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Post by yoursweetwhimsy on Feb 11, 2019 0:18:20 GMT
So my son bought his first house and is moving out next week. I am so happy for him and excited about his path. He became a police officer this past year and has worked so hard. That said, I’m so incredibly sad. I can’t stop crying. I don’t do it when he’s around because I don’t want him to feel bad.
Please tell me it gets easier. I need some pea wisdom.
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Deleted
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Sept 30, 2024 7:24:39 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2019 0:19:48 GMT
So my son bought his first house and is moving out next week. I am so happy for him and excited about his path. He became a police officer this past year and has worked so hard. That said, I’m so incredibly sad. I can’t stop crying. I don’t do it when he’s around because I don’t want him to feel bad. Please tell me it gets easier. I need some pea wisdom. It gets easier. I assume he has been working while living with you. You can still invite him over for dinner from time to time.
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Post by librarylady on Feb 11, 2019 0:21:20 GMT
Sure it gets easier. Sounds like he will be in the same area, so you can still see him.
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Post by gar on Feb 11, 2019 0:25:37 GMT
It’s kind of bittersweet isn’t it. What’s your set up - do you have other children? A partner at home? I must admit that I was kind of excited to start the next chapter of our lives as empty nesters despite missing them sometimes. It was novel and enjoyable to be a couple again rather than Mum and Dad in our own home. Be proud of the man you raised and look forward with optimism to this new chapter 🙂
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trollie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,580
Jul 2, 2014 22:14:02 GMT
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Post by trollie on Feb 11, 2019 0:28:24 GMT
You'll be crying for a couple of weeks. Maybe longer...(((HUGS)))
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Post by Basket1lady on Feb 11, 2019 0:36:46 GMT
I once read something that said parenthood was the only job, when done right, where you become obsolete in the end.
Good job, Mama! My kids are at college out of state. I miss them terribly and love having them home on break. But I also love my free time, rediscovering me, and not having to make a real dinner every night. Plus, it’s really great seeing them fly on their own.
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Post by NanaKate on Feb 11, 2019 0:58:10 GMT
Totally understand. It does get easier with time. You’ve done your job, mom!
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Post by yoursweetwhimsy on Feb 11, 2019 1:18:15 GMT
It’s kind of bittersweet isn’t it. What’s your set up - do you have other children? A partner at home? I must admit that I was kind of excited to start the next chapter of our lives as empty nesters despite missing them sometimes. It was novel and enjoyable to be a couple again rather than Mum and Dad in our own home. Be proud of the man you raised and look forward with optimism to this new chapter 🙂 I have another son in college locally that’s still at home. As a mom, I’ve always struggled with milestones like this. I cried a lot when they graduated high school because it felt like such a great time of our lives was over. I know there’s so many amazing times to come, but I am grieving over this right now. I know it will get better. I just needed to hear from some peas who understand and tell me that this will pass.
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 11, 2019 1:22:57 GMT
Both of my boys moved out in October at the same time. My oldest has been living at home and saving for a house. He is 24. I am incredibly proud of him and know it was the next step. I think of my mom when I moved to college at 18. I only went back one summer. Looking back on that, I didn't even really think about how hard it had to be on her. I moved 600 miles away at 21 and started my life. I am so thankful my son lives 15 minutes away. The younger one will be starting a full time job in a large city about 90 minutes away from here and I know there will be tears when he moves. I just take it day by day and enjoy the positives that come from not having boys in the house. I have a husband and dogs (that helps) and I work part-time. Keep yourself busy and know that it gets easier even though some days are harder than others.
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Post by Zee on Feb 11, 2019 1:27:05 GMT
My DD followed her dream to move to CO when we moved to GA (in July). She just left after a short visit. I was reminded that there is a reason kids leave the nest. I love her and she's smart and funny and affectionate but she can be so moody and irritable! Like her mama I guess. DS is moving back to IA in a week or so, and I'll miss him, but I'm glad he's getting on with his life because he's just stagnating here. I doubt I'll cry but I will miss him. Who is going to go with me to McDs every day for a diet Coke? Who will walk the dog with me? Who will keep me company (when he feels like it) while his dad travels? Who will make up new words to rap songs, fitting our mood and mission for the day? I don't spend a lot of time with him really but he "gets" me. He just turned 21 so it's time, but I'll miss that little wordsmith. We got the best rhymes.
