scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,885
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Jan 9, 2019 22:29:43 GMT
There are several issues going on. 1. Setting a reasonable budget. 2. Controlling and/or uneducated spouse on how much household expenses cost. Op, you have been given some great advice. I suggest telling your husband that he needs to come along with you when you take care of household expenses. He needs to see firsthand how much things cost. He sounds like he is not only controlling, but out of touch with reality when it comes to how much things cost.
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Post by PEAcan pie on Jan 10, 2019 0:35:54 GMT
I've found this fasinating. Do many different views and ideas. I've been an independent type and always earned it own money. I saw my dad control my mum and decided that wouldn't happen to me! My 1st husband left me to my own devices. He was doing a PhD when we first married so I was the earner....when he got a well paid job there didn't seem much change! In a way I was a victim of my own sucess. My 2nd husband is the exact opposite. He tracks every penny but is happy for us to spend virtually anything we want. We are both retired with a good income, I have a very healthy pension, especially for a woman of my age that had 2 children. The 2 husbands couldn't be more different with their approach to money and I must say the controlled but discussed version is far better! If you can't talk openly about money, who earns it, who spends it and on what, you need to gave a big re think about your way forward. I checked what the 2 of us spend on food ...75 euros a week on food and cleaning, 18 on booze. We eat very well. By the way, there is no way I would allow a teenager to eat that amount of food ...its ridiculous and totally unnecessary. I had a 6ft 6ins teenager playing rugby at a high level and he never came close to that! I wish I never quit my Realtor position back during the Recession. I was pretty successful. However, the hours and commitment does not work with my life now, especially starting from scratch. I do have a job interview Monday! Yay! Not much more than minimum wage, and part-time. Honestly, really not so much about the money, moreso the control.
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Post by PEAcan pie on Jan 10, 2019 1:09:34 GMT
Ok 1 when I had a controlling husband I took all ‘my’ allotted money out in cash when it was due to come out. Sometimes I saved a lot on groceries and sometimes I didn’t buy I’d reserve the savings cash for when it was more. Less back n forth explaining to do. Over time I was in budget but there wouldn’t be that WTF were you over grocery budget $30 this week ‘discussions’ where he put me down & made me feel like crap. So make that trip to the bank & take out the grocery money your responsible plus whatever else he allots you and give him the 1 withdrawal receipt. It took Ex a few times asking but i would just reiterate the budget number to him when he asked where it all went. ( and no I did not have a stash of cash when we divorced the budget was reasonable but the overs & unders week by week caused too much tension. 2 holiday meals are budgeted seperately you can’t rxorct me to pull all weeks food out of a normal budget and then a rack of lamb for Christmas dinner as well 3 get your self the training or education you need for a decent stable job don’t just go take anything because if this goes further south you want to be able to care for yourself 4 hugs As for our budget family if 4 I had $125/ week groceries including laundry soap & toiletries but nit including $40/week for meat as Ex didn’t like the quality of grocery store meat and budgeted the extra for the butcher don’t tell him it was often cheaper than the grocery store. And I had $75/ week for gas & whatever else I needed and I could use $200/month on one cc without any questions That’s all the money I had ‘control’ over Yes! Exactly... he gives me the grocery money in cash every Friday and I would try to budget and save, put some away for a week where I wanted to go to the movies or grab a bottle of wine lol. It is exhausting! Especially knowing that there is money available. Maybe that is why I went overboard because it was "Christmas" and I subconsciously I am finally able to spend KWIM.
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Post by PEAcan pie on Jan 10, 2019 1:14:15 GMT
There are several issues going on. 1. Setting a reasonable budget. 2. Controlling and/or uneducated spouse on how much household expenses cost. Op, you have been given some great advice. I suggest telling your husband that he needs to come along with you when you take care of household expenses. He needs to see firsthand how much things cost. He sounds like he is not only controlling, but out of touch with reality when it comes to how much things cost. Truth! Just getting ingrediants for tonights dinner set me back. Yes, I know I should cut back but we do not go out much and I wanted to try something new. Spices are expensive he just has no clue
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Post by AnimalRescuePea on Jan 10, 2019 1:21:24 GMT
There are several issues going on. 1. Setting a reasonable budget. 2. Controlling and/or uneducated spouse on how much household expenses cost. Op, you have been given some great advice. I suggest telling your husband that he needs to come along with you when you take care of household expenses. He needs to see firsthand how much things cost. He sounds like he is not only controlling, but out of touch with reality when it comes to how much things cost. Truth! Just getting ingrediants for tonights dinner set me back. Yes, I know I should cut back but we do not go out much and I wanted to try something new. Spices are expensive he just has no clue Spices aren't necessarily expensive. Which did you buy? Were they basic spices or unusual things you won't use often?
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Post by PEAcan pie on Jan 10, 2019 2:47:30 GMT
Truth! Just getting ingredients for tonight's dinner set me back. Yes, I know I should cut back but we do not go out much and I wanted to try something new. Spices are expensive he just has no clue Spices aren't necessarily expensive. Which did you buy? Were they basic spices or unusual things you won't use often? I would say unusual for me at least:) Cumin & Coriander. It was not my basic spices. I am sick of cooking the same things and tried a new recipe. If we are not going out and I mean this when I say I am lucky if we get out once a month! When we do it is usually some cheap place unless I have a groupon. So I cooked a new recipe.
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scrappinmama
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,885
Jun 26, 2014 12:54:09 GMT
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Post by scrappinmama on Jan 10, 2019 3:15:44 GMT
Spices aren't necessarily expensive. Which did you buy? Were they basic spices or unusual things you won't use often? I would say unusual for me at least:) Cumin & Coriander. It was not my basic spices. I am sick of cooking the same things and tried a new recipe. If we are not going out and I mean this when I say I am lucky if we get out once a month! When we do it is usually some cheap place unless I have a groupon. So I cooked a new recipe. I cook from scratch and use a lot of spices. There are inexpensive options. Trader Joe's and Aldi are good options for spice shopping. Also if you use a lot of a certain spice, maybe price compare at Costco or Sam's. I also take advantage when Penzy has deals. I totally hear you about being bored cooking the same things week after week. If you don't meal plan, give it a try. That really helps me to dig through Pinterest and recipe books to try new recipes.
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Post by busy on Jan 10, 2019 3:22:17 GMT
And if they're spices you don't use often, it's waaaaay more cost-effective to buy small quantities instead of full bottles that will mostly go to waste. Most stores have bulk spices and you can buy small scoops and just get what you need. It'll probably cost under $1 for a few recipes vs. several dollars for a bottle that will lose flavor before you use it up.
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Post by PEAcan pie on Jan 10, 2019 3:39:25 GMT
I would say unusual for me at least:) Cumin & Coriander. It was not my basic spices. I am sick of cooking the same things and tried a new recipe. If we are not going out and I mean this when I say I am lucky if we get out once a month! When we do it is usually some cheap place unless I have a groupon. So I cooked a new recipe. I cook from scratch and use a lot of spices. There are inexpensive options. Trader Joe's and Aldi are good options for spice shopping. Also if you use a lot of a certain spice, maybe price compare at Costco or Sam's. I also take advantage when Penzy has deals. I totally hear you about being bored cooking the same things week after week. If you don't meal plan, give it a try. That really helps me to dig through Pinterest and recipe books to try new recipes. Aldi had these spices? The closest one is about 30 minutes away, will have to stock up. Thanks
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Deleted
Posts: 0
Jun 3, 2024 3:56:26 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Jan 10, 2019 5:29:13 GMT
What has changed?
You are 50ish and have been married at least 18 years? And this is now a problem?
Something has changed.
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