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Post by vspindler on Jan 16, 2018 20:59:42 GMT
My son is one of those who needs a little stress as motivation to get stuff done (like deadlines for school projects, that kind of thing). However, it becomes a very thin line of positive, productive stress and being overwhelming. He has finals and a presentation this week and had his bowling competition last night, and bowling didn't go very well. Dh couldn't get him to talk on the ride home but he opened up to me this morning. He said bowling poorly "broke" him. I've been kind of worried about how much pressure he has been putting on himself of late, but it also has me worried about what will happen when he goes to college next year.
I know where he is at, when you are stressed and something sets you over the edge into a meltdown. I don't know how to tell him that letting it go is ok, and accepting that at a point it comes down to "good enough" even if you know you didn't do THE best you could do.
I would love to hear any sage words of advice you've got. I'm kind of worried about him. I even asked him this morning if he would like to go back to therapy (he was having panic attacks in middle school.)
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Post by mom on Jan 16, 2018 21:33:34 GMT
I am sorry your son is having a hard week. My only advice is to talk to him - maybe go for a walk together or to dinner, and just talk and reassure him. Reassure him that bowling bad one time wont be the end of the world. Talk about his future, and how he can use this negative time to become better.
(sorry its not great, life changing advice. But its all I have).
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mlana
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,523
Jun 27, 2014 19:58:15 GMT
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Post by mlana on Jan 16, 2018 21:40:47 GMT
My DD did this. I started doing a ‘what did we learn from this/ find the silver lining’ review of events with her and it seemed to help. In this case, I’d ask if the bowling poorly will have any effect on his future? No? Ok then, he can’t change it and it won’t change him, so all that can happen now is he can take it apart and apply what he learned from it.
Why did he bowl poorly? Was it: Lack of practice Lack of focus on the game at hand Lack of talent
What could he have changed BEFORE the game that would have resulted in a better game: More practice Meditation Focus on his weak areas
What can he do NOW to make his next game better: Practice Work on leaving distractions at the door Work on areas of weakness, like ball spin or power play
What did he learn from this he can use elsewhere: Adequate study/practice time is a must Focus on job/subject at study time or test time Break into areas of weakness and focus more on those areas when practicing/studying
for my DD, this review would leave her feeling like she had regained some of the control she had lost by doing poorly. She would respond to a loss right before finals first with panic, then, after a review, with a sense of determination to use what she had just learned from her loss. This is how she coped at college and she is still using her review of events at work, even though she isn’t losing by any means. Her boss has already told her that her honest reviews and desire to constantly improve are 2 of her strongest points.
HTH, Marcy
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Post by Baseballmom23 on Jan 16, 2018 21:42:47 GMT
My son played baseball through college. He was harder on himself than anyone could ever be. DH and I saw this early on. We always made sure he knew that baseball was something he did and it did not define him as a person. We would never criticize him and would always let him vent to us. He will always be our son, and a baseball player for a season of life. As for grades, as long as he did his best, that's all that mattered. Again grades do not define the person you are. I am happy to say that he has attained his goal of becoming a fire fighter.
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Post by mrsscrapdiva on Jan 17, 2018 22:37:40 GMT
Does he get enough sleep? I find that the irrational, overwhelmed, broken down emotions are often related to when there isn't enough good sleep going on. I am like this and I feel like my oldest son is like this as well.
And I also think sometimes you just need a break or escape, change of scenery to start fresh. Maybe some therapy or help to give him some tools and positive coping skills on how to deal with these emotions and feelings when they come up.
I always try to remember that there is always a chance to sleep and start over tomorrow.
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