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Post by Prenticekid on Apr 23, 2019 19:45:48 GMT
Go. My friend is burying her grandmother tomorrow, and she is at peace mostly because she did make the visit. I can tell you that my memories of my grandmother are good and mainly of when I was a kid and when she was with my kids. I do not think of her last days when I think of her.
I also don't think our grandparents expect us to be strong for them.
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Post by FuzzyMutt on Apr 23, 2019 19:46:54 GMT
I see helping family through their death experiences a part of what family does. Death is part of life. I know not everyone sees it this way or is equipped to handle it, and I don't find it easy or pleasant, but I do it. And I still remember the way they were before. Those memories are not replaced by those I form at death. It is my last act of support and love. Same here. My dear FIL was dying of cancer and we got the call that his time was near. DD was home from college on spring break and the day of her 20th birthday she and I spent on three planes and bus getting there to say our goodbyes. Her beloved grandpa looked like a shell of himself, emaciated, he seemed like he was sleeping. We got there at about 9 pm and joined a huddle of dd's cousins (his other local grandkids) and some of his children, dd's aunts and uncles. DD and her cousins cried together and took turns holding grandpa's hand and telling him they loved him. I held his hand and talked to him for along while, going on the assumption/hope that the could hear us, and shared with him so very many things I appreciated about him, and things he had done for our family. At about 1 a.m. in-laws and grandkids left the room to go to a lounge down the hall, and he died with 3 of his children with him. my dh couldn't leave when we did and arrived a few hours too late... When I think of dear FIL, I don't see the emaciated man he was at the end. I picture him frying up mountains of potato pancakes every Friday night, building giant snowmen in the yard for his grandkids to enjoy, making and smoking his homemade Polish sausage, his smile and laugh... I am so very glad that we raced to his bedside. Your post jogged a very special memory for me, thank you! When I was a kid I spent a ton of time at my grandparents house. We'd watch tv at night and my grandma would peel apples for everyone to snack on. I liked the peels, but not the apples lol One Easter my grandpa woke up early to peel apples so I could have a plate of apple peels with my breakfast in the morning. I can't eat an apple without thinking of him. It's beautiful how some of the simplest memories are the most special. Your FIL sounds like he was a darling man.
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Post by scrapmaven on Apr 23, 2019 20:01:00 GMT
You'll never regret visiting her. Remember that you're doing this for her. It might bring her peace to see you one last time.
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craftykitten
Pearl Clutcher
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Jun 26, 2014 7:39:32 GMT
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Post by craftykitten on Apr 23, 2019 20:59:51 GMT
I was with my gran when she died, and it wasnt pleasant but I am so glad we were there. We kept talking and telling her how much we loved her. And now, its not how I remember her at all. I remember all the good, wonderful things about her. I'm with the rest of the peas - go if you can.
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paigepea
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Jun 26, 2014 4:28:55 GMT
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Post by paigepea on Apr 23, 2019 21:37:37 GMT
I would go if I were you.
My grandmother passed unexpectedly. I wish I’d seen her beforehand.
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Post by newfcathy on Apr 23, 2019 22:03:53 GMT
My ds saw 2 of his 3 grandparents shortly before they passed. He did not see my mom as she had Alzheimer’s and was barely verbal near the end. He had seen her regularly up until her last year or so.
If your grandmother is conscious then I would strongly encourage you to visit. You won’t regret it.
My oldest sister & I spent the last 2-3 days at my mother’s bedside. Her nursing home let us stay around the clock, brought us snacks, water, etc. Even though mom was unresponsive, I wouldn’t have missed it for the world.
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smcast
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Post by smcast on Apr 23, 2019 23:52:05 GMT
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kate
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Post by kate on Apr 24, 2019 0:28:23 GMT
And I still remember the way they were before. Those memories are not replaced by those I form at death. This! Don't worry about remembering them "that way" - yes, that will be part of your memory bank. but it won't be the first (or second, or thirty-seventh) thing you remember when you think about them.
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artsydaisy
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Jul 1, 2014 4:55:48 GMT
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Post by artsydaisy on Apr 24, 2019 1:01:45 GMT
I keep typing out a response, then deleting, because I don't want to come off as overly harsh, but I find it hard to imagine having a chance to say your last "I love you" in person to someone you love and choosing not to. It is such a gift to be able to do that, one that so many of us would cherish. I wish you and your grandmother peace in your decision.
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Post by arizonastamplover on Apr 24, 2019 2:00:45 GMT
Thanks to everyone for their thoughts and advice on this. I literally posted within an hour of getting the news. Reading has helped me to think about this, and if I tried to reply to most posts, I would be more of a bawling mess than I already am. Trust me, the original post was not meant to say that i'm being selfish, but a product of spending a year picking myself up off the floor. No matter what, this isn't easy, but I truly appreciate the shared experiences. You all have helped to shape my decision!!!
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Post by drummergirl65 on Apr 24, 2019 3:43:56 GMT
So what did you decide to do OP?
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Deleted
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Oct 6, 2024 3:43:06 GMT
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Post by Deleted on Apr 24, 2019 3:54:05 GMT
If she decided not to go, there is no way she would post that.
OP, no matter what anyone else's story is, only you can know what's right for you and your family. I hope whatever you decide brings peace to you all. I'm sorry for your impending loss.
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simpleeb
Shy Member
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Mar 3, 2015 4:19:15 GMT
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Post by simpleeb on Apr 24, 2019 4:58:11 GMT
My 98 year old Grandmother passed away in January. I feel blessed to have seen her a few days before she passed. During our last visit we didn’t have any deep conversations but just sitting near her, talking occasionally, and watching episodes of Wheel of Fortune was a gift. I am an admitted crier (I am known to cry watching the news or during sappy commercials) and I knew that I would likely cry because I figured this would likely be my last visit. I said I love you and tried to stay strong as I went to leave. I started to cry but tried to at least keep it under control until I left the house. I may have upset her if she saw me crying but I think the happiness of spending time together and seeing her great grandchildren made it worth it.
I would highly recommended going - and be as strong as you can (and have some tissue on hand). It is important for them and it will let you say good bye.
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Post by alexa11 on Apr 24, 2019 5:06:30 GMT
I'm speaking as a grandmother- a healthy 59 yo grandmother to 3 beautiful little girls- but I can't imagine one of them choosing not to come see me before I died. I wouldn't expect them to be strong and would be heartbroken if they didn't tell me good-bye. You need to go.
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