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Post by craftedbys on Jul 10, 2018 1:34:37 GMT
If he won't wear the briefs, they do make pads that adhere to the underwear, might not hold as much, but would be some protection.
If your father is on Medicare, he qualifies for a home health evaluation. He qualifies everytime there is a change in medication, after every hospitalization, or any event. Ask his doctor to write a referral. You can choose which company you want the referral written to, so there is some homework involved.
A registered nurse will come to your home and talk to you and him and assess what his (and your needs are): pt, ot, nursing care, personal care etc. The right company can be a godsend. If he needs equipment they can put the order in with Medicare and cut through so much red tape.
We noticed with my mom that elderly people are sometimes more cooperative and willing to do things for a stanger that they won't do for a family member.
I also suggest the miralax. It is odorless, colorless, and tasteless. You can mix it in his tea or in his water to take his meds with.
Hang in there. As a caregiver I know the struggle, as do many Peas. We are always here to lend an ear or give suggestions without any judgments. Don't forget to take care of yourself as well.
PM me if you need to talk.
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Post by hop2 on Jul 10, 2018 1:40:43 GMT
Hugs
Caring for parents can be so difficult for you both. He sure doesn’t want to burden you. And your doing the best you can.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,950 
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Post by Rhondito on Jul 10, 2018 1:55:05 GMT
Are you using the correct type of plunger? Many people use a sink plunger on their toilet and it doesn't as well. The toilet plungers I mainly see look like this:  |
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eleezybeth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,784
Jun 28, 2014 20:42:01 GMT
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Post by eleezybeth on Jul 10, 2018 1:55:43 GMT
I share this for a bit of humor and because sadly it is what popped into my mind when I read your post. You need a poop knifeIn all seriousness, it is time for a heart to heart with your dad and your brother. You are going to wear yourself out. What sort of caregiver support services exist in your area? |
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Jul 10, 2018 2:13:01 GMT
I think the peas recommended you getting some help for him, like a health aide. How’s that coming along?
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Post by cindytred on Jul 10, 2018 2:48:33 GMT
You need a poop stick. Remember the thread about that awhile back? Well, sometimes it's what you gotta do - break it up with a stick.
I'm sorry you are having a tough time. Old age sucks. My grandmother had so many sayings - and one of them was, "Once an adult and twice a child". You are a blessing to your father.
Cindy
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~Susan~
Pearl Clutcher
You need to check your boobs, mine tried to kill me!!!
Posts: 3,259
Jul 6, 2014 17:25:32 GMT
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Post by ~Susan~ on Jul 10, 2018 2:51:08 GMT
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Post by Dixie Lou on Jul 10, 2018 3:01:33 GMT
Are you using the correct type of plunger? Many people use a sink plunger on their toilet and it doesn't as well. The toilet plungers I mainly see look like this: I have one of each. Neither one are working. |
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,950
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Post by Rhondito on Jul 10, 2018 3:05:11 GMT
 Well, darn. Hopefully one of the suggestions from the others will help. I'm so sorry you are going through this, and your father too. Bless both of you.
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Post by Dixie Lou on Jul 10, 2018 3:09:13 GMT
I will be buying miralax in the morning. Maybe some prune juice too. He is diabetic so we have to be careful with juice.
I tried the hot water and dishwashing liquid. Didn't work.
i tried the wire hanger. There isn't anything in there that the hanger will reach. I was able to fish out the poop ball with it though. (EW I KNOW! But this thread already says TMI!)
Tomorrow I am going to buy a heavy duty toilet. I have a handy man who has done things before for me (he remodeled my house a year ago, plus several things since then.) He is coming to replace the toilet on Thursday.
I told my dad what someone suggested and that was to tell my dad it was the toilet. Funny thing is that is exactly what I told him. What he doesn't know is that he is paying for the toilet/replacement. My brother said I could use his debit card.
My dad's nurse comes once a week. She mainly seems to kind of manage his meds. He loves her...me, not so much. Anyway, she will be here in the morning at 11.
Thank you! I am going to go try one more time.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:42:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2018 3:40:58 GMT
My uncle has always had constipation issues. He only poops like once a week, an industrial, gigantic, unbelievable amount. Clogged the toilet too many times to count. My grandparents had him start flushing every little bit while he poops so he wasn't trying to flush a giant poop all at once. Made a huge difference. Far fewer clogs. Maybe doing this would help with your dad.
