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Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 14, 2019 3:32:53 GMT
I went with my son yesterday to his new therapist. We made a great plan together. She shared this paper and I thought some of you might benefit from seeing it. The kids and I discussed it last night. As we all have mental illness we all struggle with negative self talk, we do it internally and sometimes share our thoughts with each other. The therapist suggested that if we recognize all the ways we talk negatively to ourselves than we can "call it out" and change the message. I made each of us a copy and I put one on the refrigerator. We agreed to call each other out when we hear one of us saying negative things about ourselves. Anyway, I just thought this was a good tool and I wanted to share.  |
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Feb 14, 2019 3:39:31 GMT
The “drawing broad conclusions” one reminds me of DS. He’s repeatedly told me that he hits more red lights than the average driver, also that he is the victim of other drivers’ errors more than most. He’s also convinced that he has a higher amount of just general bad luck than average, citing multiple examples. He truly believes it.
The laws of attraction, maybe? You see what you look for. You manifest what you think and say.
Thanks for sharing!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 14, 2019 3:44:58 GMT
My DD is the queen of jumping to conclusions. She does think she can mind read. She can take something I say and completely twist it around to mean something completely different because she's projecting onto you what she thinks of herself. That was the first thing she said when she read this list yesterday.
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Post by mom on Feb 14, 2019 3:48:59 GMT
jeremysgirl I seriously love you. You are such a good mom and a valuable voice here on 2Peas. Thank you for sharing this. I know I can benefit from it!
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Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 14, 2019 3:57:49 GMT
Thank you mom. I just thought this went over so well with my kids yesterday that maybe others might find value in it too. |
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scrapngranny
Pearl Clutcher
Only slightly senile
Posts: 4,775 
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Post by scrapngranny on Feb 14, 2019 4:11:24 GMT
My DH can be a very negative thinker. I see many of his statements there and can now see why he expects negative results. What I find interesting is that he couches a lot of his negative statements in a fashion to make them sound positive. He will say something like, I hope the truck will start ok in the morning, when there is no reason what so ever to think the truck won’t start.
Critical thinking and labeling are things I see myself doing. Ii make an effort to the words always and never out of my thinking.
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Post by crazy4scraps on Feb 14, 2019 4:13:28 GMT
That was really great! Thank you so much for posting it.
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Post by mom26 on Feb 14, 2019 4:17:30 GMT
I once read that you think things much, much faster than you can say them. So, while you may be able to SAY negative thoughts out loud 100 times, you can think them 10,000 times. It's like having an 8-track in your head on hyper speed, reinforcing negative thoughts all.the.time.
I'm guilty of obsessive negative thought and if I don't actively stop myself, I become quite the mess.
My youngest DS deals with this issue too, and is getting help. Thanks for sharing this. I'm printing it out to give it to him.
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Post by jeremysgirl on Feb 14, 2019 4:17:55 GMT
My negative self talk is usually the very last one, I blame myself for things that are often out of my control. And I combine it with the should one. I should have done x to avoid y results and now I'm to blame for things I couldn't possibly have foreseen the outcome.
I am also guilty of thinking shoulds about other people. If I do x, then they should react in y way. And then when they don't, I end up disappointed. And then I go and blame myself again.
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Post by ilikepink on Feb 14, 2019 6:51:10 GMT
Thank you for this. My SIL who has Parkinson’s is having a great deal of anxiety, and this may help her. I’m going to print it out.
So glad your son is doing better
This is why I love this place. We give, we take, we share and we all learn.
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Post by lesserknownpea on Feb 14, 2019 9:00:10 GMT
I learned these in David Burns’ excellent book entitled “ Feeling Good”. At the time, life changing for me.
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Post by nlwilkins on Feb 14, 2019 9:27:51 GMT
My husband calls it eating worms. He will sit on the couch or in his chair and think negative things about himself and the world and stew for days sometimes. Though he has got better in the past few years.
ETA
The negtive thinking I do is not listed. I will hug a hurt to myself and keep hurting myself with it over and over. Its like I can't let it go and move on.
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J u l e e
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,531
Location: Cincinnati
Jun 28, 2014 2:50:47 GMT
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Post by J u l e e on Feb 14, 2019 11:16:38 GMT
This is great! I'll bet everyone can find some unhealthy behavior they get stuck on from that page. I think it would also be helpful in recognizing patterns in relationships. My husband is a magnifier and I am a Olympic level minimizer. And the more I feel he magnifies, I minimize. We need someone else calling us out on it though, because me telling him he's magnifying makes it seem like I'm just minimizing, which makes him double down and magnify even more. That's such a tough spot for us.
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purplebee
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,762
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Post by purplebee on Feb 14, 2019 12:10:39 GMT
This is so true and I find myself doing some of these.
My Dh is very negative, it is just the way he rolls. I know and understand this, but sometimes I struggle to rise above the negativity. It is so easy to fall into his reality and let it change my attitude which is generally positive.
Thanks to much for sharing this!
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Post by Spongemom Scrappants on Feb 14, 2019 12:32:23 GMT
This is a good share. There are insights there for all of us.
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Post by mikklynn on Feb 14, 2019 12:38:39 GMT
I tend to fall into the all or nothing category: "if it's not perfect, why bother" category. The funny thing is, I don't expect that of others.
Thanks for sharing.
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mvavw
Full Member
Posts: 344
Jun 25, 2014 20:21:43 GMT
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Post by mvavw on Feb 14, 2019 12:56:25 GMT
Thank you for sharing this. I'm also going to print it and hang it on the fridge after talking it over with my kids.
