goodwitch
Shy Member
Posts: 39 
|
Post by goodwitch on Oct 7, 2014 0:59:03 GMT
I am sending the following letter my grandson's teacher and principal. I don't want to make things harder on dgs. Should I omit the paragraph asking for clarification to dgs' class?
I have omitted identifiers:
Dear Coach ---: Industrial Maintenance Instructor:
CC: Mr.---: Principal:
I am ---‘s grandmother. As such, I’m sure that I see more of ---‘s attributes than others see. I’d like to tell you of a few that you might not be aware of: he is extremely helpful; he will take my grocery bags without being asked; I have never heard him grumble when he’s asked to help; he’s been playing chess since he was ten-years-old.
He has had to endure his fellow students calling him a “retard” since he entered school. I’m sure this hasn’t helped him to gain the self-confidence to know that he is valued and can accomplish more than he has been labeled.
He believes that you called him and his uncle, --- “retards” in front of their peers because of a mistake they made in class. I don’t want to believe that the person they most need as an advocate would do something like this.
I hope that you would be willing to clear up any misunderstanding in the classroom with the other students in attendance.
Thank you for your consideration in this matter.
Sincerely,
|
|
scrapaddie
Drama Llama
Posts: 5,090
|
Post by scrapaddie on Oct 7, 2014 1:04:56 GMT
Have you talked to the people already ? If not, why are you copying the principal? And I think this is a discussion that should be done in person. Are you the boys legal guardian? If not, they should not be talking to you at all. I do think this is too sensitive for notes.
|
|
IPeaFreely
Full Member
Posts: 389
Location: Castle Frankenstein
Jun 26, 2014 8:32:27 GMT
|
Post by IPeaFreely on Oct 7, 2014 1:10:06 GMT
First question: why you and not the boys mother?
|
|
quiltz
Drama Llama
Posts: 7,086
Location: CANADA
Jun 29, 2014 16:13:28 GMT
|
Post by quiltz on Oct 7, 2014 1:11:03 GMT
Unfortunately, it isn't 1988, but is 2014. The note would not be the way to go.
Ask to speak to the person in charge - principal. |
|
|
|
Post by 950nancy on Oct 7, 2014 1:11:12 GMT
As a teacher, I would hope you would come to me to ask what happened. I agree, this is a matter for a parent. I sure hope there is a misunderstanding.
|
|
|
|
Post by cmpeter on Oct 7, 2014 1:11:16 GMT
I would omit the first paragraph as I don't feel it's relevant to the more serious topic at hand.
And, who in the heck called them retard? Was it the teacher or the principal? I would probably be calling to request an in person meeting. I would demand that they put a plan in place to deal with the what has happened and how they are going to correct it going forward. I would want that plan in writing.
|
|
goodwitch
Shy Member
Posts: 39
|
Post by goodwitch on Oct 7, 2014 1:17:37 GMT
Thank you for your replies. I will take what you have suggested under advisement.
|
|
PrettyInPeank
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 4,691
|
Post by PrettyInPeank on Oct 7, 2014 1:20:33 GMT
Always give the person in question the first chance to explain or defend themselves before going up the chain. Always.
|
|
|
|
Post by bc2ca on Oct 7, 2014 1:20:47 GMT
I would omit the first paragraph as I don't feel it's relevant to the more serious topic at hand. And, who in the heck called them retard? Was it the teacher or the principal? I would probably be calling to request an in person meeting. I would demand that they put a plan in place to deal with the what has happened and how they are going to correct it going forward. I would want that plan in writing.  Definitely be looking for a meeting with the teacher first to confirm/clarify what happened. |
|
|
|
Post by cindyupnorth on Oct 7, 2014 1:27:49 GMT
His uncle and the child are in the same class? or did I read that wrong??
|
|
|
|
Post by jenjie on Oct 7, 2014 1:52:55 GMT
Always give the person in question the first chance to explain or defend themselves before going up the chain. Always. This. And really do you have any reason to believe a teacher would call a student by that name? If you are the boys' guardian, I would suggest meeting with the teacher in person. Ask how the boys are doing in class, and his perception of them. Then you could aay that the boys were upset about something that happened in class. Ask what he knows about it. Give him the benefit of the doubt. There could be more, like a request for communication, if the boys were younger or have an IEP. |
|
goodwitch
Shy Member
Posts: 39
|
Post by goodwitch on Oct 7, 2014 1:53:10 GMT
Yes, his uncle is one year older and they are in high school. I believe they heard correctly, but I'm trying VERY HARD to give the teacher the benefit of the doubt.
|
|
|
|
Post by myboysnme on Oct 7, 2014 2:15:07 GMT
Call the school, ask for a meeting concerning you son or whoever of the two you are legal guardian of. Forget the note, unless you are writing to ask for a meeting and nothing more.
