PrettyInPeank
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Dec 6, 2018 19:05:08 GMT
I’m very surprised at the people who think HIV testing isn’t “routine.” ALL STD testing, which includes HIV, has been routine at every doctor I’ve ever been to. You don’t have to consent anymore than you have to consent to any other routine testing you’ve done, but it’s offered at every annual and physical I’ve ever had. It's not routine to test for that without consent (as you said, it's offered commonly; it's not just performed on every patient in the practice without discussing it). And if you had been monogamous for 25+ years and never shared a needle you probably wouldn't need it or request it, unless he suspects his wife I guess. It's still pretty suspicious in light of the other information. The only times I have been HIV tested was during pregnancies (doctor had to ask if he could include it, I said sure if you want) and during a physical for life insurance. This stinks to hell. OP, one thing I've learned from the peas is if you suspect cheating, don't confront yet. They always recommend a website called infidelity something and say start gathering evidence. Best of luck. Don't say anything yet. |
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Post by lancermom on Dec 6, 2018 19:18:10 GMT
Coincidence?  I had a physical this morning. I have been with DH for 25 years. I was asked if I wanted the test. She said it has become standard that if someone doesn’t have one on file, they ask. So maybe innocent??? You’ve been with DH for 25 years, so when asked, did you opt for the test? Yes, opted out. I said no. I also opted out of the mammogram. I know I should, but I just can’t yet. |
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Dec 6, 2018 19:25:31 GMT
Nope. I said no. I also opted out of the mammogram. I know I should, but I just can’t yet. I started getting them when I was 28-- when we were discussing what I'd heard about how 'bad' they are, my sister told me: "trust me; I'd rather have had a mammogram than chemotherapy." She found her lump JUST before the age she would have started getting preventive mammograms, had a mastectomy and chemotherapy. (She's fine now, thank goodness!!) On the whole, I think mammograms are NOT NEARLY as bad as the rep they have. We also have an 80-year old male close friend who gets yearly mammograms now because HE had breast cancer, too-- if they can do one on HIM, they can manage doing on on anyone! |
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peabrain
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Post by peabrain on Dec 6, 2018 19:29:08 GMT
I realize I live in an alternate universe bubble and it's probably just me that wonders if she gets the HIV testing later he finds her receipt and wonders why.
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Post by Zee on Dec 6, 2018 19:53:35 GMT
I work in healthcare. I've seen many inpatient docs order the HIV / hep panels and they do not have to get any specific consent. A pt is providing "implied consent" just by being in the ER and agreeing to admission or any other test. Any test, however, can be refused by the patient. I have no experience in the clinic setting, however, so that test may be a standard test for some MDs. In my facility, if an employee has an exposure (ie needle stick, bodily fluids, etc) we do have to get consent from the patient to test his/her blood. If I were you, I would call the clinic and ask what their standard yearly physical labs and exam includes. Ask for the specific labs because they may likely tell you "Just the basics" which would not include any HIV / hepatitis panels. You can ask specifically about HIV testing if that is not included. If the office tells you that these are standard, then maybe you don't have that to worry about. If it isn't, you will have your answer to your next step. Get yourself tested if you feel it necessary. I think I would get all of my ducks in a tight row before confronting him. If he is still addicted to porn, that is another issue y'all will need to address. Sorry this is happening. I'm sure you feel gut-punched right now. Hugs!!!! Yes but if it's ordered in an inpatient setting it's related to their current care, not just routine. Someone has unexplained infections or admits to IV drug use, that's one thing. It is not routine to just add an HIV test onto routine labwork without discussion, whether someone is in the hospital or at the office. Written consent is not what I'm talking about. The tests aren't free for everyone so it would be rather negligent of a physician to simply order one without discussing it with the patient. Exceptions have already been discussed. Also, in my facility, no consent is needed to collect an HIV test if an employee needle stick or other exposure is involved--but that's not what we're talking about here. |
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melissa
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Post by melissa on Dec 6, 2018 20:03:34 GMT