I read your post just after upsetting my dd with a "should" and her telling me that it only made things harder for her. I'm sure this will be helpful for us all.
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Post by iamkristinl16 on Feb 14, 2019 13:47:00 GMT
I use this with my clients as well. I love that you are doing this as a family.  |
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Post by stampinfraulein on Feb 14, 2019 14:24:05 GMT
I know I struggle with All or Nothing thinking--I'm a perfectionist and I hate to fail, so I figure why even try if I'm going to fail? I also realize after reading this that I am doing a lot of the "should" thinking. An issue was causing me a lot of stress just last night because I keep thinking I SHOULD feel a particular way and I don't.
Another thing that opened my eyes was Growth Mindset vs Fixed Mindset. My kids work on that in school. I went to Back to School night and the teacher had it up on the overhead projector and that was the first time I'd ever really read all of the principles and it almost made me cry how much I identify with the Fixed Mindset and how much it has caused some of the problems and frustrations with myself I have today.
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Post by peasapie on Feb 14, 2019 14:41:52 GMT
Great chart, jeremysgirl! So many of these have come up in discussions with friends, either related to them or me. Maybe seeing it in writing will help all of us stop spinning in these vortexes of nonsense. |
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Feb 14, 2019 15:24:02 GMT
this is really a great visual... I learned about these in the 'emotional eating' class I took (but still need to do a LOT of work on)-- having it in a doodle-type visual is good for me because that's kind of the way I think. I will probably print this out, too.
I am the queen of jumping to conclusions via fortune-telling. I will feel like I need to talk about something with my DH to clear the air (usually it's some tiny slight or misunderstanding) but I'll work through the entire scenario in my head to some made-up conclusion. Then I decide that since I already *know* it will end horribly, I won't end up saying anything, which prolongs the entire situation. And usually these situations are only in MY head to begin with; in those instances where I DO talk to him about whatever it is, he usually says 'oh, it's no big deal' and it's over with.
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sharlag
Drama Llama
I like my artsy with a little bit of fartsy.
Posts: 6,574
Location: Kansas
Jun 26, 2014 12:57:48 GMT
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Post by sharlag on Feb 14, 2019 15:49:23 GMT
My DD is the queen of jumping to conclusions. She does think she can mind read. She can take something I say and completely twist it around to mean something completely different because she's projecting onto you what she thinks of herself. That was the first thing she said when she read this list yesterday. The projecting part reminds me of what a friend and I called "Assuming motive". Someone says or does something, and you use your filter of whatever-- insecurities, grudges, childhood pains-- to decide WHY the person does or says it. |
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Post by catmom on Feb 14, 2019 18:01:35 GMT
I learned these in David Burns’ excellent book entitled “ Feeling Good”. At the time, life changing for me. +1 to this. My therapist recommended it last year and it's an incredible resource - actually I used the workbook. It covers depression, anxiety, phobias and even procrastination. The tool that I used the most from the book is a mood log. Basically, when something occurs that sets off the negative self-talk, write down the emotion, what you're saying to yourself, identify the distortion(s), and then write down a rational response. I found that over time it really started to train my mind catch the negative self-talk and to think differently. Essentially I'm on a long-term mission to rewire my brain. My biggie is the very bad pairing of fortune-telling and magnification - I know what's going to happen and it's going to be a DISASTER lol. Plus I'm a recovering perfectionist so lots of All or Nothing thinking and shoulds. Good times.  |
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Post by catmom on Feb 14, 2019 18:06:24 GMT
Another thing that opened my eyes was Growth Mindset vs Fixed Mindset. My kids work on that in school. I went to Back to School night and the teacher had it up on the overhead projector and that was the first time I'd ever really read all of the principles and it almost made me cry how much I identify with the Fixed Mindset and how much it has caused some of the problems and frustrations with myself I have today. Thanks for this. Just read up on it and its so interesting. And of course I bought 2 related books for my kindle - Grit and Mindset. Does anyone else hoard books or is it just me? At least they are ebooks so its virtual hoarding which isn't so bad, right? Right? |
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Post by scrapmaven on Feb 14, 2019 18:11:30 GMT
Thank you for sharing this. I think many of us use negative self talk. We see life as black or white when we really need to live in the gray areas.
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Post by crimsoncat05 on Feb 14, 2019 18:36:21 GMT
My biggie is the very bad pairing of fortune-telling and magnification - I know what's going to happen and it's going to be a DISASTER lol. Plus I'm a recovering perfectionist so lots of All or Nothing thinking and shoulds. Good times.  catmom, I think you are my long-lost twin!!! I [think I] KNOW how everyone will react in EVERY situation. And as a lifelong [failed] perfectionist, I "should" on myself a lot. lol!! |
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slkmommy
Junior Member
Posts: 97
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Post by slkmommy on Feb 14, 2019 21:33:06 GMT
I just copied this into my photos and plan to print it. I never realized how much I did this until I started therapy about a year or more ago. This chart sure quantifies my feelings.
Just yesterday I had a difficult time with my online classes. Realized I’m behind this week because I miscalculated. I said to my family “I’m not good enough to be doing school while I work! I can’t do this!” This morning I listed out my workload and scheduled it into the week and I felt 1000 times better. But I had talked myself into failure!
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Post by quietgirl on Feb 14, 2019 22:52:54 GMT
Thank you for sharing this, I really appreciate it.  |
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grandmalinda
Shy Member
Refupea #2679
Posts: 16
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Post by grandmalinda on Feb 14, 2019 23:31:35 GMT
Great info! We can all benefit from this, TYFS!!!
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