GiantsFan
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Posts: 8,451
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Jun 27, 2014 14:44:56 GMT
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Post by GiantsFan on Mar 18, 2018 14:54:09 GMT
You weren't rude and I think your answer was perfect. But I understand him asking for a ride. Maybe get to know him when you see him, talk to his mom and then if you want then take him with you. We don't play anymore, but a friend of ours does and he has parents asking if he will take their kids. His rule is they have to stick with him or they don't go with him again.
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mallie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,253 
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Post by mallie on Mar 18, 2018 15:31:37 GMT
Women spend too much time doubting their responses when it comes to men invading their space.
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Post by aljack on Mar 18, 2018 15:43:50 GMT
Bottom line is you said no. I would try to get know him once the weather improves as suggested and build form there. Not a requirement, but a suggestion.
I also thought he might be autistic as others suggested. I always worry about those on the spectrum because one of the traits is not being able to distinguish social cues from others and they may think a “hello” means the person is friendly and they connected while most people would want more time and information to invite another into the fold so to speak.
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,881
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Mar 18, 2018 15:48:05 GMT
My kids are 18 and 22. So not really kids, I guess. I totally get where you were coming from & that you need to be concerned about your family's safety first & foremost but I can't help but be a little bit sad for this guy feeling like an outsider I think that's part of the reason I feel so bad. Everyone is being very welcoming to him but it's only been a few days. I also feel a little bad for his mom. It's probably not much fun for her to be driving him around to play. I imagine she doesn't really mind. She's probably trying to help him make friends. Perhaps he's on the autistic spectrum or perhaps he has a medical condition that has prevented him from getting a driver's license (my friend's daughter has epilepsy and can't get a license quite yet.) I agree with those that have said to try to incorporate him into the group and befriend him more. But you were under no obligation to give him a ride. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 28, 2024 23:16:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2018 16:35:50 GMT
Not rude , but maybe your family can invite him and his mother for coffee or tacos after the next group meet. Who knows they may make a new friend.
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kate
Drama Llama
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Location: The city that doesn't sleep
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Jun 26, 2014 3:30:05 GMT
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Post by kate on Mar 18, 2018 17:09:05 GMT
Your response was perfect. No need to tell a "cover story" of nonexistent errands - by being honest, you treated him with the utmost respect. I would 100x rather someone tell me the truth (as you did) than try to spare my feelings by fibbing. And what you said was not at all unkind!
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Post by femalebusiness on Mar 18, 2018 17:21:21 GMT
Nope, not a jerk. I too like that you were straight with him, no phony excuses. I don't even think it needs to be about safety. This is your time with your kids and shouldn't have to drag a stranger around with you just to be polite. You may have doged a bullet. He may have started asking to go with you every week.
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Post by gale w on Mar 18, 2018 18:08:01 GMT
You weren't rude. Perhaps get to know him a bit better in the coming weeks? Aren't you driving your own 20something kid around? why do you think this kid is weird? I'm jealous that you still have a community to play with. Everyone here has bailed. I miss playing. I never said he was weird at all. For any reason. As far as me driving my kids, yeah I do that but I play too. He’s said that his mom doesn’t play. My kids do drive but my son is better at playing on both of our phones at the same time than I am. Again, I never said he was weird. Just said his mom drives him for whatever reason. It was important to the story since he was asking to be driven around. |
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mvavw
Full Member
Posts: 344
Jun 25, 2014 20:21:43 GMT
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Post by mvavw on Mar 18, 2018 18:22:07 GMT
I don't think that you were a jerk for saying no at all. I do think it would be nice to get to know this new player since it seems like the whole group has a pretty good relationship. Maybe after you know him better you will want to play together/share a car. Maybe his mom can even drive the whole group around some time and you can get play time too  maybe not As far as the possibility that he is on the spectrum that others brought up, it is entirely possible, but there could be a million other reasons for his situation. But as a mom of a 21 year old on the spectrum who doesn't drive yet, I think that your response was perfect and honest. His response to you acknowledged that. The best way for my son to learn social skills is for people to be honest with him and not spare his feelings. It's when people try to spare his feelings that misunderstandings occur and he struggles to figure out where he went wrong. |
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Post by natlhol on Mar 18, 2018 18:22:13 GMT
I don't think it's weird that he asked for a ride in a car with kids his own age. And he was probably thinking to spare his mom the time of driving him around by asking to go with you.
