YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,432
Jun 26, 2014 3:11:50 GMT
|
Post by YooHoot on Mar 3, 2019 14:04:13 GMT
They mutually agreed to break up yesterday after 2 years. No drama, no fight. It’s a bit of a long distance relationship (2 hrs) and they were struggling with the separation. I think she wanted it more than him but he’s the type to just go with the flow. He is a super great guy, good family, we really adored him. Dh and I feel so sad about it. We thought of him as a son and I even cried a little last night. Is that normal? It’s her first “real” relationship. I never went through this with my oldest but she had some toxic boyfriends that I was mostly relieved when they were out of the picture. She said they are still going to remain good friends and I’m happy that she’s the type of person that can see when a relationship is stalling. She did try to bring it up a few months ago and I think they tried to work on it. But eventually it came to this. I guess I’m just seeking some validation that I’m sad and it’s normal.
|
|
|
Post by mikklynn on Mar 3, 2019 14:06:13 GMT
Yes, of course it's normal. I called myself collateral damage.
|
|
trollie
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,580
Jul 2, 2014 22:14:02 GMT
|
Post by trollie on Mar 3, 2019 14:19:09 GMT
Normal. I will be sad too if my DD and her boyfriend break up. He is super sweet and they are adorable together.
(((HUGS)))
|
|
StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,691
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
|
Post by StephDRebel on Mar 3, 2019 16:53:37 GMT
Normal.
I've cried over breakups and one of an ex girlfriend actually stopped by yesterday to borrow clothes for a job interview.
After dating a few months its hard to not get attached.
|
|
|
Post by scraphollie27 on Mar 3, 2019 17:07:15 GMT
I am actually dreading this. My 17 year old DD has had a boyfriend for a year now and we seriously love that young man. He is such a wonderful person. But, they are young and my daughter’s happiness will always be my first concern.
|
|
|
Post by trixiecat on Mar 3, 2019 18:07:35 GMT
I second what scraphollie27 says. I absolutely love my daughter's boyfriend. He fits in so well with our family and they are only 17 as well. They have been together for almost a year and a half. I know the day will come most likely when it will be over. I always tell her for a first boyfriend she did really well. He sets the bar high for future guys in her life.
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Mar 3, 2019 18:13:54 GMT
The first 2 years of my son dating his first girlfriend I didn't engage much. It was pretty easy since they were in jr. high. Then in high school, she started hanging out here, spending the day on the lake with us, and eventually went on her senior spring break with us to Jamaica. In May my son will graduate from college. On Friday nights we have a standing dinner date with them. I think if they broke up, it would be very traumatic for all of us. I think it is normal to be sad. Any time a good person leaves your life it is sad.
|
|
|
Post by scrapmaven on Mar 3, 2019 18:14:47 GMT
I completely understand your feelings. My yds has been seeing the same girl for 3 years. We all just love her. She's the dd that I always wanted. If they break up I think I'm going to be destroyed. I totally get it. ((((HUGS)))) YooHoot. Break out the Ben and Jerry's and chick films. I'm so sorry.
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Mar 3, 2019 18:15:32 GMT
I second what scraphollie27 says. I absolutely love my daughter's boyfriend. He fits in so well with our family and they are only 17 as well. They have been together for almost a year and a half. I know the day will come most likely when it will be over. I always tell her for a first boyfriend she did really well. He sets the bar high for future guys in her life. I think this is the reason I waited to really get to know my son's girlfriend. They were 12 and 13!
|
|
Just T
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,801
Jun 26, 2014 1:20:09 GMT
|
Post by Just T on Mar 3, 2019 18:19:19 GMT
Oh man. That IS hard! When my daughter broke up with her BF that she had date for 4 years, I was heartbroken. He was so sweet and was part of the family. She was away at college and he was still at home, so I know that was hard for both of them. It's even harder because she is the one who broke up with him, and I know she broke his heart and probably didn't handle it in the best way. I found myself feeling sorry for him. LOL She ended up regretting it and tried to get him back, but he wouldn't.
She has a new BF who she has been with for about 7 months. I do really like him, but he lives a few hours away, but close to where she goes to school, so we don't see him often. Even if we did, I think I would do my best to not get too attached to him. LOL I think we all thought she an her HS boyfriend would end up getting married, so we took him into the family. I will have a hard time again. I still sometimes miss her old BF being around, and it's been about 18 months since they broke up.
It's definitely a weird dynamic.
|
|
YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,432
Jun 26, 2014 3:11:50 GMT
|
Post by YooHoot on Mar 3, 2019 18:38:23 GMT
Thanks ladies. I appreciate the kindness. It’s still new and raw. I’m sure with time it will get better. I know she made the right decision for her and I’m proud of her for making hard choices and putting herself first. I’m glad it ended amicably without any anger/drama.
