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Post by busy on Feb 4, 2019 21:38:10 GMT
Ok, first of all, of course any couple can handle their finances however works for them. There is no one single right way to do it. As long as the involved parties are satisfied, that's what counts.
THAT SAID (lol) am I the only one who finds this situation a little unusual?
I have a good male friend but I do not know his partner (they live in another state). They're both in their late 30s, highly successful, and have lived together for about 18 months. They were together for about four years before he moved in with her (she owns the house). They were both previously married. His divorce was amicable and he's still friends with his ex-wife. I don't know anything about her marriage or divorce.
She was working from home today and messaged him that a ladder fell over in the garage and dented his car pretty badly. She said she was inside when it happened so she has no idea what caused it to fall. Then she said (this is the part that is weird to me), "Of course I will pay for the repairs."
I mean... what? Nothing about that makes sense to me. If they keep their money separate, shouldn't he pay for it? It's his car, and a random accident in their shared home. Why in the world would she pay for it? Just because she owns the house? I don't get it. If they pool their money, it would come from joint funds.
I don't want to pry into their relationship and ask about it, so I thought I'd come here and ask strangers to speculate on the reasoning lol
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Post by myshelly on Feb 4, 2019 21:41:23 GMT
If she owns the house, perhaps she would rather pay for it out of pocket than have him file a claim against her homeowners insurance?
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JustTricia
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Post by JustTricia on Feb 4, 2019 21:41:50 GMT
Maybe she knows he can’t afford to fix it? Maybe she’s going to file a home insurance claim? Maybe she covers all car repairs and he covers all home repairs? It may be anything at all. Unless he said “this is weird, here is her response” I wouldn’t think I anything of it.
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Post by dewryce on Feb 4, 2019 21:42:10 GMT
That doesn’t make sense to me. She may own it, but as they live together it is their home. If anything I would think it would be a shared expense.
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kate
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Post by kate on Feb 4, 2019 21:46:48 GMT
Maybe she was the last one to use the ladder, so she figures she put it back poorly?
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Post by busy on Feb 4, 2019 21:49:23 GMT
Maybe she knows he can’t afford to fix it? Maybe she’s going to file a home insurance claim? Maybe she covers all car repairs and he covers all home repairs? It may be anything at all. Unless he said “this is weird, here is her response” I wouldn’t think I anything of it. He absolutely, without a doubt *can* afford to fix it. |
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Post by gar on Feb 4, 2019 21:49:34 GMT
As it was her home originally (do I have that right?) she possibly feels more responsible. I have friends in the same situation (in as much as he moved into her home where still live now they're married) and there's still a trace of it being 'her' house.
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Post by busy on Feb 4, 2019 21:50:03 GMT
If she owns the house, perhaps she would rather pay for it out of pocket than have him file a claim against her homeowners insurance? Neither of them would consider filing a homeowners claim for this. |
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snyder
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Post by snyder on Feb 4, 2019 21:50:04 GMT
I would imagine with them being older and having previous relationships, that very much of their finances are separate. Also, because it is her home, probably her ladder and possibly her that put it away in a fashion that caused it to fall so she feels instead of the cost coming from his finances, she should pay for it. A little odd to my standards of what a couple's finances should look like, but I can see this happening, especially in this day and age with so many different living arrangements people have these days. Heck, divorced couple live together now too.
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smartypants71
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Post by smartypants71 on Feb 4, 2019 21:51:12 GMT
Maybe she was the last one to use the ladder, so she figures she put it back poorly? This is what I was thinking - she was the last person to use the ladder. |
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Post by busy on Feb 4, 2019 21:52:33 GMT
Maybe she was the last one to use the ladder, so she figures she put it back poorly? That didn't cross my mind... that actually makes some sense. |
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anniebygaslight
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Post by anniebygaslight on Feb 4, 2019 21:59:25 GMT
Nobody's business but theirs.
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Post by tc on Feb 4, 2019 22:01:39 GMT
This is the second marriage for both my husband and me. We had a talk when we got engaged that we were keeping our finances mostly separate. It was sort of a byproduct of our previous divorces. It works for us right now. It may change in the future, but for now it works. We are also in the house that he owned before we started dating - so there's definitely the feeling of it's "his" house. My name is not on the title or the loan at all. I could see the same conversation between him and me where one or the other of us - depending on the situation - would state who was going to pay for the repairs since we keep so much separate. We have a lot of conversations like this. "You pay for the dog's vaccinations. I'll pay for our child's swimming lessons." Both "joint" expenses, but we are constantly negotiating things like this. And I can see a scenario where if it was "my" property that caused damage to "his" car - that I'd offer to pay for the damage.
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ellen
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Post by ellen on Feb 4, 2019 22:05:27 GMT
My husband and I do not bank like most married couples do. We each have our own savings and checking accounts at different banks. When we got married I did not want to give up the conveniences of my bank and he did not want to quit banking with his either. He has bills that he takes care of and I have mine. Every now and then something comes up that doesn't fit into our usual bills and we decide who's account will cover it. Sometimes we'll argue about whose turn it is to pick up the unexpected expense and who paid for the last one. The situation you describe doesn't sound that off to me. Not all of our money is separate. We have investment accounts that we both contribute to. Our separate accounts are for our own convenience.
