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Post by littlemama on Apr 25, 2018 22:35:02 GMT
It's pretty well-documented that I detest save-the-date cards and I usually look at them and toss them.
We received one about two months ago for a wedding in June. It was addressed to all three of us, first names only- our last name wasn't on the envelope.
Today, we received the invitation, addressed only to dh and me.
My first thought is that if ds wasn't on the invitation, he wasn't invited, despite being included on the save-the-date. However, ds' relationship to the groom would make it pretty unlikely that he would not be invited.
Do I just RSVP for the two of us, do I have the awkward conversation with the groom, or do I do something else?
Update: awkward conversation was had. Ds was supposed to receive his own invitation, but it is likely lost in the mail. Not sure how one with a wrong address was delivered and one wasn't, but we are all set. Ds has a date and we are all going.
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Post by dewryce on Apr 25, 2018 22:40:06 GMT
How old is your son? Perhaps they decided against children at the wedding. That is awkward. I say it depends on your relationship with the groom and whether you think he would be hurt with DS not attending.
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ginacivey
Pearl Clutcher
refupea #2 in southeast missouri
Posts: 4,685 
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Post by ginacivey on Apr 25, 2018 22:40:12 GMT
How old is your son?
gina
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Post by littlemama on Apr 25, 2018 22:41:20 GMT
Sorry, that is actually relevant. He is 20.
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Post by christine58 on Apr 25, 2018 22:42:03 GMT
Do I just RSVP for the two of us, do I have the awkward conversation with the groom, or do I do something else? Do you think it was an error that your son was not on the invite? Very odd that he was on the STD but not the invite. Touch base with the groom |
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johnnysmom
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,687
Jun 25, 2014 21:16:33 GMT
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Post by johnnysmom on Apr 25, 2018 22:42:21 GMT
I would expect that your son would receive his own invite, perhaps wait a couple of days to see if it arrives.
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scrappinwithoutpeas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,215
Location: Northern Virginia
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Post by scrappinwithoutpeas on Apr 25, 2018 22:43:15 GMT
I say have the awkward conversation with the groom. Save-the-date cards are sent far in advance of wedding invites, so it may just be an oversight, or they may actually have had to trim their guest list and were hoping no one would notice. If you have the awkward conversation, though, I'd say you should probably be ready for a possible outcome that you don't want to hear (ds not invited), and be ready with a gracious (or at least civil, polite) response.
ETA - Now that I see the age of your DS, maybe he is getting a separate invite, as one might expect of an adult living in the same house.
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Post by destined2bmom on Apr 25, 2018 22:43:18 GMT
I would have the awkward conversation with the groom. Maybe he is getting his own invitation?
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Post by bc2ca on Apr 25, 2018 22:44:46 GMT
Any chance that he would be getting his own invitation in the next day or two?
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Post by littlemama on Apr 25, 2018 22:59:12 GMT
It is possible that he would get his own, and I was planning on giving it a couple days. If I ask the groom, I want to assure him that it doesn't matter, I just want to clarify their intentions.
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Post by katiekaty on Apr 25, 2018 23:27:36 GMT
Its kind of rude that your son was on the STD card but not the invite. I would call and have that conversation. You son may have not planned anything and was saving the date and not to be invited is not nice. Checking in with the groom is not being pushy either or rude. It was probably just a different person helping with addressing the invites and forgot to include him. Check and then include him in the RSVP.
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Post by shescrafty on Apr 25, 2018 23:43:55 GMT
We had the same situation-save the date to all 3 but invite just my DH and I for our neice’s wedding. I said DS was not invited, but DH insisted he was.
DH ended up calling his sister in law that confirmed my son was invited and wondered why we were asking (apparently we weren’t the only ones who had the issue).
Turns out they had some computer program do the labels and only had the two heads of household on it.
We all went and had fun! Lol
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 26, 2018 0:50:45 GMT
Unfortunately I have to agree with awkward conversation. We had the exact same issue and just RSVP'd for us as we assumed they'd decided no kids. They called and asked why we weren't bringing our kids! As much as people complain about etiquette, if everyone just followed the stupid rules we wouldn't have these issues!
