Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:07:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2018 15:04:16 GMT
I remember my older sister telling me to choose my battles when I was raising my kids. That was good advice.
I would insist on a few things with my kids, but kissing me would definitely not be one of them. I wonder what else she tries to force her kid to do.
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smcast
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,509 
Location: MN
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Post by smcast on Apr 30, 2018 15:11:55 GMT
My sister's boys, my nephews, are very open and affectionate. Just depends on the child I'd say.
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Post by giatocj on Apr 30, 2018 15:15:42 GMT
My grandson (18 yo)would be begging for the ground to open up and swallow him before he'd allow himself to be hugged or kissed in front of anyone. I happen to share his feelings, so no, it doesn't bother me at all.
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Post by 950nancy on Apr 30, 2018 15:16:48 GMT
I akways allow my boys to make choices for and to be in control of their bodies. I'm grateful they've always let me smooch their cheeks, call them my schmookies and hug me when they arrive/are leaving somewhere and they don't really care who is around. My son will often joke with his girlfriend when she sits down next to him. He will just remind her that it is his body and his choice. That comes from years of being told that as a little kid. Sister sounds like she wants her son to be a little puppet. I don't think kissing is a sign of respect. Your words and tone are. |
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IAmUnoriginal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,894
Jun 25, 2014 23:27:45 GMT
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Post by IAmUnoriginal on Apr 30, 2018 15:25:40 GMT
My older son is 18. He is not affectionate outside the house. He never was as a child, either. My MIL used to get very offended that I wouldn't "encourage" him to hug people if he didn't want to. I am a big supporter of his body, his choice and not give your elders forced affection. DS's version of a public hug is to stand really close to me and bump me with his elbow. I'm good with that, as I'm not a huggy, touchy sort, either. At home, he'll plop down on the couch next to me and sit closer than normal if he's had a rough day and needs some mom time. Hugs are for the big moments now. He's very stoic like my extended family.
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Post by busy on Apr 30, 2018 15:32:42 GMT
I don’t believe a child should ever be required to express physical affection, regardless of age. If they want to hug/kiss a relative, that’s up to them. I think one of the most important things we can teach a child is that they and they alone have agency over their own bodies.
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Post by leftturnonly on Apr 30, 2018 15:51:38 GMT
A situation came up at a family gathering this weekend and I'm curious to know how those with teen boys feel. This is not me, I have a teen girl only. Obviously we all know that teenagers often don't like to be hugged and kissed in front of their friends. But how about in front of say extended family members? Grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins etc? If they aren't interested in giving mom a hug/kiss goodbye, do you get upset or not think much of it? Would you force the issue? Without there being a damn good reason, and possibly even if there was a good reason, my kids, nieces, nephews, cousins, etc. better show that proper respect to their elders around me, or they are going to get "the look" at the minimum. Proper respect can be a firm handshake while looking the other person in the eye. You aren't relieved of this obligation just because you are a teen, male or female.*** Hugs & kisses are emotional responses and should not be dictated, IMO. *** This assumes a "normal" family dynamic. In cases where the parent/grandparent/etc has been abusive, the rules change. ETA - Did I misread that? My answer was how to treat other family members, not Mom. With exceptions, moms should not expect emotional physical contact with their sons in front of others. |
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Post by Tammiem2pnc1 on Apr 30, 2018 15:58:46 GMT
Our 14 year old son is very affectionate and not embarrassed at all to show love to us or any family member, even in front of friends. Our 8 year old is not a hugger, but he is autistic and I respect his boundaries. He hugs DH and I freely, a few select people he's chosen, but that's about it. I don't force him either.
