Mystie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,299
Jun 25, 2014 19:53:37 GMT
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Post by Mystie on Mar 20, 2018 21:24:30 GMT
This doesn't involve me or anyone in my life, thankfully, just a very vocal woman I sat next to at the hair salon today. She was going on and on and on about her daughter's wedding and her daughter's "rude" friends and cousins (young adults in their early-mid-20s) who were planning to bring a plus-one to the wedding. Apparently the invitations were sent only addressed to the individual and no plus-one was indicated. So she and her daughter had to call ten or twelve people and tell them that they had to come by themselves. The woman was in high dudgeon about the ignorance and rudeness of young people who would assume that they could just bring along a friend or date to the wedding. Now, I don't go to many weddings, but wouldn't it be the correct thing to do to indicate on the invitation that the guest, plus-one, was invited? Then if they choose to come alone they can, but if they want to bring someone they can. I can't imagine that many people want to walk into a wedding reception alone. I understand that she had to call people after the fact because they wouldn't have enough meals otherwise, but it seemed to me that they should have been more generous in their invitations and thus not needed to make so many embarrassing calls. I assume married couples were permitted to come together, although she did also have a lot of opinions on people who think children are welcome at a wedding. She appeared to feel that children are like rabid dogs. But I understand that some people prefer a child-free wedding. The kicker? The wedding is this coming Saturday--and it's outdoors. It's supposed to be a high of 48 degrees on Saturday. Her daughter thought maybe they should provide blankets for guests but the mother-of-the-bride felt she had spent enough $$$ already. The second kicker? She was trying to get the girl who was doing her hair to come out and do all the bridesmaids' hair on Saturday morning. Nothing like scheduling at the last minute! The stylist would have to drive about 30 minutes to where the bridesmaids are going to be, so she told MOB that she'd have to charge a travel fee on top of the styling fee. MOB chewed on that for a while and once she came out from under the dryer, commented very passive-aggressively that the stylist would be "making bank" on the deal. It was all very entertaining, but what I really want to know is: isn't it simple politeness to indicate a plus-one on a wedding invitation, regardless of the invitee's marital/relationship status?
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 20:08:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2018 21:29:44 GMT
I always thought “and guest” covered the plus one. If the invites aren’t worded that way, then yes, the guests are being rude.
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scrappinwithoutpeas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,928
Location: Northern Virginia
Aug 7, 2014 22:09:44 GMT
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Post by scrappinwithoutpeas on Mar 20, 2018 21:31:55 GMT
To answer the simple question - yes, I agree that it's polite to indicate a plus-one ("and guest") on the wedding invite. The only people who don't automaticaly get a plus-one on the invite are singles who are not in a relationship at all. (And even they can get a plus-one if the bride/bride's family is able to be that generous.)
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,313
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Mar 20, 2018 21:32:36 GMT
I can't imagine that many people want to walk into a wedding reception alone. I agree with you but apparently it is something folks do. One of my dearest friends back home had to attend a wedding without her fiance. It was one of her best university friends who was the bride and they hadn't seen in each other phsically in about 6 months. She really wanted to attend the wedding but it was in a different province even and she was point blankly told "no your finance can't come to the reception with you". I couldn't imagine at all.
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Post by kmcginn on Mar 20, 2018 21:44:18 GMT
Sometimes money is that tight that several "plus ones" add up. Seems silly but unless you've been there, it's hard to understand.
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Post by christine58 on Mar 20, 2018 21:46:33 GMT
Apparently the invitations were sent only addressed to the individual and no plus-one was indicated. So she and her daughter had to call ten or twelve people and tell them that they had to come by themselves. The rude ones were the people who added a date to the RSVP card. My niece had to cut down her list so many of her friends were invited without a plus one. If they were engaged, then that is different. I am sure this mom and DD were embarrassed to call those who had responded with a plus one. BUT they aren't the rude ones, those invited were. I've gone to weddings alone..Not a big deal. And if you don't want to go alone, stay home. Being married or engaged to someone is entirely different and yes they should be invited I understand that she had to call people after the fact because they wouldn't have enough meals otherwise, but it seemed to me that they should have been more generous in their invitations and thus not needed to make so many embarrassing calls Maybe they COULDN'T afford it. Again...they aren't the rude ones.
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Post by padresfan619 on Mar 20, 2018 21:47:17 GMT
Unless your invitation is addressed to you “and guest” you don’t get a plus one.
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Post by myshelly on Mar 20, 2018 21:48:23 GMT
If the invite isn’t addressed to “and guest” you don’t get a plus one. Period. If you don’t want to go alone, don’t go.
