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Post by Bridget in MD on Jun 14, 2018 9:57:28 GMT
About 2 months ago, I wrote about some neighborhood/friend drama. Link: 2peasrefugees.boards.net/thread/77390/neighborhood-friend-dramaBasically, my neighborhood friend was trying to move a swim team into our neighborhood. My husband had a lot of questions, so he wrote an email to the HOA Board voicing his questions/concerns, which was forwarded out to the pool committee (which she was on) and she went ballistic over it. She berated me at work - she was livid - and my husband finally called her and told her she could not treat us like that anymore, or there would be no relationship btwn our families. She took that as my husband said we couldn't be friends. I told her that was not true, and that I'd be free later that evening if she wanted to talk, and that was basically it. I was super upset, and wrote about it here, getting some very good advice from the Peas. I chalked it up to life lessons, and I let it go... until last night. So, we live in the same neighborhood and our children have a few overlapping activities. I haven't really seen her, and we haven't spoken since the incident, although lately she has attempted to reach out to me via text. Because we have similar social circles, I felt I should be civil (since we will see each other again at some point) so I would always respond, shortly, to the text. For instance, she texted me to say "Happy Mother's Day" and I would just respond, "you too." I realize now, I shouldn't have. Last night she broke her wrist. She sent me a picture, and I responded, "that really stinks." she texted me back, "I miss you. Sorry about last month. You are one of my best friends and would love to see/talk to you." I thought about it awhile and responded, "I miss you too and I do think we should talk. This hurt very deeply. But I would like to move forward and don't want to lose our friendship..." And then she then responded, "I agree. And you aren't responsible for your husband's actions. It wasn't fair I held it against you." My reaction:  (to myself, I stopped texting her after that - it was late and I didn't want to engage anymore). I realized from her response, she is not taking any of the responsibility for what she did - she continues to see my husband as the villain and the blame for everything, which is NOT true. Last night, I felt like the wound was reopened again; it was a punch to the gut. I should have known!!!  But now what do I do? I basically told her I was willing to move forward, but based on her response, I just don't think I can... Do I respond and tell her that? Then I feel guilty about kicking a dog when its down (bc she broke her wrist). I know she will text me again, so I feel I need to have a response ready... Thanks  |
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Post by gar on Jun 14, 2018 10:07:13 GMT
Part of moving forward for you will mean telling your side of the story and explaining why you were so hurt. Hopefully you can meet up and have a civilised discussion then put it behind you. It sounds as though you would both like to be friends again which is a great starting point 🙂
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Post by jenjie on Jun 14, 2018 10:11:34 GMT
😳😮 dang. broken wrist or no broken wrist, she chose the timing, not you. If you drop it now and then bring it up in a month or two, and in the meantime having nothing to do with her but not saying why, it will be even more awkward.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Jun 14, 2018 10:18:01 GMT
You can move forward without her. It is your choice to make. Remember you, your DH and family come first.
Thank Think about her timing of the text. She maybe thinking that she wants/needs help and you are it. Again you choice!
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,955 
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Post by purplebee on Jun 14, 2018 11:34:30 GMT
"From your last text, it appears that you still blame Dh for the issue. We are obviously not on the same page regarding the situation. Hope your wrist heals quickly."
Buh bye, Felicia....
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Post by Really Red on Jun 14, 2018 11:58:22 GMT
OMG! I would have felt the same.
"That crosses the line, Sally." and then stop texting. Stop responding. Stop everything except a civil not when you see her. Unbelievable!!!
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peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,975
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Jun 14, 2018 12:07:39 GMT
"From your last text, it appears that you still blame Dh for the issue. We are obviously not on the same page regarding the situation. Hope your wrist heals quickly." Buh bye, Felicia.... Yep. Say that. Perfect. |
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Post by mikklynn on Jun 14, 2018 12:47:30 GMT
"From your last text, it appears that you still blame Dh for the issue. We are obviously not on the same page regarding the situation. Hope your wrist heals quickly." Buh bye, Felicia.... Perfect response! |
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,588
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Post by peabrain on Jun 14, 2018 12:57:53 GMT
She's not going to accept responsibility. She's not.
You've got to decide if talking to her and telling her your side would make you feel better.
You've got to decide if her not accepting responsibility for this is something you can not move past. You wrote that you miss her. Do you want to not be speaking to her in one more year?
