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Post by SweetieBugs on Nov 15, 2018 1:53:22 GMT
My sister in law has been diagnosed with glioblastoma. It was quite out of nowhere. In the morning she was at church and then by mid-afternoon she was in the ER having a CT scan and scheduling brain surgery for the next day.
I don't have a lot of details other than that as they are keeping it private. This is my husband's twin brother's wife. She is wonderfully sweet and has two sons 19 and 22 years old. We've been SIL's for 25 years now.
We aren't really close even thought I really like her and like to spend time with her (my mother and father in law inserted themselves into all 3 kids marriages and it fractured the family quite a bit). Also, we live 4 hours apart.
I'm trying to find the words that convey my feelings of sadness, concern and fear for her but in a manner that doesn't make her feel worse. I just don't know what words will be adequate and non-awkward at this time.
Cancer peas, can you let me know what you've heard that maybe resonated with you in a positive way and also what things were unwelcome to hear? Thank you.
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Post by jenjie on Nov 15, 2018 2:09:53 GMT
Awww man. I am so sorry. I'm sorry. I love you. I'm here for you. I'm praying for you (If you pray and she is receptive to it. More personal would be to ask how would you like me to pray for you?) I'm here when you need to vent. Avoid cliches. I'll tag you in a post about what others did for us that was helpful to me. Being 4 hours away can be limiting but you can still find ways to help long-distance. Linking here instead: 2peasrefugees.boards.net/thread/45387/help-friend-show |
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gsquaredmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,107
Jun 26, 2014 17:43:22 GMT
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Post by gsquaredmom on Nov 15, 2018 3:09:39 GMT
Glioblastoma took my dad three weeks after diagnosis in 2012. He was 80, the tumor was large and caused strokes, he had advanced Parkinson’s, and chose not to fight the cancer.
Cancer sucks.
I think the best thing you can do cannot be boiled down to a few words. Let her know you will support her in whatever ways she needs.
I wish you all a peaceful journey.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Nov 15, 2018 3:26:47 GMT
Just I'm sorry and a hug is all that's needed. Words are far less important than actions. Be there for her and her family in any way you can. I'm sure that will be the most appreciated.
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Post by revirdsuba99 on Nov 15, 2018 3:46:56 GMT
So very sorry about the Glioblastoma. The worst of the worst. It is what John McCain and Joe Bidden's son had.
If possible go visit. Send 'thinking of you' type cards. Let her know how much you love her and some whys you love her....
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Post by jenjie on Nov 15, 2018 3:51:18 GMT
Glioblastoma took my dad three weeks after diagnosis in 2012. He was 80, the tumor was large and caused strokes, he had advanced Parkinson’s, and chose not to fight the cancer. Cancer sucks. I think the best thing you can do cannot be boiled down to a few words. Let her know you will support her in whatever ways she needs. I wish you all a peaceful journey. I’m so sorry 😢 |
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Judy26
Pearl Clutcher
MOTFY Bitchy Nursemaid
Posts: 2,974 
Location: NW PA
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Post by Judy26 on Nov 15, 2018 4:01:26 GMT
My brother in law had Glio. It is devastating. I agree with the Pea who said small acts of support and kindness go a long way. The whole family will feel like they got run over by a Mack truck. Small tasks will feel unbearably difficult. My sister said breathing took more energy than she had and talking to people was agony. Anything you can do to take care of mundane tasks and shield the family from well meaning friends who aren’t in their close circle will be appreciated down the road when they are finally able to emerge from the fog of this nightmare. My thoughts and prayers are with your family.
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tanya2
Pearl Clutcher
Refupea #1604
Posts: 4,486
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Post by tanya2 on Nov 15, 2018 4:31:01 GMT
if you can go see her, it might be wise not to wait
I'm so sorry
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Post by scrapmaven on Nov 15, 2018 4:58:27 GMT
I'm sorry that your sil has this terrible disease. If you can go see her I would do so, as tanya2 suggested. Nothing you say will make her feel better, at this point, but knowing that she has your love and support can mean a lot. I think it's more about actions then words. |
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Post by elaine on Nov 15, 2018 4:59:41 GMT
 I’m so sorry. For your SIL and for your family. Just let her know that you are sorry and you are there for her and the family if they need anything from you.
