Need advice for clearing house after a loved one’s passing

I'm very sorry for your loss.

When my bit of a hoarder grandmother died, we worked room by room. We took what we wanted, donated what we didn't, and junked what needed to be. It took a couple of weeks for her very small house to be done, but we did not work there every day. After it was all cleared out, then the cleaning began.

I’ve done it. It’s no fun. 

It really depends on the mind set of the survivors. For example, my mother died before my father and I didn’t get rid of her clothes for two years because he liked them around. Then when he died, we got rid of his clothes a couple days later. Nobody felt sentimental about them.

Practically, my system for the house was first get rid of what’s obviously trash or donations. The rest of the stuff I grouped together, like how they do at estate sales. So, all the china, glassware, knick knacks, table linens, frames, etc. in the dining room; all clothes and accessories and personal stuff in a bedroom; all books and office supplies and photographs in another room. Then people can “shop” and/or you can pack stuff up for different charities, depending on function.

Good luck. 


ETA: When we put furniture or other big things in the alley, I posted an “Alley Alert” (could be “Curb Alert”) on Craigslist. Just remember to edit or delete your post as stuff gets hauled away. I also used the email list for their block to let neighbors know what available IN the house if wanted. I don’t use Facebook, but there are probably options there, too.

Don't rush.

Involve the grandkids if they're older. Ask them if there's something they want. Let them go through things. My grandparents had 9 grandkids and 60+ years worth of Christmas decorations and other stuff. After the bigger stuff was given to the three kids as per grandma's wishes, the rest of the stuff was laid out. Each grand drew a number and we went around in order. I was able to get several hand crocheted snowflakes that hung on my grandparents' tree for years this way. No one else seemed to want them.

Don't try to do it all in one weekend. If there's a lot of travel involved for some, suck it up and use your vacation. Nothing bugged me more than hearing an aunt bitch about taking up "precious" vacation time.

Think about garage sale or estate sale for remaining stuff.

We have a group that does an used book sale a few times a year. Their inventory is donated to them. Maybe there's a similar group in your town that will take book donations? Do you ever happen upon those little libraries where people can take a book if they want? Perhaps you can leave some in each one. Community/senior centers might like them.

Book Sale Finder

’Tis the season.

Our library system takes donated books to sell in their volunteer run stores.

My parents' sold their house a few years ago and it was interesting to see what my siblings and I hung onto as it was cleared out. Things like Christmas ornaments that I hadn't seen or thought about for years and mom's handwritten recipe notebooks were what we all wanted. 

I'm sorry for your loss.

I'm sorry for your loss.

When my grandparents died, my Dad and my uncle gave everyone a pad of post it notes. Every person got their own color. We then went through the house and put post it notes on the things that we wanted. If there was more than one post it on something, we figured out how to deal with it (trading, drawing names out of hat, whatever). When the immediate family had gone through the house, we let other family members go through and see if there was anything that they wanted. Once we got the sentimental stuff out of the way, it was much easier to deal with the rest.

Take your time. This is one job that doesn't need haste.

Ah melanell was thinking the same

My family and I had to do this when my aunt died and my uncle had died just 7 weeks before her. They had lived in the same house for 50 years and also kept most of my grandmother's things. We started with the refrigerator, freezer, and pantry. Then we went room by room- it took us several weeks. We kept what we wanted and just left things in rooms that we thought we could sell. They had a screened-in front porch and we put things there to donate. We had several sales and just let people wander through the rooms. After we sold what we could, the Haven of Rest came and took the rest of it. It was a big job! Just take your time. I'm sorry for your loss.

I am sorry about your loss.

Make sure you flip through everything, especially the books, before donating/getting rid of them. There may be sentimental letters or even money in between the pages.

'

The library will take them, ours has a donate section. If you have that many I'd call them and arrange a drop off. Depending on how much you want to mess with it, Half Price books will give you next to nothing for them but DH and I are avid readers. When my grandmother died we took her not insignificant collection to half price and then put the money back into more books we wanted. If someone in your family is a reader, you might want to give them the choice to do this. My mom didn't want to hassle with it, but for DH and I it was worth doing.

I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm currently spending every Saturday with my mom sorting through her closets, drawers, etc moving things into sale/keep/donate piles. They only lived in this house for 20 years, but both sides of the family settled here so as the previous generation has died she's inherited all their stuff. I'm getting really tired of hearing "we don't want it" from various extended family. Yeah not only do they not want it, they have no desire to come help sort it out either. She was in a foul mood yesterday and angry at me for only giving her one day out of the week to do this (I work full time) so I'm a little raw about this topic.

I would second others who said go easy. My dad died 10 years ago, she still has his glasses. I just leave it be, they bring her comfort and when she dies I'm happy to get rid of them then. She also has containers of loose change all over the house. She refuses to let me consolidate them. I've just learned to let it go.

Borrow or buy at least 2 shredders.
Find important papers first.

Shred all the old pay stubs, old tax returns (check to see what you need to keep after death) and bills. ( stuff that was important to them, but you don't need).
And clean out the cupboards, frig and pantry.
Do this first.