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Post by Belia on Nov 14, 2017 1:01:38 GMT
I think you're fine if you stay home.
I also think that going is doable. STAY IN A HOTEL. That is non-negotiable when we go visit DH's family. I would also very seriously be looking at flying instead of driving.
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suzastampin
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,587
Jun 28, 2014 14:32:59 GMT
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Post by suzastampin on Nov 14, 2017 1:13:47 GMT
Well, not to add any guilt to you but my first thought was 'when they're gone, will you be glad you went or stayed home?' Is there anyway you can manage some time for you and DH and also travel? I don't know what your work schedules are but maybe you can shift travel so you can also have some time home. Just an idea. Will you enjoy staying home if you're feeling guilty the whole time? Just my thoughts, I wouldn't blame you if you did stay home. Driving is a pain and not high on a list of fun things to do. I was thinking the same thing. Soon enough they will all be gone and you'll be able to stay home. I totally get wanting to stay home and not have to travel. It's just that time is so short.
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imsirius
Prolific Pea
Call it as I see it.
Posts: 7,661
Location: Floating in the black veil.
Jul 12, 2014 19:59:28 GMT
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Post by imsirius on Nov 14, 2017 1:58:58 GMT
I would go down Thursday and stay until Christmas Eve. Go home early morning on Christmas Eve and have Christmas at home.
If not possible, then stay in a hotel.
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Post by scrappychick on Nov 14, 2017 4:32:59 GMT
Stay home if you want. If it were me I'd go, stay in a hotel and tell my cheap ass husband to shut it.
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Post by 950nancy on Nov 14, 2017 4:39:05 GMT
I would stay home. You have told them that was what was going to happen this year. Tell them you will visit next year. Do not buy into the guilt. I hate it when family members do that to each other. The old "you never know"... yeah, I had a family member say that and it was 30 years more of a relative who was not nice to me. You are allowed to want to spend the holiday at home, do so.
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Post by refugeepea on Nov 14, 2017 4:39:56 GMT
This feels like a damned if I do, damned if I don't situation. I haven't run it by my husband yet...he'll go along with what I decide to do, I think, but he will have an opinion to factor in, too, I'm sure. I guess the bottom line is, do I put my family first or myself first, and will I even be able to enjoy staying home if I feel supremely guilty the whole time, which I will? Ugh. I'm of the opinion it is just a day. You can see them later when there's less to take, less to do, less food to make. I honestly feel like I have better quality time with family when it isn't a holiday. That's mainly because both sides of my family are BIG and the in-laws/my mom live in modestly sized homes.
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Post by refugeepea on Nov 14, 2017 4:47:10 GMT
See, that's what I'm always thinking: " Someday you'll spend every holiday old and alone and then you'll WISH you still had family to be with!" LOL. Not productive thinking, I'm sure. As an introvert, that sounds amazing!
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Post by Really Red on Nov 14, 2017 5:19:10 GMT
Ugh. I feel for you. Can you try AirBnB or Hotwire to get a good deal on a place to stay? Can you go after Christmas? This is a tough call and there's no good answer. You feel guilty no matter what. I'm sorry!
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Post by malibou on Nov 14, 2017 5:47:56 GMT
Obligations guilt sucks! I try to avoid it. In this case, I would stay home and do it up just like you like and sit back as you enjoy and think about the ways you can make it better for when you go next year, or better yet, go at a different time. The dynamic will be so different by taking the pressure of the holidays off.
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Post by femalebusiness on Nov 14, 2017 5:59:23 GMT
Stay home and enjoy your relaxing Christmas...guilt free. They are all adults and they will get over it. You have a right to have the Christmas that you want. Never let yourself be manipulated into doing something that you don't want to. You are not being mean or thoughtless for doing what you want to do. Don't let anyone tell you that you are.
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Post by GamGam on Nov 14, 2017 12:33:12 GMT
I have no advice for you, Mystie. Sometimes when you have to make a decision between two choices like yours, the result is that you are not going to feel good about either choice. Family ties are important, and DH and I used to travel at Christmas to be with children and grandchildren. But we no longer do that since we are in our eighties. And our children do not come to us, either. They are happier in their own homes and we see each other during the year when weather is good. And we really enjoy being home for Christmas. It is heavenly not to travel then.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 20:33:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2017 13:22:28 GMT
If you have your heart set on staying home this year then that's what you need and don't let anyone take that joy from you. I get it. Sometimes we just need the peace and comfort of our own nest.
