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Post by padresfan619 on Sept 29, 2014 1:42:01 GMT
Question:
How do you feel about the family of a deceased person updating their Facebook with pictures and likes?
Backstory : A beloved teacher passed away from cancer. It was extremely sudden and out of nowhere. She was diagnosed and gone within a month. She passed away less than a week ago and the memorials for her poured in (as they should have, she was truly a diamond in the rough). Tragically she left behind a young daughter, less than 2 years old, along with her husband, parents and two siblings.
Now I'm still grieving this loss so I am probably just feeling extra sensitive. I just ran into her and her daughter at Target near the end of spring. She knew who I was within seconds and we had a really nice conversation together. Maybe that's why I'm feeling so raw? Anyway - someone is using her Facebook to post pictures of her daughter. It is really jarring to see, especially because the loss is so fresh. Someone is also liking all of the memorials left on her wall. I have no idea who is doing it and I hope it is one of her immediate relatives.
Sigh, I'm not even sure why I made this thread. I don't want to get piled on for feeling uncomfortable. I won't unfriend her or even say a word to anyone in my "real life" but I think I will have to hide her updates in the mean time until I feel ok with seeing her name on my news feed.
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Post by Zee on Sept 29, 2014 1:46:13 GMT
I'm not a fan but if it helps them in their grief, then who an I to judge. Out the account on hide for a time, if it's upsetting to you.
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Post by christine58 on Sept 29, 2014 1:49:34 GMT
I get where you're coming from....it's weird when stuff shows up with a deceased's name. If her DH is her FB friend, he'll see all the posts and maybe it's comforting and maybe at some point, he'll take it down. I miss seeing my friend's stuff now...her DH and kids pulled her FB page within a week of her passing. Made me miss her ...all over again. I wish now I had saved some of the pics of her...
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Post by joylynaroundthebnd on Sept 29, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
I have a friend whose family did this for a member of their family. In this case, they did it as if they were communicating with her. They would post how much she was missed and other things like that.
Not sure how I feel about it. I am sorry you are going through this.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:11:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2014 1:56:47 GMT
Go to the page and click "unfollow" and remove notifications. That way the stuff isn't showing up in your newsfeed. You can go visit the page when you feel ready instead of it dropping into your day without warning.
Hopefully her famly will set the page to "memorial" so it can't be updated from her status although her friends will be able to leave messages to her and about her.
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Post by padresfan619 on Sept 29, 2014 2:00:33 GMT
In my OP it says that I am planning on hiding her updates from my news feed for a while.
I would never want her family to remove her profile entirely. I'm just a little shocked to see her "alive" on FB actively updating and liking things so soon after her passing. Not shocked in a bad or judgemental way...I just get that same feeling I had when I saw her death announcement for the first time.
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Post by jcmom04 on Sept 29, 2014 2:02:27 GMT
I just turned 41 last month. In the last 4 years I have lost 2 friends who were about my age with either elementary age kids or younger. One of them (a young woman), was a minister's wife. She was a huge influence on young women for over 15 years. She's been gone since 2010 and I still see things pop up every now and then from one of "her girls" (girls she discipled- who could easily be in their 20s or 30s now) where they just say they miss her, thinking about, saw a movie or something that reminded them of her, etc.
I believe it helps them and one day her kids will have amazing documentation of what their mom meant to other people, what kind of friend she was, etc.
I lost my mom in 2010 and I treasure every note, card, and online word that was written to me about her.
I, too, recommend you hide the posts for now. Everyone grieves in their own way and that might be the best way for you.
Kristin
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Post by freecharlie on Sept 29, 2014 3:06:04 GMT
I understand.
However, if dh or I were to pass it would be the other spouse posting because we have each other's passwords.
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Post by epeanymous on Sept 29, 2014 3:10:53 GMT
I have a former student/colleague who died suddenly a little over a year ago. His page is still up and many of his friends still occasionally post things that have made them think of him as a tribute to him ("Went to Hannigan's last night and thought of that time we were there until two in the morning talking about baseball. Miss you, buddy."). It is a little jarring every time I see it but I totally get it. He and his friends were mostly in their late 20s/early 20s, and, odd as it sounds, since he didn't leave a wife or kids, I think it is their way of keeping thoughts of him alive.
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Post by SabrinaM on Sept 29, 2014 3:24:46 GMT
I understand how you feel. I'm sorry for your loss.  |
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NoWomanNoCry
Drama Llama
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Post by NoWomanNoCry on Sept 29, 2014 3:47:45 GMT
As long as its the deceased persons immediate family and not some radom person I see nothing wrong with it. Whatever helps them heal.
I'm so sorry for your loss.
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Post by padresfan619 on Sept 29, 2014 3:52:56 GMT
Thank you ladies for your kind words. I'm not bothered by her name popping up when someone posts something on her wall. I'm just a little freaked out when I see "her" post a photo of her daughter with a regular caption, as if she wasn't gone.
She was a wonderful teacher. She was my 4th grade teacher and my class was her first class out of college. I am so glad I ran into her when I did. She impacted my love of reading BIG time and I happened to have a couple of books in my cart, we talked about the books we had read and it was like no time had passed at all. She was a gift to everyone she met, I will miss her.
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:11:54 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Sept 29, 2014 4:04:45 GMT
Just a word of caution to anyone who stays "friends" with the page of someone who has passed away - when you update or get a new phone, their contact information will be imported if you import your FB contacts.
My best friend died a couple of years ago and I can't bring myself to unfriend her page. Thankfully, no one posts on it, but when I got a new phone last week, it was such a shock to see her photo, name, and number pop up in my contact list. It was painful to delete her contact information again, but less so than seeing it every time I'm searching for someone in my phone list.
