Best Self: Be You Only Better by Mike Bayer

This is something that I learned to do when going into a stress-filled situation with my ex. Before you get there visualize yourself putting on a thick coat of armor that will keep any negative comments from getting in. Zip it up good and tight before you walk through the door. When someone says something negative to bait you, don’t respond like you would have done, just let them keep talking. I once let my ex ridicule me for a good 5 minutes without saying a word. I was busy visualizing my armor keeping the hurtful barbs from hitting me and biting my tongue to stop me from saying something back.

When he finally realized I wasn’t getting into it with him, he just stopped talking. I smiled and asked him if he felt better yet or did he need to get anything else out. He was so shocked that he couldn’t even think of a response. I calmly returned to the topic I needed to discuss with him. To my surprise, he actually engaged in a productive conversation with me. I guess the realization that his usual ranting in my face wasn’t going to break me, and he felt silly trying to have a one-sided argument.

You can practice visualizing as often as possible before you return to Florida so that when they start in on you, your response is automatic. Just know that if your ex is anything like mine, the lack of reacting will fuel him to ramp up the nasty comments in an effort to break your silence. Once he realized I wasn’t ever going to let him goad me into responding to his verbal attacks, he quit trying and it was much easier to deal with him.

Your book sounds interesting. I’ll check it out.