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Post by mcscrapper on Dec 29, 2017 3:26:29 GMT
My sister-in-law is really on my nerves lately. She is a chronic interrupter and has the most annoying voice I've ever heard in my life. There is also an almost 20 year age different between us so this might have something to do with my annoyance levels at times.
I'm less outgoing than my normal self at his family gatherings but I'm not quiet. I am the only medical person on that side of the family. I get asked medical questions all the time and I'm always happy to offer my opinion but only if asked. The other night, the family was talking about someone that had an autistic kid or something and my MIL asked me why we see so many kids diagnosed with ADHD, autism, etc. I started saying, "I think it is because we have better ways to diagnose....." and my SIL butted in with her opinion basically arguing that my opinion wasn't right. This is just the most recent example of her habit - she interrupts all the time and has to monopolize every single conversation.
Normally, I'll openly speak my mind and cut off the interruptor but I am fairly new to this family and she would have gone on and on about me saying something. She has to be right ALL the time.
A few months ago our MIL took all the girls on an overnight trip and I barely spoke ten sentences the whole time. She even had the nerve to talk ugly about my DH. I know she probably meant it to be some playful male bashing but I'm just not into that and I certainly wouldn't ever bash on her husband (my DH's youngest brother). She went on and on about my DH being messy and how he got on her nerves when he called her husband, etc. Her home looks like a tornado hit it and then there's that awfully annoying voice she has... I was <this> close to saying something but bit my tongue. The other SIL couldn't go and she and I get along perfectly fine and often go for walks outside to get away from the noise levels sometimes.
At work, I either walk away from the interruptor or just keep talking until they get the point. With her, I've just shut my mouth and ignored her but I'm really at my wits end. I can't even have a normal conversation with my MIL with her around.
I love this family but SHEESH!!
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Post by scrapmaven on Dec 29, 2017 3:41:15 GMT
Sadly, we cannot choose our relatives. Does your other sil get annoyed by the constant interruptions? If so, maybe you can both sit w/your brother and calmly talk about it? It might annoy him, too. Maybe your brother can intervene? The problem is that no matter how it is presented your sil is going to feel embarrassed and defensive. Nevertheless, you have a right to feel comfortable at family functions.
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Post by mom on Dec 29, 2017 3:46:03 GMT
My advice is to just not engage. When she interrupts you, then stop talking and just stare at her. If she stops talking (when you stare at her) then tell her to continue...say something like: apparently she has much more medical knowledge than you do.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,316
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Dec 29, 2017 3:55:12 GMT
Well you could always "shush" her but I would review the other pea thread before doing so..
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,950 
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Post by Rhondito on Dec 29, 2017 3:56:42 GMT
Whatever you do, don't shush her!
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Post by mollycoddle on Dec 29, 2017 3:59:11 GMT
Does she interrupt everyone? If so, how do they handle it?
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Post by mygigiscraps on Dec 29, 2017 4:20:30 GMT
Before you start answering a question, try turning to her and saying "would you mind terribly if I answered this one?" A couple of rounds of that ought to give her the hint.
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Post by janniepea on Dec 29, 2017 4:26:39 GMT
Respond like my 3 year old grandson did with his brother recently - "Teddy, you're talking over my voice and I don't like that!"
Seriously, I like the response above.
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artsydaisy
Full Member
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Jul 1, 2014 4:55:48 GMT
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Post by artsydaisy on Dec 29, 2017 4:57:11 GMT
You said you are new to the family, so I think you should do whatever makes you comfortable, because it's not going to get easier down the line if you don't assert yourself now. I usually give chronic interrupters one of two responses: death stare, or massive eye roll. At their inevitable pause, I resume speaking and say something along the lines of "since you asked me, blah, blah, blah" or "as I was saying before X interrupted me, blah, blah, blah." I guess I don't take kindly to interrupting, haha!
I don't know if that helps you in dealing with your SIL but just know that you are not alone in being annoyed by that behavior. Hope you can get some kind of resolution. And it could be just avoid her at all costs, depending on your family situation. I go several years without seeing my SIL, and EVERYONE is happier that way.