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Post by yoursweetwhimsy on Feb 11, 2019 1:32:31 GMT
Both of my boys moved out in October at the same time. My oldest has been living at home and saving for a house. He is 24. I am incredibly proud of him and know it was the next step. I think of my mom when I moved to college at 18. I only went back one summer. Looking back on that, I didn't even really think about how hard it had to be on her. I moved 600 miles away at 21 and started my life. I am so thankful my son lives 15 minutes away. The younger one will be starting a full time job in a large city about 90 minutes away from here and I know there will be tears when he moves. I just take it day by day and enjoy the positives that come from not having boys in the house. I have a husband and dogs (that helps) and I work part-time. Keep yourself busy and know that it gets easier even though some days are harder than others. I reflected on the time I left my parents as well. I had no idea if they were struggling with it. I was just so excited to be on my own. I want him to feel that way too. He’s only about 15 minutes away. I already worry about him so much being a police officer. Maybe not seeing him leave everyday in his uniform will help with that, probably not!
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Deleted
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Sept 30, 2024 7:24:39 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2019 2:06:04 GMT
My son moved in 3 hours, but it has taken 8 months to get rid of him! I still find his under, shirts and other bits of his shit.
I now have a crap. Oops craft room. I like having a room that my husband can not say anything about.
Ps: my husband wants son to move back in! Not happening
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 11, 2019 2:08:40 GMT
Both of my boys moved out in October at the same time. My oldest has been living at home and saving for a house. He is 24. I am incredibly proud of him and know it was the next step. I think of my mom when I moved to college at 18. I only went back one summer. Looking back on that, I didn't even really think about how hard it had to be on her. I moved 600 miles away at 21 and started my life. I am so thankful my son lives 15 minutes away. The younger one will be starting a full time job in a large city about 90 minutes away from here and I know there will be tears when he moves. I just take it day by day and enjoy the positives that come from not having boys in the house. I have a husband and dogs (that helps) and I work part-time. Keep yourself busy and know that it gets easier even though some days are harder than others. I reflected on the time I left my parents as well. I had no idea if they were struggling with it. I was just so excited to be on my own. I want him to feel that way too. He’s only about 15 minutes away. I already worry about him so much being a police officer. Maybe not seeing him leave everyday in his uniform will help with that, probably not! I think it will. My kiddo often works in outside in high traffic areas. I just have to think of other things.
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Post by 950nancy on Feb 11, 2019 2:10:05 GMT
My son moved in 3 hours, but it has taken 8 months to get rid of him! I still find his under, shirts and other bits of his shit. I now have a crap. Oops craft room. I like having a room that my husband can not say anything about. Ps: my husband wants son to move back in! Not happening My husband went through their closets and took out anything that the oldest tried to leave. He put it in boxes in the garage. We are giving kid #2 more grace since he will be moving somewhere in four months. We aren't sure where and with whom.
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Post by mikklynn on Feb 11, 2019 2:10:55 GMT
It gets better. You've obviously done a great job, mom. Give yourself a pat on the back!
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Deleted
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Sept 30, 2024 7:24:39 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2019 2:11:38 GMT
Both of my boys moved out in October at the same time. My oldest has been living at home and saving for a house. He is 24. I am incredibly proud of him and know it was the next step. I think of my mom when I moved to college at 18. I only went back one summer. Looking back on that, I didn't even really think about how hard it had to be on her. I moved 600 miles away at 21 and started my life. I am so thankful my son lives 15 minutes away. The younger one will be starting a full time job in a large city about 90 minutes away from here and I know there will be tears when he moves. I just take it day by day and enjoy the positives that come from not having boys in the house. I have a husband and dogs (that helps) and I work part-time. Keep yourself busy and know that it gets easier even though some days are harder than others. I reflected on the time I left my parents as well. I had no idea if they were struggling with it. I was just so excited to be on my own. I want him to feel that way too. He’s only about 15 minutes away. I already worry about him so much being a police officer. Maybe not seeing him leave everyday in his uniform will help with that, probably not! As the mom of a leo, it does help to not see them in uniform often. You won't completely stop worrying but it does help some. You can always invite him for dinner if working day shift or a big breakfast if he is coming off a night shift. He will still enjoy having someone cook for him every so often. You'll come to appreciate not having to cook for him all the time and having his messes around.
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Post by scrapmaven on Feb 11, 2019 2:13:37 GMT
I became an empty nester as of 3 weeks ago. I'm surprised how easily I've adapted, because I was a sahm who spent all of my energy raising my kids. Both boys keep in touch daily and I love that we can text anytime we want to. It makes it much easier to transition. Still, I can't wait for summer break.
If your ds lives nearby then you have scored. He can come for dinner once or twice a week and you are there if he needs you. Congraulations. You've raised a find man.