Thank you all for your responses. ❤️
|
|
StephDRebel
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,691
Location: Ohio
Jul 5, 2014 1:53:49 GMT
|
Post by StephDRebel on Mar 3, 2019 18:56:31 GMT
Oh man. That IS hard! When my daughter broke up with her BF that she had date for 4 years, I was heartbroken. He was so sweet and was part of the family. She was away at college and he was still at home, so I know that was hard for both of them. It's even harder because she is the one who broke up with him, and I know she broke his heart and probably didn't handle it in the best way. I found myself feeling sorry for him. LOL She ended up regretting it and tried to get him back, but he wouldn't.
She has a new BF who she has been with for about 7 months. I do really like him, but he lives a few hours away, but close to where she goes to school, so we don't see him often. Even if we did, I think I would do my best to not get too attached to him. LOL I think we all thought she an her HS boyfriend would end up getting married, so we took him into the family. I will have a hard time again. I still sometimes miss her old BF being around, and it's been about 18 months since they broke up.
It's definitely a weird dynamic.
My situation with ds2 is super similar. High school girlfriend is in town and we see her and her family all the time. His new girlfriend is near campus a few hours away and they've gotten pretty serious after 2 years. They're on vacation together this week and I realized that i dont really know anything about her. I'm going to have to fix that, it looks like she might be staying around a while.
|
|
PLurker
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,790
Location: Behind the Cheddar Curtain
Jun 28, 2014 3:48:49 GMT
|
Post by PLurker on Mar 3, 2019 18:57:57 GMT
Yeah. Not weird. Same thing happened here. Now a couple years out and DD's ex BF just visited over Thanksgiving. It was like old times. Him and his twin brother came by, ate a lot and wondered if they should be doing that as they still had to go home to eat what their mom was making. Idiots still and welcome always.
|
|
|
Post by bomp on Mar 3, 2019 19:29:00 GMT
Same thing happened to me with my oldest daughyers first serious boyfriend. He lost his mom at a young age and he fit in with our family so well, felt like one of my own children! I was upset for a while when they broke up! I still ask about him sometimes and she looks at me like im crazy! Her new boyfriend is nice and all but its not the same. It seems silly to me to feel that way but its real!
|
|
peabay
Prolific Pea
Posts: 9,885
Jun 25, 2014 19:50:41 GMT
|
Post by peabay on Mar 3, 2019 20:11:57 GMT
So normal. Please don't do what my mom did and stay in touch with him behind our backs. It made things very awkward for us and made us feel terrible. I'm sure you wouldn't even think of doing it, but gah, I get agita just remembering my mom trying to tell me how an old boyfriend was doing and her trying to negotiate him back into my life. (lovely woman with major boundary issues, she was!)
|
|
|
Post by Really Red on Mar 3, 2019 20:44:52 GMT
Yes, of course it's normal. I called myself collateral damage. Yes. I am still slightly traumatized by losing my son's girlfriend. I wanted to stay in contact, but the Peas convinced me not to, and they were 100% right. It is very, very hard.
|
|
flute4peace
Drama Llama
Posts: 6,757
Jul 3, 2014 14:38:35 GMT
|
Post by flute4peace on Mar 3, 2019 21:11:55 GMT
I completely relate to how you’re feeling. We’ve experienced the same thing. :hug:
|
|
|
Post by AussieMeg on Mar 3, 2019 21:21:43 GMT
I understand. DD and her boyfriend of 5 years broke up a couple of weeks ago. I haven’t spoken to him yet, and to be honest, I’m a bit worried that I will cry when I do talk to him. 😥
|
|
|
Post by kitkath on Mar 3, 2019 21:31:22 GMT
I cried when DD2 broke up with her high school BF of 3 years. I cried even more when DD1 and her College BF broke up after 2 years. Even DD2 said she cried over that one (her sister’s BF!) It took months before we got over that one. I think my DH was pretty sad too. I vowed that from now on I was not going to get too attached. Another boy has come and gone over the last year.
|
|
|
Post by dudleypippen on Mar 3, 2019 22:01:30 GMT
When my high school boyfriend and I broke up (many many years ago now!) my mom cried and told me that she thought he was my soulmate. It really stung because I was the one that initiated ending things. I’ve never forgotten that and still sometimes wonder if I made a mistake. You are absolutely allowed to be sad but I would gently suggest supporting your daughter, even if it was an amicable split.
|
|
tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
|
Post by tincin on Mar 4, 2019 1:01:07 GMT
I’ve actually remained friends with several of my two sons XGFs and for the most part, they are good with it. After they date a couple of years it is difficult to see them go.
