.

I have nothing to offer you but hugs. Raising teens seems impossible. I think the fact that you listened without yelling is HUGE. No matter how badly your insides are screaming at her, she needs to know you love her.

That said, I would not allow her to go out this weekend, knowing what she has planned. What has happened before that you were unaware of is not at issue: you didn't know. But willingly and knowingly sending her out to behave in risky ways is not the right answer, in my opinion.

The driving without a license is illegal, period. If she does that and you had reason to believe she was going to, then that's 100% on you. Remind her that if she's caught, she won't get her real license for a good long while, and there are fines associated with that that she will have to work off. Love and logic.

I'm so sorry you're dealing with this. It's almost impossible to know what the right thing is, and what's right for some kids wouldn't work for others. I really feel for you. :hug: :hug:

they now recommend condoms and implants...implants don't have to be remembered or dealt with every day.

at least she told you....that is a lot right there.

Even if you get her in this week, I think hormonal methods of BC take a little time to be effective.

WOW! That is totally a hard on to wrap your brain around. I know that you are doing the right thing. But I would talk to your husband. He might get mad at first but if you and him sit down and talk through this without your daughter being home. you might find that he is on your side and he might have some insight you are having troubles with finding.

You did the right thing by calmly talking with your daughter. She is coming to you because she knows that she can't handle this anymore with out getting help. She also sounds like a smart girl. Even though she says she won't go I would get an appointment with a counselor. I would tel her it is mandatory(the reason I say this is because it is very important she gets help) that she go. I know that once she is there she will find it easy to talk to the counselor. If she doesn't like the counselor then find another one. keep going until she finds one that she likes. It is easier to talk to some one if she is comfortable with the person. I wish my mom would have made me continue going to a counselor when I was a teenager but the first time I went to one I didn't like the guy. I should have kept looking for one until I found one I liked. It would have made my life totally different if I would have gotten help then instead of waiting 35+ years.

I would keep talking to your daughter when she wants to talk. If you start the conversation and she doesn't want to talk then simply say can we talk about it later and let her make the choice. It will make her more comfortable and help her know that you will not push her for information.

Good luck and God bless

Birth control pills are only 99% effective when taken at the same exact time every day so if she is a forgetful person or if she takes them at different times during the day she will put herself at risk. I am a forgetful person so after a couple of years of being on the pill I switched to the Nuva Ring. I'm married now and trying to get pregnant so it has been about 6 months since I have been off of it, but I didn't gain any weight, my skin cleared up and I didn't have to think about it at all except for two days out of the month. I downloaded an app to track my cycles and kept note on the calendar when I had to put in a new ring and when to take the old one out.

I was also able to get them for free from Planned Parenthood while I was dealing with lapsed health insurance. They gave me a 4 month supply up front and they also gave me tons of information on sexual health and protecting yourself. Not only from STD's, HIV and pregnancy, but how to recognize abusive behavior from people around you.

As for advice on the binge drinking, I would tell her if she doesn't want to gain weight from simply going on birth control then she definitely should stop guzzling extra empty calories that come from beer. They don't put the calorie information on there so it is pretty easy to think it isn't a big deal, but they don't call it a beer gut for nothing. You can spout off about all of the safety reasons but let's get real, you need to find something that will impact her bottom line and right now that is her figure.

How old is your dd? My answer would be that if she's old enough to have sex, she's old enough to sort out her own contraception. As for the drinking 14 beers over 9 hours is hardly binge drinking..I really wouldn't worry. The driving would bother me a lot....but kids seem to drive at a very young age in the USA.

She should be taking the pill AND using a condom.

My DD has been going through some rough identity issues - she didn't want to see a counselor because she didn't want to be the "crazy" friend.

It's the best thing that could have happened for her.

Hugs and good for you for listening and not judging as your DD filled you in on everything.

My first thought was also Planned Parenthood. I don't know anything about the implant, but even if she is able to get BC pills today she needs to use a backup form of contraception for at least a month.

The scariest thing I read in your post is the binge drinking, and at the rates she has told you, I don't know how she hasn't ended up in the ER!

Here are a couple of links:

Hours to Zero BAC for Women

BAC concentration

Estimating BAC

Given how much she has confided in you, I would take what she said about pot at face value and not make a big deal about it.

The driving issue is on her and her friend. I always know how DD is getting places, but understand things can change once she is out the door. If I knew one of DD's friends was driving her while on a restricted license, I would mention it to the other parent.

My oldest is 14, so I don't have any advice for you, but just wanted to say that I think you are handling it very well. I'm sure it took everything in you to not fall apart during that conversation. I also think it is a VERY positive sign that she has come to you.

