Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,710 
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Post by Dani-Mani on Apr 25, 2018 22:32:54 GMT
If you believe someone may be in danger of hurting themselves but not imminent danger (aka they aren’t holdong a gun their head this second), can you call for a welfare check? What are the other options when you know the employee could easily tell you they are fine but counting pills to overdose.
Today co-worker we discussed in earlier threads was in what really was a situation that wasn’t her fault. Didn’t matter. Internalized it all. Left in tears I’ve never seen a grown woman cry, except of course, the night I first become very concerned about her.
She’s not okay. She’s not. Other coworkers were involved today and expressed EXTREME concern for her mental health. Situation posed everyone off. She was the only one inconsolable. And remember, they hadn’t had the months i’ve had knowing how deep her mental health concerns are.
First of all, I’m so over going to work concerned that I’m going to get the news this woman has tried to hurt herself. I worry about that at least once a week.
Second, I don’t know what else to do. Her boss knows (saw her sobbing today!). HR knows. Who is left?! What can we do?
I’m not okay with this from a human being standpoint. Yes, she screwed me and I’m still a bit salty. But this woman is going to hurt herself eventually and how can I live with knowing I knew we would get to this point?
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Post by dewryce on Apr 25, 2018 22:43:21 GMT
If you're wrong and she isn't going to hurt herself, a welfare check might embarrass her. If your hunch is right, a welfare check might save her life. I would make the call.
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,687
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Apr 25, 2018 22:47:24 GMT
Isn't she married? Does her dh have any idea of her current state? Do you know if he'd be receptive to being told? Since you're not her counselor I presume there is no HIPAA concern with telling him.
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Post by christine58 on Apr 25, 2018 22:50:21 GMT
First: How are you feeling??
Second...If you know for sure she is counting pills, did you tell HR??
I was in your shoes years ago. As our Teachers' Union president I had to accompany a member with our head of HR to a drug test as she was high at work. I knew in my gut what the results were going to tell us and I was VERY concerned for her. That was a Friday....she OD on Sunday night and wasn't found till Monday. Her BFF knew--others knew--it didn't matter. We could not have helped her because she was going to take her life. It took me a long time to realize I did everything I could for her over the years.
Call the non-emergency number. Ask for a welfare check. She won't know who called.
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Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,710
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Post by Dani-Mani on Apr 25, 2018 22:51:50 GMT
Isn't she married? Does her dh have any idea of her current state? Do you know if he'd be receptive to being told? Since you're not her counselor I presume there is no HIPAA concern with telling him. We had someone call today after she left and he confirmed she was with him; I have zero idea why she drove out of her way to his office instead of her house unless she felt she needed comfort or she was afraid to be alone. She has not honest with him about the depth of her mental health issues; he knows she’s struggling but she admitted she hides a lot from him. |
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685
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Post by ginacivey on Apr 25, 2018 22:52:12 GMT
you need to tell someone in her family - mom/sister or one of her actual friends
or call a prevention hotline and tell them - they will surely give you good advice
(and now i realize i don't really know what to do if one of my friends were struggling)
gina
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Apr 25, 2018 22:52:34 GMT
It's a horrible spot to be in. While she is at risk she may not be in imminent harm and honestly, it doesn't sound like you know. Risk yes, imminent danger no. Based on your history, I would go to her boss. Express concerns, tell him that you don't feel that you are in a place to check on her, but that you are concerned. Email HR. If you can email it then you'd have documentation. I would not engage directly with her.
It sucks. It really sucks. You are in a horrible spot. As a human, absolve yourself of guilt. You tried for months to get her to get help, right?
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Post by destined2bmom on Apr 25, 2018 22:53:35 GMT
Dani-Mani You have been through so much. I would talk to her boss and tell her she needs a welfare check. Ask if she wants to call or if you should call!
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Dani-Mani
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,710
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Post by Dani-Mani on Apr 25, 2018 22:59:12 GMT
The situation we were in today was not going to have a positive ending. Angry parent. Don’t let up, all the higher ups involved.
I try not to talk to her about much; she told another staff “it’s fine, I’ve decided it’ll have a happy ending for me.” What does that mean?!