The fact the high schooler is helpful and plays chess is inconsequential.
|
|
|
|
Post by Eddie-n-Harley on Oct 7, 2014 2:18:55 GMT
Is it relative to the narrative that boy2 is your grandson's uncle? Probably not.
Is boy2 your son?
|
|
|
|
Post by anxiousmom on Oct 7, 2014 2:26:34 GMT
Over all, I find that email/notes work best only for brief communications and to set appointments to discuss the big stuff. I think being called a name like "retard" calls for the appointment to discuss as it is a "big stuff."
To me, meeting with the teacher and/or administration signifies a certain level of gravity that is lost when a note is written. Along with that comes a discussion that simply can't be had without a lot of back and forth via email or written note (which can take days) and frankly, most teachers and administrators just don't have the time to do that.
I think you would feel more satisfied with the responses if you meet with the school in person.
|
|
|
|
Post by Dixie Lou on Oct 7, 2014 2:49:04 GMT
Call the school and ask to set up a conference with the teacher but only if you are legal guardian. The principal will probably ask if you talked to the teacher about what happened first before you came to him/her.
|
|
|
|
Post by freecharlie on Oct 7, 2014 2:57:18 GMT
Did you have guardianship of your dgs or educational rights? If not, as a teacher I might listen to your concerna, but would not discuss things with you.
If you do have those rights, call the principal and teacher if you feel you can
. Otherwise a shorter note.
Dear teacher/principal
Ds and other boy thought they heard you call a student a retard. As someone with a disability, dgs has heard that word in reference to him more than once and he is very sensitive to it. Please have a conversation with him in whish you explain your use of that word.
Thanks,
Gm
|
|
SabrinaP
Pearl Clutcher
Busy Teacher Pea
Posts: 4,467
Location: Dallas Texas
|
Post by SabrinaP on Oct 7, 2014 3:08:27 GMT
I agree with @freecharliee
Omit the first paragraph. Keep the email concise. Do not CC the principal. You can email or call the principal later if you do not get a satisfactory response from the teacher.
|
|
|
|
Post by SabrinaM on Oct 7, 2014 3:42:04 GMT
Ask to speak to the teacher either in person or on the phone. From there I would decide whether or not to bring administration into it.
|
|
|
|
Post by christine58 on Oct 7, 2014 10:09:39 GMT
I am sending the following letter my grandson's teacher and principal. I don't want to make things harder on dgs. Should I omit the paragraph asking for clarification to dgs' class?
I have omitted identifiers:
Dear Coach ---: Industrial Maintenance Instructor:
CC: Mr.---: Principal:
I am ---‘s grandmother. As such, I’m sure that I see more of ---‘s attributes than others see. I’d like to tell you of a few that you might not be aware of: he is extremely helpful; he will take my grocery bags without being asked; I have never heard him grumble when he’s asked to help; he’s been playing chess since he was ten-years-old.
He has had to endure his fellow students calling him a “retard” since he entered school. I’m sure this hasn’t helped him to gain the self-confidence to know that he is valued and can accomplish more than he has been labeled.
He believes that you called him and his uncle, --- “retards” in front of their peers because of a mistake they made in class. I don’t want to believe that the person they most need as an advocate would do something like this.
I hope that you would be willing to clear up any misunderstanding in the classroom with the other students in attendance.
Thank you for your consideration in this matter.
Sincerely,
This note is extremely confusing...who is the teacher??A coach?? What is an Industrial Maintenance Instructor and why are you writing a note for a high school student?? You need to talk to the teacher first. As a teacher, talk to me first, not by note and certainly not to my principal. Besides----this note is not well written at all and is VERY confusing. |
|
|
|
Post by myboysnme on Oct 7, 2014 12:38:00 GMT
I am sending the following letter my grandson's teacher and principal. I don't want to make things harder on dgs. Should I omit the paragraph asking for clarification to dgs' class?
I have omitted identifiers:
Dear Coach ---: Industrial Maintenance Instructor:
CC: Mr.---: Principal:
I am ---‘s grandmother. As such, I’m sure that I see more of ---‘s attributes than others see. I’d like to tell you of a few that you might not be aware of: he is extremely helpful; he will take my grocery bags without being asked; I have never heard him grumble when he’s asked to help; he’s been playing chess since he was ten-years-old.
He has had to endure his fellow students calling him a “retard” since he entered school. I’m sure this hasn’t helped him to gain the self-confidence to know that he is valued and can accomplish more than he has been labeled.
