Deleted
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Jun 3, 2024 8:21:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2018 5:29:44 GMT
"Undertakers have long been able to get away with poor service. Their customers are typically distressed, under time-pressure and completely inexperienced (people in rich countries buy more cars than they do funerals). As a result, few shop around, let alone haggle. With consumers docile, providers can keep quality low and prices high—much like tourist-trap restaurants, another one-off purchase made in haste with little information. Some sellers have made matters worse with techniques ranging from opaque pricing to emotional blackmail. The asymmetry in knowledge between undertaker and grief-stricken client allows ludicrous markups on things like coffins. It also makes it easier to sell services that people do not realise are mostly unnecessary, such as embalming. But now undertakers’ market power is being challenged on at least three fronts. One is changing customer demand. Driven in part by the decline of religion, and broader shifts in attitudes to death and dying, fewer bereaved are ready to cede their dead unthinkingly to an off-the-shelf burial. They prefer shrouds and woodland burials to coffins and graveyards; celebrations of life to sombre rituals in funeral homes; and video tributes to a life just lost to displays of the embalmed dead. Second, more and more, they choose cremation, which is cheaper than burial, and allows a “direct” form in which the disposal of the body is handled without fuss, and kept separate from the commemoration of the life lost. And third, the internet is disrupting death as it has life. Comparison sites shed light on funeral providers’ services. And though not many bereaved relations yet “bring their own coffin”, a quick browse online gives people a far better idea of what it should cost. Startups are offering more radical disruption: rocket-launches for ashes; QR codes on graves linked to online tributes; new ways of disposing of bodies besides burying or burning." www.economist.com/news/leaders/21740406-changing-social-norms-competition-and-technology-are-shaking-up-stodgy-and-exploitative |
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Post by cindosha on Apr 15, 2018 10:28:02 GMT
It’s about effing time!! Talk about gouging people!!!!its despicable what they charge. My dad was talking with funeral homes and wants creamation. They tried to sell him a “bamboo coffin” to be burned in. Are ya fucking kidding me??? And don’t get me started on obituaries...$700.00?  ? Disgusting. Cindy |
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muggins
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,861 
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Post by muggins on Apr 15, 2018 10:50:48 GMT
I watched a documentary about this very issue recently in the UK. It’s the same here, with funeral marketers visiting elderly people and talking them into purchasing very expensive services. Despicable really.
More and more people are choosing to have personalised funerals that don’t involve expensive coffins, hearses, etc, in order to keep the costs down for their surviving family. It makes sense really. People have been creating their own types of wedding celebrations for many years (although many sneer at the idea of not following tradition), so why not funerals too? Makes sense to me.
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StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,668
Location: Ohio
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Post by StephDRebel on Apr 15, 2018 11:26:54 GMT
Finally.
I attended a funeral Friday, one yesterday, and were going to another today (rough week) and two if them had to print that instead of flowers contributions to the funeral home could be made to help cover expenses.
it's absurd, we've discussed simple cremation and a party.
Don't stand in a creepy funeral home crying for me, rent an 80s bar and have a dance off remembering that if I were there I would be in the middle of the circle dancing my buns off. Celebrate like it's my birthday one more time.
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Post by lisae on Apr 15, 2018 12:20:19 GMT
I was amazed at what my father's funeral cost. We had used the same funeral home for my aunt 9 years earlier for a very similar service and the cost was twice as much! There was a little more to my father's funeral but not that much.
I will say that the services they provided were excellent. They handled all even more details than I would have expected. My parents generation is still of the open casket visitations which I greatly dislike but that is what Mother and Daddy wanted. Personally, I'm coming back to haunt anyone who dares dress me up and stare after at me after I'm dead to say stupid things like (insert Southern accent) "doesn't she look good?" or the opposite "she doesn't look a think like herself?"
We have two funeral homes in our town so there isn't a lot of shopping around. Most people go with the one that has traditionally handled their families funerals.
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SweetieBsMom
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Posts: 4,618
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Post by SweetieBsMom on Apr 15, 2018 12:52:57 GMT
My MIL told DH it cost $20k to bury his father. Now he’s worried how I will afford that when he passes. I tell him it’s literally the last thing he should be worrying about.