I don’t know that statement would bother me; but I’m telling you between her tears, other statements she’s made, and the way she was sobbing...
I know it sounds selfish, but I didn’t sign up for this.
As for my concussion, they gave me work accommodations (I can take s nap on days I need one!) and changed my meds. I slept six hours after work yesterday; slowly I’m getting there but it’s gonna be a long, long road.
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Post by dewryce on Apr 25, 2018 23:02:43 GMT
The situation we were in today was not going to have a positive ending. Angry parent. Don’t let up, all the higher ups involved. I try not to talk to her about much; she told another staff “it’s fine, I’ve decided it’ll have a happy ending for me.” What does that mean?!I don’t know that statement would bother me; but I’m telling you between her tears, other statements she’s made, and the way she was sobbing... I know it sounds selfish, but I didn’t sign up for this. As for my concussion, they gave me work accommodations (I can take s nap on days I need one!) and changed my meds. I slept six hours after work yesterday; slowly I’m getting there but it’s gonna be a long, long road. That could very well mean she has made the decision and is at peace with it. Huge red flag. |
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Post by christine58 on Apr 25, 2018 23:23:25 GMT
The situation we were in today was not going to have a positive ending. Angry parent. Don’t let up, all the higher ups involved. I try not to talk to her about much; she told another staff “it’s fine, I’ve decided it’ll have a happy ending for me.” What does that mean?!I don’t know that statement would bother me; but I’m telling you between her tears, other statements she’s made, and the way she was sobbing... I know it sounds selfish, but I didn’t sign up for this. As for my concussion, they gave me work accommodations (I can take s nap on days I need one!) and changed my meds. I slept six hours after work yesterday; slowly I’m getting there but it’s gonna be a long, long road. That could very well mean she has made the decision and is at peace with it. Huge red flag. I completely agree.. Call the suicide hotline...1-800-273-8255..they can guide you.. Available 24 hours everyday |
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Post by prapea on Apr 25, 2018 23:27:45 GMT
That could very well mean she has made the decision and is at peace with it. Huge red flag. I completely agree.. Call the suicide hotline...1-800-273-8255..they can guide you.. Available 24 hours everyday I said this before in another thread, if you are not comfortable calling the hotline, they have chat sessions too. So you can get some advice from them |
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keithurbanlovinpea
Pearl Clutcher
Flowing with the go...
Posts: 4,313
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Post by keithurbanlovinpea on Apr 26, 2018 1:10:37 GMT
My opinion (probably not a popular one) is that, while yes it sucks as a human, you have done everything you can. You are not responsible for other people for whom you did not agree to be responsible. You will consume yourself, your health and your mental sanity if you don't find a way to be at peace with what you have done to get her help. Decide where you will draw the line with what lengths you will go to, and then let it go.
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PaperAngel
Prolific Pea
Posts: 8,843
Jun 27, 2014 23:04:06 GMT
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Post by PaperAngel on Apr 26, 2018 1:16:43 GMT
Please call the HR contact to whom you previously disclosed your concerns about this colleague & report today's incident, including the list of witnesses, the name of your coworker who informed her husband, & the negative/overwhelming/stressful work environment her behavior creates for you. Request that HR intervene, since working with this colleague is not healthy for you, your coworkers, or students. Best wishes...
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:59:56 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2018 1:17:44 GMT
We've all be encouraged to "see something -- say something." I'd call, but I would have to call because I'm an RN.
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Post by mrssmith on Apr 26, 2018 18:33:49 GMT
Please call the HR contact to whom you previously disclosed your concerns about this colleague & report today's incident, including the list of witnesses, the name of your coworker who informed her husband, & the negative/overwhelming/stressful work environment her behavior creates for you. Request that HR intervene, since working with this colleague is not healthy for you, your coworkers, or students. Best wishes... Agree. I would call for the well check, but also continue to express concerns to HR. Did they do anything after you disclosed all your concerns? |
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Post by mikklynn on Apr 26, 2018 22:53:12 GMT
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. You are a good person to care.
I just want to add, if the worst happens, you are not at fault.
DH's BIL took his life, despite a welfare check.
(((Hugs)))
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