I know I should, but I just can’t yet. Yet? That's a scary answer to someone like me, who had breast cancer about 13 years ago. I'm in my early 50's now. Do the math. My cancer was picked up only because I went for a routine mammogram. It was so deep inside my breast that even though it was one of the fastest growing tumor types, it would have been years until it was palpable. Even at the surgery, my doctor said it didn't feel differently from normal breast tissue. I was freaking lucky that I went for the mammogram that year and even luckier that the radiologist noticed something odd and called me back for a closer look. Please go. Just do it for me so I can celebrate that you had a normal mammo. HIV testing IS ACTUALLY ROUTINE BLOOD WORK folks. The CDC recommends that everyone under 65 get tested at least once. A simple "have you ever been tested before" is enough to add it on to someone's annual or semi-annual blood testing. It does not mean it is an annual test, but it should be part of everyone's blood testing at some point in time. As I said early, low risk is not no risk. We are so fortunate to now live in era where it is a chronic disease for most people, but one of the biggest issues is the people who do not know they have it. We do live in a time where drug addiction is high and people do inject some of those drugs, then share needles, go to the dentist, have colonoscopies, whatever. The cases of improperly treated equipment are small in number but they do exist. |
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dald222
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Post by dald222 on Dec 6, 2018 22:18:32 GMT
I am sorry that you are going through this  |
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Post by papersilly on Dec 6, 2018 23:28:16 GMT
Nope. I said no. I also opted out of the mammogram. I know I should, but I just can’t yet. I started getting them when I was 28-- when we were discussing what I'd heard about how 'bad' they are, my sister told me: "trust me; I'd rather have had a mammogram than chemotherapy." She found her lump JUST before the age she would have started getting preventive mammograms, had a mastectomy and chemotherapy. (She's fine now, thank goodness!!) On the whole, I think mammograms are NOT NEARLY as bad as the rep they have. We also have an 80-year old male close friend who gets yearly mammograms now because HE had breast cancer, too-- if they can do one on HIM, they can manage doing on on anyone! I started getting them when I turned 30. My grandmother died of breast cancer and one of her daughters had breast cancer. It's been 20 years and mammograms are no more bothersome to me than flu shots. I can't, for the life of me, wrap my head around people who decline routine screening. My friend's mom declined getting a colonoscopy because she didn't want to deal with the prep. now has colon cancer that could have been found much earlier. She is having surgery next week and if she is very lucky, it will just be stage two or three. |
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Dec 6, 2018 23:39:51 GMT
A corporate sponsored life insurance policy required an HIV test - so there are other possible reasons. Mine doesn't. I can die of any cause. You can die of any cause, but they may not want to issue one to someone who is HIV positive. Or they may charge more for the premiums. |
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seaexplore
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Post by seaexplore on Dec 7, 2018 2:32:45 GMT
You’ve been with DH for 25 years, so when asked, did you opt for the test? Yes, opted out. I said no. I also opted out of the mammogram. I know I should, but I just can’t yet. Why can't you do it? I had my first mammogram at 18. Had one between my kids at 40. Just finished nursing my little one in September so I will be having another in April (for my birthday) at 45. They're so very important. |
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melissa
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Post by melissa on Dec 7, 2018 2:39:01 GMT
On the mammo issue, it occurred to me that if I had been "ready" to get a mammogram, I might not actually be here today to read this. Much scarier to get one than not.
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kate
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Post by kate on Dec 7, 2018 2:52:07 GMT
I've had HIV testing as part of routine bloodwork. And as melissa said, there are always risks, even to those of us at little-to-no risk. "One in a million" means nothing when you are the one. I would not bat an eye at HIV testing on ANYone's bloodwork. That said, if your Spidey senses tingle, there may be something going on - but don't count an HIV test as "proof" of anything. |
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Post by nurseypants on Dec 7, 2018 3:05:41 GMT
You’ve been with DH for 25 years, so when asked, did you opt for the test? Yes, opted out. I said no. I also opted out of the mammogram. I know I should, but I just can’t yet. What does this mean? Opting out of routine preventative care because you “can’t yet”? You certainly can, you just won’t. I wonder how many women without access to preventative care would happily trade places with you. I wonder how many are already dead. |
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Post by mrst on Dec 7, 2018 12:35:28 GMT
Mammograms are easy peasy. Why would you not have one? Two mins discomfort to save a lot of possible pain and suffering. My niece ,age 29 , is still recovering from breast cancer. It can happen to any one any time.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 21:03:16 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 7, 2018 14:22:48 GMT
Any response by anyone here would be pure speculation. It could be innocent or something that isn’t innocent. If he is having sex outside the marriage, he will almost certainly not admit it. I’d get tested and practice safe sex procedures with him. I did this with my unfaithful ex. Bottom line is you must protect your health.
