Mother's day guilt **a whine**

Could you offer to go to her and then all of you go out for a meal somewhere? Then it could be your Mother’s Day treat too. Honestly, what you’ve described doesn’t sound like a fun time at all.

{{{hugs}}} 

Is there any way you can go out for a meal with your mom or bring take out to her place so you get a break on Sunday, too? 

I feel your pain.

My mom is wonderful, but I just want to stay home in my pjs.

Why did your mom sound defeated when you asked her about it? Is there a problem? Is she always like that? Or is this unusual. If she is always like that, then I love freebird 's suggestion. If this is unusual (and it sounds like it's not), then I'd find out what was wrong, if you aren't already aware.

I also like choices. Hey Mom - would you rather I pop by with the kids and dessert to celebrate Mother's Day or would you maybe prefer I take you out to lunch later on during the week when things are quieter?

You're giving her two choices that you can handle. Then it's in her hands.

Send her a box of chocolate covered strawberries and meet later in the week for mother/daughter time.

That is very sweet!  I really like your thoughts on Mother's Day!

For me the Mother's Day guilt is alive and well and i'm trying to decide how best to proceed.  Mom and I have not been on good terms.  I'd like to do a quick visit within the next couple days, which I think is best. Unfortunately I figure that won't be good enough and i'll get the sullen, depressed it hurts her feelings victim thing.  

Last year my kids decided to take me to lunch and I had the best day, they reminisced and told childhood stories about each other.  It was such a nice way to spend a few hours.

We always go out to eat on Mother’s Day, usually brunch and then my husband gets us  Thai takeout for dinner so I can have leftovers for lunch on Monday.

Eating at a bad restaurant last year shouldn’t mean eating out isn’t an option, unless you live in a one restaurant town.  

What an incredible gift to your dil.

For my mil it is still all about her.  And since we are the only ones that are local, I lose out every year.  Dh's sisters live out of state and post these lovely photos of their days.  Ours is always some sort of working out - running/walking.  Then she picks the restaurant and posts all over social media pictures of her with my kids.  I am so tempted this year to tell dh to take the older 3, leave me home with the baby, and go take her out. She is the last person I want to be spending Mother's Day with and I wish for once I was asked what I wanted.  My oldest is 7 and I guarantee that she has put more thought and planning into Mother's Day this year than dh has.  He sucks at gift giving, he sucks at planning, but other than that he is a fabulous father and husband.  So I try to not let it upset me and focus on the rest of the good the rest of the year. 

My mom has an approach similar to yours, she has always been very thoughtful toward me now that I have kids. She is having to go out of town to be with my 89-year-old grandmother that isn't doing well.  So we are going to celebrate a different time with her. 

I burst into tears yesterday trying to find an appropriate obligatory mother’s day card for my mother. Yes she’s my biological mother, but no love or mom or kindness or friendship exists. For this and many reasons this year I’ve decided to say F it, I’m going to have the kids wrap a gift, sign a card from them, and spouse can figure out a time to take it to her Sunday with them. It’s so sad that a day that is supposed to be so nice is in reality fraught with issues and stress for so many. Can’t wait for Monday to be past all this dread.

That's on her.  Why do you let her problems with herself become your problem to deal with?  You do realize that no matter what you choose it's not going to be right, so why not pick the best you can to enjoy YOUR DAY too?

DD is still away so it’s just DS for mother’s day. And he doesn’t have a job so it’s really low key this year.

Also I saw something awhile ago that I liked and was texting DD about it and I’m pretty sure I bought my own mother’s day gift because she also told me to get one for Ex. because she is away and it wouldn’t be available for her to buy. So two of them are sitting up in her room but I doubt she remembers.

I feel so badly for all the moms that are pressured to spend Mother's Day the way someone else expects them too. I have two daughters and made it clear when they had children that Mother's Day was a day for them now and to spend it how they wished. A call is all I need to make my day.

However, oldest DD's MIL is one who DEMANDS they make it all about her, so DD feels guilty if she spends time with the MIL and doesn't come visit me, too. Poor thing spends the whole of Mother's Day on her MIL and me and it makes me sad. She has 3 kids (one special needs) and is an amazing, hard working mom. In my opinion she deserves a day of pampering or doing nothing more than the MIL or I do. We had our time, and the hardest parts of our mom days are over. THEY are the moms in the trenches now and shouldn't be expected to cater to other's wants and whims on that day.