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Post by lisacharlotte on Dec 29, 2018 13:45:20 GMT
We always sleep with closed doors for safety. Also, my son learned at young age to never open a closed door without knocking. Also, we’re not loud. I’m sure he eventually figured out what was going on, but kids don’t want to know and won’t bring it up. It’s nothing I’m ashamed of and it modeled a healthy married relationship. If a kid actually asked “what are you doing?” I would reply “taking a nap,” they really don’t want to know.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Dec 29, 2018 13:55:19 GMT
I'm curious for all of the people who think it is no big deal for your kids to hear you, did you hear your parents? Wondering if you have been on both sides of the bedroom door, so to speak.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Dec 29, 2018 14:04:01 GMT
I'm curious for all of the people who think it is no big deal for your kids to hear you, did you hear your parents? Wondering if you have been on both sides of the bedroom door, so to speak. im gonna agree with you on this. Knowing and hearing are two different things.
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Post by Merge on Dec 29, 2018 14:06:11 GMT
I'm curious for all of the people who think it is no big deal for your kids to hear you, did you hear your parents? Wondering if you have been on both sides of the bedroom door, so to speak. I shared a bedroom wall with my parents. I was older before I realized what I was hearing, but yeah, I heard. I'm not scarred.
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Post by ~Tracy~ on Dec 29, 2018 14:20:32 GMT
Thanks Peas! I think we're going to start the "sleep with your door shut" and go from there. I'm also going to start sending the kids out for a snack or errands together. Some bonding time for them and bonding time for us. I wouldn't want my kids to hear sexy sounds through a wall any more than I'd want them listening to a porn movie through a wall. I'm going to probably develop a hearing issue so that I can crank the music or TV up louder This thread made me smile. You're the best!
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Dec 29, 2018 17:32:43 GMT
I'm curious for all of the people who think it is no big deal for your kids to hear you, did you hear your parents? Wondering if you have been on both sides of the bedroom door, so to speak. im gonna agree with you on this. Knowing and hearing are two different things. Thanks. It could have just been me and my situation, but the remarks on this thread remind me a lot of what my mom said when I commented about being able to hear, keeping things down, etc. I am sure she had the same attitude that some here have, but as someone on the other end of it, it was very uncomfortable. I don't want to put my kids in that situation.
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sweetpeasmom
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,652
Jun 27, 2014 14:04:01 GMT
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Post by sweetpeasmom on Dec 29, 2018 17:47:26 GMT
im gonna agree with you on this. Knowing and hearing are two different things. Thanks. It could have just been me and my situation, but the remarks on this thread remind me a lot of what my mom said when I commented about being able to hear, keeping things down, etc. I am sure she had the same attitude that some here have, but as someone on the other end of it, it was very uncomfortable. I don't want to put my kids in that situation. Been there as a young kid with my mom and step-dad. Made me uncomfortable and that could be why I'm so self cautious about doing the deed while the kids are around. We started sleeping with the door shut when we moved into this house due to the way the bedrooms are to the living room (noise and light).
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Post by pastlifepea on Dec 29, 2018 17:52:37 GMT
Some of these responses are making me laugh! I'm in the camp of just close your door and do what you want. We will actually lock our door because more than once our teenage daughter has busted up through the closed door without knocking and gotten an eyeful. You would think she would learn after doing that ONCE and possibly being mentally scarred. Nope. Happened a couple more times...she just doesn't learn so we lock the door.
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quiltz
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Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
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Post by quiltz on Dec 29, 2018 18:03:56 GMT
In the bungalow that I grew up in, the master bathroom was in-between the master bedroom & my room. In our first home, (we built custom) we made sure that there was a LOT of insulation between our room and the next bedroom. Plus we put a locking door on our bedroom door. My xh worked shifts so that was handy as well. In our home, (a raised bungalow) there was a staircase & hallway and closet between our room and the first child's bedroom. Never a problem there. Now I am divorced and who cares
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J u l e e
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Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Dec 29, 2018 18:05:57 GMT
Knowing and hearing are definitely two different things to me too. I don't care who it is, I really don't want to hear other people having sex. We go on trips and share bedroom walls with friends a lot. We know everyone has sex. I don't want to have to hear my friends having sex any more than kids want to have to hear their parents. I don't mind talking about us having sex, although our daughter doesn't want to hear that either, but it's much better than her having to hear it happening to know we have a healthy sexual relationship.
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AnotherPea
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Jan 4, 2015 1:47:52 GMT
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Post by AnotherPea on Dec 29, 2018 18:11:11 GMT
I'm curious for all of the people who think it is no big deal for your kids to hear you, did you hear your parents? Wondering if you have been on both sides of the bedroom door, so to speak. Yep. Walked in on my father and his girlfriend a couple of times while they were "playing tickle" on the living room couch @@. I don't want my kids hearing me. I don't want anyone hearing me. Or seeing me. But it isn't a huge deal.
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Post by papercrafteradvocate on Dec 29, 2018 18:14:03 GMT
Trust me...they are WAAAAAAYYYY more embarrassed to hear you having “adult time” than you are having it!
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Post by cmpeter on Dec 29, 2018 18:15:51 GMT
I was also going to suggest watching the video about why you should shut your bedroom door for fire safety. Then you should all start sleeping with your doors closed.
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Deleted
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Sept 30, 2024 19:34:57 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Dec 29, 2018 18:30:00 GMT
Also Sundays after dinner Mum would go for a lie down and several minutes late Dad would take her a cup of tea. Always took a long time to drink that tea. Must have been some really good tea.