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zookeeper
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,909
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Post by zookeeper on Apr 15, 2018 12:56:48 GMT
Cremation and a giant ass party for me! I see no sense in going into debt for a funeral. Spread my ashes in Terlingua, Texas and party in the desert. Perfect.
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Post by lancermom on Apr 15, 2018 13:37:51 GMT
Yes! Cremation and a party for me as well. While everyone has good intentions, most don’t visit as much as they would like at cemeteries. I want to have a tree planted in my memory. And a bench placed under it. That’s it.
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Post by gailoh on Apr 15, 2018 13:42:25 GMT
My thought is go in the back room say goodbye and get me buried...I do not want a showroom floor funeral...and I would like to know do we have to be embalmed here in Ohio because I do not want it...told my family after just go have a BQ at the house and celebrate life not death...bury me in a cheaper coffin...we already have our plots paid for...no stone yet but I want one on it...
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Deleted
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Jun 3, 2024 8:21:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2018 13:48:29 GMT
Finally. I attended a funeral Friday, one yesterday, and were going to another today (rough week) and two if them had to print that instead of flowers contributions to the funeral home could be made to help cover expenses. it's absurd, we've discussed simple cremation and a party. Don't stand in a creepy funeral home crying for me, rent an 80s bar and have a dance off remembering that if I were there I would be in the middle of the circle dancing my buns off. Celebrate like it's my birthday one more time. Amen! As others have said, just another life event we're prying out of the hands of others and making our own! I still have bad feelings about the Catholic Church, which I left as a teen, because of the way a priest behaved during my father's funeral mass. But I've already vented on that, so I'll not repeat it. I'm so glad people are finally making their marks on how they want to celebrate birth and marriage and death. They are OUR lives and we should decide how to celebrate and what to celebrate - with those w/love and who love us. Also, sorry you're having to attend so many funerals - but I hope they were celebrations of lives lived and lives touched. |
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Post by txdancermom on Apr 15, 2018 13:53:51 GMT
Funeral and cremation costs are ridiculous. dad paid a small fortune for my stepmom's cremation, when he passed I used another funeral home and paid a quarter of what he did. both funeral homes in same city. a friend paid a fifth of what I did when she helped her son get her ex-dh cremated when he passed (different city). all for basically the same services.
all of these were in large cities - NYC and Dallas - and I feel for people in rural areas where the town may only have one funeral provider, who can charge what the families will pay.
dh and I have talked about pre-planning - it is the last step of our estate prep that we still need to do. I want to arrange for services, so dd and ds know who to call, and that it is taken care of. Then all they have to deal with is the junk in the house
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Post by yivit on Apr 15, 2018 14:02:04 GMT
I did a direct cremation for my late DH and we had a memorial service at the Catholic church he grew up in. With my dad, the evil step-witch didn't want to do ANYTHING but I convinced her to do a direct cremation and pick out an urn, and we (three of the four kids) handled the rest - a nice memorial service at the SPJST hall, interment at the family cemetery (per my father's wishes), and headstone.
I was fortunate to know that the crematorium that deals with most of the funeral homes was extremely local and worked directly with families as well, so there was no funeral home middle man involved to jack the price up. Both services were respectful and exactly how the deceased would have wanted it.
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Post by sawwhet on Apr 15, 2018 14:17:00 GMT
When my father passed away, my mother gave him the big Catholic funeral. It was something like $15,000 (in the 90s). My mother said after that, never again. She wanted to be cremated and put into the same grave as dad. She said no to a service so we invited our family and friends to her favourite restaurant. It was a nice, relaxed gathering. After that, several of my aunts and uncles passed (they were all in their 80s) and they've all had the same type of service. Cremated and a memorial in a hall with the hall catering. Everyone has been bypassing the funeral homes. The cost to die is ridiculous. Dh and I want the same thing.