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Post by Delta Dawn on Jul 10, 2018 3:54:21 GMT
Disposable gloves are your friend. It’s gross but wtf we are all aging people and this could be our reality, too. Break it up with the gloves on and dispose of the gloves in the garbage. That is what I had to do when changing my mother’s colostomy bag. You can do this.
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pridemom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,843
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Post by pridemom on Jul 10, 2018 4:03:14 GMT
Is he a veteran? VA will provide DME like a compose and shower chair. They also provide in home care.
If he has incontenance , how about a condom style catheter? He can learn control, but the urine is in a bag.
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snyder
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,493
Location: Colorado
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Post by snyder on Jul 10, 2018 4:06:25 GMT
He needs to wear diapers and use a commode. And you need to get him on Metamucil, so he has regular bowel movements. Changing his diet to no processed food will help and no lettuce. Lettuce turns to sludge in the digestive track, since most lettuce is low in fiber. Of course you need to discuss this with his doctor. I can't get him to take the metamucil. Metamucil comes in capsule form now, so maybe that would work for him. Bless your heart and his as well. Not easy at all, but something that must be done. I believe those that take care of their parents/family will see extra pearls in their crown one day. {{{Hugs}}}
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
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Post by zella on Jul 10, 2018 5:36:49 GMT
Dixie Lou, just in case you have trouble with your dad taking Miralax, you should know this: Mix it into any drink. Let it stand for 5 minutes. The powder completely dissolves and is utterly tasteless and invisible. But only if you let it stand. There tends to be some stray powder on the glass, but you can pour it into a clean container and dad will be none the wiser. And you can get double and triple the dose to dissolve too. Trust me, I've done it! And Miralax is very safe, far safer than getting very constipated actually. I do hope this helps. This and the more powerful toilet. You're a saint!
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Post by Jockscrap on Jul 10, 2018 7:51:04 GMT
Dixie Lou , just in case you have trouble with your dad taking Miralax, you should know this: Mix it into any drink. Let it stand for 5 minutes. The powder completely dissolves and is utterly tasteless and invisible. But only if you let it stand. There tends to be some stray powder on the glass, but you can pour it into a clean container and dad will be none the wiser. And you can get double and triple the dose to dissolve too. Trust me, I've done it! And Miralax is very safe, far safer than getting very constipated actually. I do hope this helps. This and the more powerful toilet. You're a saint! Apologies if this isn’t what you are suggesting and I’ve interpreted this incorrectly, but do you mean covert administration of the medication, so the OP’s dad wouldn’t know they were taking this medication? This would be a major problem in the UK, where covert administration is only allowed under very strict circumstances. Ethically, medicating someone with the ability to make informed consent wouldn’t sit well with me at all, even though I can understand the frustrations behind the decision to do so. I’ve been in a similar position to the OP. Getting a new loo seems like an excellent long term option. Short term, I have put my hand in a bin bag and just manually broken up the poo, which means there is no yucky knife or stick to clean up. Just put the bag in another bin bag, open and waiting. Neat bleach breaks the poo down to some extent too. Fortunately, I never had to deal with what the OP is to the same extent. Bad enough once in a while, but on a daily basis - that can’t go on. OP, I hope you are able to get additional support and the new loo helps a lot. |
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maryannscraps
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Posts: 4,948
Aug 28, 2017 12:51:28 GMT
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Post by maryannscraps on Jul 10, 2018 12:24:23 GMT
Can you explain to him that the "briefs" are not for use as diapers, but for just in case. Tell him you aren't trying to stop him from using the toilet, but to keep accidents from happening. Maybe that would help him feel like you're not trying to take away his dignity.
I'm so sorry you are dealing with this. It's just heartbreaking for both of you.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 21:42:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2018 12:46:38 GMT
You have a lot of advice here and I'm not going to add to it, but your home health nurse and PT should be able to help you with all of it, except the stopped up toilet. Talk to them and tell them what you told us. They are accustomed to all these problems.
The tramadol is making his constipation worse. You can get an over the counter stool softener.