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Post by Baseballmom23 on Feb 11, 2019 2:34:13 GMT
Wow, this is me as well. My son is a firefighter and just bought his first home. He moved out one week ago and I miss him. He lives 1 hour away (because of the darn traffic here in LA). He did FaceTime us tonight which was nice. It's so nice to see them succeed. I too have a younger son away at college and we usually see him on the weekends.
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Post by holly on Feb 11, 2019 3:35:27 GMT
My DS went to college last Fall. He turns 21 on Tuesday. He has an apt with a roommate and is adulting pretty well. When he was home at Christmas he admitted it was difficult doing it all and figuring it out but that he was happy. We joke that he is going to buy us a summer house when he starts making money, since we are paying the majority of his expenses at the moment. DD will be leaving for college this Fall so we will be total empty nesters. It will be a little harder with her gone I think.
I miss my DS but I am so very proud of him and the man he is becoming. I have friends that their kids are still living at home in their mid 20’s. Times have changed a lot. I couldn’t wait to move out and my parents didn’t help pay for anything, I was on my own.
You’ll get through this, just be proud that you raised someone who successfully flew the coop, as they should.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2019 4:12:37 GMT
I feel you. My DD and DS were living apart from me for 5 years (divorce/they lived with their dad in NY). I remarried and moved to FL and DD followed a year later. DS moved in with us 6 months after that, so I got my "kids" back & it was great. Granted, they moved in with us so that we could help them get on a better path. DS was on drugs (heroin) and began to get clean. Moving in with us was the best thing for him. DH got him into a program and he began a new life, got healthy, got a job, look great & was the son I though I lost (only much better). DD was working thru her bipolar.
DS28 moved out last July and I miss him every single day. I didn't want him to go because I felt that this was his safe place, but he's thriving back in NY. He got a great job with benefits, etc., and is living with his (sober) friend. I haven't seen him since he left but he's coming next week to visit and I can't wait. His sister misses him so much and DH misses his company.
It's so hard to let go, but it's what we all want for our children, right?? I wish your son the very best. Our job is to give them the tools to live on their own and to thrive. You did well, mom! You'll miss him but you'll be happy when you see how well hes doing. We facetime and speak almost daily. He has my whole family closeby and they're thrilled to have him so happy & healthy.
(We ARE working on moving back to NY for many reasons & he's one of them). Good luck to your son and to you. You'll be fine and he'll be fine, but I know that the worry is real. Maybe he can promise to chat daily, even for a minute until you're used to him being gone.
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Post by bc2ca on Feb 11, 2019 6:21:14 GMT
Hugs. My young adults are pretty independent and I can go a few days without seeing one or both of them, but I'm still not ready to have them leave completely.
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Post by sunnyd on Feb 11, 2019 7:51:01 GMT
As a mom, I’ve always struggled with milestones like this. I cried a lot when they graduated high school because it felt like such a great time of our lives was over. As the only parent who cried her eyes out at my 3rd grader's end of school year dinosaur program, I'm here to tell you that you will survive and thrive (after some serious grieving), lol. I literally burst into tears when I saw a friend in Costco who asked how my dd was doing in college a few weeks after she moved out the first time. I didn't think life would continue when my full time mom gig ended but it did. Dd is all grown up now and life and motherhood is still amazing! Your ds will still need his mama. Lots of hugs because I know exactly how you feel.
