Pea opinions - spending on kids differences

If the parent is There, I'd roll my eyes and let my kids do what we wanted. If we took the kid and the parent didn't give them money, we would give the kid some money to spend.

I spent what I planned on my kids and let the other parent do the same.  If she didn't want to let her kids spend anything then she/they can deal with the feelings that brings.  

I just focus on my own kids. If we can swing it, we will snag something for all the kids and their cousins if it's something special.

There were times we didn't spend extra and there were times we spent quite a bit. I just depended on the situation. I might have said, "You know that you have saved X amount of dollars, so check everything out first." That way the other kids know the deal. Growing up, my best friend, an oops baby, got everything she asked for. I knew it and didn't hold a grudge. It was her life (and I would not have traded places with her). The kid across the street from us has divorced parents and he saw his dad once a year. Dad sent him gaming consoles, computers, etc. for birthdays and other holidays. My kids knew the deal and talked about it now and then, but they never complained. Their dad coached their sports, attended school functions, and spent oodles of time with them. I am sure the other mom in the OP's story does things for her kids at different times. I think is is especially important for kids to know life isn't fair or even or whatever.

Honestly? Maybe it makes me a bad person, but I really try to avoid things like that with other families unless I’m familiar with how they handle spending with their kids.

It’s one thing if one family lets their kids spend a little more or a little less. But when it’s WAY different, it’s uncomfortable and awkward and I’d rather not deal.

In your situation, I’d proceed as planned but I might rein my kids in *a bit* and maybe make another pass through the shopping later when the other family wasn’t around (unless you drove there together).

That sucks - I’m sorry. ,

Who takes their kids to a special event knowing there will be souvenirs or shopping and doesn't plan for spending? I mean, don't spend a fortune but buy them a reminder of the day?

I always make sure if I am taking mine to a special event, or a theme park, that I have money set aside for extras. My kids will also save up their money for special things.

I would be hella uncomfortable but her kids, her choices. I'd still let my kids buy what they have money for.

Is this the first time you have done something like this with this friend?

If I knew that there was a likelihood that there would be a big difference in how much we Were spending at an event, I would probably bring it up ahead of time. “We have saved for this and the kids are looking forward to getting a lot of treats at the event”. Or “I was thinking that each child would have $$ to spend. What are your thoughts?”

In your situation I probably would have encouraged your kids to save some of the money for a different time, especially since it seems that a lot of it was spent on snacks. Not that they couldn’t buy anything, but maybe tone it down. And next time talk about it with the friend ahead of time.

ETA that I personally would value being at the event with friends more than buying lots of stuff and I think my response reflected that. Hopefully she would also compromise on what she was planning to spend, but it may not be possible for everyone to do that. Even if it seems that a family should be able to spend more on an event, that may not be the reality.

I’d be the mom who would only buy lunch and let the kid choose one souvenir not because we couldn’t afford to buy more but because in the long run it’s just more plastic stuff my kid won’t play with that I’ll have to pick up and eventually figure out how to dispose of. For us it would be more about attending the event with a friend which to her would be the bigger deal.

My kid knows this going in and is used to that, so we wouldn’t really have an issue even if we attended with another family that dropped a bundle on that kind of stuff. If she had her own money to spend and wanted to spend it, that would be another story. That also would have been something we would have discussed prior to attending the event in an effort to give her some opportunities to earn some extra spending money beforehand. Even when we went to Disneyworld she only got to pick one thing to bring home other than the crazy expensive dress DH bought for her at the boutique.

ETA: After reading some of the updates, it sounds like this is the kind of event you pay to get in and then have to pay at the booths inside to do the individual activities and attractions. In that case I probably would set a budget to allow my kid to do a few of the things on my dime but I could see where one could rack up a lot of expense pretty quickly especially if you had multiple kids along. So for that reason alone I probably would hesitate to attend something like that because it wouldn’t be fun unless you dropped a lot of cash. I’m admittedly pretty thrifty though and would rather spend a bigger chunk of money on something more tangible that my kid/family would get a longer benefit from, but that’s just me.

We rarely bought trinkets on vacation. I would let them get t shirts hats and postcards.

I would not have let them buy much except the butter beer.

Well I think it sucks for her kids and yours, and she should have considered this in advance. She put her family and yours in an uncomfortable spot and, unfortunately, her kids suffered for her bad judgment. I see other issues with this mom in the future and would avoid group excursions.

My kids got x$ and that was it if they wanted to spend more that was in them. I don’t care what other people do that’s thiervperogstice.

ALTHOUGH I have reimbursed my kids for buying lunch for a friend whose parents refused to send them with proper food or money for day long band events. And yes I judged a lot I’m my head but I kept my mouth shut. F’n drove me nuts for 4 years. You can not send your kids out from 6am until midnight with 1 pb sandwich and 1 soda it just doesn’t work. Your a lousy parent if you do that. Which meal is that sandwich for, breakfast, lunch or dinner?? Grrrr sure the band provides dinner but there’s 2 other meals ass hat.

But other than feeding I fed children I just set a limit and that was that.

I'm kind of dealing with this right now with a mother who not only doesn't want her child to get a treat bag at a Valentine's rehearsal but doesn't want anyone else's kid to have one either because she feels that it marginalizes her child.

My response to your situation is, you parent your kids. If she chooses to raise her children differently, it's up to her to deal with any fallout that may come from that.