I know it's hard but you need to be firm with him about taking it and wearing a protective undergarment.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:42:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2018 12:52:16 GMT
Dixie Lou , just in case you have trouble with your dad taking Miralax, you should know this: Mix it into any drink. Let it stand for 5 minutes. The powder completely dissolves and is utterly tasteless and invisible. But only if you let it stand. There tends to be some stray powder on the glass, but you can pour it into a clean container and dad will be none the wiser. And you can get double and triple the dose to dissolve too. Trust me, I've done it! And Miralax is very safe, far safer than getting very constipated actually. I do hope this helps. This and the more powerful toilet. You're a saint! Apologies if this isn’t what you are suggesting and I’ve interpreted this incorrectly, but do you mean covert administration of the medication, so the OP’s dad wouldn’t know they were taking this medication? This would be a major problem in the UK, where covert administration is only allowed under very strict circumstances. Ethically, medicating someone with the ability to make informed consent wouldn’t sit well with me at all, even though I can understand the frustrations behind the decision to do so. I’ve been in a similar position to the OP. Getting a new loo seems like an excellent long term option. Short term, I have put my hand in a bin bag and just manually broken up the poo, which means there is no yucky knife or stick to clean up. Just put the bag in another bin bag, open and waiting. Neat bleach breaks the poo down to some extent too. Fortunately, I never had to deal with what the OP is to the same extent. Bad enough once in a while, but on a daily basis - that can’t go on. OP, I hope you are able to get additional support and the new loo helps a lot. This is a case of he needs the medicine, he doesn’t want it because it is thick and yucky. Giving it to him in way that he will take it is not secretly medicating him. |
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Post by idahopea on Jul 10, 2018 15:51:16 GMT
We got the toilet that says you can flush a bucket of golf balls on the box and haven't had any back up issues since. I encourage everyone here to flush poo before adding toilet paper too.
You might need a drain snake to clear the toilet. Not sure how expensive they are, but shouldn't be too much.
I used clear ammonia added to the wash to get out poop and urine smells when the kids were little. You can add it to a bucket of warm water to wipe down other surfaces too. Just be careful of breathing it in. Ammonia stinks but is an old remedy for cleaning.
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Post by Dixie Lou on Jul 10, 2018 22:29:23 GMT
Gloves are my best friend! I tried to find masks at Walmart today with no luck.
I went to Home Depot and saw the toilet where you can flush a basket of golf balls. I am either going get that one or another one that looked good. I decided to let my handyman choose the one he thinks would be the best. We are meeting there on Thursday morning.
Yes, my dad is a veteran. Thank you for telling me that he can get help that way.
When I added miralax to my dad's tea and told him that I did, he told me I shouldn't have told him. He wouldn't drink it. So he agrees he wants to take it as long as he doesn't know it's in there. This was a few months ago. He is needing more care now. He was taking stool softeners and I don't think they were working.
His nurse came by today and told us to get Phillips tablets and prune juice. He hasn't taken them yet because he went to sleep after lunch (when I brought them home) and hasn't woke up yet.
I will ask his doctor about tramadol making his constipation worse. He needs pain meds because he has chronic pain. He says his middle initial is "H" for "hurt." He also takes steroids for pain. He takes iron everyday and I am going to cut that out too.
I think I am going back up to Home Depot for a toilet snake. Although the toilet bowl is clear it is not flushing normally.
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Post by ktdoesntscrap on Jul 10, 2018 22:33:17 GMT
Sorry I didn't read the whole thread.
But I do have a fix that has worked for me. With a stop up toilet before you try to use a plunger, get a bucket and fill the toilet all the way to the top with water... 97% of the time it will clear the stoppage.
The other 3 % is a bit gross... but if this doesn't work.. it's going to be gross no matter what.
I use this "trick" about once a week. So the 97% is actually pretty accurate.
I'm sorry you are dealing with this. My Dad is 91 tomorrow and we just had to move him to a nursing home. It was issues like this that forced us to take the next step.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:42:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jul 10, 2018 23:01:44 GMT
If he very constipated you need him to take the Miralax first before the Phillips and prune juice. You have to get him going going first.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Jul 10, 2018 23:27:12 GMT
When things got like that with my mom, we had to move her into a nursing home. My brother lived with her and took care of her for as long as he could, but that was really above his pay grade. I believe once they stop wanting to bathe and wash their hair, you really do need more help. The staff at the nursing home were able to talk her into doing the stuff we couldn’t get her to do.
And a better toilet wouldn’t hurt. In our area changing out a toilet would be something you’d need a licensed plumber to do if it’s hired out, but YMMV. Plumbers are licensed and insured so if anything goes wrong down the road it’s on them and not on you. Plus a lot of them warranty their work for a period of time so if you still have an issue within that timeframe they’ll come back out for free.
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Post by Dixie Lou on Jul 11, 2018 0:50:13 GMT
I got the toilet unclogged!
I bought a "snake" and it took some work, but it flushes now! Still getting the new one on Thursday thought!