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pilcas
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,748
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Post by pilcas on Jun 14, 2018 13:05:49 GMT
"From your last text, it appears that you still blame Dh for the issue. We are obviously not on the same page regarding the situation. Hope your wrist heals quickly." Buh bye, Felicia.... Perfectly put! |
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Post by worrywart on Jun 14, 2018 13:10:55 GMT
She sounds hard to handle. Maybe text or meet with her and say "what was it about dh actions that made you cut me off and get so angry?" If it is the swim team stuff, tell her that he has just as much right to an opinion/questions as she does. If it is the calling her, remind her that she was basically bullying you etc. and how hurtful it was. You could even acknowledge that maybe you should have confronted her then but you were to hurt/upset by the situation.
I think it is worth at least addressing it head on before dropping the relationship IF you miss her and her friendship. It is repairable but really only if she takes some type of responsibility. She sounds somewhat narcissistic. Good luck.
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valincal
Drama Llama
Southern Alberta
Posts: 6,225
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Post by valincal on Jun 14, 2018 13:16:13 GMT
Reading this post and your previous post (where you stated that she doesn’t care for your DH and he doesn’t care for her either) I would say it’s going to be difficult for you to maintain a friendship with her. She’s apologized but I don’t think you can move forward based on what you’ve said.
I have many friends with whom I socialize without our husbands because we know they don’t have much in common, and maybe some of them don’t really care for each other. It’s not something we talk about or even acknowledge.
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freebird
Drama Llama
'cause I'm free as a bird now
Posts: 6,927
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Post by freebird on Jun 14, 2018 14:16:14 GMT
I would still meet with her and explain to her what your husband was trying to accomplish. If she can't see that he wasn't the villian, just inquiring and asking questions, then that would be it. "If you continue to paint him as the bad guy, I'm not sure we can continue on with our friendship. Because he's not."
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Post by mnmloveli on Jun 14, 2018 14:35:56 GMT
I too would go ahead and meet with her. The door has been opened for you to try and work this out. If she can’t agree to move-on with your husband too, then bye-bye.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 20:15:08 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jun 14, 2018 14:39:53 GMT
Wow, she's a prize isn't she? Yeah, not really someone I'd want as a friend and I'd respond by asking her what makes her think you aren't on the same page with your DH on the pool issue?
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peabrain
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,588
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Post by peabrain on Jun 14, 2018 14:44:00 GMT
I'm not picking on any previous comments. But a reminder and a plea, not to do this in a text.
Please don't reply in a text. Set up a meeting in a text, ok. But don't do a back and forth thing with her in text.
I understand texting is the way of the world these days, but you two really need to sit down and talk. It's not going to get any better until you do. Just my opinion though.
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Post by auntkelly on Jun 14, 2018 14:47:30 GMT
I would block her from my phone and move on. I would be polite to her when I saw her our and about, but I wouldn't cultivate a friendship w/ her. It sounds like she thrives on drama and will never admit she is wrong about anything. You cannot win an argument w/ someone like that and you cannot have a true friendship w/ someone like that.
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seaexplore
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,366
Apr 25, 2015 23:57:30 GMT
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Post by seaexplore on Jun 14, 2018 14:53:23 GMT
"From your last text, it appears that you still blame Dh for the issue. We are obviously not on the same page regarding the situation. Hope your wrist heals quickly." Buh bye, Felicia.... Perfect response! |
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Jun 14, 2018 15:30:57 GMT
I would say, "Thanks. Your reactions to his concerns about the swim team really hurt my feelings. I hope we can talk it all out."
He did have an action. He did write a letter. He didn't do anything WRONG but I wouldn't pretend he didn't do anything. If the friendship is worth it, communicate your feelings and emotions. Then, at least you know, if it is over that you tried. Honestly, I think you can get over this. You'll just have to have new boundaries with her.
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amom23
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,635
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Post by amom23 on Jun 14, 2018 15:49:19 GMT
Honestly? I'd just let it go. Be polite/friendly when you run into each other, but leave it at that. People come and go through our lives....not all are suppose to stay.
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Post by mustlovecats on Jun 14, 2018 15:51:37 GMT
To me this feels like a time to really be honest: I think we are not seeing eye to eye on this pool thing, I didn’t feel it was right for you to lash out at me or my husband about the questions that we legitimately raised on HOA business, i think you need to separate friend business from HOA business.
It’s up to you whether you feel this is repairable. I just think she isn’t seeing the issue clearly yet. It was legitimate for a resident to raise questions about this issue and that’s part of HOA business. You can’t be sensitive about input from others if you are on a board or committee, this is why.
