Do you have the Golden Grandchild? Or not?

I'm really sorry this is happening. I really hate how grown adults can show favoritism like that. 😔

Not the golden grandchild, but definitely DH is the golden child. His parents adopted a boy and a girl and DH came along 9 years later. His family is of German heritage and a biological male heir was (and is) a big deal. He was also the easy, compliant child who got good grades and went to one of the near-Ivy schools and now has a pretty successful career.

I'm not sure that any of the grandkids really reached Golden Boy status. DS was probably the closest contender, but he has Asperger's and they pretty much wrote him off by the age of 2. It's too bad--he's really a great kid and is scary smart. But DH can pretty much do no wrong.

You won't be able to change another person's feelings or thoughts. We'd all like to be able to control people, but we can't. So it will bring you more peace to let it go.

We have 3 kids. They are not the golden kids. My BIL's kid is the Golden Kid. And he has 2 kids. His oldest is the Golden Kid.

My niece has always been my inlaws #1 grandkid since the day she was born. It was always poor "Jane". Mamma and daddy didn't get married. Mamma and daddy broke up. Again poor "Jane". Mamma is one hot mess (all she cares about is her looks, boobs and who she is dating).. so again, poor "Jane". Daddy is a good dad. He has always taken up the slack for the mom and so forth (there is no issues with us and BIL).. but all these years my MIL specifically has gone over backwards to 'raise' Jane. Always Jane first.. no matter what. DH and I played by the rules. Our kids are successful, the youngest still in elementary though. But do we get any credit for that? Nope. It goes back to poor Jane. Now poor Jane is in high school. She is flunking out, smoking pot all the time, skipping school. Guess what? It's poor Jane again. (Although in laws don't know the extent of her bad behavior) Jane has manipulated them from the time she knew she could. She is pretty much gonna end up like her mother.. it's all about the looks and that is it. BIL has tried his best but he is way to easy on her and doesn't punish her. Soooo after all these years after playing by the rules, my kids get nothing from her while she still goes on about poor Jane.

We ignore MIL for the most part and just live out our lives with as little involvement as possible. Just wish we lived far away from them! An hour away is way too close.

Between my sister and I, we have six kids. My mom couldn't treat them all more fairly if she tried. She doesn't do nothing for one if she can't do it for all six of them. Although my I tease my sister she loves my kids the most and of course they are better looking than her kids.!

Yep. And unfortunately for me, i have both, the golden child and the not golden child. It sucks. It’s so unfair and it affects their sibling bond and I hate it. But DH wont’t step up to MIL, so my mom and I try to compensate (if mil sends a gc to golden, mom sends to both but adds a bit more to not golden to balance) but it doesn’t really work.

I posted a thread about it. I limit my time with in laws and recently they decided to move across country so it will be even less now. My husband would rather stay in a hotel than with his parents because they drive him crazy and he leaves feeling very defeated and extremely depressed.
When we are around them, they chat away about themselves, oldest son, their other grandchildren, or neighbors but rarely ask about us or daughter. They love our new puppy and will call to check on her but never ask about us.
In fact, I had surgery and they called to ask how our dog was but did not ask how I was. I laughed when husband told me.
I don’t think anything we say would ever change their attitudes. It’s how they are.

My inlays treated my son (firstborn, easy tempered) as if the son rose and set on him, and my daughter (ADHD and the difficult child) like an afterthought. Funny thing is, I don't think she ever realized. They'd never had a daughter and maybe didn't know what to do with a girl. I dunno.

My parents only had my kids as grandchildren. DD#2 was clearly their favorite and I’m sure as they got older they kind of figured it out. My parents never slighted the other two, it was just that #2 was more engaging, it was her personality.

My inlaws on the other day, quite obviously favored my DH’s older brother’s three kids. We never mentioned it or acknowledged it, so my kids were probably in high school before they realized it. They would laughingly call themselves the bastard grandchildren. When the grandparents did not attend #2’s wedding, they pretty much washed their hands of those grandparents. It’s sad.

As a grandparent of 7 now myself, I often reflect on whether or not I have a favorite, I truly don’t. Each one is a their own beautiful person and joy to be with. Each one has qualities that are so endearing. Each one on any given day, can also get on my last nerve. LOL

not really.

My 3 are my mum's only biological grandchildren. (My dad had two granddaughters only a few years younger than myself and my younger sister). And until my sister married last summer, they were her only grandchildren - my sister's husband has 3 children roughly the same age as my younger two - and they are considered grandchildren also (mum never claimed dad's granddaugher's as grandkids). Mum isn't very interested in children (despite having been a teacher for years) and doesn't really know any of them very well. And Dad died when I was still a teen.

On my late ILs side - my 3 were the youngest of a dozen grandchildren (there are 40 years between my youngest and her oldest first cousin) and the first of the 16 great-grandchildren are only 18m younger than my oldest. MIL never played favourites as far as I can tell but having raised children and grandchildren, I don't think she had the energy to.

DH was probably the golden child though - he was the youngest of 7 - the older six were stairsteps and he was the caboose 8 years younger than #6. I was definitely NOT the golden child - I was a difficult child with an easy younger sister.

No. My sister's son is the golden child for my parents. They love all their grandchildren the same, but he's special. That's exactly what my father said to me. No shit. Sadly, the "special" one has grown up to be a compulsive liar and complete con artist. After a ton of money spent on his education and years of my parents bragging around town that he was going to grow up to be president, etc, he's now selling cars. Well, that's after his pumpkin farm idea failed. Shocking, since he'd never planted a damned thing is his entire life, didn't own any equipment or land, and had no experience. Apparently it's a long way from the farmhouse to the White House. There's absolutely nothing wrong with either selling cars or farming, but after years of bragging to their friends about his greatness, all we hear now are crickets.

As for how I handle it, I absolutely do NOT tolerate that behavior in the presence of my girls. I have no problem removing them from a situation like that, and no qualms about sharing the reason if asked. I've also gone out of my way to make sure my daughters know that they don't ever need to be concerned with making their grandparents proud. Just be the best people that they can be because they are amazing just as they are and it's more than good enough.

My aunt and uncle adopted a baby boy after trying for years to have a biological child. A year later my aunt got pregnant. When grandma started treating the two differently, my aunt went a bit nuclear on her. Told her if she didn’t treat them both the same then she would never get to see either. That stopped her in her tracks. She now has the better relationship with my adopted cousin.

Our daughter would be the golden grandchild but she doesn't like her grandfather.
We never discuss the kids with relatives, because they gossip so much. Nor did we ever feel like we had to take them to see family 2x a year and every holiday.

It is obvious to my children that there are favorites, and that it is not them. It is obvious to onlookers as well. I told them, you can’t change the fact that there are favorites, only how you react to it.