Need Advice, kicking a family member out of your house when

That was the point of my above post. Has she established residency at the house somehow? The definition of "establishing residency" varies from state to state.

In my state, a lease establishes residency. And/or at least one household bill - cable, electric, water, home phone. Not just a charge card, either.

In general, a squatter is clearly different than a guest. 

The OP needs to check the laws of her state.

The following is a general overview that states that a person cannot "squat" if the owner, in this case, the OP, is there.

"3. Exclusive Possession- An adverse possessor cannot occupy the land jointly with the titled owner or share possession in common with the public. This does not mean that others must be excluded from the land in order to claim "exclusive" use, but an adverse possessor must have been the only person to treat the land in the manner of an owner. In the partial lot example, even though you may have invited guests over for a party in your newly remodeled patio area, you were clearly the only person “acting” like an owner of the partial lot."

Link with above info: real-estate-law.freeadvice.com/real-estate-law/real-estate-law/adverse-possession-squater-rights.htm

Lisa

WOW! sounds like a troubled girl.  I feel for you.  I would want her out too... 

There are a couple things you can do. 

1. call an attorney and find out how to get her to vacate the premises. and Do what the attorney says. 

2. Take the money your dad has find  her an apartment. Take her with you and get the apartment in her name (what ever you do do not co sign for her). tell her she is moving and have her bags in your car when you go to the apartment. take her stuff out of your car put it in the apartment and tell her she is on her own. I know this might sound mean but it is the best thing for her... Tough love...... It is the hardest.... But if she is left in her own apartment by herself with nothing else  she will learn to stand on her own two feet. 

Good luck..... 

Exactly

In your situation, please get legal advice from a lawyer familiar with tenant's rights. And follow that advice to the letter! It will be money well spent. 

You can't help someone who doesn't want to help themselves.

We had my nieces father living with us for a year.  For the first few months it was fine, but then he just stopped paying us the measly amount that was barely covering his food consumption for the month, sleeping all day and doing nothing to help.  It got to the point I was afraid in my own home because his attitude would shift just like that.

Hubby finally told him one day that he needed to go.  He had no where to go but that wasn't our problem.  SIL took him back in and now for the last almost 2 yrs has been trying to get rid of him.

At 41 yrs old he doesn't have a vehicle, only works a few months out of the year when he feels like it and thinks that my FIL should be supporting and making up the difference that my SIL can't out of her checks.  I've been in this family for 14 yrs and FIL had done nothing but support SIL and her kids this entire time.

State laws differ as to what constitutes "tenancy" so I would google search for your state. People are giving your their opinion as to what constitutes "tenant", "legal resident", and what counts is "tenancy".  Most times, you don't need a lawyer, there are plenty of free templates available on-line and you can file the paperwork yourself. 

Eviction by state

eviction resources

Given her history of not following through with anything, she can scream and shout all she wants, she really doesn't "do anything" though.

You are under no obligation to assist her with finding a place to live, that is on her, she's an adult and she can "couch surf" at one of her user buddies.

Your dad needs someone to talk to so he doesn't feel guilty and blame himself for her troubles. Can he see a counselor or go to al-anon and get a tough love speech himself?

I'd also recommend, as most other posts, that you find out the eviction laws in your state if you think you are going to need to go that route. I have been through this same thing with a family member. When they moved in, they were extremely depressed due to an incident and I was very compassionate and had very little expectations until they got back on their feet. They ended up needing anti depressants and it took quite a while to find one they could tolerate. There was some talk of suicide after trying some of the medications. That was very scary.

Once things were stabilized with medication, enough time had passed that they needed to start focusing forward again. I did all I could to provide a safe, secure, calm environment to facilitate that happening. Unfortunately, they chose to begin drinking, and possibly doing drugs, to try to handle their stress. I took them to therapy meetings, made myself available to listen to them into the wee hours of the morning, and went for long drives or walks on the beach in the evenings after work to help them unwind.

Instead of a slow steady improvement, it was like your situation, continually getting worse. Promises were broken, chores were not completed, and household rules were ignored. Numerous times I found the front door with the house key in it all night long, and sometimes left ajar. It was probably very much like your house is now with stress, fighting, constant tension. I wanted to run away from my own house.

What I did was begin immediately when it started to go bad by responding to each negative occurrence by making them more and more uncomfortable and unwelcome. They started out in a nice clean bedroom, laundry assistance, meals prepared, and chauffeuring to medical appointments. From there, I kicked them out of the bedroom and they had to sleep on the couch. Rather than stay up drinking all night and sleeping all day, they were supposed to be up and showered and ready to leave the house when I went to work at 7 am and not allowed back in until I came home from work around 6 pm. If I had to be gone all day working, they needed to be gone all day looking for a job and being productive. No laying around watching TV, eating, and running the air conditioner full blast.