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Post by freecharlie on Dec 29, 2017 14:15:36 GMT
Look at her, then walk away.
Or call her out on it. Excuse me, I was speaking.
I could only handle that once or twice before I snapped.
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kelly8875
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,448
Location: Lost in my supplies...
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Post by kelly8875 on Dec 29, 2017 14:21:05 GMT
Make her a tshirt that says
"don't talk to me while I'm interrupting you"
😂
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 29, 2017 14:41:28 GMT
OMG, we must have the same SIL. To make it worse, my SIL was a debater in high school so not only does she always interrupt but she always has to be right too—even when she’s not and clearly knows NOTHING about the subject. If you ignore her interruption and continue your conversation with the person you’re talking to, she will just talk louder and louder over you so she can make her point. SO annoying! DH can’t stand it either so we just do what we can to limit our interactions with her and her family to a couple times a year. Then when we do see them we try to keep it short or we meet them at a restaurant so we have a reason to leave when the meal is over.
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Post by mcscrapper on Dec 29, 2017 15:08:01 GMT
Sadly, we cannot choose our relatives. Does your other sil get annoyed by the constant interruptions? If so, maybe you can both sit w/your brother and calmly talk about it? It might annoy him, too. Maybe your brother can intervene? The problem is that no matter how it is presented your sil is going to feel embarrassed and defensive. Nevertheless, you have a right to feel comfortable at family functions. I think she does but we don't really talk about each other from what I've seen so I don't know how to approach her about it. I know she has made a comment about how loud she can be sometimes but that's really it. I don't want to embarrass her or make her defensive. I really do love this family and definitely do not want to be the cause of any disruption in the family. SaveSave |
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Post by mcscrapper on Dec 29, 2017 15:31:36 GMT
OMG, we must have the same SIL. To make it worse, my SIL was a debater in high school so not only does she always interrupt but she always has to be right too—e ven when she’s not and clearly knows NOTHING about the subject. If you ignore her interruption and continue your conversation with the person you’re talking to, she will just talk louder and louder over you so she can make her point. SO annoying! DH can’t stand it either so we just do what we can to limit our interactions with her and her family to a couple times a year. Then when we do see them we try to keep it short or we meet them at a restaurant so we have a reason to leave when the meal is over. YES!!!! 10000x yes!!! She went to ONE year of nursing school. I have a masters in nursing. I am, by no means, an expert but I have 10 years of experienced-based knowledge working in a huge ER as an RN and now as an NP. My dh is a fire fighter / paramedic but I'm their go-to medical person usually. When they start talking about the farm animals and cars, I'm out. I know my limitations. I can't not be around her. My dh and her dh are super close and I really do love him like my own brother. I really wish y'all could hear the conversation she had with herself during our 4 hour car ride. My MIL would ask me something, I'd start talking and maybe get 1-2 sentences in and SIL would interrupt and take us down a rabbit hole. Hell, my MIL asked me about my house that DH and I now live in. I told her about putting siding on and how I want to have DH build a storage shed in the back that matches the new siding color. My SIL went on and on about MY siding color and how we should do this and do that. First of all, MIL didn't ask you about what you think I should do. I think I know what I want and need back there. Secondly, you are a hoarder and have zero business telling me how to keep my sh!t organized. And finally, I cycle and have a pretty expensive (for me) bike that I want to store off it's wheels during the winter time. I have a reason for wanting a specific set up in that shed that dh has been amazing at designing for me so I can access it easily. She tried to insert her opinion on MY bike storage and she's never even owned a dam bike!! Ugh! It is maddening. Ok. It felt pretty good to get that off my chest. When she did interrupt me in the car I'd pull my cell phone out and scroll around on Instagram and FB. She didn't get the hint at all. SaveSave |
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,950
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Post by Rhondito on Dec 29, 2017 15:36:49 GMT
I cycle and have a pretty expensive (for me) bike that I want to store off it's wheels during the winter time. I have a reason for wanting a specific set up in that shed that dh has been amazing at designing for me so I can access it easily. She tried to insert her opinion on MY bike storage and she's never even owned a dam bike!! As a fellow cyclist, that pisses me off for you! |
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,843
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Dec 29, 2017 15:37:41 GMT
In my experience, you don't/can't; it's a "chronic" ailment from which many appear to not even realize they suffer. Perhaps because the interruptors have always been mere acquaintances, I chose to politely stop talking (or shift my attention if the person interrupted stops talking), smile, & nod...just like with toddlers desperate for attention & still learning manners.