That being said, I always believe in going with your gut. Always. But I'm curious how he's supposed to get to know people in this group when everyone is pretty much staying in their cars. Asking to go in a car with kids his own age was a good way to go about meeting people, I think.
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Post by gale w on Mar 18, 2018 19:29:41 GMT
I don't think it's weird that he asked for a ride in a car with kids his own age. And he was probably thinking to spare his mom the time of driving him around by asking to go with you. That being said, I always believe in going with your gut. Always. But I'm curious how he's supposed to get to know people in this group when everyone is pretty much staying in their cars. Asking to go in a car with kids his own age was a good way to go about meeting people, I think. When the weather is nicer we do all get out and socialize. The last few times it was either raining, snowing or windy. |
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Post by chaosisapony on Mar 18, 2018 19:36:46 GMT
Not a jerk. You gave the honest answer, without any rudeness, and I'm sure after you saying that he understood.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 28, 2024 23:16:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2018 19:38:16 GMT
Nope. He was the jerk for asking a virtual stranger for a lift, when it wasn't an emergency. Your safety and that of your family comes first. I disagree that he was a jerk for asking. And he was polite when she declined his request. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 28, 2024 23:16:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2018 19:40:30 GMT
Women spend too much time doubting their responses when it comes to men invading their space. I know I doubt my responses in instances like this because of the situation (I think my response would be the same as the OP if the person had been a female). |
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Post by melanell on Mar 18, 2018 19:44:33 GMT
I know you said that you responded that way because you didn't have a minute to think first, but if I had been in your place, even if I did have a moment to think about it, my answer would have been very similar. I may have tried to throw in a few words to make it seem more apologetic or make it sound possibly temporary (Like "I'm sorry, but since I don't really know you well yet..."), but I wouldn't have wanted to lie about an errand because that opens the door for him to ask again next time and you have to lie again, kwim?
So basically I would have said the same thing you did. You were honest & respectful, and those are 2 pretty nice qualities. I really don't think you need to feel bad about it at all.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 28, 2024 23:16:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2018 19:44:36 GMT
Maybe the guy has epilepsy. Our friend has it and his wife drives him everywhere, just as his mom did when he was in college. They had one of those car phones (with the bag) many moons ago in case of emergency and I loved talking on that thing.
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Post by gale w on Mar 18, 2018 20:00:44 GMT
To clarify, we actually WERE running errands between raids. lol. Usually it's a good 30 minutes or more between the legendary raids so we hit the stores or gas up the car or whatever during that down time. That wasn't a lie at all. lol
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Sept 28, 2024 23:16:25 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 18, 2018 20:04:13 GMT
I know you said that you responded that way because you didn't have a minute to think first, but if I had been in your place, even if I did have a moment to think about it, my answer would have been very similar. I may have tried to throw in a few words to make it seem more apologetic or make it sound possibly temporary (Like "I'm sorry, but since I don't really know you well yet..."), but I wouldn't have wanted to lie about an errand because that opens the door for him to ask again next time and you have to lie again, kwim? So basically I would have said the same thing you did. You were honest & respectful, and those are 2 pretty nice qualities. I really don't think you need to feel bad about it at all. She wouldn't have been lying about the errand. This is what was in her post <iframe width="21.680000000000064" height="6.259999999999991" style="position: absolute; width: 21.68px; height: 6.26px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 1022px; top: -375px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_42671465" scrolling="no"></iframe> <iframe width="21.680000000000064" height="6.259999999999991" style="position: absolute; width: 21.68px; height: 6.26px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 9px; top: -118px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_70844557" scrolling="no"></iframe> <iframe width="21.680000000000064" height="6.259999999999991" style="position: absolute; width: 21.68px; height: 6.26px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 1022px; top: -118px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_81631476" scrolling="no"></iframe> ETA sorry Gale didn't see your post before I posted mine. |
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Post by maryland on Mar 18, 2018 20:54:24 GMT
I don't think you were being rude. My husband would have said the same thing as you if he was in your situation. He doesn't feel comfortable around people he doesn't know well, and wouldn't have been comfortable in that situation.