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Post by leftturnonly on Apr 30, 2018 16:12:21 GMT
That being said, I’m surprised the query is gender specific. That is such a good point! Teen boys and girls generally behave very differently, but neither should be forced to go against their instinct and hug or kiss someone. |
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Dalai Mama
Drama Llama
La Pea Boheme
Posts: 6,985
Jun 26, 2014 0:31:31 GMT
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Post by Dalai Mama on Apr 30, 2018 16:19:35 GMT
Your sister was wrong. On so many levels. Your dad was wrong too - it's not a teenage boy thing, it's an individual thing. I'm not a hugger, one of my teenaged sons is. I don't know if we have the whole story on if the dad was wrong. In this case there was a teenage boy having an issue with his mother in front of him. Stating teenage boys don't like to kiss their mothers all the time doesn't mean he thinks teenage girls like to kiss their mothers or that teenage boys like to kiss their fathers. He's addressing the issue in front of him, and I wouldn't infer something that wasn't said. The mother fixating on the "sexism" sounded a whole lot like my kids when they were young where if I said "Johnny you're great at puzzles" would induce my daughter to say "I'm good at puzzles too" No one said you weren't. I wouldn't infer anything sexist either. But saying that teenaged boys don't like to kiss their mothers all the time is incorrect whether it holds true for this particular boy or not. Teenaged boys aren't a homogenous collective. |
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Post by leftturnonly on Apr 30, 2018 16:20:38 GMT
I guess I specified as I thought that teen boys might be more resistant to hugs and affection than girls. Not the forcing part, just the willingness to give/receive on the part of boys. Boys and girls are different, especially during those hormonal years. IME, boys are more likely to turn red when Mom tries to hug them in public and girls are more likely to roll their eyes.  Either way, Mom is the most embarrassing person that ever existed!  |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:07:41 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 30, 2018 16:28:28 GMT
Either way, Mom is the most embarrassing person that ever existed! So true! I think comfort with hugs and kisses can also be very cultural. DH's side of the family is very open with hugs and kisses which I was very uncomfortable with when we first started dating having not been brought up around that. |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 30, 2018 16:49:04 GMT
I don't know if we have the whole story on if the dad was wrong. In this case there was a teenage boy having an issue with his mother in front of him. Stating teenage boys don't like to kiss their mothers all the time doesn't mean he thinks teenage girls like to kiss their mothers or that teenage boys like to kiss their fathers. He's addressing the issue in front of him, and I wouldn't infer something that wasn't said. The mother fixating on the "sexism" sounded a whole lot like my kids when they were young where if I said "Johnny you're great at puzzles" would induce my daughter to say "I'm good at puzzles too" No one said you weren't. I wouldn't infer anything sexist either. But saying that teenaged boys don't like to kiss their mothers all the time is incorrect whether it holds true for this particular boy or not. Teenaged boys aren't a homogenous collective. I don't disagree that they're not a homogeneous collective, but that's not what the father said. "Sometimes teenage boys don't want to hug/kiss their mom all the time". I just don't see anything wrong with that statement. Some do, some don't. It's more of a reality check to the mother to stop taking it personally and realize that the son has feelings too. I think by latching onto that and calling it sexist is just more of a sign of the mother's immaturity tbh. |
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Post by Darcy Collins on Apr 30, 2018 16:53:14 GMT
As a slight tangent - my son is affectionate, but typically not in public. The exception is at swim meets - he thinks it's hilarious to come up and give me a big hug right after he gets out of the pool. Especially if he can sneak up on me. I pretend to be horrified  |
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IAmUnoriginal
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,894
Jun 25, 2014 23:27:45 GMT
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Post by IAmUnoriginal on Apr 30, 2018 16:55:50 GMT
Either way, Mom is the most embarrassing person that ever existed! Unless you have food. Your embarrassment factor decreases exponentially if you show up with food or water at the exact right moment. Suddenly, you're slightly cool for about 30 seconds. Show up in the stands with a cooler full of ice cold water on a hot marching band night and you're the coolest mom in the place. For about 30 seconds. |
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Post by gale w on Apr 30, 2018 19:30:57 GMT
My teen boy is happy to give anyone in the family a hug and maybe let them kiss him on the cheek. The girls, on the other hand, want none of it. No matter which family members it is (although they are more tolerant with Grandma. lol) I only hug my kid in front of his friends if I'm dropping him off for a long visit or something. Like when he went to Ohio with his friends for a few days. He'll get over it.  |
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scrappinmama
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,672
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Apr 30, 2018 21:15:38 GMT
My 16 year old gives me a kiss on each check whenever he leaves. It doesn't matter if he is going to school, at a soccer game about ready to play a game, surrounded by peers or family. My 19 year old is not a hugger or kisser and that's totally ok. I don't make him.
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scrappert
Prolific Pea
RefuPea #2956
Posts: 7,994
Location: Milwaukee, WI area
Jul 11, 2014 21:20:09 GMT
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Post by scrappert on Apr 30, 2018 21:23:49 GMT
I don't believe that children of any age should be forced to hug or kiss anyone at anytime. Even their mum or grandma. That. It's to my parents' eternal regret that they forced us to hug and kiss a relative who took advantage of that. I will never do that. Something similar, except my mom would basically "protect" us from said relative. Always telling us to go get something when they arrived or left. And I would never force my teen son to hug or kiss any relative. |
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Post by jeremysgirl on Apr 30, 2018 21:36:39 GMT
I was raised in a family of huggers. My Uncle Willie used to get a huge kick out of telling the kids it was Torture Time and Time to hug him before he left. None of this felt forced or uncomfortable to me. He was an awesome Uncle. He would also offer you when you turned 21 a half a shot of whiskey to have a cheers with you. The man would tear up giving the Christmas toast. I miss him.
My DH family is warm and loving but they aren't huggers. I love my MIL but she has hugged me exactly once and I was terribly upset. My kids will hug me if I ask. But my kids aren't huggers either. And my step children aren't huggers either. If someone is upset I always offer a hug. But I have learned ways to express my affection outside of hugging.
My love language is physical touch. Everyone else in my immediate family has a different love language. I try to honor theirs as best I can. As long as everyone feels loved by me then I'm happy.
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