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Deleted
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Jun 3, 2024 8:21:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2018 14:18:34 GMT
I'm embarrassed to say I didn't even know what "direct cremation" was. Thank you for putting out that term. Here's what I found out - and what I'm talking to my DH about this morning! "Direct Cremation Costs Direct cremation is the least expensive disposition option, as the most expensive purchases—casket, preparing the body, funeral service, extensive transportation—are avoided. In addition, some funeral homes may charge a lower Basic Services Fee (funeral homes' non-declinable flat fee) for direct cremation. If you are interested in saving money, it's worth calling a number of different funeral homes to find one with a lower direct cremation Basic Services Fee." Understanding Fees: www.everplans.com/articles/heres-how-you-can-easily-understand-funeral-home-costs |
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ginacivey
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refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
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Post by ginacivey on Apr 15, 2018 14:20:23 GMT
my DH says he wants direct cremation
i worry that not having a visitation (which is the norm here)
will be hard on me and the kids/grandkids - a lack of 'closure' is the cliche -
i suppose just because it's what we are used to
but - since i've never lost a husband
would i know any different?
end of life decisions are really hard cos we don't want to think about the end
gina
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Post by verdepea on Apr 15, 2018 14:24:12 GMT
I am a cremation. I have held this belief since I was a child. My family feels the same way. My ex husband grew up next to a cemetery and believes it's just a place to store ones remains. They are not there. When our daughter passed away we chose cremation. Many years later I am comfortable with our decision.
When my ex's father passed his wife paid around 50k for the funeral. She was emotionally distraught and wanted to give him a beautiful service. His kids would have gathered he be buried in the Veterans National Cemetery. They were in shock and were trying to make decisions together.
The issue is our society is more focused on profit margins. It's the capitalistic economic system influence over the society. Businesses should prosper, not the people.
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Post by 5peanutsnana on Apr 15, 2018 14:25:41 GMT
I am fortunate to live in a small town where we have family ties and friendly ties with the top two funeral homes. So no need to "shop". We will opt for cremation, no visitation and a memorial mass in our church. Party to follow.
My mother, on the other hand is 92 would love to have a parade in her honor, if possible. I cannot tell you how many wakes she has been to but the number is very high. I call her a professional mourner. I avoid funeral homes at all costs. I don't get it. Why would anyone want friends and family viewing a casket and saying how wonderful you look? No. You look dead! Please remember me laughing and having a good time.
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 15, 2018 14:29:54 GMT
my DH says he wants direct cremation i worry that not having a visitation (which is the norm here) will be hard on me and the kids/grandkids - a lack of 'closure' is the cliche - i suppose just because it's what we are used to but - since i've never lost a husband would i know any different? end of life decisions are really hard cos we don't want to think about the end gina I had a family member insist they wanted NOTHING. I know it was done for a place of preventing the family from stress and expense, but it was hard on the family. A year later, we planned a small ceremony in connection with planting a tree. Nothing fancy - just family members sharing memories. I completely understand people not wanting their families to undergo undo hardship on a mistaken notion of needing a funeral with all the bells and whistles. I would however counsel people to not insist on nothing. Sometimes the family does need something to help them process the loss. |
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leeny
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Jun 27, 2014 1:55:53 GMT
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Post by leeny on Apr 15, 2018 15:04:18 GMT
That is another reason why dh and I have just recently finalized our planning and made our arrangements. No one has to worry and it is paid for well in advance. However it was not easy trying to get the salesman to listen to what we really wanted and were willing to pay for.
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Post by Restless Spirit on Apr 15, 2018 15:19:41 GMT
Direct cremation. Ashes to be intermingled with my dogs, then scattered (my family knows where).
No funeral, no visitation, no obituary. How does the poem go? "Do not stand at my grave and weep, I am not there".
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Rhondito
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MississipPea
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Post by Rhondito on Apr 15, 2018 16:06:42 GMT
Funerals are expensive, but they don't have to be SO expensive. My dad didn't have burial insurance; he and my mother lived on a fixed income and there was no money in savings or anywhere else for her to pay for his funeral, so I paid for it. We didn't have a separate visitation the day before the funeral - we had visitation for 2 hours before the memorial service, and then a graveside service. I gave him the best that I could afford.
What irritates me is the people who start Go Fund Me campaigns to pay for funerals and they want $10,000+ when it doesn't have to cost that much. (I'm talking about in the area where I live - costs may be higher in other areas of the country.) To me, if you're asking for other people to pay for a funeral, you don't choose one with all the bells and whistles.