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Post by mcscrapper on Dec 29, 2017 15:39:42 GMT
I cycle and have a pretty expensive (for me) bike that I want to store off it's wheels during the winter time. I have a reason for wanting a specific set up in that shed that dh has been amazing at designing for me so I can access it easily. She tried to insert her opinion on MY bike storage and she's never even owned a dam bike!! As a fellow cyclist, that pisses me off for you! hahahha!!! You get it!! My bikes are stored in what is the office right now. I hate having the bikes inside because it is a pain to get in and out of the house. I have to roll my bike through the dang kitchen to get it in. I hate that! It would just be SO much easier to keep them outside. SaveSave |
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Post by mcscrapper on Dec 29, 2017 15:42:40 GMT
In my experience, you don't/can't; it's a "chronic" ailment from which many appear to not even realize they suffer. Perhaps because the interruptors have always been mere acquaintances, I chose to politely stop talking (or shift my attention if the person interrupted stops talking), smile, & nod...just like with toddlers desperate for attention & still learning manners. Hmmm.... you make an excellent point. I think it definitely is attention seeking behavior. I think she also has to be "expert" on everything. She is quite the know-it-all. SaveSave |
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Post by pattyraindrops on Dec 29, 2017 15:43:51 GMT
What you do now sets a pattern for later.
When she starts up, say, "please excuse me, I wasn't done talking. I'd like to hear what you have to say when I am finished."
Continue talking. Then, when you are done, turn it over to her and truly try to find something good in what she says and remark on that. Listen with your heart.
If you do it with honesty and warmth then it will be clear to everyone that you won't be overun, but that you love each person and being in the family.
ETA - it will most likely take several times and maybe a reminder time occasionally down the road.
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,843
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Dec 29, 2017 15:58:14 GMT
In my experience, you don't/can't; it's a "chronic" ailment from which many appear to not even realize they suffer. Perhaps because the interruptors have always been mere acquaintances, I chose to politely stop talking (or shift my attention if the person interrupted stops talking), smile, & nod...just like with toddlers desperate for attention & still learning manners. Hmmm.... you make an excellent point. I think it definitely is attention seeking behavior. I think she also has to be "expert" on everything. She is quite the know-it-all. From my limited observations, interrupting appears to stem from insecurity for adults. In your situation, perhaps your sister-in-law feels threatened by your (& every) addition to the family. Interrupting to express her opinion makes her feel included/relevant/not replaced & maintain her belief/need to be the favorite/smartest/most important of your in-laws. Best wishes... |
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 21:51:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2017 16:05:31 GMT
Make sure you're always wearing this in her company!  |
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Post by 50offscrapper on Dec 29, 2017 16:11:37 GMT
I think she keeps going on and on because she wants to be heard. Find a way to acknowledge that you hear her. I know it’s hard. For example, when she was talking about the shed, you could have said: “I hear your suggestion. That’s an interesting thought.”
“ I see what you’re getting it.”
“ I understand where you are coming from.”
