.

I don't know what your relationship is like with your DH, but I don't think it's fair to leave him out of the loop for very long.

Great job keeping cool.

You can also look into the arm implant which may be less of an ordeal than the IUD.
I tried to have an IUD fitted (no prior children) and they weren't able to get it in. We were going to attempt again but I decided to go with Nexplanon instead. 5 minute procedure (super easy) and it lasts for 3 years. I'm in a monogamous relationship but if I wasn't, I would be using condoms as well for STD protection.
Just another option.

Although driving without a license, binge drinking, sampling illegal drugs, & having a sex buddy are each (& any combination) certainly concerning, I suggest discovering & addressing her reason(s) for these risky behaviors (e.g. peer pressure, desire to be popular). The legal ramifications of an unlicensed driver, especially if impaired &/or responsible for an accident, will be staggering for her & you, as the parents of a minor. Underage drinking & drug usage is dangerous, especially combined with immature teen judgment. I find her willingness to risk disease at the expense of her health (i.e. not want birth control if it means weight gain) & months of casual sex with a buddy (who may also have the same arrangement with more partners - female & male) scream low self-esteem. Be certain you (& her father) remind her that she deserves & should demand more from friends & relationships! Best wishes...

Aah, I panicked when I saw the double condom, glad someone pointed that out. Do they not have sex ed in school by now? I clearly remember all that being covered.

I think you are handling it well in having a conversation and not jumping to ridiculous conclusions, but I think you have to figure out how to present to her that she doesn't have it all figured out. Like it sounds as if she thinks she's being smart, but clearly she has some issues. (and not being mean, i'm sure she's smart, just inexperienced in these type things).

Frankly I would be more concerned about the drinking than sex. It seems like this binge drinking has gotten out of hand, and especially with girls, they don't realize they shouldn't be drinking the same as guys.

You def need some support so you can help educate her correctly, so the counselor is probably a good idea. Gosh, tough stuff, positive thoughts with your family. And Planned Parenthood is a good resource, some clinics go by different names too, but you should be able to walk in, no questions asked to get some contraceptives.

Let me just say I'm so sorry you're having to deal with this. You're getting some great advice though, not much for me to add. I'd have concerns about Planned Parenthood too but I bet they would give her the facts about sex and pregnancy.  A counselor will be very helpful to her now though.  High school, as you probably remember, is awfully hard on self-esteem.

One thing I haven't seen brought up yet on the drinking thing is also the danger of someone tampering with her drink.  The more drunk she gets, the easier it would be to slide something by her.

I don't have kids, but I was one and did a few crazy things as well.  I would reiterate what some have already mentioned: she is telling you all this because she wants and needs limits.  I see that you are going that route, just don't be too draconian about them.  If getting her into counseling is going to be an issue, tie it to getting/keeping her driver's license, for instance.  As in, no counseling, no license.  I think that would be fairly reasonable, after all, you are the parent.  As someone else said, sometimes you have to go through a few to find the right one.

Also, I want to say that talking in general terms wasn't very effective on me at that age.  Hearing things on the news or reading them in the newspaper about specific instances did have a big affect on how I thought about things.  I didn't want to be that person. These days with blogs and whatnot, that should be pretty easy to find.  For instance, getting involved in an accident as an illegal driver and the far reaching financial affect it would have on the whole family.  Not only does the college fund go out the window, but parents are working extra jobs types of things are entirely possible. I knew a guy who got herpes the first time he had sex, even though he used a condom. (His partner kept that from him.)  That is a lifetime thing that affected every relationship he had from then on out.  Find a personal account of how a young girl had something slipped into a drink and the consequences and lifetime effect that had on her. You get the idea.

You must be a pretty good mom in order for her to have come to you with all of this.   Good luck.

I really really hope you get her some counseling or rather that she agrees. She is acting out and engaging in very very risky harmful behaviors. She has no self esteem if she is doing all these things to herself. Almost like she feels worthless. Glad she's talking to you BUT there are MUCH bigger underlying issues here. Any chance she has been abused or raped or molested?? Hate to go there but I teach teens and I gotta tell you---I am worried for her.

No, the Mirena has hormones which are a no go. The paragard is simply a wire, hormone free.