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Post by maryland on Mar 18, 2018 20:56:03 GMT
Not rude , but maybe your family can invite him and his mother for coffee or tacos after the next group meet. Who knows they may make a new friend. That's a nice idea! |
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Post by melanell on Mar 19, 2018 6:01:36 GMT
I know you said that you responded that way because you didn't have a minute to think first, but if I had been in your place, even if I did have a moment to think about it, my answer would have been very similar. I may have tried to throw in a few words to make it seem more apologetic or make it sound possibly temporary (Like "I'm sorry, but since I don't really know you well yet..."), but I wouldn't have wanted to lie about an errand because that opens the door for him to ask again next time and you have to lie again, kwim? So basically I would have said the same thing you did. You were honest & respectful, and those are 2 pretty nice qualities. I really don't think you need to feel bad about it at all. She wouldn't have been lying about the errand. This is what was in her post <iframe width="21.680000000000064" height="6.259999999999991" style="position: absolute; width: 21.68px; height: 6.26px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 1022px; top: -375px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_42671465" scrolling="no"></iframe> <iframe width="21.680000000000064" height="6.259999999999991" style="position: absolute; width: 21.68px; height: 6.26px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 9px; top: -118px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_70844557" scrolling="no"></iframe> <iframe width="21.680000000000064" height="6.259999999999991" style="position: absolute; width: 21.68px; height: 6.26px; z-index: -9999; border-style: none; left: 1022px; top: -118px;" id="MoatPxIOPT0_81631476" scrolling="no"></iframe> ETA sorry Gale didn't see your post before I posted mine. Sorry! I don't know how I missed that! |
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Post by AussieMeg on Mar 19, 2018 9:17:36 GMT
I get what everyone is saying about trusting your gut etc, but I would never have responded abruptly like that. To be honest, I think it's bordering on rude. I hope someone else was able to take him with them for the afternoon.
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Post by gale w on Mar 19, 2018 9:25:31 GMT
Well I normally wouldn't respond abruptly but I was surprised and couldn't think fast enough. It wasn't really abrupt though-I just said I would rather not. I didn't say it in any mean way or anything. There were two other groups of people with us. One was done playing for the day and I'm not sure if he asked the other one. The other group hasn't been around as much the past few weeks so they probably had seen him even less than we had.
A pp mentioned that her husband isn't comfortable around people he doesn't know, and to be honest, I'm the same way. I have a diagnosed anxiety disorder and this situation made me pretty anxious. With the other people, getting to know them came slowly and felt natural. This didn't.
eta: his mom did take him to the next raid but there weren't enough people so we weren't able to succeed in beating the raid boss. After that no one else was raiding so there wouldn't have been enough people to raid anyway.
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Post by Anne-Marie on Mar 19, 2018 15:34:40 GMT
it is very possible he is autistic.. and can't drive and is not great with social communication. I hope you are later able to talk to him.. get to know him a bit and maybe talk to his mom. you shouldn't feel bad for not giving him a ride right now.. trust your instincts.. but. I would hopefully continue to welcome him on events. Haven't read all of the responses but this is exactly what I was going to say. Maybe because I have a DD with autism, but that was my immediate thought. |
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Post by summer on Mar 19, 2018 15:36:33 GMT
Not at all. I’d be uncomfortable driving a stranger too.
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Post by gmcwife1 on Mar 19, 2018 19:01:50 GMT
Nope. He was the jerk for asking a virtual stranger for a lift, when it wasn't an emergency. Your safety and that of your family comes first. I disagree that he was a jerk for asking. And he was polite when she declined his request. I agree I don't think he was a jerk or anything for asking and I don't think the OP was rude for saying no. I just probably would have taken him with me. BUT I spend a ton of time with kids/young adults that age so I'm used to just taking them places and making things group activities. So I'm sure I would have just added him to my car with me and my similar aged kids. |
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maybe not