A lot of people are surprised when they hear how we deal with money, but it works for us. We never bicker about what the other person is spending their money on. If he wants to spend $200 on fishing supplies, he can. I don't want him micromanaging what I spend either.
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Post by papersilly on Feb 4, 2019 22:27:53 GMT
she probably picks and chooses her battles. who knows? maybe he pays for some of her pricier expenses so paying for this is nothing to her.
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Post by KelleeM on Feb 4, 2019 22:34:37 GMT
My husband and I do not bank like most married couples do. We each have our own savings and checking accounts at different banks. When we got married I did not want to give up the conveniences of my bank and he did not want to quit banking with his either. He has bills that he takes care of and I have mine. Every now and then something comes up that doesn't fit into our usual bills and we decide who's account will cover it. Sometimes we'll argue about whose turn it is to pick up the unexpected expense and who paid for the last one. The situation you describe doesn't sound that off to me. Not all of our money is separate. We have investment accounts that we both contribute to. Our separate accounts are for our own convenience. A lot of people are surprised when they hear how we deal with money, but it works for us. We never bicker about what the other person is spending their money on. If he wants to spend $200 on fishing supplies, he can. I don't want him micromanaging what I spend either. This is how we handle finances as well. Neither of us wanted to change our banks. We did add each other to all accounts but my pay is direct deposited into my account and his to his account. Works for us! |
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Post by andreasmom on Feb 4, 2019 22:36:31 GMT
My husband and I do not bank like most married couples do. We each have our own savings and checking accounts at different banks. When we got married I did not want to give up the conveniences of my bank and he did not want to quit banking with his either. He has bills that he takes care of and I have mine. Every now and then something comes up that doesn't fit into our usual bills and we decide who's account will cover it. Sometimes we'll argue about whose turn it is to pick up the unexpected expense and who paid for the last one. The situation you describe doesn't sound that off to me. Not all of our money is separate. We have investment accounts that we both contribute to. Our separate accounts are for our own convenience. A lot of people are surprised when they hear how we deal with money, but it works for us. We never bicker about what the other person is spending their money on. If he wants to spend $200 on fishing supplies, he can. I don't want him micromanaging what I spend either. +1. |
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Post by ~summer~ on Feb 5, 2019 0:37:06 GMT
I think only they can answer that question. I would assume he can’t afford it. Or she pays because she used the ladder last.
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crumpea
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Post by crumpea on Feb 5, 2019 1:44:23 GMT
I have a friend who found herself in almost this exact situation. In her case, when she moved in with her boyfriend (he owned the house), she actually paid rent, so even though they were together in every sense (they have a child together), they weren't married, and on paper, she was a tenant. I assume he wanted a little insurance that if their relationship didn't work out long term, she'd have no claim to the house that he owned and made mortgage payments for. Her car was damaged (through no fault of his), but he paid for the repairs because it happened on his property, so he took responsibility as a landlord.
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Post by lisacharlotte on Feb 5, 2019 4:27:00 GMT
I feel very lucky that finances is not an issue with DH. We don't do separate finances at all. Neither of us micromanages the spending of the other. He's a much bigger spender than I am, he also makes more than twice what I make. We pay our bills, pay extra toward vehicle loans and mortgage and have our retirement funded. Our spending is almost entirely discretionary. We discuss large purchases before they happen. I might feel differently if I was in a second marriage, I'm not sure.
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PrettyInPeank
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Post by PrettyInPeank on Feb 5, 2019 6:44:11 GMT
Maybe she was the last one to use the ladder, so she figures she put it back poorly? This is what I was thinking - she was the last person to use the ladder. This is what I was thinking. Or she originally installed the hook. |
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Deleted
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Aug 18, 2025 20:19:27 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 5, 2019 7:37:17 GMT
I have a friend who found herself in almost this exact situation. In her case, when she moved in with her boyfriend (he owned the house), she actually paid rent, so even though they were together in every sense (they have a child together), they weren't married, and on paper, she was a tenant. I assume he wanted a little insurance that if their relationship didn't work out long term, she'd have no claim to the house that he owned and made mortgage payments for. Her car was damaged (through no fault of his), but he paid for the repairs because it happened on his property, so he took responsibility as a landlord. My first thought was that he pays rent and she’s treating this as she would a landlord tenant issue. |
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Post by busy on Feb 5, 2019 14:32:39 GMT
I have a friend who found herself in almost this exact situation. In her case, when she moved in with her boyfriend (he owned the house), she actually paid rent, so even though they were together in every sense (they have a child together), they weren't married, and on paper, she was a tenant. I assume he wanted a little insurance that if their relationship didn't work out long term, she'd have no claim to the house that he owned and made mortgage payments for. Her car was damaged (through no fault of his), but he paid for the repairs because it happened on his property, so he took responsibility as a landlord. This could also be it. I know he’s not on the mortgage or deed, and it’s the Bay Area, so the housing is very expensive. They’re both attorneys, so very pragmatic and cautious about things. It wouldn’t surprise me if they would take this approach to ensure her investment is hers alone. |
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