Good job, mama. Hang in there, you're doing a great job.

I am convinced that every grey hair I have is due to some confession or another from a teenager in my house.

First off, be okay with the fact that your daughter talked to you. That is a real testament to your relationship with her. In keeping with that though, and I know keeping secrets between spouses is a bad thing, I would talk to your daughter before talking to your husband. She came to you. There is a reason for that, she trusted you enough to share. Please let her know before you talk to her dad-tell her that there are no secrets in a family and the healthy relationship between you and your husband requires disclosure. If you don't, the teen brain goes all kinds of directions-one of which could be that you went behind her back to her dad to get her in trouble. 

Beyond that, know that a lot of what she is doing is fairly normal. There will be those that don't agree, but I can say that my very normal, very smart, very ambitious 16 has tried weed on more than occasion. My older son too. It is not smart, and I have told them that (in no uncertain terms) but these kids will do things behind our backs all the time. I keep talking, they mostly listen.

Birth control is smart. And a good idea. Counseling is also smart. Driving without a license is illegal, that is not smart. That needs to be addressed also.

I guess more than anything I just wanted to assure you that a lot of us have done dumb stupid things. I can tell you that personally at 16 I drank. And dabbled in drugs. And sex. I am grateful that for the most part we were mostly "smart" about it, and I am now a 48 year old woman with a college degree, two healthy (and planned) children with all that goes with a productive life (house, etc.) What she is doing can have some long term repercussions, but it also doesn't mean that she is ruining her life. 

Make sure that the lines of communication remain open. Take her to the doctor so that she learns to depend on herself rather than a man for her reproductive health. Have her take her own condoms too. Tell her that you are unhappy with her choices, it is okay for you to have an opinion-don't be judgmental about it, but it is okay to say you don't like it. 

This may not be the popular opinion, but I think once the kids go down this road, punishment doesn't work the way we want it to. Talking and teaching, enlisting the help of those who know more about a subject (i.e planned parenthood who deals with teenagers all the time and probably will make more of an impact than anyone you know) will get you further at this point than grounding and taking away technology.

According to this chart, a 125 lb woman having 10 drinks over 6 hours has a BAC of 0.314. This chart only goes up to 10 drinks, but the pace of drinking is about the same as 16 drinks in 9 hours, which would put her in the alcohol poisoning range.

A 120 lb woman takes 35 hours to clear alcohol from her system after 15 drinks.

The only thing I have to add to this conversation is that you're probably going to want to also talk to the doctor or whoever you go see about the HPV (Gardisil) vaccine for your DD. A good percentage of HPV is sexually transmitted; HPV can lead to cancer.

I personally have no position on the vaccine-- I have no kids and I'm too old for it myself-- and I think there might have been a debate thread or two or ten here about it, but I am mentioning it because I think it needs to be part of whatever discussion you're ultimately going to have.

Oh, that and-- good luck.

Oh dear, I can feel your anguish through your words. It is not an easy job to raise kids in today's world.  I think you need to take a deep breath and realize you are a step ahead of many by simply having an honest and open conversation with your daughter, kudos!  The really tough part of navigating these challenges is trying to protect our kids from the consequences of their own behavior... You can give them advice but it means very little until it's relevant to them.  Consequences, however unpleasant, are growth opportunities. 

Most teenagers live in a world whose axis revolves solely around them, they are kids in grown up bodies and have no idea how each decision they make impacts the rest of their lives. I know there's been a lot of talk in the media about how "desensitized" american youth is today but that's just silly, kids have been doing all of these same things for ever.  The best thing you can do for your daughter is keep the channels of communication open and model your expectations.  Kids have been drinking, smoking pot, having sex and driving recklessly for ever.  When my kids were your daughter's age I told them that I wasn't stupid, but that I was never going to be that "cool mom" who let them drink, smoke, mess around or whatever at home... I didn't want the big mom stamp of approval on their potential risky behavior. I made them promise that they would always try to be responsible and call me any time they were in a situation in which they felt they were at risk or out of control.   They both took me up on that more than once.  

The really scary part of parenting is knowing that some split second decisions our kids make can be game changers:  addiction, pregnancy, reckless driving, injuring another, etc.  I'm sure if they made life sized hamster balls we'd put our kids in them to keep them safe, but alas... part of growing up is finding their own way, making their own decisions.  The most important work we do as parents is laying the ground work BEFORE they get to this point, and it sounds as though you've done that.  Deep breath, you'll get through this Momma. 

Please get her some counseling to figure out why she is engaging in such risky behaviors. There's something going on....