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zella
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,884
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Post by zella on Nov 15, 2018 5:03:47 GMT
That sucks as much as it's possible for something to suck. This is a very similar story to my sister. In the morning she went to walk her dog, suddenly her left side stopped working, she was diagnosed with a brain tumor that afternoon, and had surgery the next day. It was also a glioblastoma. There are a few people living full, wonderful lives with glios now, mainly due to a very new treatment called Optune. It uses electric fields, and is worn on the head all the time. It's truly amazing. But sadly not everyone is eligible for that treatment. My sister didn't live long enough to start it. I really hope your s-i-l is one of those who has a far better than average outcome, and that she can use Optune, and that it works for her.
As for what to say, there really isn't much. I'd just be totally honest and down to earth. "I'm sorry. That really, really sucks. You don't deserve that. I'm just so sorry." And try to offer practical help if you're able (you don't say if they live near you, but things like asking if her sons or husband need groceries, or giving them a gift card to a restaurant that's really close to the hospital, things like that).
I won't lie to you: most people with glios still die fairly quickly. It remains one of the most lethal cancers. And one that I particularly despise of course. I'm just so sorry it's touching your family.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:40:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2018 5:07:56 GMT
Glio sucks. We lost our best friend to it. Go see her, sooner than later, and as often as you are welcome and want to go.
Maybe you could gift a family picture session.
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hutchfan
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,274
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Post by hutchfan on Nov 15, 2018 5:15:35 GMT
I am so sorry your family will have to deal with this horrible disease. Saying prayers.
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Post by snowsilver on Nov 15, 2018 6:27:19 GMT
I lost a sister-in-law (one of my absolute favorites although I love the whole batch of them) to Glio a few years ago. She was pushing the ice lever in her refrigerator and suddenly her hand wouldn't work. She was in her early 50s. Vibrant, lovely with two beautiful daughters and a husband who adored her.
Not everyone dies right away. She survived 18 months and really, the first 9 months or so she did OK. Ups and downs. The first months, her life was almost normal but for the horrible cloud that hung over it. She fought like a demon to live. The end though was very bad for the family. Almost worse than for her. But she never experienced a great deal of pain--she just lost so many abilities to do anything for herself. I still miss her so much. I called her regularly (she lived 14 hours away from me, but we were close). She always insisted she was "getting better". A bit over a year ago, we went to her daughter's wedding. My heart hurt knowing how much my SIL wanted to be at her girls' weddings. My niece carried a photo of her mother down the aisle.
Now, my BIL has found a new lady and I'm embarrassed to say I'm angry! How can he! I know life goes on, but she was so special. My husband and I laugh at my attitude. It was HIS sister--not mine. And he's not angry at all about BIL finding a new love. So he shakes his head at me and says, "If I'm not upset, why are you?" I know it is dumb and BIL is a big favorite of mine really....but I loved, loved, loved my SIL. I'm so sorry to hear about YOUR SIL. Just love her.
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Post by malibou on Nov 15, 2018 8:18:03 GMT
I am so sorry. Tell her often and earnestly how loved she is. Go see her. Send her cards.
Cancer fucking sucks.
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Post by johna on Nov 15, 2018 9:28:17 GMT
I am so sorry to hear this. I lost one of my best friends to that cancer 7 years ago. She did live longer than expected, I think she lived 2 and a half years.
A co-worker's husband was diagnosed with it around 5 years ago or so, and he went through I don't know what treatment, but it worked well, and he was cancer-free for around 4 years. However, he just found out that it has returned. I can't imagine.
Hugs to you and the family. Just be there and offer to do whatever you can. Let her know that you love her and are happy to have the years together that you did. I like the previous poster's idea of getting family pictures done now before things get too bad.
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:40:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2018 9:29:51 GMT
I'm so sorry to hear this, are you able to go see her?
Saying this gently, please don't talk to her about your fear, she'll have enough of that without adding to it. Tell her she is loved and that you're there for her.
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nopeaq
Junior Member
Posts: 89
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Post by nopeaq on Nov 15, 2018 11:43:54 GMT
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Post by trixiecat on Nov 15, 2018 11:56:05 GMT
My uncle died from this years ago. He made it through 18 months. Since you live 4 hours away, maybe each week you could send her an uplifting card - something that would put a smile on her face. Maybe put some pictures in it of her kids when they were younger from a family event.