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Gennifer
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Jun 26, 2014 8:22:26 GMT
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Post by Gennifer on Dec 29, 2018 18:32:22 GMT
I'm curious for all of the people who think it is no big deal for your kids to hear you, did you hear your parents? Wondering if you have been on both sides of the bedroom door, so to speak. Yes. It wasn’t a family photo unless my dad groped my mom, and it was a regular thing to walk past their bedroom, see the door closed at 4 in the afternoon, and do a quick turn around. I even walked in on my mom doing a strip tease for my dad once, and I’m fine. I’m far more scarred by being raised Mormon.
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Gennifer
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Jun 26, 2014 8:22:26 GMT
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Post by Gennifer on Dec 29, 2018 18:36:16 GMT
Those who don’t want to put their kids in the situation of hearing... do you feel the same way about arguments? Are your kids only witnessing the negative aspects of your marriage, and not the positive? (And I mean “witnessing” in the general awareness way, not the actual WITNESSING.)
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trollie
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Jul 2, 2014 22:14:02 GMT
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Post by trollie on Dec 29, 2018 18:39:25 GMT
I'm curious for all of the people who think it is no big deal for your kids to hear you, did you hear your parents? Wondering if you have been on both sides of the bedroom door, so to speak. FTR, I was just kidding. Funny though how teens get icked out about their parents having sex even though they would not be here if their parents did not have sex. LOL.
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Post by beepdave on Dec 29, 2018 18:48:04 GMT
I heard my parents a ton. I just learned to fall asleep with my Walkman headphones on. Luckily I had the kind that would click off when it got to the end of the cassette. I even went as far as taping the audio of the movie Dirty Dancing on cassette one afternoon when I was home alone and I would fall asleep listening to that sometimes. Needless to say, I can recite that entire movie word for word. Ha!
What scarred me more than hearing my parents was finding crotchless underwear stuffed in the hole in the bottom of a unicorn statue (that was MINE) on a dresser in the bathroom when I was cleaning one day. YUCK!
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Post by chaosisapony on Dec 29, 2018 19:12:44 GMT
I am paranoid about this as well. I could frequently hear my mom and her then long-term boyfriend having (very loud) sex and I hated it. It did scar me. At least in regards to not wanting the kids to hear us having sex. I will validate you on this one.
My mom and her long term boyfriend did the same thing to me and it was awful. We had a chaotic family situation and I was forced to live with them. The first night I met the man was the first night I heard them. And it was every night after that. I'd be up in my room crying because I didn't want to be there and she would come up stairs after they were finished and tell me I needed to quiet down because they could hear me crying. I was 8, I knew what I was hearing, and it made me feel awful for a lot of reasons.
Maybe in a happy, healthy family it's no big deal. But my situation absolutely did scar me.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Dec 29, 2018 19:15:47 GMT
I am paranoid about this as well. I could frequently hear my mom and her then long-term boyfriend having (very loud) sex and I hated it. It did scar me. At least in regards to not wanting the kids to hear us having sex. I will validate you on this one.
My mom and her long term boyfriend did the same thing to me and it was awful. We had a chaotic family situation and I was forced to live with them. The first night I met the man was the first night I heard them. And it was every night after that. I'd be up in my room crying because I didn't want to be there and she would come up stairs after they were finished and tell me I needed to quiet down because they could hear me crying. I was 8, I knew what I was hearing, and it made me feel awful for a lot of reasons.
Maybe in a happy, healthy family it's no big deal. But my situation absolutely did scar me.
I'm sorry you were in that situation as well.
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Post by mcscrapper on Dec 29, 2018 19:18:12 GMT
I think you are giving teens FAR too much credit for being that observant! They probably won't even notice a closed door or even think twice about it. Heck, even if they did notice it IS ok for them to know their parents have a life and healthy sex life and continue to love and want to be with each other.
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scrappinmama
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Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Dec 29, 2018 19:56:15 GMT
I am paranoid about this as well. I could frequently hear my mom and her then long-term boyfriend having (very loud) sex and I hated it. It did scar me. At least in regards to not wanting the kids to hear us having sex. I'm sorry that impacted you so much. This is why I say not to be loud and obnoxious about it. Sex should be part of a normal and healthy relationship. My father was verbally abusive, and sometimes physically abusive to my mother, so the thought of my parents having sex made my stomach turn. I model healthy behavior for my children. My husband and I hug and kiss appropriately in front of our children. And we close the door when we are intimate. Our sons are teens and stay up later than us. If they can hear us over whatever they are watching on Netflix, I hope they realize that what we are doing is normal.
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azredhead
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Jun 25, 2014 22:49:18 GMT
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Post by azredhead on Dec 29, 2018 20:10:36 GMT
We have a similar problem with Dogs! it was worse when we had two but now the one thinks she has to be on the bed!! And she's a BIG dog! lol! This thread is awesome and I hope you can close your door more often!
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PrettyInPeank
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Jun 25, 2014 21:31:58 GMT
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Dec 29, 2018 22:55:08 GMT
I think it's tacky to be loud and moaning to the point it makes people uncomfortable, no matter if they're your neighbors, friends, strangers, or your kids. Being discreet is good manners, period.
That being said, knowing and hearing are totally different. When I was in high school, my friend would sigh loudly when her parents put on loud country music. "Ugh they're having sex again!" I didn't think it was a big deal, and her anguish was hysterical to me.
That said, if I had heard moans or grunts etc, would have made me extremely uncomfortable. Like you can almost envision it, and you feel uncomfortable when they open the door, and that just sucks. I think it's even worse when you're a teen and haven't had sex because it's not familiar territory you can just laugh off. It's kinda...overwhelming.
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