Is asking for money for the honeymoon

I think registries are just suggestions as to what people can give. Specifying that you only want money is more of a gift demand.

I think it’s fine. I have a very dear friend who did a honeymoon registry with her husband. They were going to Italy. To be clear, they were going to Italy with our without the honeymoon registry being fulfilled. 😉. The honeymoon registry was set up so that you could donate x amount and specify what it was to pay for while they were on their honeymoon. There was a wide variety of choices and price points. There were meals, excursions, transportation (like take a gondola ride in Venice) etc to choose from, with pictures and details to show what they would be doing. So you decided how much you wanted to give and then typed a note that it was to pay for x or y or some combination. I believe we have them a dinner out in Tuscany. Then you submitted it and it was marked off the list. They did not register for anything else. I thought it was neat.

I think it is great. The last thing most Americans need is more stuff. I'd much rather pay for experiences than another small appliance. Especially in this day and age of people having multiple marriages, getting married later in life or after living together. DH and I were the typical young couple getting married and moving from our parents' home to our own home but most of our college friend got married many years after us in a very different situation.

I don't assume they can't afford a honeymoon unless it is explicitly stated which I have never seen.

I think the rude part is assuming the guests are obligated to give a gift, regardless of what it is that the couple wants. Technically, even including a list of registry items with the shower or wedding invite is considered rude even though pretty much everyone appreciates having some clue of what the couple wants. FWIW, I remember being on my honeymoon with DH (which was a gift from his grandma), and not being able to eat anywhere other than the grocery store or McDonald’s because we had very little cash to eat with after paying for most of our wedding ourselves so we almost always give some cash along with our usual gift (a case of toilet paper, LOL).

I'd rather contribute to a honeymoon fund than buy something that isn't needed, wanted or used.

I personally think it's tactless and would never do it myself or encourage my kids to do it but I don't mind contributing to such a fund if requested. Does that make sense at all?

For me personally, I increasingly look at most formal ceremonies/parties with growing ambivalence (weddings, graduation parties, baby showers, etc.) We feel socially obligated to throw and attend events which no one really enjoys, which enrich mostly third party vendors and likely end up as an overall financial loss when comparing cost vs. value of gift receipts. More and more I'm in favor of intimate gatherings with the money that would have been spent going to the guest(s) of honor to use however they deem appropriate.

I think many of today's young adults do not want stuff. They want experiences. Get them what they want. I mean, I would trade my 12 settings of china for a great adventure.

I never understood why anyone has to ask for money for a wedding gift. I only ever heard of that online. Do people really bring physical gifts to weddings? In my experience an actual wrapped gift at a wedding is super rare. The go to ‘gift’ is a card with a check in it. My entire life that’s what a wedding gift is. Is it a regional thing?

I only ‘registered’ for my bridal shower and only because my MIL made us. I hate registering, but as a shower guest I appreciate it. LOL

98.9% of my wedding gifts were checks, there were only 2 physical gifts at my wedding.

I’ve never given a physical gift at a wedding. Bridal shower yes, Wedding - no. Card with check that’s it. Easy to give, easy to recieve. My parents only ever gave a card with a check for a wedding gift.

All the weddings I’ve been to in my life had very few physical gifts most people give a card with a check.

I’m just surprised anyone needs to ask?

No physical gifts, just cash is definitely a regional thing I’d say. I haven’t ever been to a wedding without a gift table, and it is usually overflowing. The last wedding I was involved in was my sons, 8 years ago, and w got a mix of presents delivered to his or her house in advance, gifts brought to the wedding and cash/ gift cards. But there were definitely a lot of physical gifts - I know because I helped load them into the car!

I don't disagree and I think a big segment of the population agrees with you.  I actually don't think it has as much to do with tradition as people just disagreeing with spending their money that way - and we can't forget we are asking guests how to spend THEIR money.  In one case I'm familiar with it was a very elaborate, expensive, international vacation where the majority of the invite list didn't have passports.  They just didn't get behind the idea that they were funding a trip that they could never go on. The other was a bit more nuanced as the couple was really not particularly comfortable financially and there was a ton of negative feed back about their choice to ask for money for a honeymoon instead of more practical matters even though in this case the guest list was more comfortable financially. 

For me it is not the traditions that are important. Traditions are so not my thing for the most part. It is the idea of having an event in your life and expecting other people to pay to celebrate it. This crosses the line for me though I couldn't adequately explain it.

I think the main difference today as opposed to 60-70 years ago is that couples usually live together before marriage. They already have toasters and vacuums and dishtowels and frames. And the other stuff: silver and china, that stuff is falling out of fashion, too. I know a couple who just got engaged, with a three year old between them, and the dad has two older sons. They don’t need a toaster. But people are going to want to give them something. Perhaps the idea for a fund for a honeymoon trip is a way to prevent the Toaster and Monogrammed Frame Onslaught?