zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884 
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Post by zella on Oct 27, 2018 7:13:40 GMT
I'm having a BAD night. BAD. Don't want to go into too many details other than to say I've shed a lot of tears, gone out to get my daughter some marijuana (it's legal, don't worry), had multiple yelling matches with my husband, and I'm at the end of my fucking rope. And don't talk to me if you can't handle swearing. There will be more.
I'm trying so hard, but it's not enough. Ever. My life is such a damn struggle. All. The Time. And I'm over it. I've had enough. I'm more than done, take me out the oven.
It's times like this I almost envy those with faith. But to me, I can't believe in a god anymore than I can believe in fairies; just ain't gonna happen. So nothing to lean on.
I do not like my life. That's putting it mildly. And I don't see it changing, except I will finally get out of this house, and move somewhere that perhaps I'll like more. But I will leave behind my DD and granddaughter, which I hate.
Yuck. Sorry, but to me, life is just sucky.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:32:51 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2018 7:40:27 GMT
I am up!
I can talk to you about how to cope with missing loved ones over long distances.
I am sorry you are having a bad night.
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 27, 2018 7:45:55 GMT
I'm up. (Well, it's only 6:30pm Saturday here, so of course I'm up.) I'm sorry you're struggling and are having a bad night Zella. I wish I could offer you more than platitudes.  Oh, and don't worry about the swearing, you'd have to be pretty good at it to beat me. Remind me, how old is your granddaughter? |
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
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Post by zella on Oct 27, 2018 8:21:29 GMT
My sweet granddaughter is 4 1/2. Dammit, I wish I could make the stupid picture adding thing work! She was dressed up tonight as a witch. Freaking adorable.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
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Post by zella on Oct 27, 2018 8:22:10 GMT
I am up! I can talk to you about how to cope with missing loved ones over long distances. I am sorry you are having a bad night. I'm all ears. I'm also talking on FB, thus my untimely reply. |
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Post by AussieMeg on Oct 27, 2018 9:01:02 GMT
My sweet granddaughter is 4 1/2. Dammit, I wish I could make the stupid picture adding thing work! She was dressed up tonight as a witch. Freaking adorable. I too wish you could get the stupid picture adding thing to work! I love a good photo sharing thread. Was she practising for Halloween? |
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Post by koontz on Oct 27, 2018 9:01:22 GMT
I am up too. 11.00am in te Netherlands. I am sorry you are struggling, i’d love to see a picture of your granddaughter all dressed up!
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AllieC
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,129
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Post by AllieC on Oct 27, 2018 9:02:17 GMT
I’m up too. Only 8pm here. Not sure I can do anything to help but I do have an ear to listen.
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AllieC
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,129
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Post by AllieC on Oct 27, 2018 9:02:43 GMT
I’m up too. Only 8pm here. Not sure I can do anything to help but I do have an ear to listen.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
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Post by zella on Oct 27, 2018 9:08:44 GMT
My sweet granddaughter is 4 1/2. Dammit, I wish I could make the stupid picture adding thing work! She was dressed up tonight as a witch. Freaking adorable. I too wish you could get the stupid picture adding thing to work! I love a good photo sharing thread. Was she practising for Halloween? Kind of. They went to a "Trunk or Treat," a friend's idea, apparently. Tomorrow they have something else Halloween themed, can't recall what. Then on Thursday she'll wear one of her costumes, probably the witch, to preschool. Then she'll wear the other one (Ariel, the mermaid) for trick or treating. My daughter loves Halloween and is clearly passing that on. Funnily enough, I've always hated it! I should just PM you my FB page, then you can see Cora. I'll do that tomorrow. I put on a full face of makeup tonight, and I dyed my hair. I looked good. I cried off every freaking stitch of makeup. Even my foundation. Not sure how I managed that! My eyes are so heavy. Gonna sleep now. Thanks Meg, and others willing to chat. I appreciate it. Maybe things won't look so bad in the morning. |
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Post by KelleeM on Oct 27, 2018 9:49:02 GMT
Big hugs, zella. I just got up to start my day and saw this. I hope you get some good sleep and feel better when you wake up. |
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Post by scrappintoee on Oct 27, 2018 9:59:11 GMT