He believes that you called him and his uncle, --- “retards” in front of their peers because of a mistake they made in class. I don’t want to believe that the person they most need as an advocate would do something like this.
I hope that you would be willing to clear up any misunderstanding in the classroom with the other students in attendance.
Thank you for your consideration in this matter.
Sincerely,
This note is extremely confusing...who is the teacher??A coach?? What is an Industrial Maintenance Instructor and why are you writing a note for a high school student?? You need to talk to the teacher first. As a teacher, talk to me first, not by note and certainly not to my principal. Besides----this note is not well written at all and is VERY confusing. OK I think I get it. Coach (blank) is the teacher/instructor for a class called Industrial Maintenance. He or she is the one who used the word retard in reference to the OP's grandson and son. So I would also add that if you do send a note, use titles like Mr or Mrs, not Coach. Coach is too casual and even if he is your son's actual coach, I would not use it other than very informally. Now I would also suggest your son and his uncle ask to speak to the teacher after class and ask the teacher what he or she meant when they were called retards. They can even say, "My mom wants to know what you meant when you called us retards." Maybe he said something like "Use of deisel in a gas tank retards the process of lubricating the engine coil," (which I know makes no sense so don't hate, lol). |
|
|
|
Post by brina on Oct 7, 2014 12:38:54 GMT
These are high school students? Unless they both have special needs you need to let them handle this themselves.
|
|
|
|
Post by elaine on Oct 7, 2014 12:48:49 GMT
I'm confused by the line that refers to your grandson and his uncle. Does this mean that you have a son and grandson who are in the same class together? Why wouldn't you refer to them by name, rather than by relationship?
I agree with other posters - if you are your grandson's legal guardian, then schedule an appointment to talk about it with the teacher rather than send an email. If you aren't his legal guardian, talk about your concerns with your grandson's parents and let them take care of it. Because of FERPA, the school legally cannot speak to you about your grandson if you are not his legal guardian, unless his parents have signed a release of information.
|
|
perumbula
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 3,439
Location: Idaho
|
Post by perumbula on Oct 7, 2014 14:22:33 GMT
As to the person who doubts a teacher would use that word with a student, sadly it happens. There are still coaches in the US who are allowed to get away with horrible, demeaning language because that's "how they coach."
I agree with those who say go for a personal meeting. If the coach doesn't seem repentant and it doesn't change his behavior, go to the principal. The more complaints these men get the easier it is to get them out of the school. (Not that it's helped to get our evil wrestling coach out yet, but I still have hope that one day he'll say the wrong thing to the wrong kid and his butt will be out of there.)
|
|
|
|
Post by not2peased on Oct 7, 2014 14:29:08 GMT
I think your note is very confusing. I would keep it short and to the point. it doesn't matter how you feel about your grandson, or your son.
that said, I'd schedule a meeting, not send a note. if you aren't the legal guardian, you have no right to anything other than deal with the situation with your son
|
|
caro
Drama Llama
Refupea 1130
Posts: 5,222
|
Post by caro on Oct 7, 2014 14:37:12 GMT
Your post needs more info. Are you the boys legal guardian? Where are the parents?
|
|
loco coco
Pearl Clutcher
Posts: 2,662
|
Post by loco coco on Oct 7, 2014 14:37:47 GMT
i like having and sending things in writing but your note is a bit confusing. Good luck on getting this cleared up!
|
|
|
|
Post by gonewalkabout on Oct 7, 2014 14:54:37 GMT
I hope this gets cleared up. As a parent of a child with special needs, I can understand how frustrating this situation might be, however, having had to speak with teachers various times to help them in understanding dd, I can tell you this note would not be the way to go.
I agree with pp's who mentioned speaking with the teacher concerned first, if you are the guardian. There is no need to mention the boys' relationship.
I can see why you would want them to know what a great kid your dgs is, but it's inconsequential to the matter. Keep with the facts, make sure it's clear who did what, when.
Go to the principle if nothing is cleared up with the teacher, but also try to let the boys have an input into the conversation. There will be many times they may come across different situations in their lives, and it would be helpful for them to see how you handle it.
|
|
Deleted
Posts: 0
Aug 18, 2025 19:59:47 GMT
|
Post by Deleted on Oct 7, 2014 15:43:52 GMT
I am so sorry that this happened. I would go in and visit with the teacher to see if you can get it cleared up.
|
|
anniebygaslight
Drama Llama
I'd love a cup of tea. #1966
Posts: 7,412
Location: Third Rock from the sun.
Jun 28, 2014 14:08:19 GMT
|
Post by anniebygaslight on Oct 7, 2014 16:13:37 GMT
I can't imagine that they would discuss anything regarding your grandson with you, unless you are his legal guardian.
|
|