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Post by 950nancy on Jun 14, 2018 16:33:14 GMT
If someone went postal at me at work, I would be very wary of maintaining a friendship. I would meet somewhere for maybe coffee (quick get away) and say what I needed to say. Something isn't right about her over-the-top behavior. She isn't someone I would want to spend time with. I am not a big fan of drama and keeping people like that out of my life makes me a much happier person. I could still be civil and even chat here and there, but a word twisting, ballistic lady aint my idea of a good friend.
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Post by pierkiss on Jun 14, 2018 16:42:02 GMT
"From your last text, it appears that you still blame Dh for the issue. We are obviously not on the same page regarding the situation. Hope your wrist heals quickly." Buh bye, Felicia.... Perfect response! I’d be soooo done with this horrible woman. |
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,856
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Jun 14, 2018 16:57:30 GMT
Honestly? I'd just let it go. Be polite/friendly when you run into each other, but leave it at that. People come and go through our lives....not all are suppose to stay. I completely agree with this! I think at this point it's just beating a head horse and I would move on. If you feel the need that you just have to address this with her then I would stop all this texting back and forth and meet up face to face and talk..feelings get lost in texting sometimes. |
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Post by eventhinker on Jun 14, 2018 17:11:22 GMT
If you think she adds to your life you may have to let this one situation go...
My example: I have been best friends with a woman since we were 29 but we’ve known each other longer than that.. so we’re talking nearly 50 years.
About 20 years ago my dad got sick and over a couple years got sicker and passed away. When he was very near death I reached out to her. I hadn’t been in touch for a few months because we both had kids and , well, I was losing my father.
Her response was that she didn’t get in touch with me because it hurt her to see me losing him and also losing him was a little much for her. FOR HER???
Bottom line was that I wasn’t in touch with her for a few years. We lost many chances to be together with our kids. And out of the blue she texted me from her mother’s hospital room when she was dying. And it was like, why did we waste those years? It was a HUGE issue, a big divide, but for the sake of the friendship, we both moved on.
Life’s too short to stay angry.
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rodeomom
Pearl Clutcher
Refupee # 380 "I don't have to run fast, I just have to run faster than you."
Posts: 3,718
Location: Chickasaw Nation, Oklahoma
Jun 25, 2014 23:34:38 GMT
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Post by rodeomom on Jun 14, 2018 17:16:55 GMT
"From your last text, it appears that you still blame Dh for the issue. We are obviously not on the same page regarding the situation. Hope your wrist heals quickly." Buh bye, Felicia.... Her friendship (in my opinion) is not worth it. There is ALWAYS going to be drama! Even if you were to come to a resolution on this issue. Time to disengage. I would text the above statement and then that would be the end. No responding to her texts. I might smile and say hi if I ran across her, but that would be it. ETA: I couldn't be friends with someone who didn't like my DH, I just couldn't. |
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Post by annabella on Jun 14, 2018 20:21:46 GMT
The issue to me is there will always be problems between friends, but the key to friendship is how you handle it. Do you speak to your friend politely and respectfully? She has shown that was not the case and her behavior will repeat. Her personality is a jackal and hyde. I would let her know that you can not be friends with someone who yells at you and that is why you have chosen to take a step back. You accept her apology, but this has made an irreversible change in the nature of your friendship.
eta I just read the thread, I don't care that she disagree with your husband or that you will always see his actions in a perfect light you gotta admit that, the only issue here is her behavior towards you in a disagreement.
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Post by annie on Jun 15, 2018 2:13:40 GMT
You told her you don't want to lose her friendship. So meet with her and talk it out. If you are still troubled after that, then let it go and move on. But hell if I'd send a "goodbye" type of text without talking in person first. Not if you really valued her friendship.
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Post by wezee on Jun 15, 2018 2:31:46 GMT
You told her you don't want to lose her friendship. So meet with her and talk it out. If you are still troubled after that, then let it go and move on. But hell if I'd send a "goodbye" type of text without talking in person first. Not if you really valued her friendship. This! Be up front about your feelings and tell her why you were taken aback. Are you friendly as a couple? Be polite and talk to her if it dosen't work out than that's on her not you. |
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Post by leftturnonly on Jun 15, 2018 2:36:29 GMT
And then she then responded, "I agree. And you aren't responsible for your husband's actions. It wasn't fair I held it against you." "I wasn't responsible for your over-reactions either." |
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(to myself, I stopped texting her after that - it was late and I didn't want to engage anymore).
But now what do I do? I basically told her I was willing to move forward, but based on her response, I just don't think I can... Do I respond and tell her that? Then I feel guilty about kicking a dog when its down (bc she broke her wrist). I know she will text me again, so I feel I need to have a response ready...