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Post by wonderwoman on Sept 29, 2014 5:24:17 GMT
As long as its the deceased persons immediate family and not some radom person I see nothing wrong with it. Whatever helps them heal. I'm so sorry for your loss. This is exactly what I was thinking.. |
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Post by anonrefugee on Sept 29, 2014 10:47:17 GMT
Just a word of caution to anyone who stays "friends" with the page of someone who has passed away - when you update or get a new phone, their contact information will be imported if you import your FB contacts.
My best friend died a couple of years ago and I can't bring myself to unfriend her page. Thankfully, no one posts on it, but when I got a new phone last week, it was such a shock to see her photo, name, and number pop up in my contact list. It was painful to delete her contact information again, but less so than seeing it every time I'm searching for someone in my phone list.
Or even stranger- their phone number now belongs to someone else and that persons photos populate in your phone. That happened to me with a number I couldn't (didn't) remove- startling and very strange. More like being startled by a poltergeist than a ghost. |
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peabay
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Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
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Post by peabay on Sept 29, 2014 10:50:31 GMT
I understand why it's upsetting for you, but we lost a 16 year old in our town last year and the page devoted to her is/was a great comfort to her parents. I know they read it constantly and continue to read it. It gives them great solace to know they weren't alone in their love for her. I think part of this may be generational - the kids live their lives on social media and it's second nature to them.
I would hide her page if it's that uncomfortable for you.
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pridemom
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Post by pridemom on Sept 29, 2014 12:08:41 GMT
I can understand. My cousin died a couple of years ago. His birthday was last week and there were birthday greetings posted by people who obviously don't realize he's gone.
It's unsettling when I get a new notification from his page.
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Post by CarolinaGirl71 on Sept 29, 2014 12:13:44 GMT
A high school friend of mine died in March. His wife (who I didn't know) has posted pictures almost daily of him, often the two of them together, with some remarks about the photo, and her continuing love for him and how much she misses him. It's the way she is grieving his loss, and it has allowed those of us who haven't had much contact with him since high school to know a little more about the man he became. I usually "like" the photos, and sometimes comment, because it seems to be comforting to his widow.
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Post by Meri-Lyn on Sept 29, 2014 12:22:30 GMT
I get it. I don't think it's people posting pictures on their wall that is jarring. It's that someone is taking their account and is posting as the deceased person.
Our choir director died a few years ago from cancer, and his girlfriend took over the account and started posting as him "from heaven", liking people's statuses, and things like that. I finally just had to unfriend when, as she was flying his ashes back home for burial, checked him in at the airport. It was too much for me.
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melissa
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Post by melissa on Sept 29, 2014 12:23:14 GMT
It is jarring. As a result of being involved in an online cancer support group, I have several facebook friends who are now deceased. One or two have family members who will post an annual update from the deceased page. They always say "this is xx's friend, Mary. Wanted to share a few photos of the kids so friends at a distance can see how much they've grown." It's almost like a Christmas letter with little updates on how they are doing. It is always a surprise to see it in the newsfeed but I do like to see how the kids are doing.
Another deceased friend's husband posted using his wife's page for a while and then asked anyone not already his friend who wanted to keep up with the family to please friend him instead as he was going to stop posting from his wife's page.
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Post by alibama on Sept 29, 2014 13:12:37 GMT
My passed away just over two months ago. She was at home pretty much all the time and very big into facebook she had thousands of friends she played games with. Also we have a very large family that is scattered around the world, that is how she kept in touch with everyone. I decided to turn her page into a memorial page. People post notes on there from time to time and while it is hard to read sometimes it is also nice to know that there are others that miss my mom like I do. I click like on all the posts made on her page.
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perumbula
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Post by perumbula on Sept 29, 2014 13:39:34 GMT
I had a good friend pass away in January. It has been hard to see facebook suggest I play a game she used to play or have it tell me to wish her happy birthday or even pop her posts up the wall because someone went back and liked a picture. I can't imagine how hard it would be to have someone post as her with new things. Hiding her posts will be a good choice.
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Post by JustCallMeMommy on Sept 29, 2014 13:55:20 GMT
I think that is OK. I would be a little weirded out if she was liking things that weren't left on her wall. I think there is a difference in posting AS the person and posting about the person or their family and tagging them.
I had a friend who passed away from cancer a year and a half ago. Many people tag her in pictures of her college aged daughter and elementary aged son. I think that is very sweet - it is a way of sharing those pictures with those who loved the mom but aren't friends with the husband or daughter.
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gloryjoy
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Post by gloryjoy on Sept 29, 2014 14:15:46 GMT
I have a friend whose family did this for a member of their family. In this case, they did it as if they were communicating with her. They would post how much she was missed and other things like that. Not sure how I feel about it. I am sorry you are going through this. I also know someone who did this.
It is strange from time to time to see something pop up on my page with her name on it. But on the other hand it is so nice to see her little boy growing up, to see that he is happy. That makes me feel happy for him, instead of always wondering how he is doing.
It is bittersweet though when I see it. |
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anniebygaslight
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Post by anniebygaslight on Sept 29, 2014 14:47:54 GMT
I find it disconcerting when I get an update from my friend's father, who died over 2 years ago.
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~Lauren~
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Post by ~Lauren~ on Sept 29, 2014 15:13:02 GMT
I don't like it. A former secretary committed suicide last year. I was angry then and now. IMO, it was a completely selfish act and left two children and a mother behind. The mother had lost her only other child to suicide ten years ago.
When her daughter started updating on her face-book page, I unfriended the account.
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My original pea date was November 1999 and my number was 1803