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hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,621
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Aug 29, 2014 18:57:20 GMT
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Post by hannahruth on Nov 14, 2017 13:52:05 GMT
I would stay home and travel to see them at another time when the weather is better and there is not the stress of a holiday.
Travelling in in the winter sucks and travelling over the holidays is even worse!
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Post by Florida Cindy on Nov 14, 2017 13:58:37 GMT
Tell your DH that your Christmas present will be staying in a hotel.
I understand the guilt trip. Now, we go almost every year to my Mom's house for 2 or 2 days. There are times when we did not go due to the flu.
My DH understands we will visit my crazy, guilt tripped Mom for Christmas. She has COPD. We don't know how long she will live. We stay at Mom's as she has an extra room. DS goes if he doesn't have to work Christmas Eve. He's 25 yrs old. He has special needs, still lives at home, no relationship or kids.
DH sets up the spare bedroom to accommodate him. He isn't one to listen to Mom's endless chatter. If the rest family comes, he always participates.
If you have kids, it's a different story. Some suggestions:
1. Stay in a hotel
2. Stay home and video chat the day or certain times of day.
3. Have your parents visit you, if they are able. (It does leave out DH's parents)
4. Decide how you will feel if you or parents/DH's parents are gone by Christmas 2019. Will you regret it? If yes, go.
5. Schedule Christmas for a later or earlier date. When I was a child, one year we could not make it to my Grandparents house until April! Bless Grandma! She kept the real tree alive until our visit.
6. If you do go, try and discover why it is so stressful. The travel? I have fibro and it hurts to travel. Or, someone's behavior? If it's someone's behavior, maybe you can figure out how to deal with it appropriately.
7. I know your Sister is having a hard time. However, it is her life. You are not in her shoes. I would not take her into account. I would Only take into account the parents.
8. So you feel like you sit around and do nothing? Take a small hobby with you. Crochet, knitting, ECT...
9. Do you want to avoid knowing more of the parents future due to health or financial issues? Who is the primary person to take care of them If they become incapacitated? Decide on how much you can deal with regarding this topic. Cut off conversation about this topic, if you can.
10. Boundaries: you aren't a free for all stress punching back for others. If needed, learn to walk away and take your own time out. My Mother, (whose hearing is declining and refuses to get a test) says things. She will "badger" if she doesn't receive the attention she needs. I started mirroring what she says. Very quickly, she feels validated and her "badgering" behavior ceases.
11. Journal your way through the trip.
12. Decide to gather your parents memories for future sake. Research and ask questions. Write or record answers. Future generations will appreciate it.
13. Good Luck!!!
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Post by artgirl1 on Nov 14, 2017 14:20:14 GMT
I don't understand parents who insist upon maintaining holiday traditions, when, nowadays, so many children live far away. It's OK to allow your children to start their own traditions, whatever they choose! ( and I am referring to your parents in this).
I actually refuse to allow my daughter to come at Christmas. She is 900 miles away, the last time she tried, she spent 19 hours getting here, due to plane issues, and I feel that it is important for my grandson to have Christmas morning at his own home. And travel costs double at the holidays.
Instead we pick a long weekend between Thanksgiving and Christmas when they visit. It is so much more relaxing, and less costly, and this enables her family to develop their own traditions.
Don;t allow guilt to overide your decision in this case. It is your holiday also. Spend it the way your choose.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
Jun 27, 2014 18:02:10 GMT
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Post by georgiapea on Nov 14, 2017 14:25:08 GMT
When we have children we raise them, supplying the special times, like Santa Clause and th d Easter Bunny. When those children grow up it's now up to them to do the same for their own family.
I feel that hogging your grown children's holiday time is selfish and very, very wrong. Adults who have raised their children need to develop their own interests, separate from their kids.
Just tell the grandparents you are staying home by yourselves. Mail them their Christmas gifts. Take charge of your lives.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Nov 14, 2017 14:33:03 GMT
You’ve been there the last two years in a row. I’d stay home and visit in the spring. I would stay home. You have told them that was what was going to happen this year. Tell them you will visit next year. Do not buy into the guilt. Yup. You made a plan. Stick to it. It's okay to do your own thing. We rarely have a holiday on the actual holiday date anymore. For the two sons in the Navy, we deal with duty times and deployments. We joke that we celebrate the holiday when the Navy tells us we can!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 20:33:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 14, 2017 14:47:29 GMT
Stay home and forget the 'they won't be around forever' bullshit. I hate that crap.
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