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Post by crazy4scraps on Dec 29, 2017 16:29:48 GMT
mcscrapper I know, right?!? SIL had her kids 6-8 years before we did (DH and I are older), BUT I have siblings that are much older than I am so they were having their kids from the time I was about ten. I babysat all those kids A LOT and I also spent a good amount of time around my siblings watching them parent those kids (often badly, LOL). As one of the younger kids in my family, I was smart enough to learn what NOT to do in many situations just by observing what my older siblings did that did and didn’t work and make mental notes. If the conversation turned to the topic of child rearing and I commented about parenting hills I would die on or not based on what worked or didn’t with my siblings, she would get argumentative and say, “You’re not a parent so YOU DON’T KNOW.” Excuse me, but some things are just common sense which is unfortunately not something she has a lot of. In some cases I would agree with that, you really don’t know until you’re in that trench. But there other cases where you DO know what your own values are and no matter what you’re not going to cave on your core values if you want your kids to have those values too. The funniest (and most satisfying) thing is now that DH and I have a kid, the truth of who the better parents are has been quite plain since our kid was even a year old. We do a really good job of being firm when something is important to us and not giving in, and as a result we have a kid who knows how to control herself. We can all be out somewhere together and people (even complete strangers) would come up and compliment us on how well behaved our kid is while at the same time giving her much older kids the side eye because at their ages they really ought to know by now how to act in public. (Sorry, but does a 12 yo boy really still need to sit in mommy’s lap at a restaurant?)  But yeah, she knows it ALL. She’s an expert on everything. 
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katybee
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,610
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Post by katybee on Dec 29, 2017 17:09:13 GMT
In my experience, you don't/can't; it's a "chronic" ailment from which many appear to not even realize they suffer. Perhaps because the interruptors have always been mere acquaintances, I chose to politely stop talking (or shift my attention if the person interrupted stops talking), smile, & nod...just like with toddlers desperate for attention & still learning manners. ITA. I’ve found that you can point blank confront them, talk about how it affects you, and even get them to promise they will stop. It will work for a little bit, but the interruptions will start again before you know it. I’ve gotten super passive aggressive with one coworker— I’ve even walked away from conversations with her, while she’s mid-sentence. Mature, I know. But I’m over it! |
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Post by malibou on Dec 29, 2017 17:09:18 GMT
I'm probably the one that would be all kinds of snarky about this. If I was asked a medical question and she interrupted, I would say, Oops, my bad, I thought they were asking for advice from a nurse. Re the shed, my response would have been, Who knew you would have so many opinions on my shed. I can also picture me holding up a finger at her like you would do to an interrupting toddler to tell them just a minute, mommy is talking.
Probably a good thing this person is not in my family. Lol. I think I have issues with interrupting that I wasn't entirely aware of.
Sorry I'm no help, apparently I'm just a bitch. :-)
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Post by padresfan619 on Dec 29, 2017 17:10:59 GMT
This is my brother. And not only does he interrupt, he never shuts up. After Christmas Day and dinner at my parents this year my husband and I spent the entire drive home and the next two hours in silence because we both needed to decompress.
I have no advice, when I call my brother out on his interrupting he gets super offended and tells me to lighten up.