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Post by tiffanyr on Dec 7, 2018 15:05:41 GMT
I also opted out of the mammogram. I know I should, but I just can’t yet. (and anyone else that is procrastinating) I beg of you to get a mammogram!! I was one of those people that put it off and put it off because I didn't want to deal with the pain and hassle!! In 2016, at the age of 48, I felt a lump in the shower! I went for my first and only mammogram and discovered I had stage 3 breast cancer! I spent the next twelve months enduring chemo, radiation, 3 surgeries, blood draws every 3 weeks...my hair fell out, my nails came off, my body ached for an entire year (and still does sometimes), I had diarrhea like you wouldn't believe, I still have horrible heartburn/reflux. I got some new tattoos...3 are the pin point marks for radiation...2 are my new nipples to replace the 2 that were taken during surgery. Believe it or not, I think I got off pretty easy compared to some of the other horror stories I read in my BC groups. I suppose the plus side is I don't ever have to have another mammogram...but I can assure you that I would trade my year of misery and the lifetime of worry it will come back for 10 minutes of uncomfortable each year! Please, please schedule your mammogram! |
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Post by worldwanderer75 on Dec 7, 2018 18:14:18 GMT
I've had an HIV test as a standard test for a couple of my pregnancies. Obviously that reasoning doesn't apply in the case but I think it might be more standard that we all realize. That said, I would for sure ask him about it. And calling the dr and inquiring about what blood tests are included in a standard physical is a good idea. Sorry you're having to deal with this!
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msladibug
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Post by msladibug on Dec 7, 2018 19:04:17 GMT
lancermom (and anyone else that is procrastinating) I beg of you to get a mammogram!! I was one of those people that put it off and put it off because I didn't want to deal with the pain and hassle!! In 2016, at the age of 48, I felt a lump in the shower! I went for my first and only mammogram and discovered I had stage 3 breast cancer! I spent the next twelve months enduring chemo, radiation, 3 surgeries, blood draws every 3 weeks...my hair fell out, my nails came off, my body ached for an entire year (and still does sometimes), I had diarrhea like you wouldn't believe, I still have horrible heartburn/reflux. I got some new tattoos...3 are the pin point marks for radiation...2 are my new nipples to replace the 2 that were taken during surgery. Believe it or not, I think I got off pretty easy compared to some of the other horror stories I read in my BC groups. I suppose the plus side is I don't ever have to have another mammogram...but I can assure you that I would trade my year of misery and the lifetime of worry it will come back for 10 minutes of uncomfortable each year! Please, please schedule your mammogram! This is pretty much my story....change Dx date to 2008 and no tatooed nips. |
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suzastampin
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Post by suzastampin on Dec 7, 2018 19:35:04 GMT
Chiming in asking those who put off a mammogram to get it done. My best friend was extremely modest and didn’t have a base line done at 40. At 49, she slipped and fell flat on her chest with her dog pulling her. In rubbing antibiotic cream over the girls, she found a lump. Stage 4, radiation, chemo, surgery, skin graph from leg (which she said was more painful than the mastectomy), more radiation on the brain as it had spread. So much for modesty after you’ve had all the med students looking at your boob. She passed away at 51. No family history, no nothing that would be a precursor.