|
|
tincin
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,378
Jul 25, 2014 4:55:32 GMT
|
Post by tincin on Mar 4, 2019 1:07:31 GMT
So normal. Please don't do what my mom did and stay in touch with him behind our backs. It made things very awkward for us and made us feel terrible. I'm sure you wouldn't even think of doing it, but gah, I get agita just remembering my mom trying to tell me how an old boyfriend was doing and her trying to negotiate him back into my life. (lovely woman with major boundary issues, she was!) Sorry to hear that. As I said in another post, I have remained friends with several of my sons’s XGFs. It was with their blessings and it remains separate from my boys’s lives. I don’t really share with my kids when I see them or speak with them. Then again, most of their partings have been mutual so I think that helps.
|
|
luvnlifelady
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,428
Jun 26, 2014 2:34:35 GMT
|
Post by luvnlifelady on Mar 4, 2019 1:14:54 GMT
I sometimes still FB message my 21 yo’s first bf. She knows and I am good FB friends with his mom too. We may even meet up this summer. He was her first bf and I like the kid but he wasn’t right for her. I think it’s normal to be a bit sad since you got close to him too.
|
|
hannahruth
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,684
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Aug 29, 2014 18:57:20 GMT
|
Post by hannahruth on Mar 6, 2019 13:53:41 GMT
When our DD broke up with her school sweetheart who she had been with and they had gotten engaged after further education amicably it turned out he was not who we thought he was, infact he was quite a nasty, manipulative person who could have gotten quite physical had she not been able to talk him down.
We only saw a nice, caring person who we thought was looking out for our girl but as it turns out he would tell us anything to keep us from enquiring to often.
We thought we were sad but it was really for the best. Don't take your DD's breakup personally she will know him more much better than you did.
|
|
|
Post by tentoes on Mar 6, 2019 14:41:55 GMT
And then there are the ones that you are happy to see go in that mix too! Our lovely granddaughter went with a boy for about 2 years or so--and everybody but her could see that he wasn't the "one". She finally gave him the boot, and is currently going with a wonderful young man--2 years so far--and as soon as he is finished with his education, I'm sure we'll be adding him to the family. It sure wasn't hard to say goodbye to the first one!! Back when my son was young, and going with a young lady--they broke up. About a year after they broke, she contacted me and asked if she could stop by and visit. By then, he was going with the one he ended up marrying, so I didn't reply to her note. I didn't think it would be good to open that door!
Good luck to you!! I know it takes a chunk out of your heart when you really love the person!
|
|
julieb
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,845
Jul 3, 2014 16:02:54 GMT
|
Post by julieb on Mar 6, 2019 17:07:01 GMT
Absolutely okay. My son dated a girl long distance and then she moved 1/3 way across the country to live with him. He broke up with her before the lease was over. It wasn't so much that I thought she was "the one", it was that she moved here, didn't know a ton of people and my heart broke for her. I cried for days and felt horrible for her and her sadness. She will always be in our lives, as she is my niece's bff, so I touch base with her every once in a while to say hi and see how she is doing. I just heard she is dating someone else, so I'm happy for her.
|
|
|
Post by workingclassdog on Mar 6, 2019 17:14:02 GMT
It's normal. My dd ex, her first real boyfriend.. but still in high school, his mom and I were good friends, we were both sad and 'cried' together over it.. (we didn't cry cry).. LOL.. we were just sad. Eventually it gets better.. I am friends with her on FB but we hardly ever talk and we certainly don't bring them up anymore unless just for memories sake. Usually it's when old pictures come up and we will make a little comment on how young they look or whatever.. They both have moved on big time.
|
|
|
Post by Zee on Mar 6, 2019 18:05:49 GMT
I didn't miss D or E but I did miss G and P. I was definitely more sad than DD.
|
|
rickmer
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,137
Jul 1, 2014 20:20:18 GMT
|
Post by rickmer on Mar 6, 2019 18:11:20 GMT
DD has had two bf's... one about 8 months and one a year. both nice boys... first one was painfully shy but made an effort, second one not as socially awkward and you could see he totally was trying to make the "p's" like him (p's for parents, not peas). can't say i was sorry to see either of them go. while i liked them both, they weren't right for her. luckily she thought so too. now my one son, was heartbroken to see both of them go.
|
|
YooHoot
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,432
Jun 26, 2014 3:11:50 GMT
|
Post by YooHoot on Mar 6, 2019 23:34:48 GMT
When my high school boyfriend and I broke up (many many years ago now!) my mom cried and told me that she thought he was my soulmate. It really stung because I was the one that initiated ending things. I’ve never forgotten that and still sometimes wonder if I made a mistake. You are absolutely allowed to be sad but I would gently suggest supporting your daughter, even if it was an amicable split. Thanks, yes we are supporting her decision 100%.
|
|