysitter who is fairly compensated, there's no such thing as "being worked too much". If you don't want to do it, don't.
2) The "non-reliable" hours...meaning you're counting on your DD being home at a specific time and the mom, for whatever reason is running late. Because we're all human, sometimes things just happen. It it becomes routine, then again, your daughter must say to the mom, "you must be home by ____ time". Perhaps the mom assumes there's some flexibility when in your house, it's not always a given. That's up to your daughter to communicate.
3) The transportation issue...IMO, that's your issue to deal with. When my high school daughters babysat, we usually provided transportation to/from. On rare occasion, the mom or dad would drive them home. If you give your DD your car to drive, leaving yourself stuck at home with no vehicle, that's on you.
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Post by mrsscrapdiva on Aug 30, 2014 22:57:25 GMT
When I was in my early 20s I babysat for a newly single mom (I didn't know this until after I got hired). It was a "nanny" position that was supposed to be 25 hours a week. The first week I worked 65 hours! It was supposed to be just watching the kids but turned into more like laundry, shopping, groceries, going places with them etc. There were nights I would watch the kids until midnight and then have to be there at 8:30 am. The father of the children was not really around and the mom, in my opinion, was very dependent on someone else helping her out. From what she told me about the dad, I could sense she was looking for someone really responsible and dependable in their lives. I also later found out that they had gone thru many babysitters in the past. These people were well off financially, career people and the dad had got caught up in drugs. They were in their 30's and the mom still wanted her social life - work all day and still go out at night. I knew it was over the top when after I had quit (after about a year), she asked if I would come have weekly visits with the kids.  We (the mom and I) got into a slight argument because she was telling me how much she depended on me for all this stuff and how irresponsible it was for me to quit and I was like hey I am just the sitter, not the kid's parent. It was out of hand. So I would say, yes I think this lady your daughter is working for is probably really dependent on someone to help out, but putting all of that on a 16 year old is just too much. I would have your daughter tell her she can only work x numbers of hours, no more.
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pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,843
Jul 12, 2014 21:58:10 GMT
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Post by pridemom on Aug 30, 2014 23:11:35 GMT
When I was in my early 20s I babysat for a newly single mom (I didn't know this until after I got hired). It was a "nanny" position that was supposed to be 25 hours a week. The first week I worked 65 hours! It was supposed to be just watching the kids but turned into more like laundry, shopping, groceries, going places with them etc. There were nights I would watch the kids until midnight and then have to be there at 8:30 am. The father of the children was not really around and the mom, in my opinion, was very dependent on someone else helping her out. From what she told me about the dad, I could sense she was looking for someone really responsible and dependable in their lives. I also later found out that they had gone thru many babysitters in the past. These people were well off financially, career people and the dad had got caught up in drugs. They were in their 30's and the mom still wanted her social life - work all day and still go out at night. I knew it was over the top when after I had quit (after about a year), she asked if I would come have weekly visits with the kids.  We (the mom and I) got into a slight argument because she was telling me how much she depended on me for all this stuff and how irresponsible it was for me to quit and I was like hey I am just the sitter, not the kid's parent. It was out of hand. So I would say, yes I think this lady your daughter is working for is probably really dependent on someone to help out, but putting all of that on a 16 year old is just too much. I would have your daughter tell her she can only work x numbers of hours, no more. Thank you for putting into words what I have been thinking. I do feel that the mom is over dependent on DD and has to learn how to find her way. I admit to believing mom needs to put on her big girl panties, give her kids structure, and accept that she needs to and can do this. Her kids need her to step up and be a mom. She's very intelligent, educated, and capable, but she doubts herself.
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Post by 950nancy on Aug 30, 2014 23:15:08 GMT
I think your gut feeling is right. It almost sounds like mom is trying to escape. If her grades stay up and she wants to do it, maybe the mom should be driving her. You shouldn't have to give up your freedom. Or perhaps mom should have to drive her home if you would get her there.
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