I continued to remove privileges as things continued down hill. It ultimately came to a point where they were locked out of my house at all times and I changed the locks. Where they could once use my shower when I was home, they now had to go to the gym and use their shower. They tried the window fake lock thing too. That's when I stopped allowing them inside my house at all. I just kept getting tougher and tougher and finally gave the move out ultimatum. I provided the password to my garage door each day if things went as they should, meaning no attempted break ins, and if not conforming, then at least not making things worse. I allowed them to set up their bed in the garage to sleep for the final month. All their clothes were in the garage too. I warned that they were on the verge of losing that too. They did have access to my garage refrigerator that I kept stocked with bottled water, fruit, cheese and yogurt. They wouldn't eat well, but they wouldn't starve. I was providing food and shelter, but it was as minimum as I could come up with.

I allowed that for the rest of month and gave them the deadline that they were to have other living arrangements by the end of the month. There would be no more password to access the garage. I committed to store their things for one additional month to give them plenty of time to move them over to wherever they moved to. Access to the garage to move things was only while I was home. If things were left after that second month, they were going to be donated to the Goodwill. Since we were not really speaking by this time, I left all these rule changes in writing taped to the door between the house and the garage. That way, they also couldn't claim they didn't hear something or didn't understand something.

I don't know if it is too late for you to begin removing living privileges at this time or not. You may just want them out and this over with, and I don't blame you. The whole process from the cozy bedroom to here is your mattress on the garage floor was horribly stressful for me. I had to alert neighbors to call me at work if they saw something. It was just now how I like to live.

I am bothered by the fact that your sister isn't stepping up here. A huge concern is your father's health. He is her father too. She should be equally concerned and should be doing the bulk of what is necessary to bring peace back to your home, for both your sakes. She can't use the excuse of almost having a nervous breakdown when dealing with her daughter. What about your nerves? And your father's nerves? You were trying to do a good thing by helping your niece out. Your sister owes it to you to step up here. And if she takes her, there is no need for any eviction paperwork.

In the best scenario I can think of, your sister should come get her daughter and move her back into her place so you and your father get immediate peace and quiet. Then maybe the two of you together can work on finding a shelter or recovery program that your niece can enter. Is she just drinking or are drugs a factor too?

My niece got involved in drugs and the family had an intervention when we found out. My sister confronted her and told her she had to voluntarily enter a drug facility for a month. As leverage to make her enter, my sister threatened to have my niece's baby taken from her and put into the social services system. She also had the Sheriff, who is a family friend, present during the intervention so my niece understood how serious we were. She was not leaving my sister's home with that baby, no matter what. She agreed to enter and my sister kept her granddaughter at her home for the month. My niece was extremely scared of losing her daughter to the system and we used that to our advantage. With my sister watching the baby, my niece was able to get daily updates on her daughter and my sister brought her photos and video during her stay.

By the time that month was up, my sis had located a longer-term facility that would accept her and her baby, free of charge, with medical care for both mom and baby. That facility was a state-sponsored 3-month program where they worked on their addiction, and also took classes in parenting, money management, and nutrition. I realize your niece doesn't have a baby, but there are many types of facilities out there, and I guess many are paid for by the state. There has to be one that will work for your niece. For leverage to get her to agree to go, you could tell her it is the rehab facility or under a bridge on the edge of town, her choice.

I'm so sorry you are having to deal with this. Hopefully you guys can reach your niece and get her to agree to a rehabilitation program so she gets back on the right path. In the mean time, be good to yourself. Is there somewhere your dad can go visit while this is getting sorted out? Even if he went and stayed with your sister while you worked on getting your niece to agree to a rehab facility, it would probably be calmer than having a ringside seat for the probably scene that will take place. Or, have you considered going with your dad to his doctor to get a short-term prescription to some Valium or something? You could probably use it yourself.

Sorry...double post

     Yesterday!

Ugh, I am sorry. Can I ask why she is staying with you rather than her parents? I thought that was a telling detail.

Anyhow, I agree with the advice of others to consult an attorney who knows something about tenancy and eviction, as well as that it is complete reasonable and appropriate thing for you to remove her from your home. I am normally someone who is in favor of family taking care of family and am not wedded to the idea that every young adult needs to be living independently rather than with family, but this is not a tenable situation.