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basketdiva
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Post by basketdiva on Apr 15, 2018 16:10:49 GMT
My SIL just prepaid her Mom's cremation ( needed to reduce bank balance for Medicaid) and the cost in her neck of the woods (Washington) was $1700.00. That has my husband and I looking into that very option.
Personally I've never understand the need for a fancy coffin, 2 or 3 limos to transport the family to the cemetary, etc. I do appreciate all the paperwork the funeral directors handle for the family though.
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joelise
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,649
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Post by joelise on Apr 15, 2018 16:17:29 GMT
My parents are in their 80s so not surprisingly have attended quite a few funerals over the last few years. Because of this they have both decided that they want direct funerals. We know where they want the ashes scattered (totally separate locations!) and we will have a very small, immediate family only, occasion to scatter the ashes.
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Post by Merge on Apr 15, 2018 16:36:08 GMT
I remember walking through the big room of coffin samples trying to pick one for my mom, and then (two weeks later) my dad ... you are just so numb. My parents were well insured, so as I recall my siblings and I just kind of pointed at one at random. I have no idea what it cost. I'm sure we were completely taken advantage of.
There was one thing, though - when you live in a smaller town, the people you meet through arranging a funeral are often people you already know. The man who owns the funeral home was the parent of some of our high school classmates. One of the undertakers was my 9th grade English teacher (he used to joke about moonlighting at the funeral home to make extra money, but we didn't actually believe him). I think (hope) you get taken advantage of less by people with whom you have some personal connection.
When my FIL died, my MIL had no money and opted for cremation. They wanted to charge a ton of money for a casket to cremate him in. DH and his brother literally built a pine box for him to be cremated in, instead. I couldn't understand why bodies have to be cremated in a container, but apparently there is something to do with the health code. Who knows.
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Deleted
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Jun 3, 2024 8:21:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 15, 2018 17:07:04 GMT
I don't understand why people still hold on the wanting to be buried. It is such a waste of resources. I was horrified that there were actually burials in Haiti, on top of a hill no less, where rain water penetrates the ground and wasted all those contaminates in to the ground water system, that the people below the hill use.
Crematoriums are now letting close family have time with the body before it is cremated.
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Post by cmhs on Apr 15, 2018 17:25:13 GMT
About a week after my father died in 2007, I saw this documentary on PBS A Family Undertaking and it was the exact thing I needed to see after having just experienced the disgusting funeral business with my family. They have you at your lowest and take full advantage of the situation. To me, the funeral industry can be unethical and borderline immoral. This documentary showed me there are choices and we are in charge. I just now reiterated to my DH and youngest child that I do not want to be on display in a funeral home. Cremate me, have a Mass, and a celebration with lots of really good food. |
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scrappinmama
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Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Apr 15, 2018 18:17:28 GMT
After dealing with my siblings, who insisted on an almost $30,000 funeral for my father, I decided that I don't want money wasted on my funeral. I told dh to have me cremated and go on a nice vacation, which was our favorite thing to do as a family.
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Post by mygigiscraps on Apr 15, 2018 18:59:56 GMT
Cremation here as well. I don't want an urn, either. I want my ashes put into a size 6 shoebox. I've never been a size 6 anything in my life, and damned if I'm going to miss the opportunity. The family will then put that shoebox of ashes onto the picnic table and have a fabulous barbecue as a slight pun to the fact that I got cremated and also because we love to barbecue and have get-togethers. After that, I'm getting smattered scattered in the wind.
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rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
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Post by rickmer on Apr 15, 2018 19:40:11 GMT
my MIL bought TWO little wooden boxes for FILs ashes as half was going to be put in a niche here and half was going back east where he is from. the boxes were $350 each and that was over 10 years ago. could have bought just as nice little boxes for under $50 for two at pier one.
when i asked her about it, saying some of the costs seemed excessive and she said "i don't want anyone to think i skimped at a time like this or i would look really bad".
reminds me of getting married and the high pressure techniques to always get you to upgrade "you are already paying $1500, for just $400 more you could go with *this*".
it's 1000x worse when praying on old people in their time of grief.
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Post by Miss Lerins Momma on Apr 15, 2018 21:47:59 GMT
After my FIL died and we saw how much funerals cost, I told DH to cremate me. Give my burial plot to one of the kids if they ever need it and to take them on vacation with the money. It's such a waste of money!!
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