Tips for dealing with a controlling parent

my mom was the ultimate control freak too. i never understood it then, but i understand it now. control gave her a sense of order. being able to control something made up for circumstances she couldn't control. it drove us all nuts but it was her way. i know because i am now a control freak. i get that same sense of order from it. trust me, i wish i wasn't that way.

I doubt it will stop her but you might try the technique of asking her how to do EVERYTHING, EVERYTHING. It makes the control freak realize how silly it all is.
Example--ask your mother about EVERYTHING before doing it. Mom: what clothes should I wear today? What about underwear, is this the best one? Make up: Mom, I want to use this foundation, what do you think? etc.etc. When you get to the kitchen, don't do a damn thing without asking==Is this the coffee you want? How should I measure it? How many cups?

You will be worn to a frazzle with the asking and she will be worn down with the answer.
MAYBE by the second day she will back off or tell you to do it without asking her!

Gives you a whole new perspective of what it's like for your Dad. Do you think she's being this way due to the stress of worrying about your Dad....like telling you what to do is the one thing she feels she can control?

I'm not sure there are any good tips for dealing with this. Can you take breaks, get out in the afternoons to just get a break from things?

My Mom is the same way and i'm not sure I wouldn't be insane dealing with it so much. I hope at least you can get some you time every day and at least get out to regroup for a bit.

I would love to help you mom, but I am not going to do X if you keep criticizing the way I do it. Tell me specifically what I can do for you, that I can do without instruction. Otherwise, I am not going to help at all and I will be going to a hotel/home/deserted island.

I wish I knew. My former MIL was like this and it drove me nuts.

I was gonna type the same thing out. 

When there are things I cannot control going spinning out of control, my control freak comes out. I hate it. I know I am doing it (most of the time) but it is the only thing that calms me. It sucks.

Edited: I have trained myself to recognize when its happening. It took years of counseling, but now I can meditate when it spirals out of control and find some peace that way. 

I thought parenting toddlers was hard until I parented teenagers. I thought parenting teenagers was hard until I found myself parenting adults. I thought that was hard until I "parented" my parents. Like others have said she can't control what's happening so she is reverting to controlling you. She knows how to do that. If you can find some humor in the situation you'll feel better.

Yup, recognizing why I am a control  freak was huge. It still drives DH bonkers but he knows I'm just self soothing. He, too, has  learned to recognize how and when my sense of order has been restored. Lol

I would try and have a conversation with her about it. She probably doesnt even realize she's doing it.

My parents live with me due to low retirement income and can't afford their own place. They are still independent and can take care of themselves, but I dread the day my Dad can't drive anymore.

My mom (age 70) is not controlling at all, but we have conversations a lot about how towels should be folded, which pillow should be on the left side of the couch and which one is on the right. Most of it with her is a fun way to tease me, which doesn't bother me, but occasionally I do have to remind her "different doesn't make it wrong".

MY MIL was like that. Nothing you did or said made any difference to her bahavaior. She was like that on her death bed -- no lie, on her death bed, she was telling her daughter how to fold a towel.

I was the only one it didn't really bother because long ago, I just started to laugh at her and do it my own way. I laughed at her every time. Most of the time, that meant she left me alone. If she chose to redo it "her" way later on, that's her time wasting, not mine.

Yep, BTDT with my mom and dealing with dad's cancer and numerous doc appts/ waiting rooms/hospital stays. It never changed. She was shaped by an experience when I was in middle school where in her mind, the doctors lied, therefore ANY surgery from the major ones involving the cancer in his lungs to the minor by comparison torn rotator cuff to her, he was not safe until she could see him in recovery. I would watch her eviscerate the poor nurses who had to deal with her.

When my youngest was born and had complications resulting in him having to be transferred to the local children's hospital she became totally irrational and we quickly learned we could not count on her for help with our older daughter. Honestly a part of me still hasn't forgiven her for what she refused to do when we desperately needed help.

As she has gotten older and started experiencing her own health issues it's only gotten worse. Now the doctors and nurses are lying to her about her own heath, and she trusts no one.

Sorry OP, went off on a bit of a rant there. I would say as much as you can, try and do it the way she wants. She's scared and taking it out on you. I'm sorry I really have BTDT and it just sucks.