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Nov 15, 2018 12:11:49 GMT
I really like that analogy. It is clear and easy to understand. Thanks for sharing. |
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:40:40 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Nov 15, 2018 12:20:34 GMT
I really like that analogy. It is clear and easy to understand. Thanks for sharing. I like it too nopeaq . I'm going to share with a friend who's going through something similar. Puts everything in perspective. SweetieBugs, I'm sorry your family is experiencing this. Hugs to you and your SIL. |
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Post by mikklynn on Nov 15, 2018 16:08:12 GMT
It's more important that you reach out, than it is to have the perfect words.
DH and I remember who reached out to us and who disappeared.
Always reach out.
I'm so sorry, cancer sucks.
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Post by Florida Cindy on Nov 15, 2018 20:34:39 GMT
Glio sucks. We lost our best friend to it. Go see her, sooner than later, and as often as you are welcome and want to go. Maybe you could gift a family picture session. My 32 yr old friend died of Glio 12 yrs ago. I agree to go see her asap while she is recovering from surgery. You will be glad you were there for your SIL. |
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Post by Florida Cindy on Nov 15, 2018 20:36:20 GMT
I'm so sorry to hear this, are you able to go see her?
Saying this gently, please don't talk to her about your fear, she'll have enough of that without adding to it. Tell her she is loved and that you're there for her.
Ditto! |
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Post by flanz on Nov 15, 2018 21:06:49 GMT
Thanks for posting this, nopeaq! I have heard it before but appreciate the reminder. Sharing with tons of people today via email and FB. |
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uksue
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,597
Location: London
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Post by uksue on Nov 15, 2018 21:23:07 GMT
I can't remember a single thing that was said to me by friends or relatives in the first days after either of my cancer diagnoses. I remember feeling their shock, their love and was aware of the prayers coming my way , but I don't think there was anything they could have said that would have made me feel worse .
My best friend came out with the most foul-mouth tirade against 'the bas***d C' the first time,which made me burst out laughing - I'd never heard her use any word worse than 'hell ' before lol
What DID hurt Was the lack of contact from my father, sister, brother in law and sister in law . They all acted like it was no big deal and I literally received no contact, no words. That really hurt . As long as she knows you are thinking of her , praying for her , and that you are there for her and her family that's all she really needs to know.
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Post by PNWMom on Nov 15, 2018 21:40:01 GMT
I had 'good' cancer (as I see it, any cancer that is not fatal), but the most helpful, resonating thing anyone said to me in the early days after my diagnosis, before we had a good grasp on prognosis or treatment plan or any of that was from my sister in law: 'I really don't know the right thing to say'. Hearing that made me really grasp the fact that there ISN'T a right thing to say. It's a crappy diagnosis and it's not fair and etc, etc, etc. I felt lot of relief in acknowledging that everyone else was just as overwhelmed and shocked by the diagnosis as I was.
Hugs to you and your family. I'm an RN working on a unit where we get lots of neurosurgical patients, including people with sudden glioblastoma diagnoses and I know how devastating that diagnosis is to hear. Another thing I counted as a silver lining of my cancer diagnosis was hearing my friends and family tell me they loved me. I knew that they did, but we don't often say those specific words out loud. This is a good time to put those feelings into words for not only the person with the cancer diagnosis but also for each other. Let this bring you all closer together in some small way and acknowledge your feelings out loud.
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casii
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,588
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Post by casii on Nov 15, 2018 21:44:55 GMT
I'm so sorry. I've had 2 former students with glioblastoma.
Be there for her. Tell you love her. Follow the wise advise of fellow peas who have walked this path. And yes, cancer is a dirty rat bastard. I hate it.
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Post by librarylady on Nov 15, 2018 23:41:37 GMT
Go see her--go more than once if at all possible.
Let her know you love her and share some memories. Since you are away, drop her a card.
(Purchase a book of post cards (Half Price books sells them) and drop her a card every day. It lets her know you are thinking of her. I did this with my mother and sister when they had long term illness. Some days I cut a joke out of Readers Digest and taped it to the card.)
Mainly, just let her know she is loved.
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