Don't beat yourself up too much over 'supervision' FWIW my niece's friend got pregnant in a stairwell at school during school hours. They both got bathroom passes from separate classes and met in the stairwell. She was grounded with no extracurriculars at the time and her mother was driving her and picking her up, thought she was 'supervised' during school. 'Ultra' strict supervision doesn't always work. If they want to, they can find a way.

I read that she came to you crying for help. She knows she's on a troubled path and needs her mama to help her find her focus and switch to a healthier path. Wonder if she got in w/a bad crowd, knows it and doesn't know how to get out of this mess by herself? You allowed her to come to you w/the truth and you remained calm and open to her. That is huge. She knows that she can trust you and that you'll always be her soft place to land. As a result, she might take your words more seriously. Therapy is essential and I'm so glad that you already got that ball rolling. I just want to lend support. Your dd needed you and you were there for her. Now it's time to help her help herself. Why the need to have a s*x buddy? Was she sexualized somehow when she was younger and never said a word? She's very conflicted and I think a great therapist will do wonders for her. She took the first and scariest step. She came to you and admitted her mistakes. I, too wonder if there's more that she didn't tell you, but nagging or panicking is only going to drive her further away.  Start w/what you have and then let her sort it out in therapy.   Now you simply take her hand and reassure her that you're proud of her for having the courage to tell her truth and that she's not alone. You'll be w/her all the way.

There's one more thing that can't be changed, and that's permanent injury.

My brother and his HS friends were doing drugs when he fell or jumped from a height that should have killed him. But he lived, though it wasn't much of a life. His friends all moved on with their lives and forgot about him, and he spent the rest of his life in and out of nursing homes. For about the first ten years they had him in and out of mental hospitals because the nursing homes couldn't deal with his outbursts because of the drug interactions between his pain meds, and because the meds weren't working anyway and his pain was intense and constant.  My parents couldn't do anything for him. They couldn't pay his bills, so he became a ward of the state. Eventually they straightened his meds out and he became a little more coherent, enough to have a brief conversation about nothing, but by then he was screwed up not only physically but mentally, emotionally, socially, spiritually, you name it. In the nursing home, his roommates were either out of their minds or they were dying. Thank God for the nurses!

He was in his 50s when he died.

A baby would have been a blessing. And honestly, death probably would have been too. It was such a sad existence for him. 

msliz - what a sad situation for your family.

I like forensics shows, etc. I recently saw an episode of Dr. G Medical Examiner where a young mother in her 30s died from binge drinking. The woman had be raped as a child and never got help, and then turned to alcohol. She didn't drink all the time, but she did binge drink on the weekends when her family would take care of her child. She only did this for 5 years before it killed her. 

Dr. G said that the binge drinking can be even worse than regular alcohol consumption because of the fatty changes to the liver. They don't understand the mechanism between the fat buildup and sudden death, but they do know it is connected. 

I see so many kids and young adults binge drinking, and I'm afraid that our country is going to see an epidemic of sudden death in these people. 

Plus there's all the bad things that happen to women when they're impaired--I.E. the girl recently at UVA and the others before her. 

I would also make sure that your daughter understands that it is possible to get STDs through oral sex. When I was coming of age in the 90s, a lot of girls would give oral sex, "because it isn't sex"--Thanks, President Clinton. They thought they would be safe because they wouldn't be getting pregnant. 

Because of my health, getting pregnant would have been life threatening to me. When I couldn't be on hormones anymore, dh and I used other forms of birth control. There is a female condom that is much more comfortable--especially since we had to buy the lambskin condoms because of my severe latex allergy. I had a stroke on the Nuva Ring. I'd really read up on that before suggesting it. 

I was the girl that the girls in my high school would come to with questions. I saw so many girls hurt because they thought they were in monogamous relationships and discovered that they weren't. There was a lot of gym locker bragging that hurt a lot of girls. I just don't think teens are stable enough emotionally for "casual" sex. 

I was raped by a doctor when I was 4. I tried to report it at my school to counselors who came to teach us about good touch/bad touch. The person I talked to said that it was impossible to be sexually hurt by a doctor. I didn't broach the subject with my parents until I was in my 30s.

As "the idiot" , I still don't think 14 beers is binge drinking! I know the USA has a different attitude to drinking but both my kids ( and I) wouldn't think that much of it. American beer is very weak and she would have chucked if it was too much!