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,843
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Dec 29, 2017 17:42:22 GMT
In my experience, you don't/can't; it's a "chronic" ailment from which many appear to not even realize they suffer. Perhaps because the interruptors have always been mere acquaintances, I chose to politely stop talking (or shift my attention if the person interrupted stops talking), smile, & nod...just like with toddlers desperate for attention & still learning manners. ITA. I’ve found that you can point blank confront them, talk about how it affects you, and even get them to promise they will stop. It will work for a little bit, but the interruptions will start again before you know it. I’ve gotten super passive aggressive with one coworker— I’ve even walked away from conversations with her, while she’s mid-sentence. Mature, I know. But I’m over it! A friend shared a similar story. Her colleague interrupts everyone, & unproductive staff/client meetings have become her stage. My friend has been quietly exiting every conversation & meeting after the third time her colleague interrupts her/someone for months now. She learned others followed her lead last week, so the interruptor was left all alone in a conference room during a meeting that 15 people had originally attended less than 10 minutes earlier. The chronic interruptor confronted & reported my friend to HR for being disrespectful, unprofessional, & creating a toxic work environment for her! |
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Post by mcscrapper on Dec 29, 2017 20:51:54 GMT
I'm probably the one that would be all kinds of snarky about this. If I was asked a medical question and she interrupted, I would say, Oops, my bad, I thought they were asking for advice from a nurse. Re the shed, my response would have been, Who knew you would have so many opinions on my shed. I can also picture me holding up a finger at her like you would do to an interrupting toddler to tell them just a minute, mommy is talking. Probably a good thing this person is not in my family. Lol. I think I have issues with interrupting that I wasn't entirely aware of. Sorry I'm no help, apparently I'm just a bitch. :-) Normally, this would be me. I just don't want to rock that boat. What irks me more than anything is just her blatant disregard for my opinion. The conversation this time was about autism, ADHD and how many more people seem to have these diagnoses than back in the 60s & 70s. I literally gave a two sentence answer then she jumped in with her opinion about how it was all the chemicals, the vaccines, the foods, the steroids, etc and how she did "all this research" on everything. I sooo badly wanted to say, "Googling is not research," or something equally snarky but I stopped myself. She gave no credence to scientific fact and just totally disregarded my statement. If I did think modified foods had anything to do with any of it, no one would have ever known it. I never got a chance to say more than my two sentences. It is exhausting sometimes. Angry patients ignore us all the time at work when they aren't getting what they want or we aren't getting to them fast enough. I just walk away when they start talking over me and won't listen to what I'm trying to say. I always say, I'll come back when they are ready to listen and not talk over me. Most of the time it works. As badly as I want to, I can't do that with family. SaveSave |
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Post by Crack-a-lackin on Dec 29, 2017 21:15:57 GMT
I try to keep the peace in the family as much as possible so most often I don’t say anything when my SIL interrupts with a story or comment about herself (she cannot seem to carry on a conversation that doesn’t involve her or her kids) but it’s really hard! I have blown up a couple of times, which is not really productive for anyone but does kind of feel good at the moment 😄
Have you tried pulling her aside and asking her not to do it? She may not be aware how often she does it. It may not work but might be a good idea to try. Or call her out as she does it.
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Post by malibou on Dec 29, 2017 22:09:18 GMT
I'm probably the one that would be all kinds of snarky about this. If I was asked a medical question and she interrupted, I would say, Oops, my bad, I thought they were asking for advice from a nurse. Re the shed, my response would have been, Who knew you would have so many opinions on my shed. I can also picture me holding up a finger at her like you would do to an interrupting toddler to tell them just a minute, mommy is talking. Probably a good thing this person is not in my family. Lol. I think I have issues with interrupting that I wasn't entirely aware of. Sorry I'm no help, apparently I'm just a bitch. :-) Normally, this would be me. I just don't want to rock that boat. What irks me more than anything is just her blatant disregard for my opinion. The conversation this time was about autism, ADHD and how many more people seem to have these diagnoses than back in the 60s & 70s. I literally gave a two sentence answer then she jumped in with her opinion about how it was all the chemicals, the vaccines, the foods, the steroids, etc and how she did "all this research" on everything. I sooo badly wanted to say, "Googling is not research," or something equally snarky but I stopped myself. She gave no credence to scientific fact and just totally disregarded my statement. If I did think modified foods had anything to do with any of it, no one would have ever known it. I never got a chance to say more than my two sentences. It is exhausting sometimes. Angry patients ignore us all the time at work when they aren't getting what they want or we aren't getting to them fast enough. I just walk away when they start talking over me and won't listen to what I'm trying to say. I always say, I'll come back when they are ready to listen and not talk over me. Most of the time it works. As badly as I want to, I can't do that with family. SaveSaveOh, I so get this. Thankfully early I'm my marriage I vowed not to do anything that would cause trouble between my husband and his parents. I got lucky in that I seldom had to bite my tongue. My husband's brother's wife wasnt quite so smart. She alienated our in-laws before they even got married. I think getting older is causing my bull crap meter to start getting twitchy. |
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But yeah, she knows it ALL. She’s an expert on everything. 