(I think the whole not wanting to go somewhere alone argument is ridiculous for ANY event. I can’t stand people who won’t do things by themselves. You’re an adult. If you’re not a conjoined twin, you should be able to go anywhere alone.)
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ellen
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,516
Jun 30, 2014 12:52:45 GMT
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Post by ellen on Mar 20, 2018 21:51:21 GMT
I've already decided that when it comes time to host weddings that the reception is going to be our "spend a buck" area. We'll cut back somewhere else if we have to and make sure that the wedding is as welcoming as possible. I would rather our guests arrive happy instead of grumbling that they couldn't bring a guest with them.
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cakediva
Drama Llama
Making the world a sweeter place one cake at a time!
Posts: 7,463
Location: Fergus, Ontario
Jun 26, 2014 11:53:40 GMT
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Post by cakediva on Mar 20, 2018 21:51:51 GMT
Unless your invitation is addressed to you “and guest” you don’t get a plus one. I agree. And then you have my niece, who just sent out the invitations, and ours was address to "The Cakedivas" - just the invite in an envelope with an email address to rsvp to. No reply card, nothing. I had to message her and let her know DH & DS can't go (basketball tournament) and then asked if my DDs' other halves could come in their place. She was fine with it (and I said 2 or 3 times it was up to her, no pressure, if they can't they can't). But I never would have assumed to just reply they were coming!
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AnotherPea
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,968
Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Mar 20, 2018 21:56:20 GMT
And sometimes there is very limited space at the venue. Dd could only have 60 guests at her wedding. She had one very good friend get upset because there simply wasn't room for a plus one.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Mar 20, 2018 21:58:22 GMT
A bunch of cousins and young friends can very well go alone. Would they have rather NOT been invited at all! That would have been a big mess for all!
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Post by auntkelly on Mar 20, 2018 21:59:28 GMT
On the one hand I think it’s rude of people to assume they can invite a date to a wedding if their invitation did not say “and guest.”
On the other hand, I would rather invite fewer guests and let the guests I do invite bring a plus one, than to invite a lot of guests and not allow them to bring a date. I would want all of my guests to feel comfortable and have a good time.
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,313
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Mar 20, 2018 22:00:04 GMT
Sometimes money is that tight that several "plus ones" add up. Seems silly but unless you've been there, it's hard to understand. You would think though, at a wedding of all places, the importance of a fiance would be recognized.
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Post by padresfan619 on Mar 20, 2018 22:01:02 GMT
I was strict about plus ones for our wedding because we had a limited budget per person and I didn’t want random people I didn’t know in my wedding photos. I learned that after attending my cousin’s wedding where her sister insisted on having her boyfriend in every family photo. That relationship didn’t last and now all of the family photos feature a random guy. We can’t even remember his name!
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 20:08:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2018 22:04:29 GMT
If it doesn't say "and guest" or "and family", then only the name(s) of the person/people on the invitation is/are invited. If the guests in question are the bride's old high school friends or coworkers, then it shouldn't be too awkward going solo.
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PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Mar 20, 2018 22:05:16 GMT
My husband had a few friends attend our wedding who were not in relationships. I did not offer them a plus 1 invitation because it's our wedding, not a date. I'm not paying $150 for your fling. Anyone in actual relationships, regardless of how new, was offered a plus 1.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 20:08:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2018 22:12:39 GMT
This doesn't involve me or anyone in my life, thankfully, just a very vocal woman I sat next to at the hair salon today. She was going on and on and on about her daughter's wedding and her daughter's "rude" friends and cousins (young adults in their early-mid-20s) who were planning to bring a plus-one to the wedding. Apparently the invitations were sent only addressed to the individual and no plus-one was indicated. So she and her daughter had to call ten or twelve people and tell them that they had to come by themselves. The woman was in high dudgeon about the ignorance and rudeness of young people who would assume that they could just bring along a friend or date to the wedding. Now, I don't go to many weddings, but wouldn't it be the correct thing to do to indicate on the invitation that the guest, plus-one, was invited? Then if they choose to come alone they can, but if they want to bring someone they can. I can't imagine that many people want to walk into a wedding reception alone. I understand that she had to call people after the fact because they wouldn't have enough meals otherwise, but it seemed to me that they should have been more generous in their invitations and thus not needed to make so many embarrassing calls. <edit> It was all very entertaining, but what I really want to know is: isn't it simple politeness to indicate a plus-one on a wedding invitation, regardless of the invitee's marital/relationship status? Many people have a very strict budget to adhere to and they can't afford to add 12 more "plus ones", or the venue is limited in number of guests. Inviting the friends may have already been being generous with invitations. So, which 6 of those young cousins/friends don't get an invitation at all so the 6 invited can invite a random date-for-the-day that the bride/groom doesn't know? It is not bad etiquette to only invite the single people as singles with no plus one. They can decide if they want to come alone or decline the invitation. The only rudeness is to not invite a spouse or fiance if a couple is engaged.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,677
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Mar 20, 2018 22:38:22 GMT
On the one hand I think it’s rude of people to assume they can invite a date to a wedding if their invitation did not say “and guest.” On the other hand, I would rather invite fewer guests and let the guests I do invite bring a plus one, than to invite a lot of guests and not allow them to bring a date. I would want all of my guests to feel comfortable and have a good time. This is what I think as well. I skipped a good friend's wedding because I didn't want to go alone. I hadn't seen her or that group for quite a while and wasn't comfortable going by myself.