A couple minutes of pain to save months of pain is a good reason to get it done.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Dec 7, 2018 21:27:16 GMT
A couple minutes of pain to save months of pain is a good reason to get it done. A couple minutes of pain to possibly save your LIFE! I'm very sorry about the loss of your friend and what she had to go through.  |
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suzastampin
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Post by suzastampin on Dec 7, 2018 21:37:00 GMT
A couple minutes of pain to save months of pain is a good reason to get it done. A couple minutes of pain to possibly save your LIFE! I'm very sorry about the loss of your friend and what she had to go through. Thank you, crimsoncat05 |
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Post by SockMonkey on Dec 7, 2018 22:35:35 GMT
You’ve been with DH for 25 years, so when asked, did you opt for the test? Yes, opted out. I said no. I also opted out of the mammogram. I know I should, but I just can’t yet. You can. It's REALLY not as bad as you may think. I didn't find it painful. I had to have diagnostic ultrasound (2x) followups and those were more uncomfortable! You can do it. Why not make an appointment for just in the new year? We'll talk you through it! |
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Post by Zee on Dec 8, 2018 0:11:17 GMT
Yes, opted out. I said no. I also opted out of the mammogram. I know I should, but I just can’t yet. You can. It's REALLY not as bad as you may think. I didn't find it painful. I had to have diagnostic ultrasound (2x) followups and those were more uncomfortable! You can do it. Why not make an appointment for just in the new year? We'll talk you through it! Agree! Yes you can. I did find it painful, but it saved my life. |
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GiantsFan
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Post by GiantsFan on Dec 8, 2018 0:29:12 GMT
This thread sure took a different turn. But I also want to let lancermom know that a Mammogram, Pap, Colonoscopy, and Prostate (for men) are four tests that save lives. Add to that a yearly skin check by a Dermatologist. I'm not sure of any other routine cancer screenings. Please schedule an appointment. |
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Post by Delta Dawn on Dec 8, 2018 1:33:45 GMT
You can. It's REALLY not as bad as you may think. I didn't find it painful. I had to have diagnostic ultrasound (2x) followups and those were more uncomfortable! You can do it. Why not make an appointment for just in the new year? We'll talk you through it! Agree! Yes you can. I did find it painful, but it saved my life. I just had a mammogram a few weeks ago. This year like last didn’t register on the pain scale. I mean 0/10. Do they use crappy machines in places? I have breats that should be on a porn star. They are extremely dense but there was no pain no nothing. I was much easier than shaving my legs. I mean that sincerely. My mammogram was a total non-event. My mother and grandmother had breast cancer and I started getting screens a 40. Please get screened. Do it for you, your family and us. We don’t want to lose you, too! |
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Post by PNWMom on Dec 8, 2018 2:59:25 GMT
And I'm in a 23 year long monogamous relationship with the only person I have ever so much as kissed. Other than one tattoo, I have zero risk factors whatsoever (and the tattoo was done in a professional setting, not by some dude with a needle in prison) Perhaps you missed the news a few years ago of a dental office that was not properly sanitizing equipment and spread some blood born diseases. That case was a dental office somewhere in the midwest (maybe Oklahoma) where thousands of patients may have been exposed to HIV, hepatitis,etc even at routine cleanings. Granted that is unusual, but because cases like that pop up from time to time (there's another one on a smaller scale that I read about recently), low risk does not equate no risk. True (but sadly enough, my severe dental shame has kept me out of the dentist's office for a few years...). There are always risks, but having 5 tests done seems a bit excessive... |
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Dec 8, 2018 4:03:41 GMT
having 5 tests done seems a bit excessive... ?? what do you mean about '5 tests' ?? I didn't see that anywhere in the thread... what did I miss? |
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Post by pierkiss on Dec 8, 2018 4:28:40 GMT
I’ve been tested several times and have never been asked my permission to test. And I’m a woman who has had one single partner in her life and vice versa. It could be routine, it could be that there was a symptom that could warrant an HIV test. It could be your DH asked for the test. Discuss it with him, but it could all be innocent. I hope it all works out for you. Really? I thought they had to specifically ask permission for this test before running it? Am I mistaken? Did it used to be this way and it has changed? Am I just making stuff up? 😂 |
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Post by Basket1lady on Dec 8, 2018 6:18:20 GMT
I’ve been tested several times and have never been asked my permission to test. And I’m a woman who has had one single partner in her life and vice versa. It could be routine, it could be that there was a symptom that could warrant an HIV test. It could be your DH asked for the test. Discuss it with him, but it could all be innocent. I hope it all works out for you. Really? I thought they had to specifically ask permission for this test before running it? Am I mistaken? Did it used to be this way and it has changed? Am I just making stuff up? 😂 I don’t know what they are supposed to do. But I know it’s been done at least 4-5 times. Once for each pregnancy and I know it was done a few years ago when I had an infection that they couldn’t find. Each time, I didn’t know until I saw my lab results. I sort of expected it with the pregnancies, but not the last time with the infection. It made sense to check, as it was obvious something was destroying my immune system. But I wasn’t asked first. It was all military health centers, if that matters. |
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Post by PNWMom on Dec 8, 2018 18:12:42 GMT
having 5 tests done seems a bit excessive... ?? what do you mean about '5 tests' ?? I didn't see that anywhere in the thread... what did I miss? I was speaking about my personal experience....I've had 5 HIV tests over the past few years (info in my post earlier in the thread) |
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I had a physical this morning. I have been with DH for 25 years. I was asked if I wanted the test. She said it has become standard that if someone doesn’t have one on file, they ask. 
