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Post by Sorrel on Nov 9, 2018 0:12:53 GMT
She sounds like BPD to me. You cannot help someone like that. Only years of specialized therapy can. Frankly it’s terrifying she has a kid. I think everyone’s advice to set strong boundaries is spot on.
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Rhondito
Pearl Clutcher
MississipPea
Posts: 4,708
Jun 25, 2014 19:33:19 GMT
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Post by Rhondito on Nov 9, 2018 0:31:36 GMT
The thing about her is that she is young and she has a baby It's not like she's a teen mom - she's got to be at least late 20's by now? She's old enough to get her shit together and take control of her own life. I agree with the others - stop answering her calls and texts.
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scrappyesq
Pearl Clutcher
You have always been a part of the heist. You're only mad now because you don't like your cut.
Posts: 4,032
Jun 26, 2014 19:29:07 GMT
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Post by scrappyesq on Nov 9, 2018 1:11:44 GMT
mom you know the feeling is 100% mutual. Thank you guys for such invaluable advice (and reminding me of my own words jennyap ) you're all so right. I thought about it quite a bit today, and i think right now my biggest issue (still) is trying to save people. I know how hard it was to get here especially with crazy family dynamics at play. I just want her to know that she can actually change her life and things will get better. My life is far from perfect but its pretty amazing, and I hate the fact that she is suffering. It hurts my heart to think about her feeling that sense of utter loneliness that comes with feeling like no one in your family loves you or wants you around. But she isn't 14 anymore. She's 28. And a mommy. There really isn't anything I can do. It feels like survivors guilt in some ways: I made it out and I feel terrible that she hasn't. Assuaging my own guilt is for me, of course, because nothing I've done for her seems to have any impact. Not that I'm looking for a payoff but it has literally been like clockwork since her freshman year of college. Some big drama, an enlightening moment then right back to where she started with a new drama. Thanks guys for talking some sense in to me!
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Nov 9, 2018 3:28:03 GMT
She is a grown up and needs to take responsibility for her own actions. It's not like she's a teen mom - she's got to be at least late 20's by now? She's old enough to get her shit together and take control of her own life. I see your last post is already addressing this, so I'll keep this brief. Your help and advice for her at a younger, more impressionable time in her life was a tremendous boon for her... but yielded very little due to her - not you. During her formative years, I don't blame you for being there for her time and again despite the fact that she seldom took your wise counsel. But at this point, you are beating a dead horse. She isn't going to change. You can't make her change or you would have already. You know what you CAN do? Change you. Change your response. If you decide to continue a relationship with her, set some firm boundaries. I especially like the advice to put it back on her. Don't give her advice. Don't suggest solutions to her problems. Don't set goals for her. Simply ask her repeatedly, "How did you get to this point?" and "What are you going to do about it?" She's got to find all this within herself if she is EVER going to change. And, sadly, she may never.
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