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,765
Jun 25, 2014 23:21:30 GMT
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Post by scrapngranny on Mar 20, 2018 22:52:47 GMT
I helped plan and pay weddings for all three of my children, we invited a plus one at all the weddings. We also invited children to all three, because kids were fine with us. I do understand children aren’t appropriate at all weddings.
That mom sounds like a peach. If they are using a wedding planner, I bet they are counting the days until this is over. She might find out at 45 degrees, she may not have very many guests to worry about. One thing I learned doing my kids’ weddings. Is that twenty somethings are famous for not showing up for the wedding and coming to the reception, ready to eat and drink.
Sadly, you will never get to hear how this all turns out.
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Post by disneypal on Mar 20, 2018 22:55:28 GMT
I would pretty much assume if I was invited to a wedding that I could bring another person with me - most people usually don't go to a wedding alone.
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Post by jennyap on Mar 20, 2018 23:01:40 GMT
Everyone invited to my wedding was invited by name, whether part of a couple or otherwise. We had no generic ‘plus one’s and any extras would not have been welcome, every seat was accounted for.
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Post by myshelly on Mar 20, 2018 23:11:30 GMT
I would pretty much assume if I was invited to a wedding that I could bring another person with me - most people usually don't go to a wedding alone. That's a pretty rude assumption.
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Post by christine58 on Mar 20, 2018 23:11:53 GMT
I would pretty much assume if I was invited to a wedding that I could bring another person with me - most people usually don't go to a wedding alone. If it doesn't include a plus 1 or guest...don't assume. And many people go to weddings alone. Not sure what the big deal is...men do it all the time yet it seems women won't...SMH
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Post by christine58 on Mar 20, 2018 23:12:55 GMT
(I think the whole not wanting to go somewhere alone argument is ridiculous for ANY event. I can’t stand people who won’t do things by themselves. You’re an adult. If you’re not a conjoined twin, you should be able to go anywhere alone.) AMEN
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,630
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Mar 20, 2018 23:15:39 GMT
When I got married, we only invited people with a "plus one" if we knew they had a serious boyfriend/girlfriend or they were engaged. We got married a year out of college; his friends and my friends were all friends from school and we knew they could all hang out together for a night without bringing a date.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 1, 2024 20:08:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Mar 20, 2018 23:17:51 GMT
I would pretty much assume if I was invited to a wedding that I could bring another person with me - most people usually don't go to a wedding alone. Why do you assume you can invite a guest to an event/party that YOU are not hosting or paying for just because you received an invitation? Your assumption is way off base. If you aren't the host you don't get to invite other guests.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Mar 20, 2018 23:30:24 GMT
I am getting more confused as I read the responses. Why do people not want to go places alone? I know several people who met their spouse at a friend's wedding. I also know about the random 'plus ones' appearing in family wedding pictures too...
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Post by Tamhugh on Mar 20, 2018 23:30:29 GMT
My boys are at the age where they are attending and participating in a lot of weddings. They have had +1s for a few weddings but not for most. They don't seem to care either way. We have been to a few of the weddings and there are always large groups of single people seated together and having fun.
When we got married (30 years ago) we paid for our own wedding. We only included a +1 if they were in a relationship. The only children that were invited were first cousins. People who add people who were not included on the invitations are the rude ones.
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Post by myshelly on Mar 20, 2018 23:34:41 GMT
I am getting more confused as I read the responses. Why do people not want to go places alone? I know several people who met their spouse at a friend's wedding. I also know about the random 'plus ones' appearing in family wedding pictures too... The alone thing is truly, truly bizarre to me. I would love an explanation.
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