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Post by dewryce on Apr 26, 2018 0:52:45 GMT
We had the same situation-save the date to all 3 but invite just my DH and I for our neice’s wedding. I said DS was not invited, but DH insisted he was. DH ended up calling his sister in law that confirmed my son was invited and wondered why we were asking (apparently we weren’t the only ones who had the issue). Turns out they had some computer program do the labels and only had the two heads of household on it. We all went and had fun! Lol I hope it wasn't an invitation specific computer program. Talk about poor design! |
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Post by shescrafty on Apr 26, 2018 0:57:24 GMT
We had the same situation-save the date to all 3 but invite just my DH and I for our neice’s wedding. I said DS was not invited, but DH insisted he was. DH ended up calling his sister in law that confirmed my son was invited and wondered why we were asking (apparently we weren’t the only ones who had the issue). Turns out they had some computer program do the labels and only had the two heads of household on it. We all went and had fun! Lol I hope it wasn't an invitation specific computer program. Talk about poor design! I have no idea. The invites were engraved but the envelope run through a printer vs hand written which I found odd for a formal wedding. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:02:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2018 1:27:06 GMT
I think proper etiquette calls for single adults to get their own invitation even if they are still living with their parents. Some people skip this and either list the adult child in a separate line or say "and family."
With so many blended households and adult children living at home longer, I dread sending out formal invitations these days.
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Post by littlemama on Apr 26, 2018 2:10:25 GMT
I think proper etiquette calls for single adults to get their own invitation even if they are still living with their parents. Some people skip this and either list the adult child in a separate line or say "and family." With so many blended households and adult children living at home longer, I dread sending out formal invitations these days. Exactly, and ds is at that age where he is most often just added on. Drives me crazy- for my ds' graduation party, I sent separate invites to adult children still living at home. One household got three invitations. Silly, but correct! |
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joelise
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,649
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Post by joelise on Apr 26, 2018 7:02:58 GMT
I think that maybe your DS will receive his own invitation but if not I would not hesitate to ask the groom whether he is invited or not. I’m planning my own wedding, I sent the Save the Date cards out over a year before the wedding! All but my Matron of Honour have a long way to travel to the wedding so I wanted to give plenty of warning. I made sure that I included who was going to be invited on the Save the Date cards to avoid any mix ups.
If I thought one of my guests had any concerns about exactly who is invited I would be truly upset if they felt that they couldn’t ask me to clarify the situation!
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Post by teddyw on Apr 26, 2018 11:00:48 GMT
We have this issue currently. STD said Mr & MRs & family
Invite said Mr&Mrs only plus the line that had the # of guests was filled in for us with a 2. So there was no confusing the invite. Just thought it was weird.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:02:24 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 26, 2018 13:08:37 GMT
This happened to us once. The "save the date" was addressed to my DH, me, both of our adult children (my DD was a bridesmaid) and even crazier, my in-laws who do not live with us. So the save the date was for 6 adults. When the invitation came, it had a computer printed label addressed just me and my daughter the bridesmaid. I am guessing, because I could not bring myself to ask, that they just reprinted our label from the shower invitation???
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milocat
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,899
Location: 55 degrees north in Alberta, Canada
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Post by milocat on Apr 26, 2018 13:41:39 GMT
We live in a small town a d surrounding community. DH and I were at a wedding for friends. A few people asked why our kids weren't with us, they had their kids there, I said they weren't invited. Hint hint perhaps. Knowing those kids aren't any close to the bride and groom than my kids. It could have been that their kids were invited, who knows who cares. I just thought I was amusing myself anyway if they weren't.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Apr 26, 2018 14:10:35 GMT
I would clarify with the groom, awkward as that conversation may be.
Personally, I like having the heads up that a save the date card provides, especially if the event will be held at a time when people might typically have vacation plans, travel for upcoming holidays, etc. I don’t understand why anyone would consider getting additional notice for a major event to be a bad thing. Some people have to put in their vacation requests for work months and months in advance, so knowing these things ahead of time is a definite help.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,950
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Post by Rhondito on Apr 26, 2018 15:18:27 GMT
We have this issue currently. STD said Mr & MRs & family Invite said Mr&Mrs only plus the line that had the # of guests was filled in for us with a 2. So there was no confusing the invite. Just thought it was weird.  That's rude. Incredibly rude. I guess it's rude in all the cases where the STD changes when the invitation comes, but this one just floors me. Would it be a better idea to send the STD to the minimum people in a household, and then the invitation to the actual members who can be invited? If the issue is with budget and the couple is trimming the guest list, that would make more sense to me. |
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Post by littlemama on May 6, 2018 3:00:42 GMT
BTT for update in OP.
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Post by freecharlie on May 6, 2018 3:58:35 GMT
Glad you got it figured out.
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