WWYD....Vacation transportation and lodging

She's already said she'd pay her portion. What is there to handle?

how many people will there be in your party?

I would rent a van and either pay for an extra room or upgrade to a suite. I wouldn't bring two cars though - parking at a cruise terminal is pretty pricey as it is.

I would rent a vehicle for just the there/back days of the drive, that would probably be cheaper than taking 2 vehicles and paying for parking.

If I could afford it I would just cover the cost of the car/hotel and let her pay for just the cruise part. Let the girls all share a hotel room, that's a win for everybody in my opinion, you'll have some privacy.

Rent a vehicle big enough for all, and either upgrade to a suite or book two rooms. And I would pay for all of that. I wouldn't nickle and dime a 20 year old who by your accounts is like a daughter/sister to your family. Especially after she's offered to pay her portion of the cruise - which I'm sure isn't cheap.

Have a conversation with her about now needing to get a bigger hotel room. Are your children helping with the cost of travel to the cruise???  

You have 3 options, assuming she will pay for her portion of the cruise:
1. have her pay the costs of another hotel room, another vehicle's gas, and her cost for the cruise
2. have her pay a portion of the hotel room and extra car, with her paying her cost for the cruise
3. pay her way for the hotel room and extra car, with her paying her cost for the cruise

I would probably choose #2. At 20, she's old enough to see that it costs more to go on vacation than just the cost of the tickets. I'd probably encourage the girls to drive separately and get a hotel room together, with your DD kicking in some cost for the gas, half the hotel room, and the parking. That way, it's on her to get herself to her destination, but your DD is helping by kicking in some gas money.

Perhaps the bigger issue is what to do about day trips. If you go on an expensive day trip, who is going to pay that cost? Meals off ship? Any other trip-related expenses? I would lay it all out for her, and make sure that she is able to get the time off of work, as well as school. I'd also have her book under her own name and pay her own deposit so that she has some skin in the game.

Serious question-what does your gut want to do?

Do you want to charge her for the cost of the extra hotel room?
Charge her for the cost of taking another car?

I am picking up the vibe that you don’t want her to come because of the extra expenses, or want her to pay for all of the extras.

Can she drive her car to the next place?
If it is just for one night at the hotel can she drive in the morning and meet you there?

Many people are telling you to pay for it all, but I am guessing if you wanted to do that you would have done it without posting a thread asking about it.

While that is what I would WANT to do, it isn’t necessarily something I COULD do, at least when our kids were younger and I was not earning a salary. When we were living on just DH’s salary, we had a vacation budget, and if an expense was not in the budget, we would not spend the money. An extra room at the hotel, the extra gas and parking expenses, meals along the way—those can add up quickly and blow the vacation budget.

Like another poster above, I also wonder if there isn’t a little resentment that she has “invited herself” along on your family vacation. Even though she is living with you with your blessing, I can imagine there are some times you wish you had your family time back. There is nothing wrong with that! But I would take the time to figure out what your true feelings are about having her go on the trip.

Her presence certainly changes the family dynamic, and unfortunately, there may not be a good answer. Let her go and resent it—that kind of spoils the vacation experience for which you paid a lot of money. Tell her no, and you may feel guilty for leaving her behind, and you may also have some unhappy kids.

I can’t help but feel that you give the impression she is like family (living with you, kids call her sister) but you don’t really feel that way. To me, it would be horrible to be taken in, but still feel like an outsider.

If it was me, I would find away to accommodate her on the trip. If she’s just a boarder in your home, you need to figure out the boundaries so you all know where you stand.

My family loves to cruise and has been on several. The hotels in port cities are VERY expensive on cruise days and parking can cost as much as one of the cheap weekend cruises. One way car/van rentals are also outrageous. We are not talking nickel and diving anyone when you start adding those costs up. Then there are the excursions..what is y’all want to do a pricey one and she doesn’t have the funds? Or even if you just want to do something at each port?

Quick thought: are you already getting 2 rooms? How will they be divided up? Three person rooms ate usually rare and you can sometimes be charged for a fourth person if a three room isn’t available. Your travel agent can usually negotiate that, but it is a consideration.

How about making this a learning experience for her and your girls? Gather your numbers and have a family meeting. Show them the costs as is and what they will be with an additional person. Invite them to spend some time online looking for alternatives. You might be surprised at what they come up with. My DD is especially good at ferreting out travel deals and ways to save. Obey. The woman can make and keep to a budget like no one’s business. LOL

You might suggest that the young lady fly in early morning of the cruise with just her purse; y’all can bring her suitcases with you. She pays for the round trip flights and the transportation to and from the airport. This would probably be the least impactful on you and would give you time with just your kids, too. Please don’t ever feel bad for wanting time with just your kids, you don’t have to justify it. My mom took in every stray kid in town, the more the merrier, and I often felt lost in the group. Private time would have been very nice, even when I liked that week’s stray.

Marcy

You are doing a great thing for this girl, but I would just add the extra cost to your list of good deeds. You are her family right now, and at her young age it would be a gift to make her (yet again, I'm sure) like a genuine member of your family.