Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 21:29:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2017 1:18:55 GMT
Quick Backstory- Elderly parents live in Allegheny County PA. The Man has breathing issues, on 02, but has not moved from a chair except to use the bathroom for one month. The Woman has mobility issues and possible dementia signs. They are both filthy, not bathing or changing clothes. Their home is an unclean hoarder home, trash, clothing, rooms filled with unusable items. They are mainly using 3 rooms in the house. They are refusing health care (trips to doctor, hospice etc), only let a few people visit them, and have always refused all offers of helping with the house. Grown children have recently visited and said the smell was overwhelming, and house in a state of disrepair. They have six children, 2 enable, 2 have washed their hands, and 2 would like to help.
My question is- What can the 2 do that want to help?
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Post by Linda on Nov 25, 2017 1:28:34 GMT
start with elder services in their community
prayers
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Post by mnmloveli on Nov 25, 2017 1:30:54 GMT
I would check to see if their state or town has an Elder Care Office. They might be able to help. Possibly even an Elder Care Lawyer might have some suggestions.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2017 1:31:58 GMT
I think that is the only option left. It could possibly pit siblings against each other, so I wanted to make sure I wasn't missing something.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2017 1:32:26 GMT
The children need to contact an elder care lawyer.
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Post by Zee on Nov 25, 2017 1:32:42 GMT
www.alleghenycounty.us/Human-Services/About/Contact/SeniorLine.aspxI don't know if they can help, but call them and ask. Are you one of the children willing to help? You should be prepared for a battle if they normally refuse help. Often on Hoarders, for example, nothing can be done until the city steps in and threatens to condemn the house. With two children willing to enable, there may not be much to do to help unless it is felt that the enablers are actually neglectful/abusive.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
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Post by georgiapea on Nov 25, 2017 1:36:48 GMT
Guardianship? What a terrible situation. Could the 2 wishing to help file for guardianship? They will need to be removed from the home and given care. Who is providing food, the enablers?
I so hope they can be helped.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 21:29:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2017 6:05:30 GMT
All the children need to meet with attorney. They have to be in agreement and what is going to be done and who is going to do it.
I may be wrong, but Pennsylvania has some pretty strong elder care laws. Somebody on the old board said that the state can force children to pay for any expenses of the parents, so I would do as much as I could do before the state steps in.
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Post by peanutterbutter on Nov 25, 2017 6:26:34 GMT
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 21:29:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2017 14:27:52 GMT
Thank you for the answers. They are not my parents but my spouses’. He is desperately trying to bring everyone together but two will probably never agree on anything. If they are unable to reach a consensus by Monday I will call these agencies myself on Monday.
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casii
Drama Llama
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Post by casii on Nov 25, 2017 14:37:05 GMT
I'm really sorry for you and your DH. It's a terrible situation. I hope you are able to get something rolling soon.
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Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by Sarah*H on Nov 25, 2017 14:43:50 GMT
Ask the police to do a welfare check. This will likely result in the service agencies getting involved more quickly.
Are there animals in the home? If so, also make a report to the Animal Rescue League/Humane Society. The Allegheny County Animal welfare agents move on reports quickly.
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Sarah*H
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by Sarah*H on Nov 25, 2017 14:48:24 GMT
Are you willing to say which community they live in Allegheny County? Is it the City of Pittsburgh or one of the smaller towns?
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 25, 2017 16:06:02 GMT
Natrona Heights. They do not have any pets.
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Sarah*H
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Post by Sarah*H on Nov 25, 2017 16:09:42 GMT
That's the Harrison Township Police department.
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Post by hop2 on Nov 25, 2017 17:40:24 GMT
Older people do stop washing. That’s not abnormal. They find it difficult and won’t ask for help. And they fight like hell for their own kids to not help them but might take help from someone not related. It’s a pride thing I guess, not wanting your children to see you that way.
Without agreement among the siblings it’s going to be a rough road to do anything. I’m so sorry you and your DH are going thru this. It isn’t easy. BTDT, hoarding too! But not filth or smell we got to it before it got that bad. We were in agreement and it was hard anyway but at least we could turn to each other without judgement or argument.
We had one if us with a POA then had her diagnosed properly for dementia. The POA had the power to do things so we moved my mother first. To a clean duplex and got her a paid companion to help her eat, bathe & do housework. We went thru 2 before we found an angel.
Then we tackled her house. We took turns going thru stuff. They hid money everywhere. I imagine someone somewhere still got a cash windfall with a donation, what we don’t know won’t hurt us! We donated anything close to useful. Had 4 garage sales. Then We got a dumpster and dumped what was trash and what we couldn’t get rid of.
They will say nasty things and won’t appreciate anything you do ‘for’ them so be prepared mentally for that. Even things that benefit them will be seen as an attack and be met with hostility.
Hugs and kind thoughts you will need them.
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Post by Zee on Nov 25, 2017 18:30:34 GMT
Less frequent bathing might be normal, but being filthy and smelly is never normal and it's a health risk (skin and scalp infections and open sores, ulcers from improper hygiene of the booty (that's the technical term, heh), etc.
It is abnormal to just completely stop bathing altogether. Pretty much everyone capable of living independently can manage at least a sponge bath.
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Post by papersilly on Nov 25, 2017 23:23:52 GMT
At some point this may turn into a conservatorship issue.
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 26, 2017 2:47:16 GMT
Your DH should do what he feels is right. Forget getting a consensus, it's not going to happen, IMO.
Give him a big hug. This is hard!
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 21:29:58 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 26, 2017 3:15:00 GMT
After many phone calls, 4/6 siblings were on board with getting help to include in home health care. One of the dissenters riled up the parents to the point of them declaring “stay away from me and don't come to my funeral.” Seeing that we would not go anywhere, we wrote a list and I called the social services hotline. It felt good to do something and I hope change does come from it.
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Post by destined2bmom on Nov 26, 2017 14:32:16 GMT
Hugs to you, your DH and his family. I pray that he can help his parents have a better quality of life.
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