Oh Zella......I'm SO sorry and sending you LOTS of (( hugs )) !  I hope you are sound asleep right now, and as you said---maybe you'll feel better when you wake up! Remember you can always post for support, (( hugs)), prayers, etc. Speaking of prayer, I understand how you feel about faith, but---I can tell you, as someone with strong faith, when I went through a horrible depression, I hate to say my faith barely helped. I WAS (and always am!) very, verrrry thankful for all my blessings, and I've NEVER been mad at God as some people are, I just realized depression is a horrific disease like any other, and just like your dear sister; some people don't get better, and some do. I DID have *brief* moments where I would feel better, and I can honestly say I could literally feel that someone was praying for me! Of course I don't KNOW that for a fact, but I was so THANKFUL to feel PEACE if only for a few minutes! I have dear family and very close friends who were praying ferverently for me, and I sooo appreciated it! On that note, as I've told you many times before, I AM praying for you since you've said it doesn't offend you even though you're not a believer. I sincerely HOPE that when you wake up, you will have that wonderful feeling that a bunch of people (or even ONE person) were praying for you. Of course I also realize that your myriad of illnesses may never go away, and that just SUCKS, and I am so very sorry! Are you still having nausea all the time? That would drive me over the edge !!!! I can barely handle being nauseous for a few hours; I don't know HOW you've endured it for so long! I would also LOVE to see piks of your adorable granddaughter!!!  I am SO glad that you have at least ONE huge joy in your life !! (( hugs )) |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 21:32:51 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Oct 27, 2018 11:11:20 GMT
I am up! I can talk to you about how to cope with missing loved ones over long distances. I am sorry you are having a bad night. I'm all ears. I'm also talking on FB, thus my untimely reply. No worries! I went to pick up my niece. The rainy season has started here and so my daughter and niece are having a play date at our house. I am very close to my aunt as she is with my kids. We FaceTime ALOT! I send pics and videos a couple of times a week so we stay in constant contact. We have a rule of one on/on off meaning, I will come Stateside to see her one year and then she comes to visit the next year. So my advice is to do lots of video chat, as well as pics and emails. It makes the distance not seem so bad. |
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flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
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Post by flute4peace on Oct 27, 2018 21:17:12 GMT
How are you feeling now, Zella? I hope you’ve found some peace.
Have you ever read the poem Footprints in the Sand? It does a good job of explaining what Faith means to me. I’m not a preachy person so please don’t think I’m trying to push something on you. I’m just mentioning it in case it might help bring you some comfort.
You’re never far from my thoughts!
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Post by ntsf on Oct 27, 2018 21:53:52 GMT
thinking of you zella... I'd bet the start of the cold rainy season doesn't help either... hugs and hugs
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
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Post by georgiapea on Oct 28, 2018 0:57:36 GMT
Hi, Zella, I hope your upcoming road trip will be enjoyable and you'll locate the perfect place to live, wherever that might be. I know I'm so happy to be back in Florida again after so many yesrs. My little Sopchoppy house is very simple but I love it. I love that it's completely surrounded by trees, that my tiny town is so quiet and peaceful. And I especially love that even though I'm inside the town limits I have no restrictions regarding chickens. I want happiness for you also.
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Post by Fidget on Oct 28, 2018 2:32:01 GMT
Hope you find peace and happiness. Remember the 2 don't go hand in hand, you have to find peace before you can be happy. I really hope things get better for you. I wish marijuana was legal here, maybe in a couple weeks, it's on the ballot. I know I can find it otherwise but for some damn reason I'm a rule follower - well usually I'm a rule follower...
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Post by PEAcan pie on Oct 28, 2018 2:50:31 GMT
Just want to say I love how the peas rally to help... Beautiful woman:)
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
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Post by zella on Oct 29, 2018 8:33:40 GMT
Can only do a quick message for now, but I'm doing better. Thank you all for your love and support. I was very busy today, and tomorrow I have to take my daughter to two medical appointments in the Seattle area. She's so poorly I had to get her a wheelchair. I'll update as soon as I can.
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georgiapea
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,846
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Post by georgiapea on Oct 29, 2018 11:18:44 GMT
Oh,my gosh, Zella. We will be thing of you and your DD today. Love and hugs.
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Oh, and don't worry about the swearing, you'd have to be pretty good at it to beat me. 
I hope you are sound asleep right now, and as you said---maybe you'll feel better when you wake up! 
I am SO glad that you have at least ONE huge joy in your life !! (( hugs ))