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Post by Dixie Lou on Jul 11, 2018 1:00:03 GMT
When things got like that with my mom, we had to move her into a nursing home. My brother lived with her and took care of her for as long as he could, but that was really above his pay grade. I believe once they stop wanting to bathe and wash their hair, you really do need more help. The staff at the nursing home were able to talk her into doing the stuff we couldn’t get her to do. And a better toilet wouldn’t hurt. In our area changing out a toilet would be something you’d need a licensed plumber to do if it’s hired out, but YMMV. Plumbers are licensed and insured so if anything goes wrong down the road it’s on them and not on you. Plus a lot of them warranty their work for a period of time so if you still have an issue within that timeframe they’ll come back out for free. My handy man is a licensed plumber and electrician so I am lucky there. He is really much more than a handy man. I am just calling him that for simplistic purposes. Maybe he is technically a contractor and he owns his own electrical company. He has men working for him on big jobs. They renovated my entire house last year including installing a walk in shower and completely re-doing my master bath, put in new floors, paint everything inside (cabinets, walls), put in my new sink, countertops and tiled the kitchen walls. He replaced all of my doors except for the back one. He's installed ceiling fans and light fixtures, replaced my hot water heater. He did just about everything. I'm lucky to have him. I also trust him and he has the code to my house. One thing he didn't do was replace the toilet in the hallway bathroom (my dad's.) It was new but I just need a heavy duty one. The other good news is my brother found a caregiver!!! She is coming over to meet me and my dad on Thursday or Friday. She lives in my neighborhood and sounds like a godsend. Thank you everyone for your kindness! |
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
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Post by zella on Jul 11, 2018 1:15:24 GMT
Dixie Lou , just in case you have trouble with your dad taking Miralax, you should know this: Mix it into any drink. Let it stand for 5 minutes. The powder completely dissolves and is utterly tasteless and invisible. But only if you let it stand. There tends to be some stray powder on the glass, but you can pour it into a clean container and dad will be none the wiser. And you can get double and triple the dose to dissolve too. Trust me, I've done it! And Miralax is very safe, far safer than getting very constipated actually. I do hope this helps. This and the more powerful toilet. You're a saint! Apologies if this isn’t what you are suggesting and I’ve interpreted this incorrectly, but do you mean covert administration of the medication, so the OP’s dad wouldn’t know they were taking this medication? This would be a major problem in the UK, where covert administration is only allowed under very strict circumstances. Ethically, medicating someone with the ability to make informed consent wouldn’t sit well with me at all, even though I can understand the frustrations behind the decision to do so. I’ve been in a similar position to the OP. Getting a new loo seems like an excellent long term option. Short term, I have put my hand in a bin bag and just manually broken up the poo, which means there is no yucky knife or stick to clean up. Just put the bag in another bin bag, open and waiting. Neat bleach breaks the poo down to some extent too. Fortunately, I never had to deal with what the OP is to the same extent. Bad enough once in a while, but on a daily basis - that can’t go on. OP, I hope you are able to get additional support and the new loo helps a lot. Yes, if he won't take it knowingly I'd have no problem giving it to him on the sly. It sounds like there's some dementia (forgive me if I'm wrong, Dixie Lou) and you can't always get "permission" from the person themself. When we're talking about a laxative that her dad very much needs and that could greatly improve things for Dixie Lou too, I don't have an issue with being sneaky if need be. I'm being realistic here. |
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pyccku
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,831
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Post by pyccku on Jul 11, 2018 1:18:32 GMT
I know this is a serious problem for you, and I definitely sympathize. But maybe you could use a laugh? This story is one I read a while ago and it's just so bizarre and funny and it addresses the problem of really big turds that won't flush. The poop knife |
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Post by Dixie Lou on Jul 11, 2018 22:04:47 GMT
Thank you for the laugh!
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Post by scrappintoee on Jul 14, 2018 3:27:11 GMT
Many, many (( hugs )) to you, I can't imagine how hard this is!  Also....(( hugs )) to everyone else who's dealing with similar issues....I always hope and pray that IF that day comes for my Dad, I'll be able to care for him in our home; but we all know that sometimes, that is just not possible. The other good news is my brother found a caregiver!!! She is coming over to meet me and my dad on Thursday or Friday. She lives in my neighborhood and sounds like a godsend. Thank you everyone for your kindness! So happy to read this, and hoping this caregiver is a huge help for you and your Dad! Did your handyman install the new toilet yet? I'm sending up prayers that things will improve!!!  |
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Well, darn.
