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Post by pmm on Apr 23, 2018 14:45:59 GMT
I've toyed with doing it. I am the product of a teen relationship. My biological father and his parents were very aware of me and my birth but did not have a relationship with me. It wasn't until I was 12ish that I found out about all this. My mom told me in anger over something that had to do with my known dad and my brother. She did not tell me his name and it's not something that is up for discussion. God bless my grandma, when I went to visit her, I asked and she sang like a canary and gave me pictures that my mom didn't know about. I'm pretty sure my mom would crap her pants if she knew that I talked to my grandma about it and that she was very forthcoming with the information. My hesitation in doing any of the DNA ancestry stuff is that I could very well have a set of siblings that know nothing of me. My bio dad is right around 65 and there is no reason to not think that he is alive still. I wouldn't want to cause him and his family strife over discovering his out-of-wedlock high school baby on the internet. God Bless your grandma! If you've never seen it, you might be interested in watching the TV show Long Lost Family. For all you know, your dad's family could be looking for you at this very minute. At any rate, 65 is old enough to not have the same feelings of secrecy that he may have needed when you were born. Plus, he's young enough that there's a good chance that he's still alive. FWIW, it's very considerate of you to be considering the feelings of any possible siblings. As they themselves would probably also be adults today, I don't think it's as devastating news to learn that your parent had a child when they were young that they didn't raise as it once was. *If*, and only if, learning more about your father and his family is something near and dear to your heart, I support your decision to begin looking for him. I have adopted cousins. One searched out her birth mother and got to know her. One did not. They made very personal decisions that were right for them. Don't let anyone talk you out of what is right for you. Thanks Left! I highly doubt that side of the family is looking for me. My mom worked for the same employer for 30 years and his mom was a customer at that employer. She lived in the same home for well over 30 years. I was very easy to find for a very long time. After finding out that you can get a health assessment, I've been thinking about doing it. I would like to know for myself my health risks. |
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Post by leftturnonly on Apr 23, 2018 15:25:52 GMT
Thanks Left! I highly doubt that side of the family is looking for me. My mom worked for the same employer for 30 years and his mom was a customer at that employer. She lived in the same home for well over 30 years. I was very easy to find for a very long time. After finding out that you can get a health assessment, I've been thinking about doing it. I would like to know for myself my health risks. You're welcome. You need to know that a great many parents that put their child up for adoption do not attempt to get in contact out of respect for their child's privacy. They believe that if and when their child is old enough and ready that the child will lead the way to a reunion. If you've not had contact with that side of your family, you are making assumptions based on nothing but conjecture. Don't base your decision on guesses. Base it on what you want. Let your heart guide you. Do you want to meet him/his family or not? Take your time. It's a very personal decision that you need to make for yourself, whether to begin a search or not, and as with anything else in life, there are no guarantees. Best of luck no matter what you choose to do. |
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peaname
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,390 
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Post by peaname on Apr 23, 2018 17:32:23 GMT
I sent mine in and then started thinking about whether or not I really wanted to know. I don't recommend this route!
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Post by papersilly on Apr 23, 2018 17:58:56 GMT
i know who is afraid----the guy in the radio this morning who called into a talk show. he is a fugitive who assumed the name and SS# of a dead guy. he is now married and has kids. the talk show hosts asked what he would do if his kids took a DNA test and found out they were "related" to a bunch of relatives of the dead man whose identity their father stole. you could tell the thought never occurred to the identity thief because he was caught off guard with the question.
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Post by pjaye on Apr 23, 2018 18:11:23 GMT
i know who is afraid----the guy in the radio this morning who called into a talk show. he is a fugitive who assumed the name and SS# of a dead guy. he is now married and has kids. the talk show hosts asked what he would do if his kids took a DNA test and found out they were "related" to a bunch of relatives of the dead man whose identity their father stole. That makes no sense because they wouldn't be related via DNA to the guy who's identity was stolen. They are still related to their father...no matter what name or ID he uses. They may end up being related to other people who have also had the test done and this could potentially expose that the father is lying about who is really is. But they will never be matched to any of the dead guy's family because they are not related to him...so there will never be any DNA matches to them. |
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Post by papersilly on Apr 23, 2018 18:36:06 GMT
i know who is afraid----the guy in the radio this morning who called into a talk show. he is a fugitive who assumed the name and SS# of a dead guy. he is now married and has kids. the talk show hosts asked what he would do if his kids took a DNA test and found out they were "related" to a bunch of relatives of the dead man whose identity their father stole. That makes no sense because they wouldn't be related via DNA to the guy who's identity was stolen. They are still related to their father...no matter what name or ID he uses. They may end up being related to other people who have also had the test done and this could potentially expose that the father is lying about who is really is. But they will never be matched to any of the dead guy's family because they are not related to him...so there will never be any DNA matches to them. i think the talk show hosts were asking, what if they kids did a DNA test and their matches were not people related to people related to their father's name. i should have clarified in my post about NOT being related to the dead guy's relatives. KWIM? |
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Post by pjaye on Apr 23, 2018 18:53:05 GMT
It still makes no sense, you generally don't search by name...you wait until you get the DNA results and then look at who you match with.
it's not done by looking at your supposed "family" and seeing if you do or don't match. You get matched according to DNA.
it sounds like those interviewers didn't have a clue at how these DNA ethnicity tests work. Unless his kids specifically track down a known relative of the dead guy and deliberately get tested to see if they match...then it's highly unlikely to come out as a part of a random DNA ethnicity test.
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Post by lbp on Apr 23, 2018 19:58:40 GMT
We are trying to get our Dad to do this. His grandmother apparently was never married and we have always wondered who the father of her children was. If he takes the test through Ancestry.com it may match up with others DNA so we may have an answer to who fathered her children. Now this goes back to the 1800's so I don't think there would be any problem with us having that info. All parties are now deceased!
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Post by leftturnonly on Apr 24, 2018 8:49:17 GMT
It still makes no sense, you generally don't search by name...you wait until you get the DNA results and then look at who you match with. it's not done by looking at your supposed "family" and seeing if you do or don't match. You get matched according to DNA. it sounds like those interviewers didn't have a clue at how these DNA ethnicity tests work. Unless his kids specifically track down a known relative of the dead guy and deliberately get tested to see if they match...then it's highly unlikely to come out as a part of a random DNA ethnicity test. Well, that's not entirely true. There are a heck of a lot of people who do the paper trail long before they take a DNA test. Truth is that many people are asked to take a DNA test because of the paper trail that was done first. Which is irrelevant to the point you were making, that any DNA tests would come back showing blood relationships with unexpected people and not specifically to the man whose identity was stolen. I can only guess that the caller was asked what would happen when the thief's children found out that they are not who they were always told that they are.  |
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