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Post by gale w on Feb 11, 2019 7:59:51 GMT
I'll be going through this before long and it's killing me now-I can't imagine what it'll be like when he moves out. DS and I are super close. For years we've binge watched shows almost every night, go the movies together, play pokemon go, board games, etc. Then he got a job and it was hard giving up our nightly binge watching but we still watched a couple nights a week when he didn't have to go to work the next day, or went in later in the morning. On his days off we played pokemon go or went to the movies or just hung out. I thought it was hard, anyway. That was nothing. A few months ago he started seeing a girl from work and then there was no watching. Maybe once a week at most. He was gone almost all the time, almost no pokemon go, no movies, no games. He would get home late at night, go to bed, get up, go to work, go out with the girlfriend, repeat. Now he stays at her place every weekend and once in a while during the week if the weather is going to be bad (we live about 25 min from his work-she lives about 1 minute away from it) or if he has to work really early the next day. It's so hard. I cry a lot. I mourn for what we had. I try to keep myself busy. He texts me quite a bit. At least every morning when he gets up and again when he goes to bed, and sometimes in between. I don't really have anyone to talk to about it and even if i try to talk about it, I start crying. I know it'll get easier. I just wish it would hurry up and get easier already. I'm thinking about asking my doctor for something for anxiety. I think it might help.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 11, 2019 11:13:07 GMT
It does and it dosen't. One daughter lives an hour away, another lives 4 hours away and one live 30 minutes away. It was hard as each one moved out but it is what needs to happen. We raised them to be independent. The one request we asked each of them was a phone call a week. Heck that lasted 2 weeks now we get several a week and tons of random texts with photos. Once they had their taste of freedom...it we really funny to watch and hear about..... Mom do you know how expensive cold cuts are? The hold times to speak with....are crazy? How hard it is to find a parking spot? Google sent me the wrong way....the list goes on and on. As much as we thought we taught them it ws amazing to see what stuck. they reached for that connection and are enjoying sharing their new adventures. As for the LEO PART..Take a breath,I will not lie to you...the worrying never stops, just changes. When hubby first started every patrol car that drove by my heart tightened, now it still gets tight but I smile and think go get em. I always knew I held my breath while he was at work, I never freaked out in front of my kids but my dughter entered an arts contest this year and her essay had a line in it that made me cry. It was about heroes and how it is not just the ones that wear the uniform but those that support that, are the heroes. " ...to see my dad rush into an event in uniform, to watch my mom see him and let out that breath, that breath she has been holding untill she saw him safe, that is a hero. One who knows the danger but each day kisses him goodbye to head back into our community to serve and protect...that is my hero". Be proud, know you gave him the tools he needs, knows he is doing what he loves, know y'all belong to a family of over 900,000 dedicated men & women, take a breath, have a good cry and Welcome to the family!
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momto4kiddos
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,153
Jun 26, 2014 11:45:15 GMT
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Post by momto4kiddos on Feb 11, 2019 12:14:40 GMT
((HUGS)) it will get better! I'm not sure if it's just me or this is more normal than I think, but I have difficulty until it happens then once it's happened i'm better. Like ds moved out of state, it was to be for a short period. Up until it he pulled out of the driveway I was on edge, managed to help him load up, closed the door and burst into tears. After my cry I was fine, it's just getting to the actual event that is hard.
Hopefully once the new normal sets in you'll be good. Since he's close, i'm sure he'll be dropping by and would love to be by for dinner. And thankfully there are more ways to keep in touch these days. My adult kids often text me during the day or send a funny snapchat so it's easy to stay connected.
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anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,402
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
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Post by anniebygaslight on Feb 11, 2019 12:17:00 GMT
It's hard when they move out, but even harder when the buggers move back in!
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Country Ham
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,314
Jun 25, 2014 19:32:08 GMT
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Post by Country Ham on Feb 11, 2019 12:52:35 GMT
I also think it's ok for him to see a few tears. When an air force recruiter came to the high school to talk to the sophomores the reality really hit that I don't have him for much longer.
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Post by liya on Feb 11, 2019 13:27:03 GMT
Kudos Mom you have done your job! At least this is the way I like to look at it; otherwise I would be a big sloppy mess. DD graduated college lived at home for 2 years to save money and then moved to NYC. DS graduated college in May. He was offered a job in our hometown. The company he works for knows he does not want to stay here so they tailored the offer specifically to him (2 years and then her could move on.) Perfect same as DD. Live at home for 2 years; save money and then move out. NOOOO he hates his hometown and wants out now. He might have to suck it up and take the job (he is negotiating a 1 year contract) but this Mom was expecting more time with him.
Anyway I am glad I raised independent children ready to take on the world. I have one friend who literally broke out in hives when one of her kids moved out. And another who told her daughter she cannot move too far away because she (the future grandmother) will have to raise her children (meaning her future grandchildren.)DH and I are no so secretly looking forward to an empty next. Once DS moves out just one more to go!!
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Post by gar on Feb 11, 2019 13:28:08 GMT
It's hard when they move out, but even harder when the buggers move back in! Oh yes! My DD and her now Dh moved back in between the end of the rental tenancy and the move in day to their own house. Love them both to bits but that 6 weeks seemed...longer, somehow 😉
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Post by ruralgirl on Feb 11, 2019 13:29:35 GMT
It will get easier but it's still hard and sad at times. What helps ease the pain is looking at all the positives--it sounds like your son is doing great with his job and becoming a police officer, and he is working hard. It makes it so much better knowing they are happy and able to be self-sufficient, and you should be proud of yourself, too, because you raised him to be. Another positive--the house stays cleaner!
My son recently moved out as well, so I can relate to your feelings. Hugs.
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